The next morning, whilst dressing, I heard a blithe voice carolling on
the stair. It was the orison of Margaret Binkie as she descended to the
breakfast-room. I listened and caught the following verses:--
"O haud away frae me," she said,
"I pray you let me be!
Hae you the shares ye held, my lord,
What time ye courted me?
"'Tis woman's weird to luve and pine,
And man's is to forget:
Hold you the shares, Lord James," she said,
"Or hae ye sold them yet?"
"My York Extensions, bought at par,
I sold at seven pund prem.--
And, O my heart is sair to think
I had nae mair of them!"
"That is really a remarkable girl!" thought I, as I stropped my razor.
"Such genius, such animation, and such a thorough knowledge of the
market! She would make a splendid wife for a railway director."
"Come away, Mr Dunshunner," said the Provost, as I entered the parlour.
"I hope ye are yaup, for ye have a lang day's wark before ye."
"I am sure it would be an agreeable one, sir, if accompanied with such
sweet music as I heard this morning. Pardon me, Miss Binkie, but you
really are a perfect Sappho."
"You are too good, I am sure, Mr Dunshunner. Will you take tea or
coffee?"
"Maggie," said the Provost, "I maun put a stop to that skirling--it's
well eneuch for the night, but the morning is the time for business. Mr
Dunshunner, I've been thinking over this job of ours, and here is a bit
listie of the maist influential persons in Dreepdaily, that you maun
positeevely see this day. They wad be affronted if they kenned ye were
here without calling on them. Noo, mark me,--I dinna just say that ony
o' them is the folk ye ken o', but it's no ava unlikely; sae ye maun
even use yer ain discretion. Tak an auld man's word for it, and aye put
your best fit foremost."
I acquiesced in the justice of the suggestion, although I was really
unconscious which foot deserved the precedence. The Provost continued--
"Just ae word mair. Promising is a cheap thing, and ye needna be very
sparing of it. If onybody speaks to ye about a gaugership, or a place in
the Customs or the Post-office, just gie ye a bit wink, tak out your
note-book, and make a mark wi' the keelavine pen. It aye looks weel, and
gangs as far as a downright promise. Deny or refuse naebody. Let them
think that ye can do everything wi' the Ministry; and if there should
happen to be a whaup in the rape, let them even find it out theirsells.
Tell them that ye stand up for Dreepdaily, and its auld charter, and the
Whig constitution, and liberal principles. Maist feck o' them disna ken
what liberal principles is, but they like the word. I whiles think that
liberal principles means saying muckle and doing naething, but you
needna tell them that. The Whigs are lang-headed chiells, and they hae
had the sense to claim a' the liberality for themsells, ever since the
days o' the Reform Bill."
Such and suchlike were the valuable maxims which Provost Binkie
instilled into my mind during the progress of breakfast. I must say they
made a strong impression upon me; and any candidate who may hereafter
come forward for the representation of a Scottish burgh, on principles
similar to my own, would do well to peruse and remember them.
At length I rose to go.
"Do I carry your good wishes along with me, Miss Binkie, on my canvass?"
"Most cordially, Mr Dunshunner; I shall be perfectly miserable until I
learn your success. I can assure you of my support, and earnestly wish I
was an elector."
"Enviable would be the Member of Parliament who could represent so
charming a constituency!"
"Oh, Mr Dunshunner!"
Directed by the Provost's list, I set forth in search of my
constituency. The first elector whose shop I entered was a draper of the
name M'Auslan. I found him in the midst of his tartans.
"Mr M'Auslan, I presume?"
"Ay," was the curt response.
"Allow me to introduce myself, sir. My name is Dunshunner."
"Oh."
"You are probably aware, sir, that I am a candidate for the
representation of these burghs?"
"Ay."
"I hope and trust, Mr M'Auslan, that my principles are such as meet with
your approbation?"
"Maybe."
"I am a friend, sir, to civil and religious liberty,--to Dreepdaily and
its charter,--to the old Whig constitution of 1688,--and to the true
interests of the people."
"Weel?"
"Confound the fellow!" thought I, "was there ever such an insensate
block? I must bring him to the point at once. Mr M'Auslan," I continued
in a very insinuating tone, "such being my sentiments, may I venture to
calculate on your support?"
"There's twa words to that bargain," replied M'Auslan, departing from
monosyllables.
"Any further explanation that may be required, I am sure will readily--"
"It's nae use."
"How?" said I, a good deal alarmed. "Is it possible you are already
pledged?"
"No."
"Then what objection----"
"I made nane. I see ye dinna ken us here. The pear's no ripe yet."
"What pear?" asked I, astonished at this horticultural allusion.
"Hark ye," said M'Auslan, looking stealthily around him, and for the
first time exhibiting some marks of intelligence in his features--"Hark
ye,--hae ye seen Toddy Tam yet?"
"Mr Gills? Not yet. I am just going to wait upon him; but Provost Binkie
has promised me his support."
"Wha cares for Provost Binkie! Gang to Toddy Tam."
Not one other word could I extract from the oracular M'Auslan; so, like
a pilgrim, I turned my face towards Mecca, and sallied forth in quest of
this all-important personage. On my way, however, I entered the house of
another voter, one Shanks, a member of the Town-Council, from whom I
received equally unsatisfactory replies. He, like M'Auslan, pointed
steadily towards Toddy Tam. Now, who and what was the individual who, by
the common consent of his townsmen, had earned so honourable an epithet?
Mr Thomas Gills had at one time been a clerk in the office of the
departed Linklater. His function was not strictly legal, nor confined
to the copying of processes: it had a broader and wider scope, and
was exercised in a more congenial manner. In short, Mr Gills was a
kind of provider for the establishment. His duties were to hunt out
business; which he achieved to a miracle by frequenting every possible
public-house, and wringing from them, amidst their cups, the stories
of the wrongs of his compotators. Wo to the wight who sate down for an
afternoon's conviviality with Toddy Tam! Before the mixing of the fourth
tumbler, the ingenious Gills was sure to elicit some hardship or
grievance, for which benignant Themis could give redress; and rare,
indeed, was the occurrence of the evening on which he did not capture
some additional clients. He would even go the length of treating his
victim, when inordinately shy, until the fatal mandate was given, and
retraction utterly impossible.
Such decided business talents, of course, were not overlooked by the
sagacious Laurence Linklater. Gills enjoyed a large salary, the greater
moiety of which he consumed in alcoholic experiments; and shortly before
the decease of his patron, he was promoted to the lucrative and easy
office of some county registrarship. He now began to cultivate
conviviality for its own especial sake. It was no longer dangerous to
drink with him; for though, from habit, he continued to poke into
grievances, he never, on the following morning, pursued the subject
further. But what was most remarkable about Toddy Tam was, his
independence. He never truckled to dictation from any quarter; but,
whilst Binkie and the rest were in fear and terror of the Clique, he
openly defied that body, and dared them to do their worst. He was the
only man in Dreepdaily who ventured to say that Tom Gritt was right in
the motion he had made; and he further added, that if he, Thomas Gills,
had been in the Town-Council, the worthy and patriotic baker should not
have wanted a seconder. This was considered a very daring speech, and
one likely to draw down the vengeance of the unrelenting junta: but the
thunder slept in the cloud, and Mr Gills enjoyed himself as before.
I found him in his back parlour, in company with a very rosy individual.
Although it was not yet noon, a case-bottle and glasses were on the
table, and the whole apartment stunk abominably with the fumes of
whisky.
"Sit in, Mr Dunshunner, sit in!" said Toddy Tam, in a tone of great
cordiality, after I had effected my introduction. "Ye'll no hae had your
morning yet? Lass, bring in a clean glass for the gentleman."
"I hope you will excuse me, Mr Gills. I really never do--"
"Hoots--nonsense! Ye maun be neighbour-like, ye ken--we a' expect it at
Dreepdaily." And so saying, Toddy Tam poured me out a full glass of
spirits. I had as lieve have swallowed ink, but I was forced to
constrain myself and bolt it.
"Ay, and so ye are coming round to us as a candidate, are ye? What d'ye
think o' that, Mr Thamson--hae ye read Mr Dunshunner's address?"
The rubicund individual chuckled, leered, and rose to go, but Toddy Tam
laid a heavy hand upon his shoulder.
"Sit ye down man," he said; "I've naething to say to Mr Dunshunner that
the hail warld may not hear, nor him to me neither, I hope."
"Certainly not," said I; "and I really should feel it as a great
obligation if Mr Thomson would be kind enough to remain."
"That's right, lad!" shouted Gills. "Nae hole-and-corner work for me! A'
fair and abune board, and the deil fly away with the Clique!"
Had Thomson been an ordinary man, he probably would have grown pale at
this daring objurgation: as it was, he fidgetted in his chair, and his
face became a shade more crimson.
"Weel, now," continued Toddy Tam, "let us hear what Mr Dunshunner has
got to say for himsel'. There's naething like hearing opinions before we
put ony questions."
Thus adjured, I went through the whole of my political confession of
faith, laying, of course, due stress upon the great and glorious
Revolution of 1688, and my devotion to the cause of liberality. Toddy
Tam and his companion heard me to the end without interruption.
"Gude--sae far gude, Mr Dunshunner," said Gills. "I see little to objeck
to in your general principles; but for a' that I'm no going to pledge
mysel' until I ken mair o' ye. I hope, sir, that ye're using nae
underhand influence--that there has been nae communings with the Clique,
a body that I perfeckly abominate? Dreepdaily shall never be made a
pocket burrow, so long as Thomas Gills has any influence in it."
I assured Mr Gills, what was the naked truth, that I had no knowledge
whatever of the Clique.
"Ye see, Mr Dunshunner," continued Toddy Tam, "we are a gey and
independent sort of people here, and we want to be independently
represented. My gude friend, Mr Thamson here, can tell you that I have
had a sair fecht against secret influence, and I am amaist feared that
some men like the Provost owe me a grudge for it. He's a pawkie loon,
the Provost, and kens brawly how to play his cards."
"He's a' that!" ejaculated Thomson.
"But I dinna care a snuff of tobacco for the haill of the Town-Council,
or the Clique. Give me a man of perfeck independence, and I'll support
him. I voted for the last member sair against my conscience, for he was
put up by the Clique, and never came near us: but I hope better things
frae you, Mr Dunshunner, if you should happen to be returned. Mind, I
don't say that I am going to support ye--I maun think about it: but if
ye are a good man and a true, and no a nominee, I dare say that both my
gude freend Thamson, and mysell, will no objeck to lend you a
helping-hand."
This was all I could extract from Toddy Tam, and, though favourable, it
was far from being satisfactory. There was a want, from some cause or
another, of that cordial support which I had been led to anticipate;
and I almost felt half inclined to abandon the enterprise altogether.
However, after having issued my address, this would have looked like
cowardice. I therefore diligently prosecuted my canvass, and contrived,
in the course of the day, to encounter a great portion of the
electors. Very few pledged themselves. Some surly independents refused
point-blank, alleging that they did not intend to vote at all: others
declined to promise, until they should know how Toddy Tam and other
magnates were likely to go. My only pledges were from the sworn
retainers of the Provost.
"Well, Mr Dunshunner, what success?" cried Miss Margaret Binkie, as I
returned rather jaded from my circuit. "I hope you have found all the
Dreepdaily people quite favourable?"
"Why no, Miss Binkie, not quite so much so as I could desire. Your
townsmen here seem uncommonly slow in making up their minds to
anything."
"Oh, that is always their way. I have heard Papa say that the same thing
took place at last election, and that nobody declared for Mr Whistlerigg
until the very evening before the nomination. So you see you must not
lose heart."
"If my visit to Dreepdaily should have no other result, Miss Binkie, I
shall always esteem it one of the most fortunate passages of my life,
since it has given me the privilege of your acquaintance."
"Oh, Mr Dunshunner! How can you speak so? I am afraid you are a great
flatterer!" replied Miss Binkie, pulling at the same time a sprig of
geranium to pieces. "But you look tired--pray take a glass of wine."
"By no means, Miss Binkie. A word from you is a sufficient cordial.
Happy geranium!" said I, picking up the petals.
Now I know very well that all this sort of thing is wrong, and that a
man has no business to begin flirtations if he cannot see his way to
the end of them. At the same time, I hold the individual who dislikes
flirtations to be a fool; and sometimes they are utterly irresistible.
"Now, Mr Dunshunner, I do beg you won't! Pray sit down on the sofa, for
I am sure you are tired; and if you like to listen, I shall sing you a
little ballad I have composed to-day."
"I would rather hear you sing than an angel," said I; "but pray do not
debar me the privilege of standing by your side."
"Just as you please;" and Margaret began to rattle away on the
harpsichord.
"O whaur hae ye been, Augustus, my son?
O whaur hae ye been, my winsome young man?
I hae been to the voters--Mither, mak my bed soon,
For I'm weary wi' canvassing, and fain wad lay me doun.
O whaur are your plumpers, Augustus, my son?
O whaur are your split votes, my winsome young man?
They are sold to the Clique--Mither, mak my bed soon,
For I'm weary wi' canvassing, and fain wad lay me doun.
O I fear ye are cheated, Augustus, my son,
O I fear ye are done for, my winsome young man!
'I hae been to my true love----'"
I could stand this no longer.
"Charming, cruel girl!" cried I, dropping on one knee,--"why will you
thus sport with my feelings? Where else should I seek for my true love
but here?"
I don't know what might have been the sequel of the scene, had not my
good genius, in the shape of Mysie the servant girl, at this moment
burst into the apartment. Miss Binkie with great presence of mind
dropped her handkerchief, which afforded me an excellent excuse for
recovering my erect position.
Mysie was the bearer of a billet, addressed to myself, and marked
"private and particular." I opened it and read as follows:--
"SIR--Some of those who are well disposed towards you have arranged
to meet this night, and are desirous of a private interview, at
which full and mutual explanations may be given. It may be right to
mention to you that the question of _the currency_ will form the
basis of any political arrangement; and it is expected that you
will then be prepared to state explicitly your views with regard to
_bullion_. Something _more than pledges_ upon this subject will be
required.
"As this meeting will be a strictly private one, the utmost secresy
must be observed. Be on the bridge at eleven o'clock this night,
and you will be conducted to the appointed place. Do not fail, as
you value your own interest.--Yours, &c.
"SHELL OUT."
"Who brought this letter, Mysie?" said I, considerably flustered at its
contents.
"A laddie. He said there was nae answer, and ran awa'."
"No bad news, I hope, Mr Dunshunner?" said Margaret timidly.
I looked at Miss Binkie. Her eye was still sparkling, and her cheek
flushed. She evidently was annoyed at the interruption, and expected a
renewal of the conversation. But I felt that I had gone quite far
enough, if not a little beyond the line of prudence. It is easy to make
a declaration, but remarkably difficult to back out of it; and I began
to think that, upon the whole, I had been a little too precipitate. On
the plea, therefore, of business, I emerged into the open air; and,
during a walk of a couple of miles, held secret communing with myself.
"Here you are again, Dunshunner, my fine fellow, putting your foot into
it as usual! If it had not been for the arrival of the servant, you
would have been an engaged man at this moment, and saddled with a
father-in-law in the shape of a vender of molasses. Besides, it is my
private opinion that you don't care sixpence about the girl. But it is
the old story. This is the third time since Christmas that you have been
on the point of committing matrimony; and if you don't look sharp after
yourself, you will be sold an especial bargain! Now, frankly and fairly,
do you not acknowledge yourself to be an idiot?"
I did. Men are generally very candid and open in their confessions to
themselves; and the glaring absurdity of my conduct was admitted without
any hesitation. I resolved to mend my ways accordingly, and to eschew
for the future all tete-a-tetes with the too fascinating Maggie Binkie.
That point disposed of, I returned to the mysterious missive. To say the
truth, I did not much like it. Had these been the days of Burking, I
should have entertained some slight personal apprehension; but as there
was no such danger, I regarded it either as a hoax, or as some
electioneering _ruse_, the purpose of which I could not fathom. However,
as it is never wise to throw away any chance, I determined to keep the
appointment; and, if a meeting really were held, to give the best
explanations in my power to my correspondent, Mr Shell Out, and his
friends. In this mood of mind I returned to the Provost's dwelling.
The dinner that day was not so joyous as before. Old Binkie questioned
me very closely as to the result of my visits, and seemed chagrined that
Toddy Tam had not been more definite in his promises of support.
"Ye maun hae Tam," said the Provost. "He disna like the Clique--I hope
naebody's listening--nor the Clique him; but he stands weel wi' the
Independents, and the Seceders will go wi' him to a man. We canna afford
to lose Gills. I'll send ower for him, and see if we canna talk him into
reason. Haith, though, we'll need mair whisky, for Tam requires an unco
deal of slockening!"
Tam, however, proved to be from home, and therefore the Provost and I
were left to our accustomed duet. He complained grievously of my
abstemiousness, which for divers reasons I thought it prudent to
observe. An extra tumbler might again have made Miss Binkie a cherub in
my eyes.
I am afraid that the young lady thought me a very changeable person.
When the Provost fell asleep, she allowed the conversation to languish,
until it reached that awful degree of pause which usually precedes the
popping of the question. But this time I was on my guard, and held out
with heroic stubbornness. I did not even launch out upon the subject of
poetry, which Maggie rather cleverly introduced; for there is a decided
affinity between the gay science and the tender passion, and it is
difficult to preserve indifference when quoting from the "Loves of the
Angels." I thought it safer to try metaphysics. It is not easy to
extract an amorous avowal, even by implication, from a discourse upon
the theory of consciousness; and I flatter myself that Kant, if he could
have heard me that evening, would have returned home with some novel
lights upon the subject. Miss Binkie seemed to think that I might have
selected a more congenial theme; for she presently exhibited symptoms of
pettishness, took up a book, and applied herself diligently to the
perusal of a popular treatise upon knitting.
Shortly afterwards, the Provost awoke, and his daughter took occasion to
retire. She held out her hand to me with rather a reproachful look, but,
though sorely tempted, I did not indulge in a squeeze.
"That's a fine lassie--a very fine lassie!" remarked the Provost, as he
severed a Welsh rabbit into twain. "Ye are no a family man yet, Mr
Dunshunner, and ye maybe canna comprehend what a comfort she has been to
me. I'm auld now, and a thocht failing; but it is a great relief to me
to ken that, when I am in my grave, Maggie winna be tocherless. I've
laid up a braw nest-egg for her ower at the bank yonder."
I of course coincided in the praise of Miss Binkie, but showed so little
curiosity as to the contents of the indicated egg, that the Provost
thought proper to enlighten me, and hinted at eight thousand pounds. It
is my positive belief that the worthy man expected an immediate
proposal: if so, he was pretty egregiously mistaken. I could not,
however, afford, at this particular crisis, to offend him, and
accordingly stuck to generals. As the hour of meeting was approaching, I
thought it necessary to acquaint him with the message I had received, in
order to account for my exit at so unseasonable a time.
"It's verra odd," said the Provost,--"verra odd! A' Dreepdaily should be
in their beds by this time, and I canna think there could be a meeting
without me hearing of it. It's just the reverse o' constitutional to
keep folk trailing aboot the toun at this time o' nicht, and the brig is
a queer place for a tryst."
"You do not surely apprehend, Mr Binkie, that there is any danger?"
"No just that, but you'll no be the waur o' a stick. Ony gait, I'll send
to Saunders Caup, the toun-officer, to be on the look-out. If ony body
offers to harm ye, be sure ye cry out, and Saunders will be up in a
crack. He's as stieve as steel, and an auld Waterloo man."
As a considerable number of years has elapsed since the last great
European conflict, I confess that my confidence in the capabilities of
Mr Caup, as an ally, was inferior to my belief in his prowess. I
therefore declined the proposal, but accepted the weapon; and, after a
valedictory tumbler with my host, emerged into the darkened street.