[CONTINUED.]
_March 13_.--Left Billsbury this morning by nine o'clock train, and
came back to London. Brought with me the _Billsbury Standard_, and
the _Billsbury Meteor_ (the Radical paper.) Both have accounts of last
night's meeting. Rather different, though.
_BILLSBURY STANDARD_.
The era of indecision is past. In another column we give a
full account of the important meeting of the Council of the
Conservative Association, which was held last night for the
purpose of selecting a Conservative Candidate for Billsbury.
The proceedings were enthusiastic and unanimous ... Mr.
RICHARD B. PATTLE, the selected Conservative Candidate, is
a young man of the highest promise. He had a distinguished
career at Oxford, where he obtained honours in History, and
represented his College in the Torpid races for eight-oared
crews. Since then he has been called to the Bar, where he
has already secured a lucrative practice.... His speech last
night had the right ring about it. It was eloquent, practical,
convincing, modest and decided, thoroughly in harmony with the
best traditions of the Conservative party, and remarkable for
the proof it afforded of the devotion of Conservatives at all
times to the highest interests of the working classes. We have
no hesitation in declaring, as Colonel CHORKLE did last night,
that with such a Candidate to oppose him, the fate of Sir
THOMAS CHUBSON may be considered as already decided. If only
all Conservatives will put their shoulders to the wheel and
work hard, the stigma under which Billsbury now labours will
be swept away. A Mass Meeting of Conservative electors will be
held on an early date to ratify the decision of the Council,
and inaugurate the period of hard work throughout the
constituency.
_BILLSBURY METEOR_.
Last night the Conservatives gave their annual performance of
the good old farce entitled, _Choosing a Candidate; or, Who's
got the Money-bags?_ We are glad to be able to congratulate
this distinguished body of amateurs on the modest success
which attended their efforts. Most of the performers are
well-known to the Billsbury public. Alderman TOLLAND, as the
heavy father, provoked screams of laughter by the studied
pomposity of his manner. His unctuous rendering of the
catch-phrase, "Constitutional Progress," has lost none of its
old force. Mr. CHORKLE was, perhaps, not so successful as
we have sometimes seen him in his representation of a real
Colonel, but the scene in which he attacked and routed
LINDLEY MURRAY, went extremely well. Mr. JERRAM as a singing
journalist, was admirable. We cannot help wondering why so
remarkable an actor should confine himself to the provincial
stage. We had almost forgotten to mention that the part of
_The Candidate_ was, on this occasion, assigned to a Mr.
RICHARD PATTLE, a complete novice, whose evident nervousness
seriously imperilled the success of the piece. He had omitted
to learn his part adequately, and the famous soliloquy, "The
country has need of me," was painfully bungled. Mr. PATTLE has
few qualifications for the ambitious _rôle_ he essayed, and
his friends would be doing an act of true kindness if they
insisted on his withdrawal from a profession for which he is
in no way fitted. The performance will be repeated as usual
next year.
I suppose the _Meteor_ people think that witty. When I got home, an
awful thing happened. Mother, of course, wanted to see the papers,
so I gave her the _Standard_, with which she was much pleased. She
said it was evident I had made a wonderful impression, and that the
Billsbury Conservatives were particularly sensible people! But, by
some mistake, I left the _Meteor_ lying on the drawing-room table. It
seems that, in the afternoon, that sharp-tongued old hag, Mrs. SPIGOT,
called. She saw the _Meteor_, took it up, and said, "Dear me, is this
something about your son?" Mother, thinking it was the _Standard_,
said, "Oh yes--do read it, Mrs. SPIGOT; it's a wonderfully accurate
account, RICHARD says;" and that old cat read it all through. She then
smiled, and said, "Yes, very flattering indeed." After she had gone,
mother took it up, and, to her horror, found what it was. She was
furious. When I got home in the afternoon, I found her in a state of
what Dr. BAKER calls "extreme nervous excitement," with the _Meteor_
lying in little scraps all over the drawing-room, just as if a
paper-chase had been through there. She said, "Don't let me ever see
that infamous paper again, DICK. The man who wrote it owes you some
grudge, of course. Such a scoundrel ought to be denounced." I said I
quite agreed with her. Later on, met VULLIAMY at the Club. We spoke
about Billsbury. He asked me, with a sort of chuckle, if I'd seen the
_Star_, and advised me to have a look at it, as there was something
about me in it. This is what I found in the column headed "Mainly
About People":--
"Mr. RICHARD PATTLE, who is to be the Conservative Candidate for
Billsbury at the next election, is a young man of twenty-six. At
Oxford he was generally called 'PODGE PATTLE' by his friends He took a
fourth class in History. His oratorical efforts at the Union were not
very striking, but he rowed in his College Torpid, which was bumped
four times.
"Mr. PATTLE, as maybe inferred from his nickname, is neither tall nor
thin. He is a member of the Middle Temple, but his eloquence has not
yet astonished the Courts of Law. His father died five years ago,
leaving him a considerable fortune, part of which he proposes to waste
in the hopeless attempt to turn out Sir THOMAS CHUBSON."
Confound the people, I wish they'd mind their own business and leave
me alone!
_March_ 17.--Haven't been down to Billsbury again yet, but go the day
after to-morrow to speak at a Mass Meeting of Conservative electors.
However, I've had shoals of letters from the place--nearly all of
them asking for subscriptions. The Five Bars Cricket Club, the Lilies
Cricket Club, the Buffaloes Cricket Club, and the Blue Horse Cricket
Club have all elected me a vice-president, and solicit the honour of
my support. The Billsbury Free Dispensary is much in want of funds,
and the Secretary points out that Sir THOMAS CHUBSON has subscribed £5
regularly every year. The United Ironmongers' Friendly Society wishes
me to be an Honorary Member. CHUBSON subscribes £2 2s. to them. The
Billsbury Brass Band, and three Quoit Clubs (the game is much played
there) have elected me a member. The Secretary of the former sent me a
printed form, which I was to fill up, stating what instrument I meant
to play, and binding myself to attend at least one Band practice every
week. Three "cases of heartrending distress" have appealed to me,
"knowing the goodness of my heart." I shall have to consult TOLLAND,
or some one, about all this. I get the _Meteor_ and the _Standard_
every day. The former goes on chaffing. Don't think JERRAM, in the
_Standard_, writes as smartly as the other chaps. Must try to get
him stirred up a bit. Just received letter from TOLLAND, saying he
wants to talk to me before meeting about "matters connected with
the Registration." More money, I suppose. Romeike, and all kinds of
Press-Cutting Associations, keep on sending me that extract from the
_Star_, till I'm fairly sick of it. They all want me to subscribe for
Press-Cuttings. See them blowed first.
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