Socrates, being asked, whether it were better for a man to marry, or to
remain single, replied,--"Let him do either, he will repent of it."
The philosopher spoke 'like an oracle,' leaving the world as much in the
dark as to his views of the comparative advantages of matrimony and
celibacy, as they could have been before. But a vast majority of men
have chosen, since they must repent of one or the other, to repent of
marrying, deeming perhaps that this repentance is "_the repentance which
needeth not to be repented of_."
We shall conclude our little treatise on "the sex," with a few remarks
on the subject of--we were about to say--Happiness,--but as we are
content that every married man and woman should judge for themselves as
to the happiness of the married state, we will simply style it an ESSAY
ON MATRIMONY.
No event is more important, and none is conducted, on many occasions,
with less prudence, than Marriage. Providence has allowed the passions
to exercise a powerful influence in this matter, otherwise the cares and
anxieties with which it is attended would deter most persons from
launching their bark of earthly happiness on the great ocean of
matrimony. But too frequently the passions are the only guide, and these
stimulate to bewilder: they exhibit pleasing and attractive imagery, and
then the possession destroys the bliss.
Love is a pleasing but exciting passion. The eye is delighted by form,
manners, and the expression of the features, the ears by musical
language, and the imagination paints future joys; all of which
contribute to one great principle, that of receiving happiness from
those we love, and evincing love for those from whom we derive our
happiness. As the crystal streams are absorbed by the sun, and
distributed as brilliant clouds in the heavens, and then fall and run in
their accustomed channels, and thus the rivers supply the clouds, and
the vapors the rivers, so is the interchange between love and happiness.
This will agree with the opinion that love may be occasioned suddenly,
because enjoyment is expected; or it may arise gradually, because the
unattractiveness which first existed, may be succeeded by attraction.
There was no appointment by nature of particular persons for each other;
but we may expect among a great variety of occurrences to meet with some
singular and astonishing coincidences. Human beings appear to be left in
this respect, as in many others, to their own judgment. If they act
discreetly, they enjoy the comfort of it; but if otherwise, they bring
upon themselves a disadvantage.
The happiness arising from an union depends chiefly on the character of
the persons who are concerned in it. If men and women were as consistent
and virtuous as they should be, the connubial bond would be soft and
pleasant; but as these effects do not always arise, where is the fault?
Which is better, or more worthy, the male or the female sex? This is
rather a difficult question; and let the palm of superior merit be
awarded to either, the imputation of prejudice would be connected with
the decision. But fortunately there is little difference: one varies
from the other in particular qualities; but if the aggregate of merit be
taken in each, the amount will not differ much. Education forms the
principal variation: men are instructed in the more active and laborious
employments, women in the more sedentary and domestic. Dr Southey says,
that "if women are not formed of finer clay, there has been more of the
dew of heaven to temper it." Richard Flecknoe, a contemporary with
Dryden, observes of the female sex,--"I have always been conversant with
the best and worthiest in all places where I came; and among the rest
with ladies, in whose conversation, as in an academy of virtue, I learnt
nothing but goodness, and saw nothing but nobleness." It must be
granted, that women in general possess more of the sweetness and
softness of human nature, while men are endowed with more vigorous
virtues; women are gifted with more fortitude, and men with more valor.
Jeremy Taylor says,--"Marriage hath in it the labor of love, and the
delicacies of friendship; the blessings of society, and the union of
hands and hearts."