“How I wish I knew just how one ought to behave in going into public
places, meetings, and lectures,” said a young woman recently. Others
have asked similar questions. I have heard something like this more than
once: “Isn’t it dreadful not to know the little things that would
prevent folks from looking at you and smiling in such a mean way?”
It is “dreadful,” as well as unnecessary that children should be left to
grow up ignorant of any of those things, great or small, which will make
it possible for them to enter the schoolroom, the church, the hall, and
move about in such a manner as not to be objects of unpleasant
observation to those who make politeness a profession.
All that has been said about the opening and closing of doors, and the
rules of precedence, are always in full force, and should become so
automatic that they will never have to be _remembered_. Even at home,
and in the small country schoolhouse place of worship they should be
observed, if one hopes to always do the “nice way.”
In a small congregation where “everybody knows everybody,” there is a
great temptation to fall into very lax manners, and so to cultivate
habits that are hard to overcome, and which will cause chagrin by and by
to the young man or woman who wants to appear well among strangers.
Therefore it is wise to train the children to such deportment in the
small church, or cottage meeting that they shall never be in danger of
bringing reproach on the home which they have left behind them, by
uncouth or disorderly behavior in any public assembly.
Any place of worship should be entered quietly, children and parents
together, single file, in such order that there will be no jostling,
crowding, or changing of places. There are two ways of seating a family,
either of which is good form. In one case the father enters first,
followed in order by the mother, the youngest child, and then the others
according to age, so that the eldest comes last. At the opening to the
pew, or row of chairs, the father turns, standing to face the others,
and waits until all have passed in and are seated, when he takes his
place at the entrance. This arrangement gives the mother the seat in the
farther corner, with the “baby” beside her, while the eldest child is
next to the father.
In the other case the eldest child leads, and passes into the farther
end of the seat, followed by the other children in such order as to
leave the “baby” next to the mother, who sits in the second place from
the end, beside her husband.
Sometimes when there is a large family, it is necessary to separate the
children by placing the mother in the midst of them between two restless
ones. But whatever order is necessary, let it be so matter-of-course
that the coming in and seating shall be in that decorous manner which
will impress the children with the sacredness of the service for which
they have come.
Teach the child that in entering a seat or row of chairs, good form
requires that he shall pass clear in to the farthest vacant place, or
that if he has dropped down in the end or middle of the row, and others
come to claim seats beyond him, he should always either arise, come out
and stand to allow them to pass in, or himself go on to the farthest
place. Teach him, never, under any circumstances, to make it necessary
for any one to climb over his feet and legs to reach a vacant place.
This is one of the most common and worst forms in which bad training in
deportment manifests itself.
Also teach your child to refuse to climb over anybody’s feet. Instruct
him either to wait for a decent chance to enter that seat or to find
another. The ludicrous, not to say unbecoming appearance of a woman who
tries to drag herself over the knees of some man who remains immovable
in the end of the seat, or who attempts to draw himself up to “make
room” for her to pass, is entirely out of harmony with the spirit which
should prevail in a place of worship; and the young man coming from home
with this habit, which has been formed by climbing over his brothers and
sisters, as well as parents and guests, and letting them climb over him,
will be left some sad day to wonder why people stop at the entrance to
the pew where he sits, wait an instant, look at him so queerly, and then
pass on, as if they were not willing to occupy the same seat with him.
He may think it is because he is from the country, because he is not
stylishly dressed, because they are very “stuck up,” when it is simply
because they do not choose to climb over his legs to find a seat.
But your daughter should be so taught that if she must stand in the
aisle and wait for some man to get it into his head that he had better
move on, or come out so as to allow her to pass, she shall do it kindly
and without contempt; for, of course, the poor fellow would do better if
he only knew how.
Teach by precept and example that wraps and rubbers should not be put on
until after the benediction. If your boy should grow up to the dignity
of door-keeper in the house of the Lord, he should know that extra seats
should never be removed from the aisles, nor doors be opened, until the
last “amen” has been reverently uttered.
I believe that reverence and a proper understanding of the meaning of
the sacred hours of worship would be wholesomely inculcated by the
practise of sitting down in silence for two or three minutes after the
benediction, or long enough for any necessary things to be done, such as
the orderly passing out of the congregation might require.
Good form requires that there be no loud talking, visiting, laughing,
bustling, or confusion of any sort in the breaking up of a congregation.
In fact, instead of a breaking up, it should be a melting away, each for
himself seeking to hold in thought, and carry with him all that is
possible of the subject which has been considered, avoiding everything
which tends to dissipate or to divert the mind from its contemplation.
This is the good form which _nominal_ Christians require and teach. It
is only the _form_, if you please, at the best dead, by which the
worldly professor seems to be trying to make up what may be lacking in
real spiritual worship; but that very fact proves it to be more than
ordinarily worthy of consideration and adoption by the most spiritual.
Upon the same principle that our righteousness must exceed the
righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees should our courtesy and good
breeding exceed that of the most cultivated people of the world.
That behavior which everybody recognizes as becoming the house of the
Lord, is that which would most certainly distinguish Jesus if he should
come in among us; and the true worshiper who will clothe himself with
these gentle, Christlike graces of conduct will be no less truly a
Christian, while he will certainly be more quickly recognized as such.