THE joys of parents are secret; and so are their griefs and fears.
They cannot utter the one; nor they will not utter the other. Children
sweeten labors; but they make misfortunes more bitter. They increase
the cares of life; but they mitigate the remembrance of death. The
perpetuity by generation is common to beasts; but memory, merit, and
noble works, are proper to men. And surely a man shall see the noblest
works and foundations have proceeded from childless men; which have
sought to express the images of their minds, where those of their bodies
have failed. So the care of posterity is most in them, that have no
posterity. They that are the first raisers of their houses, are most
indulgent towards their children; beholding them as the continuance,
not only of their kind, but of their work; and so both children and
creatures.
The difference in affection, of parents towards their several children,
is many times unequal; and sometimes unworthy; especially in the
mothers; as Solomon saith, A wise son rejoiceth the father, but an
ungracious son shames the mother. A man shall see, where there is a
house full of children, one or two of the eldest respected, and the
youngest made wantons; but in the midst, some that are as it
were forgotten, who many times, nevertheless, prove the best. The
illiberality of parents, in allowance towards their children, is an
harmful error; makes them base; acquaints them with shifts; makes them
sort with mean company; and makes them surfeit more when they come to
plenty. And therefore the proof is best, when men keep their authority
towards the children, but not their purse. Men have a foolish manner
(both parents and schoolmasters and servants) in creating and breeding
an emulation between brothers, during childhood, which many times
sorteth to discord when they are men, and disturbeth families. The
Italians make little difference between children, and nephews or near
kinsfolks; but so they be of the lump, they care not though they pass
not through their own body. And, to say truth, in nature it is much
a like matter; insomuch that we see a nephew sometimes resembleth an
uncle, or a kinsman, more than his own parent; as the blood happens.
Let parents choose betimes, the vocations and courses they mean their
children should take; for then they are most flexible; and let them
not too much apply themselves to the disposition of their children, as
thinking they will take best to that, which they have most mind to.
It is true, that if the affection or aptness of the children be
extraordinary, then it is good not to cross it; but generally the
precept is good, optimum elige, suave et facile illud faciet consuetudo.
Younger brothers are commonly fortunate, but seldom or never where the
elder are disinherited.