The rumored threat of President Castro of Venezuela to overrun and lay
waste this fair land of ours is not creating the popular interest that
such a dread announcement might be supposed to arouse. Possibly public
sentiment is not entirely convinced that His Presidency would act the
bully merely because it is in his power to do so. So far only a single
element has exhibited jingo propensities, but there is no telling how
far it may go to embroil the nation in a sanguinary entanglement that
could have but one possible termination. The lone disturbing element in
question consists of a party of intrepid soldiers-of-fortune fictionists,
comic opera librettists, pure humorists and promotors of high-class
vaudeville who are keen to feel the possibilities of so much rich
material being imported to their very doors. Richard Harding Davis is
reported to be mobilizing a bunch of bold buccaneers, ably assisted by
Mr. Dooley, George Ade, Dinkelspiel, O. Henry and other intrepid spirits,
to meet the incoming hosts and apply for syndicate privileges. That the
situation demands finesse and diplomacy, however, is obvious, for all
would be lost should some irreverent band of roving cowboys round up and
rope the outfit before they could get at it, or should some thoughtless
and lacking-in-humor police squad run amuck and confine the layout in
some local bastile. The amusement loving public might be expected to at
least stand between this patriotic movement and such a dread contingency.
The following may be reasonably conceived as the final preparation
for the impending invasion: President Castro: “Are the choruses well
drilled and are the comedians and soubrettes in good voice?” Leader of
the Orchestra: “Si, Senor.” President Cas.: “Are the costumes new and
up-to-date, and is scenery in good order and packed for shipment?”
Master of Properties: “Si, Senor.” President Cas.: “Has the vanguard
of press agents and bill posters taken the field?” Booking Agent: “A
most formidable array, your Augustness.” President Cas.: “Then on the
road! And may your performances prove so meritorious that you will carry
everything before you till you reach the great Metropolis itself. This
feat your proud people expect you to accomplish in time for the fall
openings.” After which labored and patriotic outburst the president lit a
cigarette and called for a demi-tasse with which to restore his depleted
energies.