late California Earthquake. It was held in Mechanics Building and twenty
thousand dollars was raised. It was all done by the young people of
Boston. We had the Salem Cadet Band as a foundation, and then the
children gave pretty dances, marches, songs, readings, etc. It was a
vaudeville and pop concert show all in one and it lasted two days. Such
gay crowds I never saw. Pa said the ladies were lovelier than ever and
every one was glad to help, by her presence, and also many brought
friends who were strangers here. I think that the Salem Cadet Band is a
peach. Every one enjoyed listening to the band and then they made a
splendid orchestra for the fancy dancing; so that it all together was a
fine success. I have jotted down two of the selections given by children
present. David Westfield, six years of age, gave a wonderful selection
which I shall put right here; it was called "Esau Buck and the
Buck-saw." Pa said how a boy six years old could recite a piece so
complicated was a wonder. He said that David Westfield was a live wire,
and he should keep track of him to see what end he made. He says he is
liable to be a big man some day, and something will drop at City Hall if
he got power there. Now for the selection. David made a low bow to the
big audience, stood up on the seat of a big automobile that was on the
stage as one of the props, and began thus: "An old farmer, way out in
Kansas, whose sons had all grown up and left him, hired a young man by
the name of Esau Buck to help him on his farm. On the evening of the
first day they hauled up a load of poles for wood and unloaded them
between the garden and the barnyard. The next morning the old man said
to the hired man, 'Esau, I'm going to town this morning, and while I'm
gone you may saw up the wood and keep the old Buck out of the garden.'
When the old man was gone, Esau went out to saw the wood, but when he
saw the saw, he didn't saw it. When Esau saw the saw he saw he couldn't
saw with that saw, so he didn't saw it. When the old man came home, he
said, 'Esau, did you saw the wood?' and Esau said, 'I saw the wood but I
didn't saw it, for when I saw the saw, I saw I couldn't saw with that
saw, so I didn't saw it.' Then the old man went out to see the saw, and
when he saw the saw, he saw that Esau couldn't saw with that saw. Now
when Esau saw that the old man saw that he couldn't saw with that saw,
he picked up the ax, and chopped up the wood and made a seesaw. The next
day the old man went to town and bought a new Buck-saw for Esau Buck and
when he came home he hung the new Buck-saw for Esau Buck on the sawbuck,
by the seesaw. At this time Esau Buck saw the old Buck eating cabbage in
the garden, and when driving him from the garden Esau Buck stopped to
examine the new Buck-saw that hung on the sawbuck, by the seesaw. Now
when Esau stopped to examine the new Buck-saw that hung on the sawbuck,
by the seesaw, the old Buck made a dive for Esau, missed Esau, hit the
seesaw, and knocked the seesaw against Esau Buck, who was getting up
with the Buck-saw, which hung on the sawbuck, by the seesaw. Now when
the old man saw the old Buck make a dive for Esau Buck, miss Esau, hit
the seesaw, and knock Esau over the sawbuck, by the seesaw, he picked up
the ax to kill the old Buck, but the old Buck saw him coming, dodged the
blow, knocked the old man on to Esau Buck, who fell on the Buck-saw,
over the sawbuck by the seesaw. Now, when the old Buck saw Esau Buck
knock the old man over the sawbuck, by the seesaw, and break the
Buck-saw and the sawbuck, and the seesaw, he went into the garden and
ate up the old man's cabbage." You should have heard that crowd cheer
that kid; he had a big bouquet of daisies. Pa said he ought to have had
a whole field for that piece of work. I liked one very much that Millie
Green read, it was called "Naughty Zell." Pa said it was the limit for a
saucy girl. Pa said it was the best he ever heard, so here it is: "The
other day, Kep Elbert, that's my beau, was goin' to go fishing on Soap
Creek, and he said I could go long too, if I would be real good, and not
scare the fishes, so we got up dest as early. Kep thinks an awful lot of
me, so he does, he let me dig all the fish worms. I got mamma's
milking-pail half-full of 'em--it's lots of fun to dig fish worms. I
heard the old milkman coming and I had to run like everything and put
the pail back quick, 'cause he might ask Bridget for a pan and then she
wouldn't let us go fishing. Bridget is awful mean--t'other day she just
up and slapped me 'cause I put a toad in my grandmother's bed, to see if
she wouldn't scream like everything when she saw it. I knew it wouldn't
bite her all the time, so I did, but the man poured the milk in the pail
all right and I breathed easier again. I had to dig a whole lot more,
though, before we went. First thing, we had our breakfast, 'cause we'se
awful hungry, then I put the bait on the hook, and Kepie fished. We had
to drink water out of Kep's shoe--it didn't have but a teeny, weeny,
little hole in the toe--'cause I had to leave the pail at home. Kep was
awful cross, though, he wouldn't let me whisper for an hour--guess it was
more than two hours. I just had to keep a-biting my tongue, atween my
teeth, 'cause I wanted to know so awful bad why he didn't catch any. I
was kind of glad when a snake runned over my bare foot, so I had to
scream, and then Kep said, 'twas no use a-trying to fish where girls
was. I guess Kep had a good time, but I don't think I care for fishin'
much, it's too much like Sunday school for me. My mamma tells me when
I'm naughty to tell Satan to get behind me, and I did tell him, and he
pushed me right into the creek. I don't think I'll tell him that no
more, 'cause I had on my best apron and stockings, and when I got home,
why, there was a lot of company there, and mam's face got awful red and
everybody didn't say nothin' for a long time, an' then pretty soon I
heard an old man say, 'H'm, that young one is a regular torment, she
needs a rawhide to guide her for awhile;' and I said, 'Oho, ol' man, was
that you a-talkin'? You had not better get too smart around here, I'll
fire you out bodily. Who do you think you are talkin' to, anyhow, ha?
You old crank, you!' You bet I scared him, he never said no more about
me, you bet you. I don't care, he's dead now, and I am glad. Would you
believe it, my mother sent me to bed without my dinner. Don't you think
she did, I don't care, 'cause some day I'm going to die, then she'll
wish she had been kinder to me when I was just taking my own part, so
she will--she will too. I never stayed up there neither, I run over to
Nettie Bell's house, and when I came back, why, the company wasn't gone
yet, and I said, 'Mamma says city folks is always coming here three
times to her once, and always staying all night, and the boys have to
sleep out in the barn,' Then everybody looked funny, and Mrs. Hull said,
'William, children and fools always speak the truth, let's go home at
once,' and I says, 'No one wants you here.' Then mamma cried, and papa
laughed, and big brother Fred got a big stick, but he didn't catch me
'cause I run awful fast, when I was going to get a licking. I had to run
outside into the yard and hid under the rose-bushes, close to the
hammock, until they forgot. That's where Mary and Slicer does their
sparking, an' they don't 'low us children round there neither, don't you
think they do, and I knowed I either had to hide under the rose-bush or
skip, and what do you think I did? I bet you can guess. I hid under the
rose-bush, so I could take notes, 'cause Kep thinks an awful lot of me,
and why, if we'd ever get big, why, an' if we'd ever want to spark any,
and if Kep didn't know how, I'd know, but I couldn't hear what they was
saying 'cause they never said nothing for a long time, and then pretty
soon they would be a-talking just as low, and just as low, and then
pretty soon, Slicer said, 'My Precious Darling! I couldn't in the world
ever love any one else but you,' and then he gave her a great big kiss,
and she never said quit that, or nothing, an' I jumped right out and
said, 'That's a great big fib, 'cause I saw you taking another girl out
riding on Soap Creek, so I did,' and he said, 'You rattlesnake, where do
you spect to go for tellin' such great, big fibs, what ain't so,' and I
said, 'I don't expect to go to no place where you are, you old smart
crank. I just hate all men and boys except my Dad, and Kep, so I do,
that's my mind right now, see?' Say, I know something, something good,
about some one. I ain't going to say who said it, but the one that did
don't tell lies. 'Twasn't so, though. I was walking t'other day
down-town when I heard some one talking about me, and I knew if I didn't
go back I'd never know, so I went back, and some one what knows very
much said, 'There goes the prettiest and smartest girl in town,' and
that was me; just 'cause my Dad's rich is no sign I am smart. Why, my
Dad's got ever so much money, he could just throw it away if he wanted
to, but he don't want to. This is about the worsest dress I got--'taint
the very worsest, I guess it's about the best one I got, tho I can have
better dresses than this if I want 'em, but I don't want 'em, 'cause I
have got better sense than to want things I can't get. I guess folks
think 'cause my ma dresses me up so nice that they can get me to speak
every place, but I don't ever want to speak, 'cause I don't guess they
want to hear me, all the time. On Kep's birthday he had a great big
party to his house, and they got Kep to speak first, 'cause I guess they
wanted to save the best for the last, and pretty soon they didn't ask me
to speak. I know they wanted to hear me awful bad, but they didn't ask
me, so pretty soon I said I guessed I'd speak my piece now, and I did. I
guess everybody thought I spoke it awful good. I didn't hear no one say
they did, but I guess they did. I'll speak a teeny, weeney little bit of
what I spoke at Kep's birthday party. I won't speak all of it 'cause I
guess you don't want to hear all of it. (Bows) I know it but I can't
think of it--now I know: 'Mary had a little wool,'--no, that isn't
it--'Mary had a little lamb, its wool was black as dew'--oh, no--'Mary
fleeced a little lamb,' no (not as bad as that), 'Mary had a little
lamb, its fleece was wool, and died.' Oh, I don't know what Mary did
have, boo-hoo." So ended that. Then a boy gave a monologue called,
"Every Little Bit Helps." It was fine, and was received with much
applause and laughter.
EVERY LITTLE BIT HELPS
Did you see that old maid? Holly Gee, isn't she ancient? She belongs to
a very old family. Just think she is a cousin to Lydia Pinkham, of Lynn,
Mass., and a sister to Josiah Allen's wife. She's looking for a man, and
I reckon she will have to look till she gets on two pairs of glasses,
and we have sunsets in the east. Really she must feel like shooting the
shoots, when she sees all the summer beaux, in Central Park.
Did you ever go fishing with dried apples for bait? It beats the flies
all to smithereens. A boat and a bag of dried apples is all you need.
When you find plenty of fish, just throw in a few handfuls of dried
apples, and the fish will gobble it up and then the dried apples will
swell and they will come up to the surface to see the sun set in the
north, and wink at the stars, and you can pick them as fast as
strawberries in a cabbage patch.
I went to church last Sunday, and, as they were short of teachers, they
asked me to take a class of boys. I tried to tell them about Daniel in
the lion's den, and Alexander, the coppersmith, etc., and then a boy
began to tell me the biggest lie I ever heard, and I asked him if he
didn't know it was awfully wicked to tell lies, and he said, "Didn't you
ever tell a lie?" and I said, "No," and he said, "Great Caesar's ghost!
Won't you be lonesome, though, when you get up to heaven, with no one
but George Washington for company?"
I went to a reception the other night, and was introduced to the great
Prof. Bobs. "So glad to meet you, old chap. They tell me, Prof., you
have mastered all tongues." "Well, all but my wife's and her mother's."
I met Mr. Dooley on the street the other day and he began to tell me a
tale of woe, and I said, "Now see here, cheer up, don't make mountains
out of mole-hills." "Well," said he, "that's all right, but I knew a man
that made a whole barrel out of a bucket shop."
I went to a school exhibition the other day, and the teacher said, "The
class in 'spasms' will recite," so John Jones was asked to tell what a
straight was, and he said, "Just the plain stuff with nothing in it."
Then the teacher said, "If 32° is freezing-point, what is
squeezing-point?" and Johnny said, "2° in the shade." Then the teacher
says, "Johnny, how old are you?" and Johnny says, "I ain't but 12, but
my pants are marked 16." Then Danny Jones was asked to give the
positive, comparative, and superlative of "sick." Danny--Sick, worse,
dead.
Oh, say, Prof., what letter would you say if your mother-in-law fell
into the ocean? (Prof.) "Well, I don't know." "Why, letter B."
* * * * *
Pa and Levey said it was a howling success. I had a fine spin in my
automobile to-day. I go out every day generally with Pa, unless he wants
to have his band along, then I go by myself. Pa says we'll go to the
Empire Races later on--I hope so, it's great sport to see a good live
race between fine-built autos. Makes one feel one's a live wire, to keep
up. Levey Cohen has a new machine, a Sparklet. It's a new make, but Pa
says it's the real goods. Ma says Pa always thinks Levey is all right
and so he is, bless his dear heart. My birthday is soon coming and I
will have a big celebration. Pa says the district attorneys are looking
for whiskey within four hundred feet of schoolhouses to get the people
to think they are doing something. Pa says that's a rummy way to get a
living. I guess Pa don't think much of that kind of popularity. Levey
Cohen says a man can find enough that will help the people, and keep
them busier, and not have such a bad smell as whiskey. I hear politics
discussed nearly every day at dinner when Levey Cohen dines here, that
is if it's on the Republican side--Democrats are not allowed to talk in
our house. Ma, Levey Cohen, and I are good Republicans, so,
Good night,
ELSIE.
LETTER IX
Now, little book, I am going on a trip to Europe and this is my last
letter till we come back in October. Pa and Levey Cohen have become
personally interested in the queerest boy I ever saw. He is fourteen
years of age, and a newsboy, from New York City, and Coney Island. He
has bright gleaming red hair, large brown eyes, more freckles than Dr.
Woodbridge could ever count, and two front teeth knocked down his throat
in a fight in which he says, for once, he got licked by a Chink, which
hurts his feelings more than the lickin'. Pa got him a new suit and a
hair cut. You couldn't tell where his hair began and his face left off.
Pa says, like good whiskey, he will improve with age, and I should hope
he might. Up to now he has slept in barrels and boxes mostly and never
had a human being kind to him in his life. He's got a common yellow dog
named Teddy--he said he wouldn't come unless Pa adopted Teddy, the dog,
and Pa said there was room for the dog, so when "Jimmy Jones" got that
letter he wired back to Pa saying: "Dear Sir: Your offer accepted,
quicker than instantly. I telegraph you my answer, but I expect to get
there before the telegram does." He told the telegraph man to collect on
the other end, that was the end the money pot was, and he sent the
message, also the bill. Pa said he had great hopes of "Jimmy," after he
got that telegram. "Jimmy Jones" boards with our gardener, and Pa had a
nice room fitted up for him, and when it was shown him he looked at the
bed all made up nice, and white, and said: "Hully gee! what's that? a
dining-table! Gosh, but ain't it grand?" When told it was a bed he said,
"Gosh, I couldn't get on to that, I would soil the top right off." Pa
told him after he had a bath and was scrubbed off--which he didn't like
at all--he was left to his first night's rest in a bed that he could
remember. He told Pa the next day that he could sleep a hundred years
and never want to wake up to the bad world in that bed. He said he
wondered why people wanted to go home, but now he said it was clear to
his mind that they wanted to just sleep in a nice comfortable bed. He
told every policeman he met to come and rest their lamps on his bed,
said it was good for sore eyes, etc. Pa took Jimmy to Dr. Atwood on
Boylston Street to have two teeth put in on a bridge. Jimmy didn't like
the process, but he stood it fine; the gardener says he's a brave boy.
Anyway, he looks better with the teeth in. Before he looked for all the
world like that yellow kid boy I saw when I was a very little girl, that
was before Buster Brown appeared in the Sunday papers. Pa says he will
let Jimmy learn to drive his automobile--thinks he can learn in time, all
but his slang. I never heard such a string of slang in all my life. The
other day he was telling the gardener about his summer at Coney Island;
I heard a part of what he said: "Yes, Coney Island is de place where all
de swells go to dat tink they are swells. Hully gee! all that is swell
about them is their heads. They are, all told, a rummy lot. Lots of
times they steal a paper or a shoe shine. Yes, I blacked the President's
boots for him. Naw, not the President of the United States of freedom,
but dis was a President of a peanut trust, he gave me Mary a handful of
his hot peanuts and I don't forget it, you bet your best hat. I have
sold papers to the elete of New York. I can lick any kid on the Row. The
policemen never tells me to move on, now, they know I'm de real ting,
see? and a live wire. They don't let on they see me, half of de time,
'cause I know a lot of de monkey shines going on and dey let me alone. I
gits along wid de push all right. I stand up for all de newsboys, 'cause
dey will be all men some day, and may even own a automobile. My! but dey
are de live ting, don't dey hum and kick up de dust, though. I sold
papers for de sufferers of de Cal earthquake, and I got a heap of money.
It would do your old lamps good to have seen de pile I took in. I got
ever so much money--too much to count. I never seed so much all to once
in my whole life. I most wish I had been killed in an earthquake, bad as
it was, and got a handful of dat dough. I never kept a cent for myself,
no sirree, I'm honest if I am only 'Jimmy' de newsboy. Dey all knows me
in New York. I have found good friends here, just tink, I am going to
school at night and git learning, so I can do tings and propel a
automobile. Hully gee! you bet your last year's top hat I'll sit up
straight and go like de dickens, no snale creeping for mine. I tink I
will be a good driver for that kind of a water wagern. De Governor has a
brass band on his wagern and dat takes my blinkers and thinkers, most
awfully much. Hully gee! but the natives of this town will stare when
dey sees 'Jimmy' go out for a spin up Tremont Street--dat's de toney
street of Boston, ain't it, Cap? Oh, ye don't tell me it's Commonwealth
Avenue, dat is de swellest, is it? Well, I've heard of Tremont Street
and the Old Howard Theatre and of Austin and Stone's and that's all I
know of Boston. I don't read de papers much, you see, 'cause I'se too
busy selling 'em, but now I am here and going to become a natural sized
sitizen of dis United States of Boston America, why, cos I has to git on
to de place wid both feet. Now don't scowl and find fault wid me talk,
for I let you say what ye like and I'll do the same, unless de cops git
on to me game and shut out me lights. I don't tink I will ever want to
vote, 'cause ye have to wait till yers are twenty-one and dat's too
long. I can't git old but a year at a leap, and any furreigner can be
natural and made a American sitizen here just before each election and
vote. Some of dem get to be new natural Americans every voting time, so
I will stick to de automobile and de papers, for my daily grub. Well,
course, if de Governor says I am to keep shut up tight when I am on de
box all right, I can. I can tink and say so to myself, quiet, so no one
will hear me express myself only in silence. Well, good-bye, I am goin'
to try on me new suit the Governor sent me. I will be a real Tremont
Street swell sure's yer live."
* * * * *
Well, now Jimmy has disappeared and I will just note that I am perfectly
shocked at his way of talking, but Pa and Levey Cohen both says he is a
diamond in the rough, and I do hope they can polish off some of the
rough corners soon. Pa has always wanted to take just such a character
and tame him. Now he has got the raw material and I shall be waiting
anxiously to see what comes up next. Uncle Smith is coming soon and I
expect when he sees the boy Jimmy--well, Uncle Smith will say words I
won't write. I can hear that Jimmy talking yet with the gardener, that
is, Jimmy is talking and the gardener just listening. I will put down
what I can hear: "Say, Harvard College is a swell place I guess. I have
read in de papers dis mornin' dat dey want twenty million dollars to
make de place solid. Gee whiz! what do dey do wid all de money dey gets?
I know a lot of dem Harvard fellows; in New York dey always gives a
fellow a few extra pennies and dinner, on holidays. I likes dem Harvard
fellows 'cause dey has got a generous vein in der hand. Guess dey are
taught to be generous to us kids in college, dat's why dey need so much
money to carry dem along. Say, wouldn't you like to get your lamps on
twenty million dollars all in one bunch? Don't it make ye faint to think
of it? Gives me a hungry pain in de left side of me liver. Say, Mr.
Gardner, dat waking suit of yourn (scuse me for saying so) in New York
would be called loud enough for a talking machine reckord. Say, I'se got
a best girl, I has. She's a cracker jack; she's got the beautifullest
hair yer ever saw. It's a high-toned shade; they call it ashes and
roses, but I don't see why, but they do. Her eyes are violet, oh, so
find. Hully gee! but they snap when she gits mad. She boxed my ears one
day 'cause I tried to kiss her. She got awful mad and threw a wash-tub
at my head, but I dodged it and it went plunk into a big policeman who
was stooping down to look into a barroom window. Peg said it served him
right for snooping, but she run like anything and so did I, and when de
policeman got up we war way off. He took de wash-tub wid him, but no one
saw any one fire it, so it was never reclaimed. Peg said the tub cost a
dollar and twenty-five cents and if she claimed it, why, she was likely
to get pinched, and get thirty days, so she said the policeman was
welcome to de tub; said she bet a button de next time dat policeman
stooped down to look at anything he would hire a man to watch behind
him. Oh, I tell you what, de papers are all de time having excitement.
Why don't all de people go to Sunday school and be good? If dey would de
papers would be put out of biz. Dey are watching all de time for de man
or womans dat do wicked. All de good ones are never spoken of except
when dey die, and den only a few lines way back in de paper in small
print, but let a man give a lot of money like some fellows rocks I heard
of, and dey will put de heading in capital letters, a little bigger den
de common readin', den you notice dat de oil we use to feed our lamps on
goes up, perhaps only a quarter of a cent, but if you can get a few
billion quarter of cents together all to once it would buy a good many
turkeys for Thanksgiving. Say, mister, Christmas and Thanksgiving are de
only two days in de year I can git full. Naw, I don't mean full of
liquor. (I never drink anyting but milk and cold water.) I mean get full
of grub, wid all de good tings de rich people has. Wouldn't I like to be
rich? No, I don't tink money is all dare is, but it is a whole lot to
fill in wid. A pocket full of greenbacks would make me feel better than
a pocket full of emptiness with a big appetite. Say, mister, I can sing
and dance to beat the cars. I singed 'De Pride of Newspaper Row,' last
winter in New York and I got an applecore to sing another verse. Ought
to be encore? They said I did fine. Say, mister, if you saw an
automobile coming down the street at sixty miles an hour and a deaf man
crossing the street, what's the answer? Not yet, but soon! Did you hear
about the new Irishman over to East Boston last week? Well, Mike
McCarthy told me about it. He said he and Pat Murphy was working on Mr.
Smith's house, the one that married Mary Jones, of Salem, and Pat was
working on the roof when all of a sudden the staging broke and Pat
slipped and slid, till at the very edge he caught on to the tin gutter
and hung in the air, six stories from the ground. Mike and the other
yelled to Pat to hold on till they got something to catch him in. In a
couple of minutes they had a big canvas sheet by the corners and told
Pat to drop into the canvas, and Pat cried: 'How in the devil can I let
go when it's all I can do to hold on?' Oh, did yer hear the one about
Pat and the ants? Well, Pat, after eating his lunch, lay down under a
tree to get forty winks before the whistle for one o'clock blew and he
layed on top of an ants' nest, which he didn't dream of, but pretty soon
the whole ant family came out to see what kind of a lobster was in their
yard, so they crawled all over Pat and bit him to see if he was good
eating, etc., and pretty soon Pat brushed them off and went to sleep
again as best he could. They all came for another look at Pat, and he
brushed them all off again, till bime by a big spider dropped on Pat's
bald head and bit him good. That was enough for Pat. He got up and said:
'Now, then, all of yers get off.' Did you hear about Mr. Burbank's
Jersey cow? Well, a vishus dog bit off her tail so she looked so funny
that Burbank concluded to fat her and sell her for beef, so in four
months she was in prime order and he took her to the stock yard to sell
her, but when the man saw her he said, 'Mr. Burbank, we don't retail any
cows here.' Oh, did you hear the description of Noah's wife? Well, the
minister read that Noah took unto himself a wife; her hight was three
hundred cubits, her breadth fifty cubits, made of Gopher wood, pitched
within and without with pitch. He looked rather surprised as he read on,
then paused, and in a solemn voice said, ''Tis true, we are fearfully
and wonderfully made.' (Some bad boys had pasted the leaves together,
hence the good old man's surprise.) Oh, say, mister, I know a real funny
piece about balls. Ever hear it? Well, here it is. I went to the
newsboys' ball in New York last spring given by Mr. Frank Ball, of
Chicago. I know of several kinds, for instance, there are snow balls,
foot balls, rubber balls, rifle balls, base balls, cartridge balls,
cannon balls, basket balls, croquet balls, Ping Pong balls, pool balls,
fish balls, billiard balls, tennis balls, bowling balls, camphor balls,
and some policeman bawls, and if you miss hearing me bawl you will want
to eat some raw dough balls to make you remember to go to our ball next
year, sir."
Good night, I'm twenty-three for bed.
ELSIE.
LETTER X
Now, little book, I am feeling a little too proud, I expect, for Pa is
going to take us all over to London in his new air-ship. It's called the
Margaret, and she looks like a couple of large cigars tied together. Pa
made a scientific combination of steel and aluminum, which, with some
secret liquid added, makes the lightest and strongest metal ever
produced. The whole ship, with all its apparatus for a trip across the
ocean, only weighs one thousand pounds and will carry six hundred
pounds. We will start at nine o'clock Monday, and we expect to be in
London by Wednesday eve, at ten P. M., so I will stop for a little till
we are on board. I will write on board if we don't rock too much. I hope
we don't go to the bottom of the sea, that's all. We are to have a
wireless telegraph to let the people know how we get on. No one knows
when we are to start, or where, because it got into the papers that the
trip was to be made, and many would gather to see us start, but Pa says
no, he wants to be far away before any one knows it, and I guess it is
better so, too. Pa is calling, so I must run to see what he wishes.
* * * * *
4 P. M., Tuesday. My goodness, we are skimming over the top of the ocean
like a large white bird. My, but this is the most beautiful trip I ever
had. We are sailing about two hundred feet up above the water, Pa
thinks; he hasn't asked the captain to be sure, but it is glorious. We
have passed several steamers and they saluted with all their power. We
waved the Stars and Stripes to them in reply, and sent a message that we
were going fine, and without any hitching. We have heard from Boston and
will soon have a message from the King. A big reception is to be given
to us, but I dread that, for our luggage had to go over by steamer, and
although it was sent a week ahead, if it don't arrive when we do I guess
we won't be much to be seen. My, how grand the sun is, and the moon and
stars, when you are up above the earth some ways. The ocean is a dream
of delight to look upon. Pa planned to come when the moon was full so we
could see all the wonderful beauty of sea and sky. No tongue or pen
could ever fully describe this journey. We have sailed along as smooth
as any one could wish. Ma is delighted. She said she was just frightened
to death, but felt it her duty to come if Pa went to kill himself, and
Levey Cohen and I--that she Couldn't live without us, so she was willing
to die too. I don't think she is bothering much about dying by the way
she is laughing with Levey Cohen. I have to write now or when we land I
would forget half of the fun we are having. Pa says a big crowd is
waiting to meet us in London. I wonder where Pa will keep this machine
when we get to London, probably it will be kept on the top of some
automobile garage. Pa don't say; I bet he don't have any idea where it
will be kept. We seem to be attracting a great deal of attention. Why, I
don't think this is such a wonderful thing because Pa did it. Pa is a
wonderful man, but when you live with such a wonderful man I guess you
forget a good deal about the wonderful part till you hear other people
say so. We don't eat as much up here as when we are on earth, because we
are nearer heaven, and are looking up and thinking of higher things than
material eating. My, how fast we go, the clouds fly by and we go right
through them like everything. They seem to fly like the trees and fields
in an automobile race. I don't care if we don't ever stop, or come down.
I could go on forever like this. Jimmy went over in the steamer with the
luggage. Pa says we will land now in a few hours. Pa had a band made by
phonographs, so we have had music, and Ma brought the pol parrot. He has
heard Jimmy talk and to-day he has shouted several times what Jimmy said
when his steamer went out. "Hully gee, don't git drownded." I don't
think we will, but it would be an awful drop if we did bust up; however,
I don't feel afraid now any more. Huray! we can see London. Pa says it's
a fine sight. The stars bright and the moon like a big golden ball in
the sky, and all London lighted up. They have sighted our ship, for I
can hear their bells ringing.
Well, we are on the good earth once more. We had a fine greeting and
this afternoon we will look over London a bit. We are to be presented at
Court, and I don't know what all. I have seen the Shontworths. They are
still here and made much of. We have our trunks and now we can go out
and look and feel well groomed. Jimmy was so glad to see us safe and
sound he forgot to use slang for once. Pa and Levey was pleased enough,
but it didn't last, for soon he got into a fight with a London newsboy
and it took a policeman to separate them. Jimmy told the English newsboy
that "America was de onliest place fit to live in on earth," and
naturally the English boy resented it, so it was a free fight to settle
the matter. As the policeman dragged those boys apart Jimmy screamed to
the top of his voice, "America ahead, by thunder!" Pa made Jimmy promise
to be good else he would send him back on the next ship. I guess he
will; he felt cheap to think he was caught in a street fight, as soon as
he landed, nearly. Jimmy means all right, but he has a queer way of
showing it, his fists seem to be his most familiar mode of expressing
internal feelings.
* * * * *