Extracted From the Diary of Toby, M.P.
[Illustration: A Distinguished Stranger.]
_House of Commons, Monday, March 3._--OLD MORALITY, decently dressed in
black, stood at table to-night, reading through the space of an hour his
discourse on Report of Parnell Commission. A decorous, almost funereal
function. J. G. TALBOT enjoyed it thoroughly. "So like being in church
on Sunday afternoon," he said. "Wish OLD MORALITY could have seen his
way to put on white neck-tie, and brought his notes bound up in black
cover."
Service proceeded very well without these details. JEMMY LOWTHER early
fell victim to gentle influence of occasion. Long before OLD MORALITY
had reached his fourthly, JAMES, with head reverently bent on his chest,
sweetly slept; dreamt he was a boy again, sitting in the family pew at
Easington-cum-Liverton, listening to his revered grandfather bubbling
forth orthodoxy. Up in Distinguished Strangers' Gallery sat a little boy
on his father's knee. Long he listened to the gentle murmur, broken now
and then by a yawn from a back bench, or the rustling of the manuscript
as it was turned over folio by folio. It was a great occasion for him;
his first visit to the Chamber which still echoed with the tones of his
father's uncle, JOHN BRIGHT. He kept gallantly awake as quarter-hour
sped after quarter-hour, and then, reminiscent of a nursery story
somewhere told, his too audible whisper broke in upon the slumbering
gallery.
"Papa, hasn't the Gentleman brought his Amen with him?"
It came at last. Perhaps none so grateful as OLD MORALITY. Curious to
note how, when beholding the welcome last folio of his discourse, OLD
MORALITY, uplifting his voice, said, "And now to----", there was a
sudden movement in the crowd, a shuffling of feet, a rustling of
garments, a motion as if the congregation were about to rise to receive
the benediction. But OLD MORALITY was only about to observe, "And now to
bring these imperfect remarks to a conclusion, I would entreat the House
to consider the great interests at stake, to vindicate the reputation of
this House, and to do their duty to their Queen and Country."
After peace, the storm. GLADSTONE ruffled prevalent calm with a tornado
of virile eloquence. Grand Old Man in fine form. If he had had the
arrangement of course of events, nothing could have been more
successfully designed than the contrast. For OLD MORALITY'S gentle
commonplaces, his pallid platitudes, his copy-book headings strung
together in timid flight after the Good and the True, here rushed a
flood of burning eloquence, carrying with it the whole audience;
jubilant the Opposition, faintly resisting the Ministerialists.
GLADSTONE had no copy-book before him, only the merest skeleton of
notes. These, with what seemed to the intently-listening audience the
fewest, simplest touches, he informed and inflamed with flesh and blood.
Spoke for an hour and forty minutes--a marvellous feat for any man, a
miracle of mental and physical force for an octogenarian.
HICKS-BEACH followed; but spell broken; the listening throng, filling
the chamber from floor to topmost range of gallery, swiftly melted away.
Thus it came to pass there were few to see HARCOURT as presently he went
forth whimpering. He, the champion slogger, accustomed to rampage round
the tents of the enemy, and bring his shillelagh down on any head
accidentally protruding, had been himself attacked. HICKS-BEACH girded
at him to-night in comparatively gentle fashion. HARCOURT tossed about
on bench and pettishly protested; claimed SPEAKER'S protection; SPEAKER
declined to interfere. Then, digging lusty knuckles into moist eyes, he
sobbed, "I--I--am not going to stay to be abused in this manner; shan't
play!" and so went forth, amid the jeers and mocking laughter of naughty
boys opposite. _Business done._--Debate on Parnell Commission Report
opened.
[Illustration: "I shan't play!"]
_Tuesday._--Haven't seen anything more charming for a long time than
ELLIOTT LEES' plunge into debate on the Parnell Commission Report. Rose
at same time as CHARLES LEWIS, squaring his elbows, stretching his legs
and crooking his knees, as if had just dismounted, after winning
steeplechase. CHARLES LEWIS, Bart., on feet at same time; might
reasonably be supposed to claim precedence, having Amendment on paper,
in addition to wide Parliamentary reputation. LEES didn't even look at
Bart. Began his remarks, taking it as a matter of course that SPEAKER
would call on him. House doesn't like CHARLES LEWIS, Bart., so called on
LEES, and Bart. withdrew, angrily snorting.
Very few Members present. Getting on for dinner-hour. General conviction
that it's going to be a dull night. Nothing can help it. But GLADSTONE
waits, and presently, attracted by LEES' superb sense of superiority,
sits with hand to ear, listening with kindly smile. Nothing delights
Grand Old Man so much as youth, especially aggressive youth--youth that
knows about everything, with fuller information and judgment more
accurate than its elders. This is what, years ago, first attracted him
to RANDOLPH. Now sits listening while YOUNG TWENTY-NINE, who represents
Omniscience and Oldham, in drawling voice, hesitating for a word, but
having no hesitation in keeping the House waiting for it, settles the
question that for two years has riven parties and convulsed continents.
[Illustration: W. Leave-em Bright.]
YOUNG TWENTY-NINE knew all about it from the beginning. Wasn't born in
1860 for nothing. When his own party were rushing headlong down to
destruction, arranging for appointment of Commission, he had warned them
of their error. But no use going back on the irrevocable. Thing is, what
is to be done now? YOUNG TWENTY-NINE casting patronising look on OLD
EIGHTY, listening on the Front Opposition Bench, would really like to
have voted for his Amendment. But, on his conscience, couldn't; too
strongly drawn, doncha; why hadn't he taken counsel of some young
friend, and drafted his Amendment with more moderation? At same time,
YOUNG TWENTY-NINE couldn't do otherwise than condemn the _Times_ for its
recklessness in publishing the forged letters. Generally approved the
conduct of ATTORNEY-GENERAL; regarded the proceedings of Irish Members
with mixed feelings, and, on the whole, would vote for Resolution.
Whereat OLD MORALITY, long on tenterhooks, gave sigh of honest relief,
and Grand Old Man went off to dinner with a twinkle in his eye and an
amused smile lighting up his countenance. Writ moved to-night for new
election for Stoke, WILLIE BRIGHT having had enough of it. "Good-bye,
TOBY," he said, as he cleared out his locker; "they call me W. LEATHAM
BRIGHT, now I suppose it will be W. LEAVE-'EM."
_Business done._--Debate on Report of Commission.
[Illustration: The Hon. G. N. CURZON sees more Shadows. (_Vide "Times"
Letter, March 6._)]
_Wednesday._--Curious little difficulty arose at meeting of House
to-day. No House to meet. On Wednesdays SPEAKER takes chair at twelve
o'clock. Crosses Lobby, accompanied by Sergeant-at-Arms carrying Mace,
and tall gentleman in shorts carrying train. Walks up floor between rows
of Members, standing and bending heads like sheaves of corn over which
wind passes. To-day benches bare. Chamber empty. SPEAKER feels like one
who treads alone some banquet-hall deserted, whose guests are fled,
whose garlands dead, and all but he departed. Only in this case they
haven't arrived. CHAPLAIN in his place, ready to say his prayers.
Everything here but congregation. House, it is well known, thrilled with
excitement over Parnell Commission Report. Throbbing with anxiety to
debate it. Manages somehow to dissemble its feelings, smother its
aspirations. Presently two Members drop in; take their seats.
"Rather a small gathering," whispered the SPEAKER, pleasantly.
"Yes," says CHAPLAIN, forlornly looking round empty chamber. "A very
small gathering indeed; might almost call it a pimple."
Word scarcely Parliamentary in this connection.
"Order! order!" said the SPEAKER, _sotto voce_; and, to avoid the
beginning of the sundering of friendship, CHAPLAIN read prayers.
_Business done._--Debate on Parnell Commission Report.
_Thursday._--For ordinary mild-mannered man, JUSTIN MCCARTHY to-night
dealt CHARLES LEWIS, Bart., what _The Marchioness_ used to call "a
wonner." Yesterday, LEWIS delivered carefully prepared diatribe on
Report. Not particularly friendly to Ministers, especially JOKIM; but
death on Irish Members. MCCARTHY to-day complained that, without giving
notice, Bart. had made personal attack on him; and, what was worse,
holding Report in hand, and purporting to quote from it, had misled
House on matter of fact.
"But then," said JUSTIN, sweetly smiling, "the Hon. Baronet is a
lawyer--a lawyer of the school of _Mr. Sampson Brass_."
Pretty graphic that; House cheered and laughed, consumedly. But what
about the phrase being Parliamentary? Is there to be one rule for
Chaplain of House, and another for Member for Derry?
_Business done._--Still on Commission Report.
[Illustration: After dealing the Bart. One for his Nob.]
_Friday Night._--Supposed to have reached full tide of surging Debate
to-night. Been piling up agony all week. Now nearing crisis. Lobbies
thrilling with excitement; corridors crowded with senators; competition
for SPEAKER'S eye threatens personal danger. A great occasion, a
memorable struggle. That's the sort of thing imagined outside by
ingenuous public. Fact is, when SPEAKER came back from chop at twenty
minutes to nine, House almost as empty as on Wednesday afternoon. Count
called; bell rang; only thirty-five Members mustered; no quorum;
adjourned.
_Business done._--House Counted Out.
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[Illustration]NOTICE.--Rejected Communications or Contributions,
whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description,
will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and
Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no
exception.
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