FOILED!
I STOOD at the barred window for some time, watching the Doctor-in-Law
rushing about with his papers, and then started back as a huge and
disreputable-looking black Crow settled on the stone ledge outside.
I soon recognized him as being the bird who had behaved so
impertinently to me on my first arrival at Why.
“Well!” he exclaimed, squeezing himself through the iron bars, and
staring at me over the tops of his spectacles. “You have got yourself
into a pretty muddle now, I must say. I should think you are thoroughly
ashamed of yourself, aren’t you?”
“Indeed, I’m not,” I replied. “I’m not conscious of having done
anything to be ashamed of, and as for that trial, why it was a
mere farce, and perfectly absurd,” and I laughed heartily at the
recollection of it.
“H’m! I’m glad you find it so amusing,” remarked the bird
sententiously. “You won’t be so light-hearted about it to-morrow if
they treat you as the papers say they purpose doing.”
“Why, what do they intend to do then?” I exclaimed, my curiosity
thoroughly aroused.
“Execute you,” said the Crow solemnly. “And serve you jolly well right,
too.”
“What nonsense!” I cried, “they can’t execute me for doing nothing.”
“Oh, you think so, do you? Didn’t you instigate the Wallypug to become
a traitor, and sell the kingdom for the sake of a horse?” said the
Crow, referring to his paper.
“Certainly not!” I cried emphatically.
“Well, they say you did, anyhow,” said the Crow, “and they intend to
chop off your head and the Wallypug’s too. It won’t matter you not
having a hat then,” he continued grimly.
“But you don’t mean it, surely!” I exclaimed. “They certainly can’t be
so ridiculous as to treat the affair seriously.”
“Well, you see,” said the bird, “things without doubt look very black
against you. In the first place what did you want to come here at all
for?”
“I’m sure I wish I hadn’t,” I remarked.
“Just so! So does every one else,” said the Crow rudely. “Then, when
you did come, you were without a hat, which is in itself a very
suspicious circumstance.”
“Why?” I interrupted.
“Respectable people don’t go gadding about without hats,” said the bird
contemptuously, turning up his beak. “And then, the first morning
after your arrival you must needs go prowling about the grounds before
any one else was up.”
[Illustration: “WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO LEAVE ME IN YOUR WILL?”]
“What are you going to leave me in your will?” he continued
insinuatingly.
“Nothing at all,” I declared. “And besides, I’m not going to make a
will. I don’t intend to let them kill me without a good struggle, I can
tell you.”
“H’m, you might as well let me have your watch and chain. It will
only go to the Doctor-in-Law if you don’t. He is sure to want to grab
everything. I expect he will want to seize the throne when the Wallypug
is executed. I saw him just now trying on the crown, and smirking and
capering about in front of the looking-glass.”
“The Doctor-in-Law is an odious little monster,” I exclaimed.
“Oh, very well,” cried the Crow, wriggling through the bars, “I’ll
just go and tell him what you say. I’ve no doubt he will be delighted
to hear your opinion of him—and perhaps it will induce him to add
something to your punishment. I hope so, I’m sure—ha—ha!”
And the wretched ill-omened bird flew away laughing derisively.
I could not help feeling rather uncomfortable at the turn which events
had taken, for there was no knowing to what lengths the extraordinary
inhabitants of this remarkable place might go, and if it had really
been decided that the poor Wallypug and myself should be executed on
the morrow, then there was no time to be lost in our efforts to effect
an escape.
I was puzzling over the matter, and wondering what was best to be done,
when I heard a bell ringing at the other end of the apartment.
“Ting-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling,” for all the world like the ring of a
telephone call bell.
I ran across the room, and sure enough, there was a telephone fitted up
in the far corner. I hastily put the receiver to my ears, and heard a
squeaky voice inquiring:
“Are you there? Are you 987654321?”
“Yes,” I called out, for I thought that I might as well be this number
as any other.
“Well,” the voice replied, in an agitated way, “Aunt Kesiah has done it
at last.”
“What?” I shouted.
[Illustration: “Are you there?” cried A. Fish, Esq. “Yes; what is it?”
I asked.—Page 89.
_Wallypugland._]
“Proposed to the curate, and so all those slippers will be wasted.
Don’t you think we had better—”
But I rang off and stopped the connection, for I felt sure that the
communication was not intended for me.
Presently there was another ring at the bell, and this time I found
myself connected with the exchange. I knew that it was the exchange,
because they were all quarreling so.
“It was all your fault!” “No it wasn’t.” “Yes it was.” “Well, you
know A. Fish, Esq., is 13,579—so there.” “Yes, and he wanted to be
connected with the West Tower in the Palace.”
“Connect me with 13,579, please,” I called.
And a moment or two afterwards I heard a well-known voice sounding
through the instrument, and I knew that A. Fish, Esq., was at the other
end.
“Are you there?” he cried.
“Yes; what is it?” I asked.
“There isn’t a biddit to spare,” he gasped; “lift up the loose stode
dear the fireplace, ad you will find a secret staircase leadig to the
dudgeod, where the Wallypug is ibprisod; hurry for your life, he has
discovered a way of escape.”
I dropped the receiver, and flew to the fireplace. Yes, sure enough,
there was the loose stone that A. Fish, Esq., had spoken of, and having
raised it with some difficulty I found a narrow spiral staircase
beneath, leading down into mysterious depths.
I plunged into the darkness, and after walking round and round, and
down and down, for a considerable time I saw a faint light at the
other end. I hurried forward as quickly as I could, and found myself
in a dimly-lighted dungeon. The Wallypug was here alone, and was
busily cramming everything he could lay his hands on into an enormous
carpet-bag.
“Thank goodness, you have come!” he exclaimed, in a terrible fluster,
when he saw me. “I was afraid you would be too late. We must escape at
once if we would save our necks. Fortunately, I have just remembered
that this dungeon is connected with the shute which the late Wallypug
had constructed between here and Ling Choo, in China, which is on the
other side of the world—it is enormously long and very steep, but
quite safe—we must use it in order to get away. We are to be executed
in the morning if we stay here, so I am informed; therefore, we must
lose no time. I have just finished packing up. Ah! What’s that?” he
exclaimed, listening intently.
“Quick! they are coming!” he cried, as sounds were heard in the passage
outside the dungeon door; and touching a spring, an enormous opening
appeared in the wall. His Majesty gave me a sudden push, which sent
me sprawling on to a smooth and very steep incline, and jumping down
himself, we slid rapidly away into the unknown.
[Illustration: WE SLID RAPIDLY DOWN THE SHUTE.]
That we were only just in time was evidenced by the cries of rage and
disappointment which pursued us from the dungeon, as the Doctor-in-Law
and the other creatures saw us escape from their clutches, and we could
hear the Cockatoo’s shrill cries grow fainter and fainter as we sped
swiftly down the shute towards Ling Choo.