LATE FOR BREAKFAST.
I AWOKE very early in the morning, just as it was daylight, and being
unable to get to sleep again amid my strange surroundings, I arose and
crept down-stairs as noiselessly as possible, intending to go for a
long walk before breakfast.
At the bottom of the stairs I came upon a strange-looking white object,
which, upon closer inspection, turned out to be the Pelican, asleep on
the floor.
He was not sleeping as any respectable bird would have done, with his
head tucked under his wing; but was lying stretched out on a rug in the
hall, with his head resting on a cushion. His enormous beak was wide
open, and he was snoring violently, and muttering uneasily in his sleep.
[Illustration: THE PELICAN WAS SNORING VIOLENTLY.]
I did not disturb him for fear lest he should make a noise; but
hurrying past him I made my way to the hall door, which after a little
difficulty I succeeded in unfastening. An ancient-looking turtle with a
white apron was busily cleaning the steps, and started violently as I
made my appearance at the door.
“Bless my shell and fins!” he muttered; “what’s the creature wandering
about this time of the morning for; they’ll be getting up in the
middle of the night next. Just mind where you’re treading, please!” he
called out. “The steps have been cleaned, and I don’t want to have to
do them all over again.”
I managed to get down without doing much damage, and then remarked
pleasantly:
“Good morning; have you——”
“No, I haven’t,” interrupted the Turtle snappishly; “and what’s more, I
don’t want to.”
“What do you mean?” I inquired, in surprise.
“Soap!” was the reply.
“I don’t understand you,” I exclaimed.
“You’re an advertisement for somebody’s soap, aren’t you?” asked the
Turtle.
“Certainly not,” I replied, indignantly.
“Your first remark sounded very much like it,” said the Turtle
suspiciously. “‘Good morning, have you used——’”
“I wasn’t going to say that at all,” I interrupted. “I was merely
going to ask if you could oblige me with a light.”
“Oh, that’s another thing entirely,” said the Turtle, handing me some
matches from his waistcoat pocket, and accepting a cigarette in return.
“But really we have got so sick of those advertisement catchwords since
the Doctor-in-Law returned from London with agencies for all sorts of
things, that we hate the very sound of them. We are continually being
told to ‘Call a spade a spade,’ which will be ‘grateful and comforting’
to ‘an ox in a teacup’ who is ‘worth a guinea a box,’ and who ‘won’t be
happy till he gets it.’”
“It must be very trying,” I murmured sympathetically.
“Oh, it is,” remarked the Turtle. “Well,” he continued in a
business-like tone, “I’m sorry you can’t stop—good morning.”
“I didn’t say anything about going,” I ejaculated.
“Oh, didn’t you? Well, I did then,” said the Turtle emphatically. “Move
on, please!”
“You’re very rude,” I remarked.
“Think so?” said the Turtle pleasantly. “That’s all right
then—good-by,” and he flopped down on his knees and resumed his
scrubbing.
[Illustration: THE TURTLE FLOPPED DOWN ON HIS KNEES AND RESUMED HIS
SCRUBBING.]
There was nothing for me to do but to walk on, and seeing a
quaint-looking old rose garden in the distance, I decided to go over
and explore.
I was walking slowly along the path leading to it, when I heard a
curious clattering noise behind me, and turning around I beheld the
Troubadour, still in his armor, dragging a large standard rosebush
along the ground.
“As if it were not enough,” he grumbled, “to be maltreated as I am
every night, without having all this trouble every morning. I declare
it is enough to make you throw stones at your grandfather.”
“What’s the matter?” I ventured to ask of the little man.
“Matter?” was the reply. “Why, these wretched rosebushes, they _will_
get out their beds at night, and wander about. I happened to leave the
gate open last night, and this one got out, and goodness knows where he
would have been by this time if I hadn’t caught him meandering about
near the Palace.”
“Why! I’ve never heard of such a thing as a rosebush walking about,” I
exclaimed in surprise.
[Illustration: “IN YOU GO!”]
“Never heard of a——. Absurd!” declared the Troubadour, incredulously.
“Of course they do. That’s what you have hedges and fences around
the gardens for, isn’t it? Why, you can’t have been in a garden at
night-time, or you wouldn’t talk such nonsense. All the plants are
allowed to leave their beds at midnight. They are expected to be back
again by daylight, though, and not go wandering about goodness knows
where like this beauty,” and he shook the rosebush violently.
“In you go,” he continued, digging a hole with the point of his mailed
foot, and sticking the rosebush into it.
“Hullo!” he exclaimed, going up to another one, at the foot of which
were some broken twigs and crumpled leaves. “You’ve been fighting, have
you? I say, it’s really too bad!”
“But what does it matter to you?” I inquired. “It’s very sad, no doubt,
but I don’t see why you should upset yourself so greatly about it.”
“Well, you see,” was the reply, “I’m the head gardener here as well as
Troubadour, and so am responsible for all these things. I do troubing
as an extra,” he explained. “Three shillings a week and my armor.
Little enough, isn’t it, considering the risk?”
“Well, the office certainly does not seem overpopular, judging from
last night,” I laughed. “Who were you serenading?”
“Oh, any one,” was the reply. “I give it to them in turns. If any one
offends me in the daytime I pay them out at night, see?
“I serenaded the Sister-in-Law mostly, but I shall give that up. She
doesn’t play fair. I don’t mind people shying things at me in the
least, for you see I’m pretty well protected; but when it comes to
chivying me round the garden with a pair of tongs, it’s more than I
bargained for. Look out! Here comes the Wallypug,” he continued.
Sure enough his Majesty was walking down the path, attended by A. Fish,
Esq., who was wearing a cap and gown and carrying a huge book.
“Ah! good morning—good morning,” cried his Majesty, hurrying towards
me. “I’d no idea you were out and about so early. I’m just having my
usual morning lesson.”
“Yes,” said A. Fish, Esq., smiling, and offering me a fin. “Ever sidse
I god rid of by cold I’ve been teaching the Wallypug elocutiod. We have
ad ‘our every bordig before breakfast, ad he’s geddig on spledidly.”
“I’m sure his Majesty is to be congratulated on having so admirable an
instructor,” I remarked, politely, if not very truthfully.
[Illustration: “His Majesty was walking down the path, attended by
A. Fish, Esq., who was wearing a cap and gown and carrying a huge
book.”—Page 58.
_Wallypugland._]
“Thags,” said A. Fish, Esq., looking very pleased. “I say, Wallypug,
recide that liddle thig frob Richard III., jusd to show hib how well
you cad do id, will you? You doe thad thig begiddidg ’Ad ’orse, ad
’orse, by kigdob for ad ’orse.’”
“Yes, go on, Wallypug!” chimed in the Troubadour, indulgently.
“Oh, I don’t know,” said his Majesty, simpering nervously. “I’m afraid
I should break down.”
“Doe you wondt, doe you wondt,” said A. Fish, Esq. “Cub alog, try id.”
So his Majesty stood up, with his hands folded in front of him, and was
just about to begin, when a bell in a cupola on the top of the palace
began to ring violently.
“Good gracious, the breakfast bell! We shall be late,” cried the
Wallypug, anxiously grasping my hand and beginning to run towards the
palace.
A. Fish, Esq., also shuffled along behind us as quickly as possible,
taking three or four wriggling steps, and then giving a funny little
hop with his tail, till, puffing and out of breath, we arrived at the
palace just as the bell stopped ringing.
His Majesty hastily rearranged his disordered crown, and led the way
into the dining hall.
A turtle carrying a large dish just inside the door whispered warningly
to the Wallypug as we entered, “Look out! You’re going to catch it,”
and hurried away.
A good many creatures were seated at the table which ran down
the center of the room, and at the head of which his Majesty’s
Sister-in-Law presided, with a steaming urn before her. The
Doctor-in-Law occupied a seat near by, and I heard him remark:
“They are two minutes late, madame. I hope you are not going to
overlook it,” to which the lady replied, grimly, “You leave that to
me.”
“Sit there,” she remarked coldly, motioning me to a vacant seat, and
the Wallypug and A. Fish, Esq., subsided into the two other unoccupied
chairs on the other side of the table.