COEDUCATION SOCIALLY CONSIDERED
THE idea of coeducation is a peculiarly American idea. Perhaps nowhere
else in the world do such large bodies of young men and young women
meet together for purposes of study and, at the same time, enjoy
together such social freedom as is the case in the coeducational
institutions of the United States. One may question the wisdom of the
coeducational idea, but as to its popularity there can be no doubt.
Coeducation is not only with us, but, if indications are correct, it
has come to stay.
Its opponents say that men and women do not work together so well
as apart, that the distraction of sex in coeducational institutions
is such as to prevent both men and women from making the highest
intellectual effort in their power. The advocates of the system contend
that the contact of the sexes in school is a source of improvement to
the manners of both, that it makes young men more courteous and young
women less sentimental. The friends of the movement also say that men
and women are stimulated to their best endeavor by the presence of the
opposite sex; and that, as the masculine and the feminine intellects
differ, one being complementary to the other, so men and women,
studying together, gain a rounded conception of the subject in hand not
possible otherwise.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: THE SOCIAL AMENITIES]
This article is not concerned with the pros and cons of the argument,
only with the questions suggested by the freedom and facility with
which young people meet one another in coeducational schools.
It is easy to say that the usual social conventions should be
observed, as of course they should; but it is not hard to see that
the somewhat informal conditions under which young people meet in
these institutions, make a strict adherence to the code a matter of
difficulty. Eighteen is the average age at which young people enter
college. They are scarcely men and women, yet they are too old for
schoolboy and girl pranks, in which, however, they often feel tempted
to indulge. Many young men and young women start to college without
social experience. They may belong to good families whose essential
ideals of conduct are stanch and fine, but to families in which hard
work and financial stress have crowded out the knowledge and practise
of social amenities. The youth of the students concerned, the
inexperience of many, the variety in previous training and inheritance
make the question of social relations much more complicated than it
would be in the towns or cities from which the various students come
and where each one belongs by custom and birth to a well-defined circle
of friends.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: FORMING FRIENDSHIPS]
A golden piece of advice for those entering college, though one
not easy to follow, is: “Be slow in forming your friendships.” The
friendships you make with the members of your own sex influence
decidedly your friendships with the other and both should be entered
into with deliberation. Better be somewhat lonely in the beginning of
college life than precipitate relations with those whom you may later
come to distrust. Let a young woman wait, take time to survey the
situation coolly and dispassionately, before she decides which one,
if any, of the Greek societies which solicit her attention she will
enter. Do not let her be carried away by the “rushing,” the spreads,
the flatteries, the flowers that may be used to influence her decision.
She will be all the more valued by the sorority that gets her if she
holds off a little until her own mind and judgment have rendered an
answer to invitation. And, in the same relative situation, the same
word of warning applies to young men. It is in place here to say in
regard to the Greek societies that the pleasure and profit derived by
the members from such membership should not lead them to a selfish
disregard of those outside. The tendency to work only for one’s
fraternity or sorority and to find fellowship or friendship nowhere
else is recognized as a narrowing influence in these organizations.
[Sidenote: COLLEGE PRECEDENTS]
Each college, coeducational or otherwise, has its local etiquette that
has risen out of its history. Certain things can be done by seniors,
for instance, that would not be tolerated in freshmen; certain other
things that have no reference to the general rules of society are
barred because of a collegiate caprice that has been transformed into
law. With this unwritten but binding etiquette the student soon becomes
acquainted. If he runs counter to it, he is brought up sharply and made
to realize the penalty. The etiquette of common sense, which should
guide the relations between young men and women, is of another sort
and, owing to the exigencies of the case, must largely be expressed by
negative admonitions. The first of these is, do not feel that absence
from home gives you privileges to do what you would not do at home. The
word “lark” is an enticing one, but young men and young women do not
indulge in “larks” together without paying up. Anything that involves
secrecy in the good times of young men and young women away at school
should be avoided.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: AVOID FAMILIARITY]
The frequency with which young people of two sexes meet one another
in coeducational schools leads them easily into the habit of calling
each other by their first names, and into the worse one of adopting
nicknames. The advice of _Punch_ is in place. Don’t. Friendship does
not mean familiarity. Indeed familiarity is its greatest foe. When a
young girl allows a young man to call her by her first name, unless
engaged to him, she cheapens his regard for her by just so much.
It often happens that the dormitories or boarding-houses where
students live do not afford attractive reception rooms. A young
woman shrinks from receiving calls from her young men acquaintances
in ugly surroundings and in a room filled perhaps with uncongenial
girls or those indifferent to her. It is not improper, under these
circumstances, that she should see her men friends elsewhere,—at the
college library, at the house of some married friend or in the course
of a walk planned beforehand. But it is in wretched taste for her to
loiter on the streets with a young man, to stop on corners for talk, to
walk back and forth repeatedly from college to boarding-place in his
company. Again good sense says, “Don’t.”
* * * * *
[Sidenote: EXCHANGE OF PHOTOGRAPHS]
Exchanging photographs is regarded as one of the special privileges of
college life. It would be interesting to know how large a per cent.
of the income made by photographers in the United States comes from
college students. The exchange of photographs between young men and
young women in the same class in college is allowable. Such exchange
is, in a sense, official and impersonal, and is warranted by that fact.
When a young woman bestows her photograph under such circumstances
she should write upon it the name of the college and the date of the
class. This will indicate clearly that the giving is not a matter of
sentiment. The promiscuous exchange of photographs between young men
and young women at college is bad. Only a brother or a lover or an
old friend should be the recipient of a young woman’s likeness. There
is something too intimate about such a gift to make it an object of
general distribution.
* * * * *
One more “Don’t” occurs to the writer as applicable to the relations
of young men and women as fellow students. Don’t use the college
slang or jargon when you talk together. If it is impossible to keep
it altogether out of the talk, use as little of it as possible. Men
students may carry on conversation through this medium and it is
sometimes very funny, but it was not intended for feminine purposes.
It is disgusting to hear a young man speak to a young woman in the
terms he would use in addressing his chum. On the other hand it is the
attempted mannishness of tone popular with some women students that
prejudices many worthy people against coeducational schools. The use of
college slang outside the boundaries of college life is bad form even
for a man, and gives a provincial tone to his talk.
[Sidenote: CLASS FESTIVITIES]
The opportunities for special festivities are many in coeducational
life, and there is a strong temptation to overdo on the social
side. Class dances and receptions, fraternity and sorority parties,
commencement gaieties offer frequent allurement. A student, woman
or man, should sift out this matter of recreation in his own mind
and should determine how much pleasure of this kind he can afford
financially and without detriment to his health or his class standing.
Some social diversion he needs. To develop on the mental side only is a
mistake. Too much diversion is a far more serious mistake.
It goes without saying that, at the parties given by students, there
should be proper chaperonage. This is particularly necessary in
entertainments, often quite elaborate in character, given in chapter
houses of the fraternities. The fact that young men are hosts to
the young women on such occasions makes it the more necessary that
chaperons should be numerous and not too vivacious in character.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: THE DEAN OF WOMEN]
There should be in every coeducational school a dean of women. The
duties of such a position include regulation, as far as possible,
of social relations between the young men and young women of the
institution as well as actual instruction, if necessary, on the more
important matters of social etiquette. In this official, young girls
of the institution should find a friend to whom they may go for advice
on vexed questions. Where there is no formal office of the kind named,
the service indicated may sometimes be rendered by women members of
the faculty. Some years ago, in a western town, the Chair of English
Literature was occupied by a woman who took upon herself the burden of
improving the manners of the student body, largely composed of sturdy
young farmers and girls from country towns. Once a year in the college
chapel, she gave a lecture on this subject in which she stated plainly
what she thought necessary for the social improvement of the school.
Many a young man was helped over awkward places by her advice; many
a young woman saved from some escapade which she might have blushed
later to own. The value of such instruction is inestimable.
When opportunity offers for consultation with such a guide and
teacher, the uninstructed student should avail himself of it. When
such a privilege is not procurable, one’s own sense of propriety, if
diligently sought for and obeyed, will often lead one out of an awkward
situation for which one does not know the formal rule.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: HIGH-SCHOOL PARTIES]
Many parents who intend to send their daughters to women’s colleges
allow them to take a preparatory course in a coeducational high school.
The best high schools of that character now take the very important
precaution of hiring a dean, whose duty it is especially to watch over
the girl students. High-school sororities and all secret organizations
are frowned on if not positively prohibited in these schools, as it has
been demonstrated that they interfere with proper attention to studies
and lead to many undesirable relationships. Class hops and receptions
suitably chaperoned furnish sufficient diversion. One hopes that one of
the results of the appointing of deans in the high schools will be a
change in the manner of dressing of many high-school girls. It is too
often both inartistic and in bad taste. A schoolgirl should be dressed
prettily, but in a quiet and appropriate way.