2. Poll. 2. Pole.
3. Roe. 3. Row.
4. Gate 4. Gait.
5. Main. 5. Mane.
6. Bough. 6. Bow.
7. Hue. 7. Hugh.
8. Bear. 8. Beech.
9. Dear. 9. Deer.
10. Wright. 10. Write.
11. Right. 11. Rite.
12. All. 12. Awl.
13. Bay. 13. Bey.
14. Ark. 14. Arch.
15. Colonel. 15. Kernel.
16. Ruff. 16. Rough.
17. Might. 17. Mite.
18. Rode. 18. Road.
19. Seen. 19. Scene.
20. Corps. 20. Core.
21. Mold. 21. Mould.
22. Great. 22. Grate.
23. Sun. 23. Son.
24. Break. 24. Brake.
25. Dough. 25. Doe.
26. Night. 26. Knight.
27. Sweet. 27. Suite.
28. Four. 28. Fore.
29. Bier. 29. Beer.
30. Beat. 30. Beet.
31. Currant. 31. Current.
32. Viol. 32. Vile.
33. Sent. 33. Scent.
34. Sear. 34. Seer.
35. Lane. 35. Lain.
36. Able. 36. Abel.
37. Knot. 37. Not.
38. Raise. 38. Raze.
39. Hoard. 39. Horde.
40. Lyre. 40. Liar.
41. Symbol. 41. Cymbal.
42. Hawk. 42. Hough.
43. Sine. 43. Sign.
44. Rain. 44. Rein.
45. Lo. 45. Low.
46. Hie. 46. High.
47. Assent. 47. Ascent.
48. Lute. 48. Loot.
49. Lore. 49. Lower.
50. Sell. 50. Cell.
51. Sail. 51. Sale.
52. Lode. 52. Load.
53. Loan. 53. Lone.
54. Fete. 54. Fate.
55. Lien. 55. Lean.
56. Layer. 56. Lair.
57. Hay. 57. Hey.
58. Idle. 58. Idyl.
59. Hart. 59. Heart.
60. Bass. 60. Base.
61. Bale. 61. Bail.
62. Heel. 62. Heal.
63. Sight. 63. Cite.
64. Haul. 64. Hall.
65. Hale. 65. Hail.
66. Lac. 66. Lack.
67. Nay. 67. Neigh.
68. Altar. 68. Alter.
69. Day. 69. Dey.
70. Hair. 70. Hare.
71. Lye. 71. Lie.
72. Council. 72. Counsel.
73. Mean. 73. Mien.
74. Ate. 74. Eight.
75. Aught. 75. Ought.
76. Wrack. 76. Rack.
77. Reek. 77. Wreak.
78. Wreck. 78. Reck.
79. Rime. 79. Rhyme.
80. Ring. 80. Wring.
81. Wrote. 81. Rote.
82. Rest. 82. Wrest.
83. Hole. 83. Whole.
84. Leek. 84. Leak.
85. Wave. 85. Waive.
86. Week. 86. Weak.
87. Fort. 87. Forte.
88. Soul. 88. Sole.
89. Strait. 89. Straight.
90. Seed. 90. Cede.
91. Seen. 91. Seine.
92. Seize. 92. Cease.
93. See. 93. Sea.
94. Cole. 94. Coal.
95. Bourne. 95. Born.
96. Bite. 96. Bight.
97. Floe. 97. Flow.
98. Bell. 98. Belle.
SELECT READING.
1. The most skillful gauger I ever knew was a maligned cobbler, armed
with a poniard, who drove a peddler's wagon, using a mullein stalk as
an instrument of coercion to tyrannize over his pony shod with
calks. He was a Galilean Sadducee, and he had a phthisicky catarrh,
diphtheria, and the bilious intermittent erysipelas.
2. A certain sibyl, with the sobriquet of "Gypsy," went into ecstasies
of cachinnation at seeing him measure a bushel of peas and separate
saccharine tomatoes from a heap of peeled potatoes, without dyeing or
singeing the ignitible queue which he wore, or becoming paralyzed with
hemorrhage.
3. Lifting her eyes to the ceiling of the cupola of the capitol to
conceal her unparalleled embarrassment, making him a rough courtesy,
and not harrassing him with mystifying, rarefying, and stupefying
innuendoes, she gave him a couch, a bouquet of lilies, mignonette,
and fuchsias, a treatise on mnemonics, a copy of the Apocrypha
in hieroglyphics, daguerreotypes of Mendelssohn and Kosciusko, a
kaleidoscope, a dram-phial of ipecacuanha, a teaspoonful of naphtha
for deleble purposes, a ferrule, a clarionet, some licorice, a
surcingle, a carnelian of symmetrical proportions, a chronometer with
a movable balance-wheel, a box of dominoes, and a catechism.
4. The gauger, who was also a trafficking rectifier and a parishioner
of mine, preferring a woolen surtout (his choice was referrible to
a vacillating, occasionally occurring idiosyncrasy), wofully uttered
this apothegm: "Life is checkered; but schism, apostasy, heresy and
villainy shall be punished." The sibyl apologizingly answered: "There
is a ratable and allegeable difference between a conferrable ellipsis
and a trisyllabic diæresis." We replied in trochees, not impugning her
suspicion.
SELECT READING.
1. One enervating morning, just after the rise of the sun, a youth
bearing the cognomen of Galileo glided into his gondola over the
legendary waters of the lethean Thames. He was accompanied by
his allies and coadjutors, the dolorous Pepys and the erudite
Cholmondeley, the most combative aristocrat extant, and an epicurean
who, for learned vagaries and revolting discrepancies of character,
would take precedence of the most erudite of all Areopagite literati.
2. These sacrilegious _dramatis personæ_ were discussing in detail a
suggestive and exhaustive address, delivered from the proscenium
box of the Calisthenic Lyceum by a notable financier on obligatory
hydropathy, as accessory to the irrevocable and irreparable doctrine
of evolution, which had been vehemently panegyrized by a splenetic
professor of acoustics, and simultaneously denounced by a complaisant
opponent as an undemonstrated romance of the last decade, amenable
to no reasoning, however allopathic, outside of its own lamentable
environs.
3. These peremptory tripartite brethren arrived at Greenwich, wishing
to aggrandize themselves by indulging in exemplary relaxation,
indicatory of implacable detestation of integral tergiversation and
exoteric intrigue. They fraternized with a phrenological harlequin who
was a connoisseur in mezzotint and falconry. The piquant person was
heaping contumely and scathing raillery on an amateur in jugular
recitative, who held that the Pharaohs of Asia were conversant with
his theory that morphine and quinine were exorcists of bronchitis.
4. Meanwhile, the leisurely Augustine of Cockburn drank from a
tortoise-shell wassail cup to the health of an apotheosized recusant,
who was his supererogatory patron, and an assistant recognizance
in the immobile nomenclature of interstitial molecular phonics. The
contents of the vase proving soporific, a stolid plebeian took from
its cerements a heraldic violoncello, and, assisted by a plethoric
diocesan from Pall Mall, who performed on a sonorous piano-forte,
proceeded to wake the clangorous echoes of the Empyrean. They bade
the prolyx Caucasian gentlemen not to misconstrue their inexorable
demands, while they dined on acclimated anchovies and apricot
truffles, and had for dessert a wiseacre's pharmacopoeia. Thus the
truculent Pythagoreans had a novel repast fit for the gods.
5. On the subsidence of the feast they alternated between soft
languors and isolated scenes of squalor, which followed a mechanist's
reconnaissance of the imagery of Uranus, the legend of whose incognito
related to a poniard wound in the abdomen received while cutting
a swath in the interests of telegraphy and posthumous photography.
Meantime an unctuous orthoepist applied a homeopathic restorative
to the retina of an objurgatory spaniel (named Daniel) and tried to
perfect the construction of a behemoth which had got mired in pygmean
slough, while listening to the elegiac soughing of the prehistoric
wind.
SELECT READING.
1. Geoffrey, surnamed Winthrop, sat in the depot at Chicago, waiting
for his train and reading the Tribune, when a squadron of street Arabs
(incomparable for squalor) thronged from a neighboring alley,
uttering hideous cries, accompanied by inimitable gestures of heinous
exultation, as they tortured a humble black-and-tan dog.
2. "You little blackguards!" cried Winthrop, stepping outside and
confronting them, adding the inquiry, "Whose dog is that?"
3. "That audacious Caucasian has the bravado to interfere with
our clique," tauntingly shrieked the indisputable little ruffian,
exhibiting combativeness.
4. "What will you take for him?" asked the lenient Geoffrey, ignoring
the venial tirade.
5. "Twenty-seven cents," piquantly answered the ribald urchin,
grabbing the crouching dog by the nape.
6. "You can buy licorice and share with the indecorous coadjutors of
your condemnable cruelty," said Winthrop, paying the price and taking
the dog from the child. Then catching up his valise and umbrella
he hastened to his train. Winthrop satisfied himself that his sleek
protege was not wounded, and then cleaned the cement from the pretty
collar, and read these words; "Leicester. Licensed, No. 1880."
7. Hearing the pronunciation of his name, the docile canine expressed
gratitude and pleasure, and then sank exhausted at his new patron's
feet and slept.
8. Among the other passengers was a magazine contributor, writing
vagaries of Indian literature, also two physicians, a somber,
irrevocable, irrefragable allopathist, and a genial homeopathist,
who made a specialty of bronchitis. Two peremptory attorneys from the
Legislature of Iowa were discussing the politics of the epoch and the
details of national finance, while a wan, dolorous person, wearing
concave glasses, alternately ate troches and almonds for a sedative,
and sought condolence in a high, lamentable treble from a lethargic
and somewhat deaf and enervate comrade not yet acclimated.
9. Near three exemplary brethren (probably sinecurists) sat a group
of humorous youths; and a jocose sailor (lately from Asia) in a blouse
waist and tarpaulin hat was amusing his patriotic, juvenile listeners
by relating a series of the most extraordinary legends extant,
suggested by the contents of the knapsack which he was calmly and
leisurely arranging in a pyramidal form on a three-legged stool. Above
swung figured placards, with museum and lyceum advertisements, too
verbose to be misconstrued.
10. A mature matron of medium height, and her comely daughter, soon
entered the car, and took seats in front of Winthrop (who recalled
having seen them on Tuesday, in February, in the parquet of a
theater). The young lady had recently made her debut into society at a
musical soiree at her aunt's. She had an exquisite bouquet of flowers
that exhaled sweet perfume. She said to her parent, "Mamma, shall we
ever find my lost Leicester?"
11. Geoffrey immediately addressed her, saying, as he presented his
card--
"Pardon my apparent intrusiveness; but, prithee, have you lost a pet
dog?"
12. The explanation that he had been stolen was scarcely necessary,
for Leicester, just awakening, vehemently expressed his inexplicable
joy by buoyantly vibrating between the two like the sounding lever
used in telegraphy (for to neither of them would he show partiality),
till, succumbing to ennui, he purported to take a recess, and sat on
his haunches, complaisantly contemplating his friends. It was truly an
interesting picture.
13. They reached their destination ere the sun was beneath the
horizon. Often during the summer Winthrop gallantly rowed from the
quay, with the naive and blithe Beatrice in her jaunty yachting suit,
but no coquetry shone from the depths of her azure eyes. Little Less,
their jocund confidante and courier (and who was as sagacious as a
spaniel), always attended them on these occasions, and whene'er they
rambled through the woodland paths. While the band played strains
from Beethoven Mendelssohn, Bach and others, they promenaded the long
corridors of the hotel. And one evening, as Beatrice lighted the gas
by the etagere in her charming boudoir in their suite of rooms, there
glistened brilliantly a valuable solitaire diamond on her finger.
14. Let us look into the future for the sequel to perfect this
romance, and around a cheerful hearth we see again Geoffrey and
Beatrice, who are paying due homage to their tiny friend Leicester.
SELECT READING.
1. A sacrilegious son of Belial, who suffered from bronchitis and
diphtheria, and had taken much morphine and quinine, having exhausted
his finances, in order to make good the deficit, resolved to ally
himself to a complaisant, lenient, docile, young woman of the
Caucasian race. Buying a calliope, a coral necklace, an illustrated
magazine, and a falcon from Asia, he took a suite of rooms, whose
acoustic properties were excellent, and engaged a Malay as his
coadjutor.
2. Being of an epicurean disposition, he threw the culinary department
of his hotel into confusion by ordering for his dinner vermicelli
soup, a bologna sausage, anchovies, calf's brains fried, and half
a gooseberry pie. For the resulting dyspepsia he took acetic and
tartaric acid, according to allopathy, and when his aunt, a fair
matron of six decades, called, he was tyrannic and combative, and
laughed like a brigand until she was obliged to succumb to his
contumacy.
3. Etiquette being thus annihilated, he became amenable to tenderer
passions. He sent a letter, inviting his inamorata to a matinee,
together with an eighteen-carat gold ring. She revolted at the idea of
accompanying him, and sent a note full of piquant raillery, which led
her suitor to procure a carbine and a sword, with some apparatus, and
to declare that he would not forge hymeneal chains upon any one.
4. So proceeding to an isolated spot, without comrades, he severed
his jugular vein, and discharged the carbine into his abdomen. When
inquiry was made, he was found dead, and the coroner sat on the debris
and did his exact duty, though it was no couch of eider he occupied.
5. Had the misguided youth read Ovid less often, and given precedence
to Hemans and Ingelow, his fate might have been different. True, he
might have hung on a greasy gallows like a highwayman, in squalor, and
been the sport of canines for aye; while now, disarmed by death, he
lies in a splendid mausoleum, far from the wharves and haunts of
men, and can't accent his antepenults, and afford the greatest
discrepancies extant in pronunciation.
SELECT READING--THE BLACKBOARD AND CHALK.
1. Learned sages may reason, the fluent may talk,
But they ne'er can compute what we owe to the chalk.
From the embryo mind of the infant of four,
To the graduate, wise in collegiate lore;
From the old district school-house to Harvard's proud hall,
The chalk rules with absolute sway over all.
2. Go, enter the school-room of primary grade,
And see how conspicuous the blackboard is made.
The teacher makes letters and calls them by name,
And says to the children, "Now all do the same;"
Mere infants you see, scarcely able to walk,
But none are too feeble to handle the chalk.
3. We visit the school of much higher pretension,
The blackboard here claims undivided attention;
The walls, dark as Erebus, first greet the eye,
Before them bright misses and lads we espy;
And the sound of the crayon's irregular tappings
Reminds us of spirits' mysterious rappings.
4. One has pictured a vessel, with streamers unfurled,
Another is making a map of the world;
A third has a problem in fractions to solve,
A fourth is explaining how planets revolve;
While a young physiologist, skilled in the art,
Is sketching the muscles, the lungs, and the heart.
5. In the midst of this bustle the school-master stands,
And, lo! he's a crayon in each of his hands;
And the chalk in _his_ hand has a magical power:
A teacher might reason and talk by the hour,
But naught would avail all his reason and talk--
The truth is made plain by the use of the chalk.
6. And the teacher of music the blackboard employs,
The chalk must be used e'en in training the voice;
Be it rhythm or melody, accent or force,
He always insists on the regular course;
Declaring the secret of musical skill
Is found in the blackboard, the chalk, and the drill.
7. See the chalk in the hand of the artist. Behold
What beauteous forms as by magic unfold!
The store-house of Nature he swiftly displays,
Till the dazzled beholder is lost in the maze;
Designs without number appear to the view,
And show what the chalk and the blackboard can do.
8. O wise PESTALOZZI! we place on thy brow
A coronet, bright and unfading; for thou
A legacy rich hast bequeathed unto men:
Our _one_ feeble talent by thee is made _ten_;
We prize thy rare gift, but we never may know
How much to thy matchless invention we owe.
9. O chalk! What a powerful monarch thou art!
In this age of reform how important thy part;
Those minds that are swaying the world unrestrained
In childhood and youth in thy empire were trained.
Of the wonderful power of the press we may talk--
It never can vie with the blackboard and chalk.
10. An engine so powerful, so mighty to aid,
So simple in structure, so readily made,
A helper so potent in training the young--
'Tis meet that thy praise by the muse should be sung;
For though sages may reason, and orators talk,
They can ne'er make their mark without blackboard and chalk.
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