THE CHAPERON
IN some parts of America the chaperon is, like Sairey Gamp’s
interesting friend, “Mrs. Harris,”—a mere figment of the imagination.
Nowhere in America does she occupy the perfectly defined position that
she holds in Europe; nowhere in America are her duties so arduous as
those imposed on her in older countries. The idea that a chaperon for
young people is necessary on all occasions offends the taste of the
American. It is even opposed to his code of good manners. That a young
woman should never be able in her father’s house to receive, without a
guardian, the young men of her acquaintance, is alien to the average
American’s ideal of good breeding and of independence in friendship. In
addition, his sense of humor sets down constant attendance on the very
young as a bore and wearisome in the extreme.
* * * * *
A young business or professional woman dispenses with any protection
except that afforded her by her work itself. Some years ago a young
southern woman, forced to earn her living, and who had become a
reporter in Washington, made herself absurd by taking a duenna with her
whenever she went out to gather news. Perhaps it is unnecessary to say
that no girl can afford to call on a man at his office except on an
errand of business or charity.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: DOING WITHOUT CHAPERONS]
Because of these prejudices current concerning the idea of chaperonage,
because of this mode of considering the subject, characteristically
American, it is all the more necessary that the line should be
sharply drawn as to the occasions where the consensus of usage and
good sense declares a chaperon to be indispensable. The sense of the
best American conventionalities, broadly speaking, is that a young
woman may have greater liberty in her father’s house than elsewhere.
A young man who frequents a house for the purpose of calling on a
young woman should be on terms with the members of her family, but
it is not taken for granted that he must spend every minute of his
visits in their presence, or that the young woman should feel that
she is acting unconventionally in receiving his calls by herself. It
_is_ unconventional, however, for her to take with him long evening
drives without a chaperon, or to go on any sort of prolonged outdoor
excursion, be the party large or small, without a chaperon. Driving
parties, fishing parties, country-club parties, sailing parties,
picnics of every kind,—here the chaperon is indispensable. No one can
tell what accidents or delays may occur at festivities of this kind
that might render a prolonged absence embarrassing and awkward without
the chaperon.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: THE CHAPERON’S DUTIES]
Any married woman may act as chaperon. “Young and twenty” may chaperon
“fat and forty” if the former has the prefix “Mrs.” before her name
and the latter is still of the “Miss” period. It is often very amusing
to hear young matrons talk of their experience in chaperoning their
elders. The office is one that the newly married woman likes to assume
both because of its privileges and because it seems to emphasize her
new dignities.
In consequence of the fact that the frivolous and light-minded young
married woman is quite as apt to be called upon to fill the office of
chaperon as a person of more responsible qualities, the duties of this
position are often less considered than its advantages. To some extent
the duties and the privileges melt together, but not entirely. When,
for instance, a bachelor, or a married man whose wife is out of town,
entertains young unmarried people with a theater party and a supper
afterward at restaurant or club, and asks a married woman of his
acquaintance to act as chaperon, he expects to pay her more attention
and courtesy than he will give to other guests, while at the same time
expecting from her an assumption of some of the duties of hostess for
the occasion. He may send her flowers if he chooses. She must have
the seat of honor in the front of the box engaged at the theater and,
later, the seat of honor at the supper party.
[Sidenote: THE CHAPERON’S PRIVILEGES]
In return she must exercise her power of pleasing generally and not for
the benefit only of the two or three of the party whom she likes best.
Her surveillance of the company is, of course, merely nominal. It is
taken for granted in civilized society that young people will behave
properly. A chaperon is merely the official sign that the proprieties
are observed. She is not an instructress and is not likely to be asked
to fill the position of chaperon more than once if she assumes to be.
Her presence prevents embarrassment and embarrassing situations. It
should also act upon the guests as an amalgamating agent. At a party of
the description given, her business is to mix agreeably the different
elements of the company.
The duties and privileges of acting as chaperon, in such circumstances,
are of so pleasant a kind that the office is a coveted one. Attractive
women are much more apt to be asked to fill the position than
unattractive ones, except when a chaperon is regarded simply as an
offering on the altar of propriety.
Generally speaking, the duties of a chaperon are somewhat various, and
more or less arduous, according to the quality of those chaperoned.
These duties depend so largely upon circumstances that they are not
easily classified. It is, of course, the part of the chaperon to
smooth over awkward situations, to arrange and make smooth the path of
pleasure. It is the duty of the chaperoned to agree without demur to
whatever the chaperon may suggest. On any debatable point her decision
must be regarded as final.
[Sidenote: CHAPERONS AT A BALL]
A personal and individual chaperon for every young girl is not
necessary at a ball. It is expedient, however, that there should be
some one present who, on demand, can act in that capacity for her,—some
married woman with whom she may sit out a dance, if she be not
provided with a partner, or whom she may consult in any of the small
difficulties possible to the occasion. If a young woman attend a ball
in company with her mother or some other matron, she should return each
time, after a dance, to the seat occupied by her chaperon and should
direct her several partners to find her there. In case she dances with
any one unknown to her chaperon, it goes perhaps without saying that
the man in the case should be presented properly to the friend in
charge of her.
* * * * *
The question as to whether a young man must ask the services of a
chaperon when he invites one young woman to accompany him to the
theater is answered differently in different parts of the country. In
the East a man who asks a young woman to go with him to the opera or
the play, often invites her mother or some feminine married friend to
accompany them. In the West this usage is not so common. Those who do
not observe it are not regarded as outside the pale of good form.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: ON OUTDOOR EXCURSIONS]
[Sidenote: A DUTCH TREAT]
In the case of outdoor excursions the chaperon should fix the hour of
departure to and from the place of festivity; she should group the
guests for the journey there and back, and should designate their
positions at the table if a meal or refreshments be served. The duty
of the chaperoned, is, in return, to make the position of chaperon as
agreeable as possible, to defer to her in every way. The favor, in the
case of chaperonage, is conferred by the chaperon, though the actions
of certain crude young people are no recognition of this fact. A case
in point occurs to the writer where a young man and his wife were asked
to chaperon a party of young people to a popular rendezvous twelve or
fourteen miles from the city in which they lived. The married people,
after much urging, consented with some reluctance, thereby sacrificing
a cherished plan of their own. Going and coming they were asked to
take the back seat, which they occupied by themselves,—a seat over the
wheels of the large vehicle provided. During the country supper they
sat at one end of the table where their presence was conversationally
ignored. When the time came for returning home the married man was
approached by one of the originators of the party, who said that the
affair was a “Dutch treat,” and would he (the married man) please pay
his share of the bill. This is, of course, an extraordinary case, but
in a gross way it illustrates the lack of consideration often incident
to the relation between chaperon and chaperoned. That the obligation
to the chaperon should be properly recognized is an important part of
social training.