Enchantress with the nut-brown hair,
Bright genius of the A. B. C.,
Approach, in beauty past compare,
And spell Love's alphabet to me!
Content no more am I each night,
Amid a weird, dyspeptic host,
To order, with a keen delight,
And watch thee bring, the tea and toast.
I covet more transcendent joys;
Be mine, and come where Ocean waits
Instead of thee, and where annoys
No tinkling clash of cups and plates.
There grant to me, beneath the stars,
Not buttered scones, but smiles of bliss;
Not pastry, that digestion mars,
But something sweeter still--a kiss.
* * *
Enchantress with the nut-brown hair,
Bright genius of the A. B. C.,
Ah, heed a lover's anguished prayer,
And be not D. E. F. to me!
* * * * *
ADVICE TO HONEYMOONERS ABOUT TO START ON A CONTINENTAL TRIP.--The most
appropriate place for "_les noces_" should be "The Hotel Marry-time,
Calais."
* * * * *
[Illustration: BETWEEN SCYLLA AND CHARYBDIS
_Lady Binks_ (_a devoted widow, earnestly_). "Oh, Mr. Crichton, be
careful how you marry! Sir Peter, who, as you know, rose to the highest
positions, used frequently to say that more men owed their success to
the beauty and social charm of their wives, than to their own energy and
talents."
_Mr. Crichton_ (_plunging on the "nil nisi bonum" principle_). "Surely,
Lady Binks, none could say that of Sir Peter!"]
* * * * *
LITERAL.--_Visitor_ (_to Disconsolate One_). "Rejected you, did she? Oh,
what o' that? Often do at first. Try her again. You're not pertinacious
enough. You should have pressed her----"
_Dejected One._ "Yes, but--confound her!--she wouldn't let me come near
her!"
* * * * *
[Illustration: PARRIED
_The Major_ (_not so young as he feels_). "Ah, Miss Muriel, in the
spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of----"
_Miss Muriel_ (_who wishes to avoid a proposal_). "What a memory you
have, major!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _He._ "Oh, pray, Miss Dalrimple, _don't_ call me Mr.
Brookes."
_She._ "Oh, but our acquaintance has been so brief. This is so
sudden----" (_Sweetly._) "Why shouldn't I call you Mr. Brookes?"
_He._ "Oh--only because my name's Somerset!"]
* * * * *
"UNEQUAL RATING."--A big wife scolding a little husband.
* * * * *
THE DIVORCE MEASURE.--Half and half.
* * * * *
FEMININE PERVERSITY.--_Aunt Betsy._ "I wonder, James, at your
encouraging young Cadby to be so much with Madeline! He's a bad match,
and not a good fellow, I fear!" _Papa._ "Confound him, no! I've given
him _carte-blanche_ to come when he likes, and she's getting rather
tired of him at last, for I'm always cracking him up!" _Aunt Betsy._
"And that nice fellow, Goodenough? He's never here now?" _Papa._ "No;
I've forbidden him the house, and won't even allow his name to be
mentioned. She's always thinking of him in consequence. I'm in hopes
she'll marry him some day!"
* * * * *