(_By a Commonplace Person_)
To thee, were I a humble bee,
I'd hourly wing my honeyed flight;
To thee, were I a ship at sea,
I'd sail, tho' land were in my sight:
To thee, were I a pussy cat,
I'd spring, as tho' 'twere on a rat!
To thee, were I a stickleback
I'd swim as fast as fins could move;
To thee, were I a hunter's hack,
I'd gallop on the hoofs of love:
But as I'm but a simple man,
I'll come by train, love--if I can!
* * * * *
[Illustration: _He._ "Are you still living at the same address in town,
Mrs. Jones?"
_She._ "Yes. But since I've become a widow, I've been looking for
another flat!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Miss Short._ "Isn't my name an absurd misfit, Mr. Long?"
_Mr. Long (thoughtlessly)._ "Yes, rather. If you could have mine it
would be all right, wouldn't it?"
_Miss Short._ "Oh, Mr. Long, this is so sudden!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE ALTERNATIVE
_The Doctor._ "Well, Mrs. Barnes, I must offer you my congratulations. I
hear you've married again. And have you given up your occupation of
washing?"
_Mrs. Barnes._ "Oh, no, sir. But, you see, if I 'adn't taken '_e_, I'd
'a' 'ad to 'a' bought a donkey!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: "Now, George dear, it's your first birthday in the new
century. What good resolutions are you going to make?"
"Well, for one thing, I intend to be much more regular in my habits."
"Why not _give them all up_, dear?"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: FAMILY CARES
_First Excursionist._ "Int'restin' ruins these, sir."
_Second Ditto (the bread-winner)._ "'Mye-es. 'Don't care for ruins
m'self though." (_Pointing to his olive branches in the background._)
"Them's ruin enough for me?"]
* * * * *