INTRODUCTIONS
THIS matter of introductions is one rather too lightly considered on
our free American soil. Unless the social exigencies are such as to
make the atmosphere formal and unpleasant if people are unknown to
each other, it is taking a liberty to present a man to a woman without
first and privately asking her permission. It is a woman’s privilege
to decline or to accept masculine acquaintance as she chooses. If she
grants permission for the introduction, the person who has asked such
permission brings the man in question to her and says: “Miss A., may
I have the pleasure of presenting Mr. B. to you?” We have all been
witnesses at some time or other of that most unconventional performance
where the woman in the case allows herself to be dragged across the
floor to the man concerned. We have all, on occasion, heard the proper
form so twisted as to make the woman the person presented instead of
the man. This is the worst sort of no-form. The social convention
prescribes that the man shall take the initiative in requesting the
introduction, that he shall seek the lady, that he shall be the person
presented.
[Sidenote: INTRODUCING ONE’S HUSBAND]
An American woman in presenting her husband will usually say, “My
husband, Mr. Smith.” An English woman would be more formal. She would
say simply, “Mr. Smith.” When a man is presented to a woman, if she
is seated she need not rise but may merely bow. In case the man is
distinguished or elderly or if he be a warm friend of her husband, or
her guest, she will rise and shake hands.
* * * * *
Never awkwardly drag a newcomer around to every person in a large
circle. Introduce him to several of those nearest and later such
further introductions as are desirable will naturally follow. When
the group includes a half-dozen only, it is necessary to introduce
all round. In this case the ceremony may be gracefully shortened by
repeating two or three names together, thus: “Mrs. Brown, Mrs. Smith,
may I present Mr. James?”
Never introduce your sister or your daughter, if she be grown, merely
as such. The other person will be confused, not knowing whether the one
introduced is married or single, and hence in doubt as to what name to
use.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: CLERICAL INTRODUCTIONS]
At a reception given to an archbishop of the Roman Catholic church, it
is customary for devout Catholics to kiss the ring but Protestants may
merely shake hands. A cardinal ranks as a prince of the Roman Catholic
church and is addressed as “His Eminence.” Women as well as men are
presented to him, not he to them. A woman is also presented to a bishop.
When two women of about equal age and importance are to be introduced
merely mention the two names, thus: “Mrs. A., Mrs. B.” The general rule
in all introductions is to present the woman to the man, the young man
or young woman to the elderly, the unmarried woman to the matron, when
of about the same age. One may say “May I present” or with two men of
near the same age, “I want you to know.” Never say, “Let me make you
acquainted with.” That is provincial.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: ADDRESSING THE QUEEN]
The American who goes abroad expecting to be presented at court must,
of course, acquaint himself with the etiquette of that court. He
will receive such advice as he needs from his ambassador but it may
be useful for him to know ahead of time some of the things that are
required of him, or more precisely of her, for court presentations
are much more coveted and sought after by American women than by men.
However, it is understood that a man whose wife has been presented
is himself eligible to attend the king’s next reception for gentlemen
only. The English queen is addressed simply as “Ma’am” by all Americans
who have the honor of presentation. King George would be addressed as
“Sir.” The Prince of Wales is “Prince” and his wife “Princess.” The
phrase “Your Majesty” is reserved for use by the lower English classes.
An American, by virtue of his having no rank at all, takes rank with
the highest when he is introduced at court. A duke is addressed simply
as “Duke,” and a marquis by his title, “Lord ——.” The daughters of
dukes, marquises and earls must be given their Christian names, as
“Lady Mary Towers.” The sons should be addressed as “Lord John Towers,”
“Lord Henry Towers.” An archbishop is properly addressed as “Your
Grace” or “My Lord,” but his wife is plain “Mrs. ——.” Members of
foreign royal families have the title of “Prince” and “Princess.”
A baron visiting in this country would be presented to the American
ladies he meets quite like any other gentleman, and his wife would not
take precedence of them unless she happened to be elderly.
* * * * *
When in a friend’s house one should bear in mind that introductions
are the natural prerogative of the host and the hostess. One should
not, however, allow an awkward situation to develop from a too rigid
observance of this rule.
[Sidenote: PROFESSIONAL MEN]
Remember that many professional men do not like to be called
“Professor” because of the cheap ways in which this title has in recent
years been used. By a little tact in individual instances one can learn
which is preferred—“Professor,” or “Mr.,” or “Doctor,” if the person in
question be entitled to that distinction.
In making introductions a clever man or woman often adds a word of
comment that will help the two meeting to start their acquaintance on a
friendly and intelligent basis.