The Duke of Belleville had just finished going through his morning's
post, and still held in his HAND a lengthy letter from his financial
adviser, RICHARD ELLIOTT, FINANCIER, THE MONEY MASTER dealing with THE
FINANCES OF SIR JOHN KYNNERSLY, one of THE BOOMERS of the day, and with
THE CONTEST FOR SOUND MONEY. The Duke was, at the moment, reclining
rather lazily, with his TWO LEGS outstretched, and was thinking, neither
of the contents of THE LETTERS, nor of WHAT TO WEAR, but listening
rather, as THE MUSIC LOVER, to THE SONG OF SONGS, THE SONG OF THE
CARDINAL, perched upon THE ELM TREE ON THE MALL.
Oh! What is there to equal a SPRING IN LONDON?
This, the Duke's favorite room, was at once the admiration of the
artistic, containing, as it did, wonderful examples of THE CHIPPENDALES,
and FRAGMENTS OF OLD FURNITURE, collected by HIS OWN PEOPLE, his very own
ANCESTORS: the room, too, was an historic one; many A PRINCESS OF
INTRIGUE had occupied that very chair, and the GHOSTS OF PICCADILLY had
met there on more than one occasion, for every house must have a GHOST,
even if it be JUST FOR FUN.
THE BRONZE BELL of distant Big Ben had just proclaimed the hour of noon,
when Inspector Morgan was announced.
"AT LAST," said the Duke to himself, "THE REVELATIONS OF INSPECTOR
MORGAN."
"THE TOP OF THE MORNING to your Grace: I am here, as you see, AT THE TIME
APPOINTED: I trust your Grace is well, after the ORDEAL BY FIRE last
night? I am A COURIER OF FORTUNE. RECORD NO. 33 is now complete."
"I AM WELL, Morgan: but out with THE GREAT SECRET: I take it that THE
WELDING of the chain is complete: that THE GREAT PLAN has been
successful: but allow me to suggest that you are not FRANKS DUELLIST, so
for goodness sake, stop bending THE SILVER BLADE of that knife: it is not
a rapier, as you seem to imagine, and I am afraid you will break it: it
really belongs IN THE KITCHEN."
"MY STORY, your Grace, is rather long, and in a manner proves that there
has been MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING: but before I begin, let me say that Sir
Jaffray was FOUND DEAD this MORNING: of course it was DRINK that killed
him: I fancy that lets your cousin, HER LADYSHIP, out of a bad bargain:
THE MESSAGE, BY TELEPHONE from Broadstairs stated further that Sir
Jaffray and THREE COMRADES were BOXING and drinking quantities of BAD
WHISKEY at BAR-20 of THE FLYING INN, and à propos were discussing the
ART OF AVIATION, and FLIGHT WITHOUT FORMULAE, which only added FUEL to
THE FLAME, and became so noisy, that THE MASTER OF THE INN threw them
OUTDOORS: but to RETURN; this MORNING, I had a long INTERVIEW with Miss
Marjorie Crow, and she has helped me to BRIDGE, THE CHASM: LINK BY LINK,
have I welded the chain: your Grace will probably recall that affair at
ELIZABETH, when Lord Cammerleigh, having been at THE OPERA with Lady
Grasmere, was found dead, two hours later, in High street, ELIZABETH; his
apparently lifeless body carried into THE RUNNING HORSE INN, to await the
arrival of the Coroner of THE 13th DISTRICT: how the body disappeared IN
A MYSTERIOUS WAY, after having been viewed by THE VEILED LADY: the NEXT
MORNING, one of the Yard's men, PENDENNIS, in passing along QUALITY
STREET, saw Lord Cammerleigh at THE WINDOW AT THE WHITE CAT: with the aid
of a FORCING BOOK, THE BOLTED DOOR was forced open and his Lordship, even
although AT BAY, denied having been at ELIZABETH: said he had been
MOTORING through the HIGHWAYS AND BYWAYS IN KENT. Nevertheless, he quite
innocently gave us THE CLUE: ONCE BITTEN TWICE SHY, you know; THE WOMAN
IN QUESTION was traced to CHIPPINGE BOROUGH, where we found she made A
CHANGE OF DRESS, and in the garb of a CHARITY sister, visited prisoner
NUMBER 99, at DARTMOOR: here, then, was THE MAN IN THE CASE, No. 99,
being none other than the celebrated DR. NIKOLA. FROM THE BOTTOM UP, by
DEVIOUS WAYS, by PERSUASION, and I might say, almost by FOUL-PLAY, have
we worked out this case: the WOMAN, I have no doubt, finally realized
that she was being HUNTED DOWN, for we took every OPPORTUNITY to let her
know that we had her under surveillance, but here our theory failed us,
THAT IS TO SAY, the woman, NO DOUBT realizing that she was UNDER FIRE,
instead of coming to US with a proposition, wrote a confession, then took
A FATAL DOSE of Coniine. Now, your Grace, I understand that you were
married yesterday, and you will recall that last night we rescued a young
girl, named MARJORIE Crow...."
"What! Morgan, you certainly don't mean SISTERS: but I know the Duchess
hasn't a sister."
"AS YOU LIKE IT, your Grace: right you are, her Grace is quite unaware of
the fact; but THE TURN OF THE BALANCE came this morning, when I informed
his Lordship about THE WOMAN AT KENSINGTON, HOW SHE PLAYED THE GAME: that
her husband was still alive and IN DURANCE VILE, although, as I SAID TO
MYSELF, this is not THE TRUTH as his RELEASE came last night. Lord
Cammerleigh then related his story: strange how all the FRAGMENTS should
be found at the same time: IN A NUTSHELL, the woman's CONFESSION is that
she and her sister were the nurses to his Lordship's two daughters...."
"It will be news to most people to hear of Cammerleigh as a FATHER," said
the Duke, "but continue."
"At this time his Lordship was very fond of the gaming-table and
thoroughly knew THE RULES OF THE GAME: one night, finding himself
cheated, knocked down the offender, AS A MATTER OF COURSE, and fled from
THE CLUB. AS IT HAPPENED, the man was not injured: continued his
prison-in-the-end career, and came into public notice TWO YEARS AGO, in
the case of THE FOURBE Soapstone and Leather Co. vs. THE GREAT AMERICAN
PIE COMPANY: was convicted and is now at DARTMOOR as No. 99, which is, as
I told you, NOT EXACTLY SO. The morning after the club affair, the WOMAN,
the nurse, informed Lord Cammerleigh that he had killed HER HUSBAND and
demanded twenty thousand pounds; to keep silent: for the moment, she knew
she had THE UPPER HAND: his Lordship thought HIS HOUR had come, but he
put up A GOOD FIGHT: but YOU NEVER KNOW YOUR LUCK, for the nurse did not
know that his Lordship only had a very small life-interest in his wife's
estate, and could not comply with her demands, her scheme had failed:
then she spirited away the infants, and it was not until to-day, that his
Lordship knew that they were still alive, so thoroughly did THE
BLACKMAILERS do their work."
"Why did he not call in the police: COWARD...."
"JUST A MINUTE, your Grace, the reason is obvious: he had the murder,
so-called, in mind, and he also hoped to locate the kids himself: for
eighteen years, he was HELD IN THE TOILS, until one day he saw the woman,
driving in a VICTORIA, in THE ENGADINE: she seemed to be moving IN HIGH
PLACES (ALTITUDE, 5935 ft.): he followed her and made A BID FOR FREEDOM,
but without SUCCESS: the WOMAN informed HIS LORDSHIP that the moment she
heard of his DEATH, she would reveal HER SECRET to his lawyers: hence the
two sham deaths: on both occasions, he had some one AT HAND, to
immediately come FORWARD to claim the body and spirit it away, so that
proper restoratives could at once be applied, without the aid of an
inquisitive medical MAN: Doctor Phaque thinks he must have used a powder,
composed chiefly of Dimethyloxyquinizine and Myosin to produce this
STATE: the same person was to at once inform the NEWSPAPERS of the death:
unfortunately, on the first occasion and ON THE EVE of SUCCESS, the
woman, having followed him to ELIZABETH, at once saw through the trick.
The second attempt proved equally disastrous: we had the details of the
Norton abduction, by arresting the man left behind, A WATCHER IN THE
WOODS; the woman had arranged THE GREAT PLAN, HERSELF, when she realized
that she had divulged entirely too much to Miss MARJORIE Crow but MAN
PROPOSES, you know: the Nikola man's real name is Anderson Nicholson
Crow. How is that for A STORY OF A LIE? Lord Cammerleigh is now with his
DAUGHTER, MARJORIE, and expects to call upon her Grace very shortly: he
really believes himself quite ill; I found him studying A TREATISE ON
APPENDICITIS, and he TALKS about being put UNDER THE KNIFE: A DIAGNOSIS
of his own, AS I REMEMBER; PEOPLE LIKE THAT are NOT EXACTLY RIGHT; they
get on my nerves; they should have PEACE AND QUIET behind THE FIVE BARRED
GATE."
"Oh! COME, Morgan, take THINGS AS THEY ARE: But your success has been
truly marvellous: HERE'S TO YOU: you deserve a big COMPENSATION, and A
TOY SHOP, FOR THE CHILDREN. Jameson, telephone THE SLEEPING CAR office
in Cockspur Street, to reserve rooms on THE ROME EXPRESS for to-morrow
night, as the Duchess and I want to get away from the TUMULT of THE
CROWDED STREET; and TO BE AMUSED: and now, Morgan, LAUGH AGAIN, and
GOOD-BYE."
* * * * *
OF COURSE EVERYTHING HAS BEEN EXPLAINED, BUT NOBODY WILL UNDERSTAND THE
EXPLANATIONS ANY BETTER THAN THE AUTHOR UNDERSTOOD WHAT WAS SOUGHT TO BE
EXPLAINED.
Transcribers note:
Minor printing errors have been corrected without note, although
inconsistent punctuation and capitalisation has been left as per the
original.
The following is a list of notable changes made. The modified line is
shown first and the original line is shown second:
to amuse himself by dictating to MISS MARJORIBANKS,
to amuse himself by dictating to MISS MAJORIBANKS,
to take his PETS to NORTHANGER ABBEY, to SERENADE
to take his PETS to NORTHRANGER ABBEY, to SERENADE
stealthily approached the couch, upon which the girl, Marjorie,
steathily approached the couch, upon which the girl, Marjorie,
shaft of Rotherhithe Tunnel
shaft of Rotherhite Tunnel
The line "BOOK, THE BOLTED DOOR was forced open and his Lordship,"
was left as per the original although it should probably have started
with HOOK.