_The performance has begun._ Captain BOYTON _has just descended the
Chute in a boat, with a bevy of lightly-clad young ladies waving flags
with shrill enthusiasm. Canadians, Indians, and Negroes row various
craft containing Beauties of the Ballet about the Lake. An elderly
Negress stands on an island, and waves a towel encouragingly at things
in general. Two Clowns, accompanied by a futile individual disguised
as a Frog, start to run round the margin of the Lake with a gallant
determination to be funny, but abandon the attempt after making a
quarter of the distance, and complete the circuit with a subdued and
chastened demeanour._
_Mr. Bravo_ (_to_ Mr. BLAZZEY, _enthusiastically_). Capital show
this--wonderfully well arranged!
_Mr. Blazzey_ (_screwing up his eyes_). Y--yes. Better if they'd had
_water_ running down the incline, though, and sent _all_ the boats in
that way.
_Mr. Bravo._ Don't see how they could pump up water enough for that,
myself; and if they did, it would all run through at the sides!
_Mr. Blazz._ (_ignoring any hydraulic difficulties_). Oh, they could
have dodged that if they chose; anyway, that's how it _ought_ to have
been managed!
_Miss Frivell_ (_to Mr. Hoplight_). I can hardly believe this is the
same place where BUFFALO BILL gave his performance only last year, can
you? It all looks so different!
[Illustration: "I find no difficulty in recognising it, myself."]
_Mr. Hopl._ (_after ponderous consideration._) I find no difficulty in
recognising it, myself. The difference you observe is due to the fact
that the arena which was originally constructed for--er--displays of
horsemanship requires to undergo some considerable--er--structural
alterations before being equally well adapted to a performance in
which--er--boating and swimming form the--er--principal features.
_Miss Friv._ (_with exemplary gravity_). I see. You mean there must be
_water_?
_Mr. Hopl._ Water is undoubtedly an--er--indispensable element in such
an exhibition.
_Miss Friv._ How clever of you to know that! But perhaps someone told
you?
_Mr. Hopl._ (_modestly_). I arrived at it by the--er--light of my own
unassisted intelligence.
_Miss Friv._ Did you? Not _really_! "How far that little candle throws
his beams!" (_To herself._) I didn't mean to be so rude as that! But
he's no business to be such a bore!
_Mr. Bravo_ (_after the Sculling-race between_ ROSS _and_ BUBEAR).
That was a good race, eh? They're the champion scullers, you know.
_Mr. Blazz._ Don't see the point of setting 'em to race _here_,
though. Rather like running the Derby in a riding-school!
_A Sympathetic Lady_ (_during the Swimming-race_). How well those
girls do swim! I suppose they go under first, and then come up again.
But how damp they must get, to be sure, doing that twice a day! I
daresay they never get their hair properly dry from one week's end to
another. I should think that must be so uncomfortable for them, you
know. However, they seem to be having plenty of fun among themselves.
I wish we could hear what they are saying; but there's so much to look
at, that one misses most of it!
[_A Pontoon is moved out into the centre of the Lake, and three "Rocky
Mountain Wonders" give an entertainment on board. The first Wonder
constructs the letter A with himself and two high ladders, up which
the other two run nimbly. They meet at the top with mutual surprise,
and a touch of resentment, as if each had expected at least to find
solitude there. The Second Wonder lies down on his back resignedly,
and the Third, meanly availing himself of the opportunity, stands on
his friend's stomach, and strikes an attitude. Both descend and
bow, in recognition of applause, and then each starts up his ladder
again--only to meet once more at the top, more surprised and annoyed
than ever. The Third Wonder refuses to be appeased unless he is
allowed to hold the Second head downwards by the ankles. After further
amenities of this kind they come down, apparently reconciled, and are
towed back to the shore._
_Miss Friv._ Is that supposed to be an illustration of life on the
Rocky Mountains?
_Mr. Hopl._ (_bringing the full powers of his mind to bear on the
subject_). I should be inclined to doubt myself whether it afforded
any accurate idea of either the industry or the--er--relaxations
peculiar to that region, which can hardly be favourable to such
pursuits.
_Miss Friv._ They might find it useful for escaping from a grizzly,
mightn't they?
_Mr. Hopl._ Hardly, if, as I have always been given to understand, the
grizzly bear is an equally expert climber. I imagine their title of
"Rocky Mountain Wonders" is merely indicative of their--er--origin,
and that their performances would indeed excite more wonder in their
native country than anywhere else. One should always guard against
taking these things in too literal a spirit.
[Miss F. _assents demurely, and is suddenly moved to mirth, as she
is careful to explain, by the sight of a Nigger, which, Mr. H. very
justly remarks, is scarcely a subject for so much amusement_.
_Mr. Bravo_ (_after the Corps de Ballet have performed various
evolutions on a large raft_). I call that uncommonly pretty, all those
girls dancing there in the sunlight, eh?
_Mr. Blazz._ Pretty enough--in its proper place.
_Mr. Bravo_ (_losing his patience at last_). Why, hang it all, you
wouldn't have the Ballet danced under water, would you?
_Mr. Blazz._ Well, it would be more of a novelty, at any rate.
[Mr. BRAVO _decides that "it was a mistake to come out with a chap
like_ BLAZZEY."