SCENE--_The Central Criminal Court. The usual Company
assembled, and the place wearing its customary aspect.
"Standing room only" everywhere, except in the Jury Box, which
is empty. Prisoner at the Bar_.
[Illustration]
_Judge_. This is most annoying! Owing to the refusal of the Jury
to serve, the time of the Bar, the Bench, and, I may even add, the
prisoner, is wasted! I really don't know what to do! Mr. TWENTYBOB, I
think you appear for the accused?
_Counsel for the Defence_. Yes, my Lord.
_Judge_ (_with some hesitation_). Well, I do not for a moment presume
to dictate to you, but it certainly would get us out of a serious
difficulty if your client pleaded guilty. I suppose you have carefully
considered his case, and think it advisable that he should not
withdraw his plea?
_Counsel for the Defence_. No, my Lord, I certainly cannot advise him
to throw up his defence. It is a serious--a deeply serious--matter for
him. I do not anticipate any difficulty in establishing his innocence
before an intelligent jury.
_Judge_. But we can't get a jury--intelligent or otherwise.
_Counsel for the Defence_. If no evidence is offered, my client should
be discharged.
_Counsel for the Prosecution_. I beg pardon, but I must set my friend
right. Evidence _is_ offered in support of the charge, my Lord.
_Judge_. Yes; but there is no properly constituted body to receive
and decide upon its credibility. I am glad that the Grand Jury (to
whom I had the privilege of addressing a few observations upon our
unfortunate position) have ignored a larger number of bills than
usual; still the present case is before the Court, and I must dispose
of it. Can you assist us in any way, Mr. PERPLEBAGGE?
_Counsel for the Prosecution_ (_smiling_). I am afraid not, my Lord.
_Judge_. Well, I suppose I have no alternative but to order the
Prisoner to be taken back to--
_Prisoner_. To the place I was in last night? No, thankee!--not me!
Look here, gemmen all, we knows one another, don't we? Well, just to
oblige you--as Darmoor ain't 'alf bad in the summer, and as in course
I _did_ do it--I plead guilty!
_Judge_ (_with a sigh of relief_). Prisoner at the Bar, we are
infinitely beholden to you! [_Passes regulation sentence with grateful
courtesy._
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