DIARY--DECLARATIONS
_March 22._
SPRING is here but I'd never know it if I didn't read the calendar. I
haven't seen a robin or heard a song-sparrow. Just the same, I've had a
wonderful time these past weeks. Of course my music gets first
attention. I'm getting on well, though I'm beginning to see what a long,
long time it will take before I become a great singer. Since I have
heard really great singers I wonder whether I was not too presumptuous
when I thought I might be one some day. I went to several big churches
lately and heard fine music.
I thought Lent would be a dull season but it's been gay enough for me.
There has been unusual activity, Virginia says, because of so many
charitable affairs held for the benefit of the war sufferers.
I bought a new spring hat, a dream. Hope Aunt Maria never asks me what I
paid for it. After wearing Greenwald hats all my life this one was
coming to me.
But my thoughts are not all of frivolous matters. I have taken advantage
of some of the opportunities Philadelphia offers to improve my mind and
broaden my vision. I've been to lectures and plays and enjoyed them all.
I asked Royal to-day why he never worked. He laughed and said I was an
inquisitive Bluebird. Then he told me his parents left him enough money
to live without working. He never did a solid hour's real work in his
whole life. With his talent and his personal attractions he might become
a famous musician if he had some odds to fight against or some person to
encourage him and make him do his best. He said he knows he never
developed his talent to the full extent but that since he knows me he is
playing better than he did before. I wonder if I really am an
inspiration to him. I suppose a genius does need a wife or sympathetic
friend to bring out the best in him. He has been so lovely, showing his
fondness for me in many ways, but he has never said anything sentimental
like he did the day we sat by the fire. Sometimes he does say ambiguous
things that I can't understand. He is surely giving me a long time to
think it over. I like him but I'm afraid he's cynical, and it worries
me.
There are other things, too, to dim the blue these days. War clouds are
threatening. U-boats of Germany are sinking our vessels. Where will it
all end?
_April 7._
War has been declared. America is in it at last. I came home to-day
feeling disheartened and sad. War was the topic everywhere I went.
Papers, bulletin-boards flaunted the words, "The world must be made safe
for democracy." People on the streets and in cars spoke about it,
newsboys yelled till they were hoarse.
I stopped to see Virginia but she was out. Royal said he'd entertain me
till she returned. He laughed at my tragic weariness about the war.
"I'll tell you, Bluebird," he whispered as he sat beside me, "we'll talk
of something better. I love you."
The fire in his eyes frightened me. I couldn't look at him. "Why do you
say such things?" I asked, and I couldn't keep my voice from trembling.
That didn't hush him--he said some more. He told me how he loves me, how
he waited for me all his life and wants me with him. He quoted the verse
I like so much, "Thou beside me singing in the wilderness--O wilderness
were Paradise enow!" Then he asked me frankly if I loved him.
I couldn't answer right away. Now that the thing I had dreamed of was
actually happening I was dazed and stupid and sat like a bump-on-a-log.
He asked me again and before I knew what he was doing he had taken me
into his arms and kissed me. "Say you love me," he pleaded.
I said what he wanted to hear and he kissed me again. We were both very
happy. It is almost too wonderful to believe!
A few minutes later we heard Virginia enter the hall and we came back to
earth. I know my cheeks still burned but Royal's ready poise served him
well. He told his cousin he had been trying to make me forget about the
war.
Virginia probably thought my excitement was due to the war. She began at
once to speak about it. "America is in it and we can't forget it. Every
true American must help."
"Do your bit, knit," chanted the musician.
She asked him if he is going to do his bit. He flushed and looked vexed,
then explained that he can neither knit nor fight, that he is a
musician.
Virginia argued that if he could play a violin he could learn to play a
bugle, that many of the men who will fight for the flag are men who have
never been taught to fight. She spoke as if she thought Royal should
enlist in some branch of government service at once.
I resented her words. "Do you want Royal to go to war and be killed?" I
asked her.
"My dear," she said solemnly, "have you ever heard that there is such a
thing as losing one's life by trying to save it?"
That startled me. I realized then that the war is going to be a very
serious matter, that there will be work for each one of us to do. But
Royal laughed and made me forget temporarily every solemn, sad thing. He
told Virginia that she was over-zealous, that she need not worry about
him. He'd be a true American and give his money to help protect the
flag. We began to play Bridge then and I thought no more about the war
for an hour or two.
_April 12._
I have learned to knit. Virginia has taught me and we are elbow-deep in
gray and khaki wool. I have wound it and purled it and worked on the
thing till I'm tasting fuzz. But I do want to do the little bit I can to
help my country. This war _is_ a serious matter. Already people are
talking about who is going to enlist--what if David would go! I hope he
won't--yet I don't want him to be a coward. Oh, it's all too confusing
and terrible to think long about. I try to forget it for a time by
remembering that Royal Lee cares for me. He has told me over and over
that he loves me. Love _must_ be blind, for he thinks I am beautiful and
perfect. I'm glad I look like that to him. We should be happy when we
are married, for we are so congenial, both loving music and things of
beauty. It's queer, though, I have thought of it several times--he has
never mentioned our marriage. I suppose he's too happy in the present to
make plans for the future. But I know he is a gentleman, therefore his
words of love are synonymous with an offer of marriage. All that will
come later. It's enough now just to know we care for each other.