_House of Commons, Monday, April 6._--School reopened after Easter
Holidays. OLD MORALITY duly in his place, but not many of the boys.
Civil Service Estimates on; PLUNKET in charge on Ministerial side;
SAGE OF QUEEN ANNE'S GATE Leader of Opposition. Hammered away all
night on old familiar lines. Ghosts of old acquaintances feebly
crossed floor, disappearing behind SPEAKER's chair. Kensington Palace,
with its cost; Bushey House; Cambridge Cottage; admission to Holyrood
Palace; the deer in Home Park at Hampton Court; the pheasants in
Richmond Park; the frescoes in House of Lords; the Grille of the
Ladies' Gallery: the British Consular House at Cairo--each came up
in turn; talked about; protested against; explained; divided upon,
and voted. PLUNKET left to himself on Treasury Bench; bore up with
unflagging energy and perennial patience; has heard same points raised
every year since he was First Commissioner; has made same replies, and
has seen Votes passed. Long before he was in office same thing used
to go on with other First Commissioners. That was before the SAGE had
taken to politics. Good old RYLANDS--"Preposterous PETER"--was then
the Grand Inquisitor. But it was the same deer, the same gas-bills,
the same question of free residence for "that eminent warrior," as the
SAGE to-night called him, the Dook of CAMBRIDGE.
Oddly enough, almost only flash of humour through long sitting came
from GEORGE CAMPBELL. Gave graphic description of his hanging about
Holyrood Palace hankering after admission. According to existing
regulation, admission to be gained only after bang goes two saxpences.
For sixteen years Sir GEORGE ever lured to vicinity; sometimes
casually entered doorway, proposing to loiter past ticket-collector;
stopped by demand of a shilling, had resisted temptation. That was
sad, but what he felt most acutely was injury done to his nation.
Americans visiting Edinburgh on their way to Paris went to Holyrood:
charged a shilling. "Ha! ha!" they cried, "see these stingy Scotchmen.
They charge a shilling before they throw open their one Palace door,
whilst in England you may roam through the Palaces free of charge,"
"Sir," cried Sir GEORGE, his voice under generous excitement of the
moment taking on rasping tone, "the arrangement is prejudicial to the
reputation of Scotchmen."
"This," said the SAGE, "will, I think, be an opportunity of going out
for another cigarette."
_Business done_.--Handsful of Votes in Supply.
[Illustration: "Another cigarette."]
_Tuesday_.--NAPOLEON B. BOLTON strolled down to House to-night,
intending to hear what TOMLINSON had to say on Emigration
arrangements. In family circle it has always been considered that,
as far as personal resemblance to NAPOLEON BONAPARTE goes, the late
Prince JEROME wasn't in it with the Member for St. Pancras. BOLTON
blushingly pooh-poohs the fond little fancy; but he is of kindly
disposition; not inclined to insist on his opinion in controversy to
other people's. Indeed, has gone so far as to furnish himself with
fancy dress, fashioned on the style of that worn by the great NAPOLEON
on State occasions. To-night, been at a children's party, showing
himself in his uniform. Am told that, when he folds his arms, throws
back his head, and recites, "On Linden, when the sun was low," you
would think the Great Emperor had come back from St. Helena.
Intended to-night to create sensation in House. Doubted whether, as
he was not about to move the Address, he would be permitted to enter
with sword by his side. But he would be free of the smoke-room; might
posture in the Lobby; might read an evening paper in the tea-room,
whilst others enviously glanced at his epaulettes.
Here he was at ten minutes past nine standing in his favourite
attitude at the Bar, no one having challenged his entrance. Fact is,
House was up; not Counted Out, but having duly gone through the Orders
and passed the Second Reading of an important measure. Such a day the
Government had had! At Morning Sitting had ramped through the Orders,
advancing Bill after Bill through critical stages. House nearly empty;
Opposition effaced; Irish Members all absent except Brer RABBIT, who
wanders about looking for Brer FOX. The only note of discord sounded
in voice of GEORGE CAMPBELL. Report of Supply reached at a quarter
to seven. At ten minutes to seven, in accordance with Rule ordering
Morning Sitting, Debate must stop. One or two questions asked; quickly
answered by PLUNKET; Vote after Vote agreed to on report stage. Then
CAMPBELL gets up and wants to know about lighting the National History
Museum at night?
Twelve minutes to seven.
PLUNKET looks anxiously at clock. If CAMPBELL would put his question
and sit down he might be answered, and report stage got through. But
CAMPBELL goes on till hand of clock points to ten minutes to seven.
"Order, order!" cries SPEAKER. Time limit reached; no more debate;
CAMPBELL not finished yet; attempts to proceed; angry shouts of
"Order! Order!" before which he subsides. Then, watching opportunity,
suddenly bolts up again and wants to explain that he was not opposing
the passage of report stage of Supply. "No, but you talked it out,"
said PLUNKET, with something less than his customary suavity.
[Illustration: Napoleon B. Bolton.]
This happened more than two hours ago. There has been the suspension
of the Sitting, the resumption at nine o'clock, the Second Reading
of the Rating of Machinery Bill; and now all is over, the guests are
fled, the garlands dead, and all but NAPOLEON B. BOLTON departed. He,
in fact, has only just arrived, and wishes he had not been in such
a hurry to quit the circle where of late he was the object of awed
admiration.
_Business done_.--Trenormous!
_Thursday_.--House filled up to-night; flowing tide evidently with us,
including Mr. G., back after his holidays. Also Prince ARTHUR; been in
training for some weeks in anticipation of long spurt in Committee on
Irish Land Bill. Irish Members also returned in considerable force.
Expected to find TIM HEALY arrive in fragments; but he's all there,
much as usual.
"How's Brer FOX?" I asked him, wishing to hear latest news from
Ireland.
"Oh," said he, "PARNELL's looking up."
"What do you mean?" I asked, astonished at this testimony.
"I mean, he's on his back, and, being in that position, must of course
be looking up, if he's looking anywhere at all."
Light-hearted TIM! Time does not wither, or DALTON O'BRIEN stale, his
infinite variety.
Scotch Members on before Ireland was approached. Something about the
Scotch Private Bill Procedure Bill. Formidable List of Amendments to
LORD-ADVOCATE's proposal to nominate Committee. All the Clans muster.
NOVAR moves Amendment; CAMPBELL-BANNER-MAN objected that thirteen
Scotch Members, including LENG and LYON PLAYFAIR, "would not make an
adequate Committee." ROBERT-SON brought against the LORD-ADVOCATE the
grave charge that he was "interpolating an extraneous and alien body
into this business." Lord KINGSBURY, ex-Lord-Advocate, happened to be
under Gallery on chance visit to House. Heard this remark with huge
delight. Reminded him of the times when he used to sit through long
nights with back fairly set against the Gangway post of Treasury
Bench, invoking blessings on head of Duke of ARGYLL, and driving the
Liberal Scotch Members wild with his perpetual smile of content.
[Illustration: "Interpolating an extraneous and alien body."]
_Business done_.--Committee on Irish Land Bill started.
_Friday Night_.--When House met at Morning Sitting OLD MORALITY
discovered on Treasury Bench, looking more than usually guileless.
Been badgered all week about Labour Committee. When going to disclose
names of Commissioners and set forth terms of reference? Only
yesterday Brer RABBIT put the question, intimating that whenever the
announcement was made Adjournment of House would be moved in order
to protest against omission of DAVITT's name. OLD MORALITY answering,
said it was possible he might be able to make the announcement to-day,
but much more likely on Monday.
Everyone thought it would be Monday. Brer RABBIT in his place to-day,
but his men absent. OLD MORALITY, with positively a halo of innocency
round his head, suddenly appeared at table; read out the list of
Commissioners. Brer RABBIT's hand forced; must needs forthwith ask
leave to move the Adjournment.
"Got your forty men?" asked the SPEAKER.
"Not quite," said Brer RABBIT, apologetically.
Only twenty-nine; so Brer RABBIT bowled out, and opportunity lost.
"Dear me!" said OLD MORALITY; "how very unfortunate. Now if I'd only
waited till Monday, House would have been quite full; Brer RABBIT
would have got his forty men twice over; we should have had an
embarrassing Debate, and lost several hours of the sitting. As things
have turned out, we can now go straight on with business."
_Business done_.--In Committee on Irish Land Bill.
* * * * *
THE RETURN OF THE WANDERER.--JOHNNIE has come marching home. JOHN
LAWRENCE TOOLE, of the wide world generally, of London peculiarly, and
of King William Street particularly, has returned. Divine WILLIAMS,
always on the spot for any remarkable event, foresaw the happy day
when, in _Henry the Eighth_, Act v., So. 3, he wrote, "The great TOOLE
come!" May we venture to surmise that it will not be long ere we see
the announcement of our favourite comedian's appearance in an entirely
new and original farce entitled _Ici on Parle Français_?
* * * * *
WHAT'S IN A NAME? (_From a Correspondent_).--Sir, I send you a cutting
from a communication of J. MORTIMER GRANVILLE's, to _The Lancet_, No.
3,527, p. 798. Which when found make a note of:--"_Instead of thallin
I use a Periodohydromethyloxychinolin, because that is better borne,
and seems to be more effective than the Tetrahydroparaquinasol_."
These two words would be a good penn'orth in a telegram. Yours,
EPIGRAMMATIST.
* * * * *