LOTTIE'S LETTER.
One morning I found a letter on the hall-table, which sent all the blood
from my heart. The handwriting I did not know, but it had a foreign
post-mark, and that set my hand to trembling as I touched it. The
address was to myself.
Jessie was still in the room; so, like a thief, I snatched the precious
messenger, and went off to my old place on the Ridge, where I could be
sure of solitude. I was breathless on reaching the rock, and sat down
with a hand pressed hard against my heart, which throbbed with
suffocating violence.
I sat down and tore open the envelope. It was a long, heavy letter,
closely written. I recognized the handwriting with a thrill of dread.
With a sinking heart I turned over the pages, and saw "Lottie" written
on the extreme corner of the last sheet.
"Lottie!" and the letter dated in Paris! What could it mean? It was some
moments before I composed myself sufficiently to make out the first few
lines, though they were characteristic enough.
"My very dear Miss Hyde," the letter began, "I a'n't much used to
writing letters, and it seems to me as if this would be long and hard
work; but things must be told, and if I don't write them, who will?
"You thought hard of me, I dare say, for leaving you just as I did; but
I thought just the other way about it, and haven't changed my mind yet.
It was tough work, though, to get away from home and bid you both
good-bye, as I did. I hope to goodness you will never have to go through
with anything like it. I could not tell you then what it was that set me
off; but I will now.
"That very morning, before I came down on you for the money, the man
from town brought over some things done up in a newspaper more than six
weeks old, and in it I read that Mrs. Bab--I beg pardon--Madam Dennison
had set sail in a steamboat for a place called Havre, across the
Atlantic Ocean; I know more of places and things than you might believe.
I was sure that Havre was in Europe, and knew well enough that Mr. Lee
was there--a rich widower--with no one in the wide world to keep him
from getting into scrapes. Of course, anybody that could see through a
mill-stone might have known what that she-Bab--no, I mean that lady and
servant--went to Havre for.
"Well, I thought it all over, and made up my mind what to do. First, I
concluded to keep a close mouth in regard to Miss Jessie, for I was sure
that she would wilt right down; and as for you--well, no matter: that
little secret lies between you and me. Silent was the word then; but I
had made up my mind to travel, and was bound to do it. But people can't
sail across oceans, and gulfs, and inlets, and such kind of waterworks,
without money, and I hadn't but two half-dollars in the world. You know
how I came down on you and the dear young lady like a roaring lion, and
got that six hundred dollars; I'd rather have danced on red-hot coals an
hour than do what I did. It was just highway burglary, and nothing less.
I hate myself for it yet.
"Well, after I got the money I made quick work of it, sat up all night,
did a little packing, a little praying, and a great deal of crying till
daylight came; then I put for the railroad and flashed down to New York.
A newspaper that I bought of a little boy in the cars told me that a
steamer sailed for Havre that very day. The minute we stopped in New
York I got lost in a crowd of carriage-drivers and long whips, that
seemed terribly glad to see me; and one of them took me on one side as
kind as could be, asking where I wanted to go, promising to take me
right there--that is, to the steamer--trunk and all, in no time.
"The man kept his word. I got into his carriage, and we drove through
long streets, and cross-streets, down among acres of ships that looked
like blasted trees, and at last we got to a steamer with stairs down its
black sides, and smoke puffing out from its chimneys in a frightful way.
"The man climbed up the stairs with my trunk on his shoulder; I
followed. He set it down, and I sat down on it. Then the man wanted two
dollars, and I gave him one, at which he grumbled a little; but I told
him that I had travelled, and knew what was what. Then he went away and
left me alone in the crowd; so I had a good cry all to myself, thinking
of you folks at home, and wondering what would become of me in the end.
"While I was sitting there _so_ heavy-hearted, the bells started out
a-ringing, the steamer began to heave and groan, half the people went
helter-skelter down the side of the vessel, and the other half crowded
toward one end. Then we began to move, and I felt the blood creep up and
down my limbs as shivery as ice. I remember seeing, through the tears
that almost blinded me, handkerchiefs waving and people crying on the
deck and down on the wharf; but there was nobody to cry about me, nor
shake away their sorrow from a white handkerchief; so I just huddled
down on the trunk and gave right up.
"Oh! how my heart sunk as the steamer swung round and dashed out into
the great river; and, to scare me worse, a gun went off, bang! sending a
stream of smoke behind us. I covered my face in my hands and cried--oh!
how I did cry!
"When I looked up again, New York was a great way off; the ships looked
like a forest of dead pine-trees, and everything else lay in a blue fog.
I looked the other way, where the sun was going down in the deep, deep
water. There everything was lonesome as the grave, and I almost wished
that I was dead. But the steamer kept on prowling along the water, like
a great wild beast, worrying us all into the next world. It seemed as if
I was going off, far, far away from where my mistress had gone.
"I had been lonesome before in my life; but this was worse than that. I
wanted to creep into some corner and die. Then I remembered that I had
promised _her_, when she lay dead in the tower-chamber, to be a mother
to you and Miss Jessie, and made a little prayer to God that He would
help me in the thing that I was going about. It was all I could do.
"When the steamer was out in the deep waters, and the dark came on, a
man stood by my trunk and asked why it was that I stayed out of my room.
Then I told him my trunk was room enough for me just then; so he went
away and brought another man, who asked if I had a state-room and a
ticket.
"I told him the truth--that I didn't know what a state-room was; but
that something I had eaten must have made me sick, and I wanted to lie
down dreadfully.
"The man told me that a state-room would cost more than a hundred
dollars; so I told him I'd rather stay on deck, for there was no
certainty how much money I might want to spend before I got back.
"Then they began talking about second cabins, and asked how much money I
could pay; but, somehow, I was too sick to care much, and let 'em pay
themselves; so they took me down into a room with beds made like shelves
along the sides, and I fell into one. Oh, mercy! I can't think of it now
without being dizzy.
"Day and night--day and night--rock, rock--plunge, plunge--till at last
there was an end of the eternal waters, and we landed at Havre,--an old
fussy place that seemed as unsteady as the ship.
"Europe is a large place, Miss Hyde, and I didn't know whereabouts in it
Mr. Lee or that woman was to be found; but I had money, and the mistress
always taught me to trust in God when I couldn't do anything on my own
hook. So I watched everything that went on among the passengers, and
kept a prayer for help stirring in the bottom of my heart.
"At first I was about to ask some of the passengers which way I'd better
turn, but concluded to wait. So I followed the crowd when it left the
steamer, and it took me into a hotel as old as the hills, where women
were running round in their nightcaps and chattering like tame crows.
"I went into a room with the rest, and sat down with my satchel on my
lap, keeping a keen eye on everything. We had to wait a good while; for
the men at the wharf wanted to see if everything was put up nicely in my
trunk; but they promised to give it back, and a passenger said he would
send it with his to the hotel, as I was alone. I had to wait.
"As I sat there watching, some gentlemen came in that seemed to know
some of our passengers. They had just run down from Paris, I heard them
say, to meet their friends on landing. They were nice, genteel men, and
I listened to their talk, having nothing else to busy myself with. After
a good deal of shaking hands and questioning about the voyage, they
began to talk about Paris, especially about its hotels, and what
Americans were at them.
"I held my breath and listened. The Hotel de Louvre, or Loofer, or
something like that, they said, was the hotel where Americans went most.
There was a great number of distinguished persons there now, and they
went over a list of names. When they came to that of Mr. Lee, I caught
my breath, and sprang up, dropping my satchel, with the gold in it, with
a clank to the floor. No one minded me; so I sat down again, trembling
all over, and listened. Then Mrs. Dennison's name was huddled in among
the rest, and I knew that the persons I was in search of were in the
same town together, and very near too; for the men who had run down from
Paris didn't seem out of breath or the least tired. So I made up my mind
to go there at once, and come back in an hour or two after my trunk.
"'Please, sir,' said I to one of the gentlemen, 'can you tell me just
how far Paris is from this hotel, and which way I must turn?'
"He looked at me a minute, and smiled with his eyes.
"'It is about six hours, I think,' he answered; 'any coachman will take
you to the depot.'
"I was rather discouraged. If it took him six hours to run the distance,
I should find it a long walk. So I concluded to hire a carriage and take
my trunk along.
"After awhile my trunk came up with a heap of other baggage, and, as
everybody else was starting off in carriages, I hired one too; and when
the man asked where I wanted to go, I told him to the Louvre Hotel in
Paris. He drove away at once, and after a few minutes stopped at a
railroad depot, and opened the door for me to get out.
"'This is the right train,' he said, in the queerest English I ever
heard. 'I will get you a ticket.'
"I felt myself blushing, but said nothing. He didn't know that I had
thought of walking. In less than ten minutes I was whizzing along like
anything over the most beautiful country, and through the queerest old
towns, and by the strangest houses with points and caps and corners like
great table-casters cut in stone. Then the dark came on, and I fell
sound asleep, till a great crash and jar awoke me in a depot right in
the midst of a city larger than New York, all blazing with lights and
crowded with folks.
"I had learned a thing or two by this time, and when a driver put
himself in my way, told him that I wanted to go to Mr. Louvre's Hotel,
and that he'd better get my trunk. He didn't seem to understand a word
except the name of Mr. Louvre; but he caught that at once and nodded his
head.
"'_We, we!_'
"'Yes,' I said, 'both of us. You couldn't very well drive me without
going too, I should think.'
"So up he came with a little one-horse concern, and in I got. Oh! what
streets, and lanes, and roads of lamps I went through! What crowds of
people--what tall, tall houses! They made me more dizzy than I had been,
and that was bad enough."