WOOD. 81? it's 18!
MAID. No, sir, you've got it upside down! (_MAID goes out with things,
R._)
WOOD. I see! One's obliged to be particular, because at the very last
dinner party I was at, I got a ticket No. 9 in exchange for a bran-new
brown silk umbrella; and when I asked for my bran-new brown silk
umbrella in exchange for ticket No. 9, they told me that ticket No. 9
was ticket No. 6, and handed me one American overshoe and a walking
stick.
MRS. W. Do, mamma, arrange the flowers in my coronet.
MRS. C. They're all right, my dear; that's more than I can say for my
dress! only see how Marmy has rumpled it! (_smoothing dress_)
WOOD. (_C._) Me? come, I like that! considering I had to ride outside,
if I rumpled any body, it must have been the coachman!
MRS. C. Now, my dear, I think we may venture into the ball room!
MRS. W. Without our fans and gloves, mamma?
MRS. C. Marmy has got them.
WOOD. (_L._) Eh? yes. (_feeling in his pockets_) No, I haven't.
MRS. C. Nonsense, you put them in your pocket, you must have them
somewhere about you!
WOOD. If I have, they must have slipped down into my boots! Would you
like me to take off my boots? (_sulkily_)
MRS. C. I dare say you've dropped them.
WOOD. No, I'm positive I didn't drop them. (_aside_) I flung 'em away!
MRS. C. How careless of you! what's to be done?
WOOD. Well, it strikes me there's only one thing to be done--go home
again. (_hurrying to door, R., and calling out_) Ticket No. 18! No.
81! two opera cloaks, one hat, one comforter, one Inverness cape.
_Enter MRS. LARKINGS, at C., in fashionable evening dress.--LADIES
and GENTLEMEN are seen promenading within--Music._
MRS. L. (_seeing the ladies_) Ah! you've arrived at last, I quite
began to despair of you.
WOOD. (_still at door R., he has got the two opera cloaks, the hat,
and the comforter, and is holding up and examining an Inverness cape_)
Holloa! this isn't my Inverness cape! I'll take my oath this is not my
Inverness cape!
MRS. L. Why! What is Mr. Woodcock about?
MRS. W. (_plaintively_) Getting our things together to go home! He's
either lost or mislaid our fans and gloves!
MRS. L. What of that! I can supply you with no end of fans, and dozens
of pairs of gloves!
MRS. C. }
} Oh, thank you--thank you!
MRS. W. }
(_WOODCOCK, who overhears this, rolls all the things together in a
lump and flings them back into the room with disgust_)
MRS. L. But what makes you so late?
MRS. C. Oh! it was entirely Marmy's fault.
WOOD. (_sulkily_) Of course--of course it was Marmy's fault!
MRS. W. You can't deny it, Mr. Woodcock. You must know--(_to MRS.
LARKINGS_)--that I had bought this coronet expressly for your ball
to-night, but when I wanted it to put it on, it had disappeared!
(_MRS. LARKINGS looks aside at WOODCOCK--puts on a look of innocence_)
MRS. C. Yes! We hunted for it everywhere. At last where do think it
was found? In Marmy's writing desk! ha, ha, ha!
WOOD. (_forcing a loud laugh_) Ha, ha, ha!
MRS. C. Poor fellow! he remembered afterwards putting it there to
prevent its being lost.
WOOD. (_very quickly_) Yes!
MRS. L. Indeed! (_looking at WOODCOCK_) Some people might imagine it
was to prevent its being found!
MRS. C. _and_ MRS. W. (_C._) Oh, no--no!
WOOD. Oh, no--no! (_aside_) As I have observed two or three times
already, what Larkings could ever have seen in that woman----
_Enter DAVID, at L., as a page._
DAVID. Please, sir, coachman says you didn't tell him what time he's
to come with the carriage.
MRS. W. (_R._) Now, remember, Mr. Woodcock, you promised me faithfully
that we shouldn't be late--say half past two.
WOOD. Very well! (_to DAVID_) A quarter past two,