VIENNA, June, 1835.
You know well, my dear beloved, that my soul is not narrow enough to
distinguish what is yours from what is mine. All is ours--heart, soul,
body, sentiments, all, from the least word to the slightest look; from
life to death. But do not ruin us, for I should send you back a hundred
Austrians for your one, and you would cry out at the folly.
My Eve, adored, I have never been so happy, I have never suffered so
much. A heart more ardent than the imagination is vivid is a fatal
gift when complete happiness does not quench the daily thirst. I knew
what I came to seek of sufferings, and I have found them. In Paris,
those sufferings seemed to me the greatest of pleasures, and I was not
mistaken. The two parts are equal.
For this you had to be more lovely, and nothing is truer. Yesterday you
were enough to render mad. If I did not know that we are bound forever,
I should die of grief. Therefore, never abandon me; it would be murder.
Never destroy the confidence which is our sole complete possession in
this love so pure. Have no jealousies, which never have foundation. You
know how faithful the unhappy are; feelings are all their treasure,
their fortune, and we cannot be more unhappy than we are here.
Nothing can detach me from you; you are my life, my happiness, all my
hopes. I believe in life only with you. What can you fear? My toil
proves to you my love; it was preferring the present to the future
to come here now; it was the folly of impassioned love, for by it I
postponed for many months, that I might enjoy this moment, the days
when you think we shall be free--more free, for _free_, oh! I dare not
think of that. God must will it! I love you so much, and all things
unite us so truly that it must be; but when?
A thousand kisses; for I have a thirst those little sudden pleasures
but increase. We have not an hour, nor a minute. And these obstacles
fan such ardour that, believe me, I do right to hasten my departure.
I press you on all sides to my heart, where you are held but mentally.
Would that I held you there living![1]
[Footnote 1: This letter in itself shows the falseness of those which
purport to have been written in January, February, and March. It is
that of a man true to himself in one of the greatest struggles of
humanity; for, it must be remembered, such trials were not negative in
a man of Balzac's nature.--TR.]
MUNICH, June 7, 1835.
I arrived here in Munich at eleven o'clock last night; but I might have
come in thirty-six hours instead of forty-eight if it had not been for
three bad postilions, whom no human power could make go, and who, each
of them, lost me three hours apiece. I slept seven hours, and have just
waked to keep the promise I made of writing you a line. Then, at ten
o'clock, after seeing the exterior of the public buildings, I shall
start again with the same celerity.
I have nothing romantic to tell you of the journey, always sad on
leaving kind friends. I had no other adventure than two horses
accustomed to fetch sand, who nearly flung me into a quarry, the
postilion being unable to prevent them from keeping to their habits. I
jumped out in time, and began, like the horses, to go back to Vienna;
but it was proved to the horses, by the whip, that they had to go to
Hohenlinden, and to me, by necessity, that I had to go to Paris. The
postilion was afraid I should scold him. But he did not know that the
horses and I were equally faithful to our habits in spite of duty. I
made many sad reflections on the manner in which horses and men have
no liberty, on the various curbs that are put upon them, on the blows
of fate, and the lashing of whips. But I spare you all that. You will
tell me that my sadness is too humorous to be believed; whereas, in
me, great disappointed affections turn always to a sort of rage, which
I express by expending it on some one, as I did Thursday evening at
Prince R...'s, where, because I could not do what I wished, I talked
magnetism.
In heaven's name, don't forget, I entreat you, to explain to M.
Vatischef how it happened that he received neither my card nor my
visit; you do not know how much I care about fuelling the duties of
politeness punctually.
Though I did not like your _valet de place_, he was useful to me on
several occasions. I gave money to all, except to him, and he was not
there. Do me the kindness to give him a ducat for me. I will return
it in my next letter. One should be neither unjust nor forgetful.
Otherwise, nothing is ever great.
I should have liked to go through Munich without stopping; but you
asked me to write you a line from here, and so I have stopped. I don't
like to stop in this way. The noise and motion of the carriage, the
business of paying, and of making the postilions get on, all divert and
excite me. But to stop is to think; and there are but sad thoughts on
leaving you.
Don't you recognize me, the man of debts, in my leaving two behind me
for you to pay--Koller and the _valet de place_? Ask M. Hanski to tell
the carriage-maker not to take me for a swindler, and to give me credit
till my return, an epoch at which I will order a carriage. You see I
mean to return soon.
Well, adieu until Paris; there, I will give you my news. Meanwhile
accept a thousand tender thanks.
PARIS, June 12, 1835.
I arrived on the 11th, at two in the morning. So, deducting the time
I stayed in Munich, I did the journey in five days. But I am sure
now that it can be done in four, and that I can go in eleven days to
Wierzchownia.
I arrived horribly tired, brown as a negro, and only able to fling
myself on a bed and sleep. I write to you this evening, according to
promise.
You will receive from M. de la Rochefoucauld (to whom I beg you to
write a line) by the first embassy opportunity,--that of Austria, if
M. le Comte Maurice Esterhazy is a good fellow, and will do me this
service,--a parcel containing, first, "Le Père Goriot," third edition,
in the first volume of which you will find a pen-holder worthy of
you, and in the second volume a paper-knife to thank you for the one
you gave me; second, a copy of the "Livre des Conteurs," in which is
"Melmoth réconcilié."