THE LAST BARRIERS.
Willie Ruston rested his elbows on the jetty-wall and gazed across the
harbour entrance. He had come there to think; and deliberate thinking
was a rare thing for him to set his head to. His brain dealt
generally--even with great matters, as all brains deal with small--in
rapid half-unconscious beats; the process coalescing so closely with the
decision as to be merged before it could be recognised. But about this
matter he meant to think; and the first result of his determination was
(as it often is in such a case) that nothing at all relevant would stay
by him. There was a man fishing near, and he watched the float; he
looked long at the big hotel at Puys, which faced him a mile away, and
idly wondered whether it were full; he followed the egress of a fishing
boat with strict attention. Then, in impatience, he turned round and sat
down on the stone bench and let his eyes see nothing but the flags of
the pavement. Even then he hardly thought; but after a time he became
vaguely occupied with Maggie Dennison, his mind playing to and fro over
her voice, her tricks of manner, her very gait, and at last settling
more or less resolutely on the strange revelation of herself which she
had gradually made and had consummated that day. It changed his feelings
towards her; but it did not change them to contempt. He had his ideas,
but he did not make ideal figures out of humanity; and humanity could go
very far wrong and sink very deep in its lower possibilities without
shocking him. Nor did he understand her, nor realise how great a
struggle had brought what he saw to birth. It seemed to him a thing not
unnatural, even in her, who was in much unlike most other women. There
are dominions that are not to be resisted, and we do not think people
weak simply because they are under our own influence. His surprise was
reserved for the counter-influence which he felt, and strove not to
acknowledge; his contempt for the disturbance into which he himself was
thrown. At that he was half-displeased, puzzled, and alarmed; yet that,
too, had its delight.
"What rot it is!" he muttered, in the rude dialect of self-communion,
which sums up a bewildering conflict in a word of slang.
He was afraid of himself--and his exclamation betrayed the fear. Men of
strong will are not all will; the strong will has other strong things to
fight, and the strong head has mighty rebels to hold down. That he felt;
but his fear of himself had its limits. He was not the man--as he saw
very well at this moment, and recognised with an odd mixture of pride
and humiliation--to give up his life to a passion. Had that been the
issue clearly and definitely set before him he would not have sat
doubtful on the jetty. He understood what of nobility lay in such a
temperament, and his humiliation was because it made no part of him; but
the pride overmastered, and at last he was glad to say to himself that
there was no danger of his losing all for love. Indeed, was he in love?
In love in the grand sense people talked and wrote about so much? Well,
there were other senses, and there were many degrees. The question he
weighed, or rather the struggle which he was undergoing, was between
resisting or yielding before a temptation to take into his life
something which should not absorb it, but yet in a measure alter it,
which allured him all the more enticingly because, judging as he best
could, he could see no price which must be paid for it--well, except
one. And, as the one came into his mind, it made him pause, and he mused
on it, looking at it in all lights. Sometimes he put the price as an act
of wrong which would stain him--for, apart from other, maybe greater,
maybe more fanciful obstacles, Harry Dennison held him for a
friend--sometimes as an act of weakness which would leave him
vulnerable. And, after these attempted reasonings, he would fall again
to thinking of Maggie Dennison, her voice, her manner, and the
revelation of herself; and in these picturings the reasoning died away.
There are a few deliberate sinners, a few by whom "Evil, be thou my
Good" is calmly uttered as a dedication and a sacrament, but most men do
not make up their minds to be sinners or determine in cool resolve to do
acts of the sort that lurked behind Willie Ruston's picturings. They
only fail to make up their minds not to do them. Ruston, in a fury of
impatience, swept all his musings from him--it led to nothing. It left
him where he was. He was vexing himself needlessly; he told himself that
he could not decide what he ought to do. In truth, he did not choose to
decide what it was that he chose to do. And with the thoughts that he
drove away went the depression they had carried with them. He was
confident again in himself, his destiny, his career; and in its fancied
greatness, the turmoil he had suffered sank to its small proportions. He
returned to his old standpoint, and to the old medley of pride and shame
it gave him; he might be of supreme importance to Maggie Dennison, but
she was only of some importance to him. He could live without her. But,
at present, he regarded her loss as a thing not necessary to undergo.
It was late in the day that he met young Sir Walter, who ran to him,
open-mouthed with news. Walter was afraid that the news would be
unpalatable, and could not understand such want of tact in Semingham. To
ask Tom Loring while Ruston was there argued a bluntness of perception
strange to young Sir Walter. But, be the news good or bad, he had only
to report; and report it he did straightway to his chief. Willie Ruston
smiled, and said that, if Loring did not mind meeting him, he did not
mind meeting Loring; indeed, he would welcome the opportunity of proving
to that unbeliever that there was water somewhere within a hundred miles
of Fort Imperial (which Tom in one of those articles had sturdily
denied). Then he flirted away a stone with his stick and asked if anyone
had yet told Mrs. Dennison. And, Sir Walter thinking not, he said,
"Oh, well, I'm going there. I'll tell her."
"She'll know why he's coming," said Walter, nodding his head wisely.
"Will she? Do you know?" asked Ruston with a smile--young Sir Walter's
wisdom was always sure of that tribute from him.
"If you'd seen Adela Ferrars, you'd know too. She tries to make believe
it's nothing, but she's--oh, she's----"
"Well?"
"She's all of a flutter," laughed Walter.
"You've got to the bottom of that," said Ruston in a tone of conviction.
"Still, I think it's inconsiderate of Loring; he must know that Mrs.
Dennison will find it rather awkward. But, of course, if a fellow's in
love, he won't think of that."
"I suppose not," said Willie Ruston, smiling again at this fine scorn.
Then, with a sudden impulse, struck perhaps with an envy of what he
laughed at, he put his arm through his young friend's, and exclaimed,
with a friendly confidential pressure of the hand,
"I say, Val, I wish the devil we were in Omofaga, don't you?"
"Rather!" came full and rich from his companion's lips.
"With a few thousand miles between us and everything--and everybody!"
Young Sir Walter's eyes sparkled.
"Off in three months now," he reminded his leader exultingly.
It could not be. The Fates will not help in such a fashion, it is not
their business to cut the noose a man ties round his neck--happy is he
if they do not draw it tight. With a sigh, Willie Ruston dropped his
companion's arm, and left him with no other farewell than a careless
nod. Of Tom Loring's coming he thought little. It might be that Sir
Walter had seen most of its meaning, and that Semingham was acting as a
benevolent match-maker--a character strange for him, and amusing to see
played--but, no doubt, there was a little more. Probably Tom had some
idea of turning him from his path, of combating his influence, of
disputing his power. Well, Tom had tried that once, and had failed; he
would fail again. Maggie Dennison had not hesitated to resent such
interference; she had at once (Ruston expressed it to himself) put Tom
in his right place. Tom would be no more to her at Dieppe than in
London--nay, he would be less, for any power unbroken friendship and
habit might have had then would be gone by now. Thus, though he saw the
other meaning, he made light of it, and it was as a bit of gossip
concerning Adela Ferrars, not as tidings which might affect herself,
that he told Mrs. Dennison of Tom's impending arrival.
On her the announcement had a very different effect. For her the whole
significance lay in what Ruston ignored, and none in what had caught his
fancy. He was amazed to see the rush of colour to her cheeks.
"Tom Loring coming here!" she cried in something like horror.
Again, and with a laugh, Ruston pointed out the motive of his coming, as
young Sir Walter had interpreted it; but he added, as though in
concession, and with another laugh,
"Perhaps he wants to keep his eye on me, too. He doesn't trust me
further than he can see me, you know."
Without looking at him or seeming to listen to his words, she asked, in
low, indignant tones,
"How dare he come?"
Willie Ruston opened his eyes. He did not understand so much emotion
spent on such a trifle. Say it was bad taste in Loring to come, or an
impertinence! Well, it was not a tragedy at all events. He was almost
angry with her for giving importance to it; and the importance she gave
set him wondering. But before he could translate his feeling into words,
she turned to him, leaning across the table that stood between them, and
clasping her hands.
"I can't bear to have him here now," she murmured.
"What harm will he do? You needn't see anything of him," rejoined
Ruston, more astonished at each new proof of disquietude in her.
But Tom Loring was not to be so lightly dismissed from her mind; and she
did not seem to heed when Ruston added, with a laugh,
"You got rid of him once, didn't you? I should think you could again."
"Ah, then! That was different."
He looked at her curiously. She was agitated, but there seemed to be
more than agitation. As he read it, it was fear; and discerning it, he
spoke in growing surprise and rising irritation.
"You look as if you were afraid of him."
"Afraid of him?" she broke out. "Yes, I am afraid of him."
"Of Loring?" he exclaimed in sheer wonder. "Why, in heaven's name?
Loring's not----"
He was going to say "your husband," but stopped himself.
"I can't face him," she whispered. "Oh, you know! Why do you torment me?
Or don't you know? Oh, how strange you are!"
And now there was fear in her eyes when she looked at Ruston.
He sat still a moment, and then in slow tones he said,
"I don't see what concern your affairs are of Loring's, or mine either,
by God!"
At the last word his voice rose a little, and his lips shut tight as it
left them.
"Oh, it's easy for you," she said, half in anger at him, half in scorn
of herself. "You don't know what he is--what he was--to me."
"What was Loring to you?" he asked in sharp, imperious tones--tones that
made her hurriedly cry,
"No, no; not that, not that. How could you think that of me?"
"What then?" came curt and crisp from him, her reproach falling
unheeded.
"Oh, I wish--I wish you could understand just a little! Do you think
it's all nothing to me? Do you think I don't mind?"
"I don't know what it is to you," he said doggedly. "I know it's nothing
to Loring."
"I don't believe," she went on, "that he's coming because of Adela at
all."
And as she spoke, she met his eyes for a moment, and then shrank from
them.
"Come, shall we speak plainly?" he asked with evident impatience.
"Ah, you will, I know," she wailed, with a smile and a despairing
gesture. She loved and dreaded him for it. "Not too plainly, Willie!"
His mouth relaxed.
"Why do you worry about the fellow?" he asked.
"Well, I'll speak plainly, too," she cried. "He's not a fool; and he's
an honest man. That's why I don't want him here;" and enduring only till
she had flung out the truth, she buried her face in her hands.
"I've had enough of him," said Willie Ruston, frowning. "He's always got
in my way; first about the Company--and now----"
He broke off, pushing his chair back, and rising to his feet. He walked
to the window of the little sitting-room where they were; the sun was
setting over the sea, and early dusk gathering. It was still, save for
the sound of the waves.
"Is there nobody at home?" he asked, with his back towards her.
"No. Marjory and the children have gone down to the _Rome_ to have tea
with Bessie Semingham."
He waited a moment longer, looking out, then he came back and stood
facing her. She was leaning her head on her hand. At last she spoke in a
low voice.
"He's Harry's friend," she said, "and he used to be mine; and he trusted
me."
Willie Ruston threw his head back with a little sharp jerk.
"Oh, well, I didn't come to talk about Tom Loring," he said. "If you
value his opinion so very much, why, you must keep it; that's all," and
he moved towards where his hat was lying. "But I'm afraid I can't share
my friends with him."
"Oh, I know you won't share anything with anybody," said Maggie
Dennison, her voice trembling between a sob and a laugh.
He turned instantly. His face lighted up, and the sun, casting its last
rays on her eyes, made them answer with borrowed brilliance.
"I won't share you with Loring, anyhow," he cried, walking close up to
her, and resting his hand on the table.
She laid hers gently on it.
"Don't go to Omofaga, Willie," she said.
For a moment he sheerly stared at her; then he burst into a merry
unrestrained peal of laughter. Next he lifted her hand and kissed it.
"You are the most wonderful woman in the world," said he, his mouth
quivering with amusement.
"Oh!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms wide for a moment.
"Well, what's the matter? What have I done wrong now?"
She rose and walked up and down the room.
"I wish I'd never seen you," she said from the far end of it.
"I wish I'd never seen--Tom Loring."
"Ah, that's the only thing!" she cried. "I may live or I may die, or I
may--do anything you like; but I mustn't have another friend! I mustn't
give a thought to what anybody else thinks of me!"
"You mustn't balance me against Tom Loring," he answered between his
teeth, all signs of his merriment gone now.
For a moment--not long, but seeming very long--there was silence in the
room; and, while the brief stillness reigned, she fought a last battle
against him, calling loyalty and friendship to her aid, praying their
alliance against the overbearing demand he made on her--against his
roughness, his blindness to all she suffered for him. But the strife was
short. Lifting her hands above her head, and bringing them down through
the air as with a blow, she cried,
"My God, I balance nothing against you!"
Her reward--her only reward--seemed on the instant to be hers. Willie
Ruston was transformed; his sullenness was gone; his eyes were alight
with triumph; the smile she loved was on his lips, and he had forgotten
those troubled, useless, mazy musings on the jetty. He took a quick step
towards her, holding out both his hands. She clasped them.
"Nothing?" he asked in a low tone. "Nothing, Maggie?"
She bowed her head for answer; it was the attitude of surrender, of
helplessness, and of trust, and it appealed to the softer feeling in him
which her resistance had smothered. He was strongly moved, and his face
was pale as he drew her to him and kissed her lips; but all he said was,
"Then the deuce take Tom Loring!"
It seemed to her enough. The light devil-may-care words surely covered a
pledge from him to her--something in return from him to her. At last,
surely he was hers, and her wishes his law. It was her moment; she would
ask of him now the uttermost wish of her heart--the wish that had
displaced all else--the passionate wish not to lose him--not, as it
were, to be emptied of him.
"And Omofaga?" she whispered.
His eyes looked past her, out into the dim twilight, into the broad
world--the world that she seemed to ask him to give for her, as she was
giving her world for him. He laughed again, but not as he had laughed
before. There was a note of wonder in his laugh now--of wonder that the
prayer seemed now not so utterly absurd--that he could imagine himself
doing even that--spoiling his heart of its darling ambition--for her.
Yet, even in that moment of her strongest sway, as her arms were about
him, he was swearing to himself that he would not.
She did not press for an answer. A glance into his distant eyes gave her
one, perhaps, for she sighed as though in pain. Hearing her, he bent his
look on her again. Though he might deny that last boon, he had given her
much. So she read; and, drawing herself to her full height, she released
one of her hands from his, and held it out to him. For a moment he
hesitated; then a slow smile breaking on his face, he bent and kissed
it, and she whispered over his bent head, half in triumph, half in
apology for bidding him bend his head even in love,
"I like pretending to be queen--even with you, Willie."
Her flattery, so sweet to him, because it was wrung from her all against
her will, and was for him alone of men, thrilled through him and he was
drawing her to him again when the merry chatter of a child struck on
their ears from the garden.
She shrank back.
"Hark!" she murmured. "They're coming."
"Yes," he said, with a frown. "I shall come to-morrow, Maggie."
"To-morrow? Every day?" said she.
"Well, then, every day. But to-morrow all day."
"Ah, yes, all day to-morrow."
"But I must go now."
"No, no, don't go," she said quickly. "Sit down; see, sit there. Don't
look as if you'd thought of going."
He did as she bade him, trying to assume an indifferent air.
She, too, sat down, her eyes fixed on the door. A strange look of pain
and shame spread over her face. She must bend to deceive her children,
to dread detection, to play little tricks and weave little devices
against the eyes of those for whom she had been an earthly
providence--the highest, most powerful, and best they knew. Willie
Ruston did not follow the thought that stamped its mark on her face
then, nor understand why, with a sudden gasp, she dashed her hand across
her eyes and turned to him with trembling lips, crying, in low tones,
"Ah, but I have you, Willie!"
Before he could answer her appeal, the voices were in the passage. Her
face grew calm, save for a slight frown on her brow. She shaped her lips
into a smile to meet the incomers. She shot a rapid glance of caution
and warning at him. The door was flung open, and the three children
rushed in, Madge at their head. Madge, seeing Willie Ruston, stopped
short, and her laughter died away. She turned and said,
"Marjory, here's Mr. Ruston."
None could mistake her tone for one of welcome.
Marjory Valentine came forward. She looked at neither of them, but sat
down near the table.
"Well, Madge," said Mrs. Dennison, "there's good news for you, isn't
there? Your friend's coming."
Madge, finding (as she thought) sympathy, came to her mother's knee.
"Yes, I'm glad," she said. "Are you glad, mother?"
"Oh, I don't mind," answered Mrs. Dennison, kissing her; but she could
not help one glance at Willie Ruston. Bitterly she repented it, for she
found Marjory Valentine following it with her open sorrowful eyes. She
rose abruptly, and Ruston rose also, and with brief good-nights--Madge
being kissed only on strong persuasion--took his leave. The children
flocked away to take off their hats, and Marjory was left alone with her
hostess.
The girl looked pale, weary, and sad. Mrs. Dennison was stirred to an
impulse of compassion. Walking up to where she sat, she bent down as
though to kiss her. Marjory looked up. There was a question--it seemed
to be a question--in her face. Mrs. Dennison flushed red from neck to
forehead, and then grew paler than the pallor she had pitied. The girl's
unspoken question seemed to echo hauntingly from every corner of the
little room, "Are your lips--clean?"