["What possible chance would Col. X., Member for ----, feel
that he had of fair play if he walked into the Opposition side
in a Division?"--_Evening Paper_.]
SCENE--_A Battle-field. Colonel X. discovered apparently dying
in the hour of victory._
_Faithful Aide-de-Camp_. The enemy run, Sir! We have beaten them off
on every side!
_Colonel_ (_faintly_). That is well! (_with a sigh_) and yet my heart
is heavy within me! Believe me, SMITH, I cannot die easily.
_F.A.-de-C._ And yet the vacancy thus created would be found a
stimulus to promotion! Have you thought of that, Sir?
_Col. X._ I have not forgotten it, SMITH, and as a politician the idea
is comforting. Ah, SMITH, would that I had always done my duty in
the House of Commons! But no, with a view to obtaining this command,
I voted against my convictions! I supported the Government in their
proposal to tax perambulators! It was cruel, unmanly so to do, but I
was weak and foolish! And now I cannot die easily! Would that I could
live to repair the past.
_Opposition Whip_ (_suddenly springing up from behind a limber à la_
HAWKSHAW _the Detective_). It is _not_ too late! Return with me to
Westminster forthwith. The Third Reading is down for to-night! With
a special train we shall be in time! You can yet record your vote!
_Col. X._ (_suddenly reviving_). Say you so? Then I _will_ recover! I
_will_ do my duty!
[_Exit, to vote against his Party, and to be put permanently
on the shelf, from a military point of view!_
* * * * *