Messrs. BANG, CRASH & Co.,
_9a, Quarrel Row, E.C._
_Smythe_ v. _Green_.
GENTLEMEN,--We are in receipt of your communication of yesterday's date,
with which you enclose copy of letter dated August 21. We note that you
state the document in question has been duly stamped at Somerset House,
and are writing our client this evening with a view to offering your
client terms, through you, to stay the proceedings which have been
commenced.
Yours faithfully,
BLITHERS, BLATHERS, BLOTHERS & Co.
* * * * *
STRANGE BUT TRUE.--When does a husband find his wife out? When he finds
her at home and she doesn't expect him.
* * * * *
[Illustration: DOMESTIC BLISS
_Head of the Family._ "For what we are going to receive, make us truly
thankful.--Hem! Cold mutton again!"
_Wife of the Bussum._ "And a very good dinner too, Alexander. _Somebody_
must be economical. _People_ can't expect to have _Richmond_ and
_Greenwich_ dinners out of the little housekeeping money _I_ have."]
* * * * *
[Illustration: "AN ENGLISH MAN'S HOUSE," Etc.
Maid (looking over wall to newly married couple just returned from their
honeymoon). "Oh please'm, that dog was sent here yesterday as a wedding
present; and none of us can't go near him. You'll have to go round the
back way!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: CAUTION
_Married Sister._ "And of course, Laura, you will go to Rome or Florence
for your honeymoon?"
_Laura._ "Oh dear, no! I couldn't think of going further than the Isle
of Wight with a man I know little or nothing of!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: LOVE'S PROMPTINGS
_Edwin_ (_recit_). "'There is no one beside thee, and no one above thee.
Thou standest alone, as the nightingale sings!'" &c., &c.
_Angelina_ (_amorously_). "Oh, Edwin, how _do_ you think of such
beautiful things?"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: DIFFERENT ASPECTS
_She._ "Isn't it a pretty view?"
_Susceptible Youth._ "Awfully pretty, by Jove!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: MARRIED _v._ SINGLE
_Bee_ (_single_). "Why do you wear a pink blouse, dear? It makes you
look so yellow!"
_Bella_ (_married_). "Does it, dear? Of course you can make _your_
complexion suit _any_ blouse, can't you!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _He._ "My people are bothering me to marry Miss Mayford."
_She._ "You'd be very lucky if you did. She is very clever and very
beautiful----"
_He._ "Oh! _I_ don't want to marry brains and beauty. I want to marry
_you_."]
* * * * *
[Illustration: AN AMBIGUOUS COMPLIMENT
_Miss Beekley._ "I'm so glad _I'm_ not an heiress, Mr. Soper. I should
never know whether my suitors were attracted by myself or my money."
_Mr. Soper._ "Oh, Miss Beekley, your mirror should leave you in no doubt
on that score!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Bulkley._ "Yes; her parents persuaded her, and it's all
over between us."
_Sympathetic Friend._ "She can't have realised what a lot she was giving
up."]
* * * * *
[Illustration:
_Wife._ "I hope you talked plainly to him."
_Husband._ "I did indeed. _I_ told him he was a fool, a perfect fool!"
_Wife_ (_approvingly_). "Dear John! How exactly like you!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE OLD, OLD STORY!
_The Colonel._ "Yes; _he_ was senior wrangler of his year, and _she_
took a mathematical scholarship at Girton; and now they're engaged!"
_Mrs. Jones._ "Dear me, how interesting! and oh, how different their
conversation must be from the insipid twaddle of ordinary lovers!"