“THE COOKS.” ... WHO FED THE FLAMES.
[Illustration]
Our record would be incomplete if we failed to insert a few brief
biographical sketches of some of the personages prominently connected
with the conduct of the Centennial celebration. We regret being obliged
to limit the list to a very few of the many deserving of the honor. The
facts which we relate in regard to them, have been industriously
gathered from many sources probably unknown even to the parties
themselves. Should we succeed in awakening one soul to pure aspiring
action--should we be the means of placing one pair of feet into those
“footprints on the sands of time” which lead to honored greatness--our
labor has not been in vain.
GENERAL JOSEPH NAPOLEON HAWLEY,
the President of the Centennial Commission, was born principally in the
State of Rhode Island, but grew so rapidly that his parents soon found
it necessary to have him hauled over entirely into Connecticut. Here he
flourished and grew fat among the healthy wooden nutmeg groves. He early
displayed unmistakable evidences of genius. At the age of seven, he
invented a tin lightning rod, and a schoolboy’s improved blowpipe of the
same material. For this latter, his teachers passed him a vote of thanks
through the medium of a ruler, and graduated him from the scholastic
establishment. Shortly afterwards he originated the business of
manufacturing paper shell almonds, but sold out advantageously to a
near-sighted relative and entered the Artillery school at Brienne, from
whence he soon meandered to the military academy at Paris. He instituted
the “legion of honor,” won the battles of Marengo, Jena, Austerlitz,
Eylau, Wagram, and some few others, and then retired to the monastery at
St. Helena. Here he took the veil and several other articles, and
leaving, one cloudy night, worked his passage to London. At this
metropolis he mixed freely with the heads of the nobility, opening a hat
store and being appointed “hatter extraordinary” to the Queen. He pined,
however, for the breezes of his native land, and when Columbia called
upon her sons to lend a hand to the Centennial structure, he returned to
America and was elected President of the commission.
His bravery and prowess are equalled only by his genial nature and the
style of his moustache and imperial. Of him the poet Horace (Greeley)
has said,
“Though always ready to smile with a friend,
He never was known to re-treat.”
Some of his enemies recently nominated him for Congress. Their sinister
designs failed, however, and he will happily remain for some time longer
an ornament to society and a credit to his country.
THE HON. ORESTUS CLEVELAND,
[OH REST US.]
Vice President of the commission, was born, when quite an infant, in the
State of Ohio. He gave such promise of future greatness that his native
city was named after him.
He was the eighteenth child of his parents, and was, therefore, called
Orestus. The name was suggested by the friends who had been acting as
godparents for the family. He must not be confounded with the Orestes
who murdered his ma and was afterwards killed by the bite of an Arcadian
serpent; he is quite a different sort of an Orestes.
Through life he has been noted for his culture and refinement. These
qualities he owes to his father’s care. The old gentleman made a point
of polishing him off regularly twice a week during his youth.
He always displayed a remarkable fondness for school. He could often be
found there an hour after all the rest of the pupils had gone home. His
teacher was especially fond of him. “Frequently,” said she to us, with
tears in her eyes, “frequently did I lay him across my knee to more
readily display the affection with which I regarded him.”
When he was not at school he was engaged in the noble work of repairing
and paying for the window panes his companions had smashed; in replacing
fruit upon the trees from which they had stolen it, and in going to
church and praying for their regeneration.
His manners always continued engaging. Unimpressible police officers
have been known to form an attachment for him, the more remarkable as he
never encouraged their sociability.
After essaying many learned professions, he finally concluded that his
_forte_ lay in the profession of being a rich man. He bought a farm near
Camden, planted Kelley’s patent inflation bill, and raised money in that
primitive fashion. After passing the meridian of life in honor and
righteousness, the devil put evil thoughts in his mind, and he embraced
the legal profession, to which he is still united.
His front elevation is very imposing. His face is somewhat in the
Corregio style, with Roman nasal appendage and Grecian earwings, doing
much credit to the architect who designed him. He is finished with a
double action expanding chest, with corrugated windpipes, and he stands
on two seventeen inch pedestals cased in patent leather. He was on
exhibition during the entire continuance of the exposition.
Of the early days of
MRS. EMMA D. E. N. GILLESPIE,
but little is accurately known. Though historians agree upon essential
points, there are many of those conflicting side issues which always
arise from a multiplicity of traditions. We know, however, that at her
birth she was taken under the especial patronage of the Fairy
“Bookotheopera,” who endowed her with all the virtues in that fairy’s
_repertoire_, and presented her with a beautiful purple pincushion with
~“Welcome, Little Stranger,”~
blazing in the brass heads of the pins which it contained. It is still
in her possession.
[CENTENNIAL MYTHOLOGY.]
She has performed many noteworthy deeds in addition to those connected
with the Centennial. ’Tis true, she never fooled with asps or indulged
in pearl cock-tails like Cleopatra; nor did she act as a spy during the
war like Major Charlotte Cushman, but her quarrel with Neptune
concerning the right of giving a name to Cecropia (_Horat._ 1, _od._
16), deserves as much attention as either of the above performances.
The inhabitants of Taurica offer upon her altars all the strangers
wrecked upon their coasts as a mark of their appreciation of her efforts
in establishing the American line of steamers (_Apollod._ 1, _c._ 4,
etc.), and though her resentment against Paris (the son of Mr. Priam)
was undoubtedly the cause of the Trojan war, yet the myrtle and the dove
have ever been considered her most sacred emblems. Her ride upon the
white bull is as famous as Sheridan’s ride to West Chester, and her
patronage has been so extensively claimed by artists of all sorts,
especially such as painters, carpenters, white-washers, and tea
importers, that the poets have had occasion to say--
“_Tu nihil invita dices, faciesve Mrs. Gillespiebus._”
To her, more than to any one other individual, is the success of the
celebration due. We have remarked her executive ability, and the manner
in which she directed the nymphs of her train, and it is our candid
opinion, that nobody could have been found or invented, to fill more
perfectly a position involving so much annoyance, so much mental and
physical labor, so many petty anxieties, and so comparatively little
general appreciation. There are some debts which cannot be paid. We put
that owing to her upon the list.
GOVERNOR BIGLER,
the Financial Agent of the Executive Committee, passed his early youth
among the vine-clad hills of Bucks County. He was brought up a sturdy
farmer’s lad. Day after day, in the hot sun of noon, he stood erect in
the centre of the cornfield, the terror of the devastating crow.
[SWEET WILLIAM.]
He was not called “governor” at his birth; his name is William; the
former title he acquired later in life when he married a governess.
Willie was very popular in the country school which he attended during
the winter evenings. Upon several occasions his master bestowed a cane
upon him, which token of desert he received with a few powerful and
eloquent remarks and tears in his eyes.
His nature was always affectionate. He would never visit a young lady
the second time unless he could kiss her “good-bye” the first time he
called.
Artless to a fault, he never knew the use of wigs until after he
married, and it is said that he never acquired his second teeth until a
few years back.--He couldn’t have got them then if he hadn’t paid fifty
dollars for them.
Despite his gentle nature, however, his physical strength is immense.
His prowess in the amphitheatre, his speech to his brother gladiators at
Capua, and the able manner in which he defended the wire bridge against
Mr. Porsena, of Andalusia, are favorite themes with every American
school-boy.
After the revolution he had his sword cut down into a set of shoemaker’s
tools, and followed the cobbler’s peaceful pursuit, until the Centennial
committee demanded his time and services. For this he gave up
everything. He cheerfully immured himself for a time in the St. Nicholas
Hotel, New York, living on rye bread and wheat whiskey, and enduring all
sorts of hardships in his endeavors to collect subscriptions from the
Dutchmen of Manhattan. He came home, however, in time to tack the roof
on the main building.
Should he again take to mercantile life in our midst, we cordially
recommend him to our friends for “invisible patches.” His name will ever
be high upon the list of the best beloved sons of the Keystone State.
As
MR. DANIEL J. MORRELL,
[A SECOND DANIEL COME TO JUDGMENT.]
the Chairman of the Executive Committee, was changed while an infant in
his cradle, and the child of his nurse substituted for him in order to
obtain possession of the chateau and estates, we were not thoroughly
satisfied that he was entitled to any biography. We called upon him to
ascertain what he knew about himself, and were disappointed to find that
he was not very well up upon the subject.
We found him a man of fine appearance. He has the eye of a hawk, the
nose of an eagle, the hair of a raven, and the cheek of a Colossus of
Rhodes--with which he expects some day to start a museum. We informed
him why we had called, and at once commenced a list of questions which
we had taken the precaution to prepare.
“As a youth, sir, were you gentle, with a sweet disposition?”
“A sugar refinery, gentlemen, wasn’t a circumstance to me.”
“Were you always gay and cheerful and generous beyond measure?”
“I was.”
“Were you ever in love?”
“I decline to criminate myself.”
“Well, Schiller loved once, Goethe many times, which do you consider the
most natural?”
“The latter, decidedly.”
“Were you ever jealous?”
“Once.”
“How did you act towards the cause of this feeling?”
“Smothered her with a pillow.”
“Oh, then, you could be a Othello?”
“I could be twenty Othellos; but, gentlemen, as this style of procedure
is evidently fatiguing to you, suppose I relate my story without
questioning, eh? James, a bottle of champagne and a box of those
_victorias_ for the gentlemen.
[Illustration: “YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE.”]
“I was born,” he continued, “on the Island of Borneo. My mother was a
decendant of the noble Italian family of McLaughlini; my father was also
of noble birth; he never walked afoot; he always drove a carriage--for
the man who owned it. Cast upon the world at a tender age, I went to
England and took up my residence on Hounslow Heath--maybe you’ve heard
of the place. Always of a playful disposition, I invented a pretty
little game called ‘Your money or your life,’ which I taught to all the
lonely travellers who passed my neighborhood, to cheer them on their
way. They generally used to leave me their pocket books, watches, and
whatever valuables they had about them, so gratified were they with my
attention. The Royal Family soon heard of me and despatched a regiment
of guards to conduct me to London. Naturally modest, I endeavored to
avoid this distinction, shunning a meeting with the deputation as long
as I possibly could. At last I found myself compelled, as it were, to
accompany the party. I was conducted to a grand stone building of
immense proportions and solidity of design, in which, apartments had
been prepared for me. From thence I was introduced at Court, and, upon
the suggestion of the Lord Chief Justice of England, the apartments in
the granite building were placed at my disposal for six months, after
which time he desired me, in the name of the government, to address a
public meeting of citizens and officials from a raised platform, in
Newgate Yard, hinting that the address would be followed by my immediate
elevation to a high position. My sensitive nature shrunk from this
display. Not wishing, however, to offend the gentlemen delegated to
attend me, I remained quiet as to my plans for avoiding it until the
opportunity I waited for offered. Then, weaving my bed clothing into a
rope, I let myself down through the chimney and hurried home to America,
without saying adieu to them. They were sorry to lose me, and offered
quite a large reward for my return if living, or my body, if dead,
designing, no doubt, in the latter case, to give me a grand funeral. But
I have ever preferred a quiet private life to the elevation they
tendered me. That is all, gentlemen.”
“We are obliged to you, Daniel; good morning.”
“Good morning: but recollect, gentlemen, I am entered according to the
Act of Congress, in the Eastern District of Pennsylvania, and any
infringement will be punished according to law; you understand? Good
morning.”
THE HON. ALFRED TIMOTHY GOSHORN,
Director General of the Exposition, was born in the State of New Jersey.
This was, however, without collusion upon his part, and no one more
sincerely regrets the circumstance than himself. His father cruised
about the Spanish main, from Burlington to Gloucester. Some folks called
him a free-booter; he was only this, however, when young Alfred
misbehaved himself or the tide ran the wrong way. Our hero was a very
promising lad. He was ever ready to promise anything. He was of a
domestic turn of mind and could generally be found in the vicinity of
the kitchen, especially when cakes and pies were in process of
preparation. After a course of studies at Yale, Harvard, Princeton, and
Cornell, his parents transferred him to a public school to acquire the
arts of reading and writing and the rudiments of arithmetic.
Early in life he joined the temperance movement, but resigned when he
grew too big to parade with the cadets. He adopted the profession of the
law, and rose as rapidly as a schoolmaster from a tack-lined chair. He
was appointed minister to the court of St. James. He preached there
until the Saint moved out of the court, and he then took entire charge
of the Crystal Palace Exhibition of ’44, after which he swam across the
Hellespont and returned to Philadelphia.
An aunt in Cincinnati died and left him a large pork sausage
manufactory. After entering into a contract with the Philadelphia
dog-catchers, he moved West to take possession of, and run the mill. He
assumed a leading position in the city’s trade, was made president of
the Commercial Exchange, and in this capacity was selected as director
of the Cincinnati Industrial Exhibition.
[THE RIGHT MAN.]
This double experience made him of course the most available citizen to
take charge of the Centennial Celebration. The manner in which he
performed the arduous duties of the office, and their effect upon his
once robust constitution, may be conceived if the reader will but glance
at Gutekunst’s latest photograph of Timothy, which may be found, full
length, upon the back cover of this volume. He is going into the sausage
business again to recuperate.
[WELL DONE, OH RARE OFFICIALS!]
Taken altogether and without exception, we may feel justly proud of our
countrymen and women who labored so faithfully for the honor of our
common nationality. We trust our country may be as blessed in noble
hearts, generous souls and gifted minds, at her next Centennial
Anniversary, and that we may all be here to meet them.