Something heavy and depressing is in my mind this last time; some
fog in my thoughts; I think I am losing my standing of a gentleman,
dealing with all of these people. My language has become vulgar; my
manners, also. I begin....
(_few lines scratched out_)
47
... This morning Pashinsky repeated that the Em. will be taken to
Ekaterinburg with the Empress and the Heir. The daughters will stay
here for a while. "Believe me, we'll have a good time," he said,
offensively breathing in my face.
I stood near the gates of the fence when Dr. Botkin passed. Nobody was
near me, Pashinsky having gone for a drink of water into the quarters.
I said without turning my head:
"Decision taken to send only the Em. and Empress and the Heir.
Daughters will stay here." Dr. Botkin did not stop. Then, as guard, I
did not let him in, and as if I were examining him (that was my
right) I said, "Please warn the ladies, and tell the Emperor that the
Commissary did not act badly; I guess there is no danger in his going
away. I fear for the ladies only."
"You don't mean it! They double-crossed us! They assured us all would
go. The scoundrels! Now please let me go,--and thank you, you strange
man."