Nothing is of more importance to success in any work than conversation.
How to converse so as to win and not wound, to both give and gain, is an
accomplishment which has very nearly passed into the list of lost arts.
And here again good form comes to the rescue, and by its placid but
arbitrary code offsets that lawlessness into which even good men have
fallen in excess of zeal.
Sixty years ago the rule for children was that they “should be seen and
not heard,” so that a child’s talk was almost unknown in a company of
adults. This was so wrong that it has reacted in a sort of wild freedom
upon the part of the children which, uncorrected, develops into the
adult chatter-box and gossip, than which no character is more to be
dreaded.
Bad habits of conversation are very hard to break, and since it is by
the “calves (or sacrifice) of the lips” that we are especially to honor
God, by “words fitly spoken,” and that we are to “give a reason for the
faith that is in us,” it is not of small importance that we should know
how to talk. Begin with the baby, therefore, so that the child shall
grow up into correct forms of speech, and into that regard of all good
form which shall not only give him at once the ears, but the hearts of
the people.
I scarcely need to say, Do not use slang, for this is universally
understood as out of harmony with Christian practise; but yet it may not
be amiss to say that even the world of society, whose laws of behavior
we are considering, would ostracize one whose language was punctuated
with much slang. An _oath_ would be more tolerable to so-called “polite
ears.”
Money, or prominence, will for a time give a man social passport in
spite of all manner of ill-breeding. He can _buy_ a place and
recognition even from those who despise him; but this is not the sort of
recognition in the interests of which I am writing. I am pleading for
that which shall gain a hearing for the custodians of a truth without
which no man can live, and for the reception of which few are as yet
prepared. It is for the sake of the honest souls who are in the darkness
of the world’s “_culture_” that I am pleading. They have a right to know
all that the Spirit of God has been sending to his people concerning
that all-round righteousness that makes up the sum of that _whole gospel
for the whole man_, which is included in an uttermost salvation; and
some tongues must be so cultured as to talk the way open for truth just
as effectually as a _wag_ can do it for _fun_, a singer open it for a
song, or money open it for blind boorishness; and the quiet mother in
the home must have a large share of this work.
To this end teach the child that he must _listen_ when any other child
is speaking until he has finished; never to interrupt, or, if it is
necessary to give some information, to say, for instance: “I beg your
pardon, but,—” or, “Willie, if you please, was it not on Wednesday
instead of Tuesday?” Any interruption simply for getting in a word
should never be indulged. Teach him to wait patiently for a fair chance
to speak, no matter how great may be the temptation to “thrust in his
oar.” This should not be construed to include those playful
interruptions in the merry tangle of words which all children delight in
“once in a while,” “just for fun.”
Teach him to avoid all abrupt forms of expression, such as “Give me
that!” “Don’t!” “Stop!” “Quit!” “Get out!” “You sha’n’t!” “I won’t!” If
he never hears such phrases at home, he will not be apt to catch them;
but if he should, a few little experiences such as he would certainly
meet as a man upon entering the social world, with the adult equivalents
of these words, would teach him that they were very unprofitable. Let
him find out that he can get nothing in that way, and he will begin
intuitively to cultivate his tongue to acceptable speech.
It is not good form to talk at table about the physical organs, or the
processes of digestion, excepting when some special occasion should
require, and then it should be by the most delicate allusions. The
mention of any form of disease, or of death, would be considered
exceeding bad form; also any malodorous topic of any sort. Table
conversation should be such as to inspire every good feeling;
appetizing, promotive of good fellowship, comradeship, faith, hope;
optimistic in every sense of the word. The children should be taught
that no complaints or grievances are to be mentioned there, because such
things always have a tendency to destroy relish for food, and retard the
process of digestion. A chronic grumbler at the table will threaten a
whole family with dyspepsia. “Let your conversation be seasoned with
salt,” is a good injunction; and if the Scriptural rule is followed at
home, the child will grow up capable of taking the gospel message
anywhere without personal offense, even if he must go into many untried
places. Neither will it be necessary for him to “premeditate; but
whatsoever shall be given ... in that hour” (Mark 13:11) he shall be
able to speak.
I have confined myself to the _Form_,—a form which, though good, is
dead,—the _letter_ of the social code, which is at best a lifeless
thing, a burden, a barrier, often a cause of heart-burning jealousy,
wrath, anger, adulteries, and every sort of contention. There is nothing
so cruel as a quarrel carried on under the cloak of good form. The
bitter sarcasm of a war waged with polite words and phrases, the tones
keyed to simulate tenderness and love, as society requires, but
breathing of hate, makes a combination in which Satan is especially
manifested as in nothing else in the world. Truly the letter killeth.
The social code is all right, but, lacking the Spirit, it is a rotting
carcass. However, since it was modeled after Christ, it requires but
that the Holy Spirit shall breathe life into it to make it an instrument
for the accomplishment of necessary work in carrying the gospel to every
creature.
It is manifestly better to be filled with the Spirit than covered with
all the forms in the world; but _good form_, vitalized, will make any
messenger so ready for any good work in any field that he need take no
thought how or what he shall speak, for it shall be given him the same
hour. “For it is not ye that speak, but the Spirit of your Father which
speaketh in you.” Matt. 10:20.