I know not by what letters patent the privilege is held, but it seems
clearly established, that the parents of an only child have full right
and liberty to spoil him to whatsoever extent they may please; and
though, my grandfathers on both sides of the house being dead long
before my birth, I wanted the usual chief aiders and abettors of
over-indulgence, yet, in consideration of my being an unexpected gift,
my father thought himself entitled to expend more unrestrictive
fondness upon me than if my birth had taken place at an earlier period
of his marriage.
My education was in consequence somewhat desultory. The persuasions of
Father Francis, indeed, often won me for a time to study, and the
wishes of my mother, whose word was ever law to her son, made me
perhaps attend to the instructions of the good old priest more than my
natural volatility would have otherwise admitted. At times, too, the
mad spirit of laughing and jesting at everything, which possessed me
from my earliest youth, would suddenly and unaccountably be changed
into the most profound pensiveness, and reading would become a delight
and a relief. I thus acquired a certain knowledge of Latin and of
Greek, the first principles of mathematics, and a great many of those
absurd and antiquated theories which were taught in that day under the
name of philosophy. But from Father Francis, also, I learned what
should always form one principal branch of a child's education--a very
tolerable knowledge of my native language, which I need not say is, in
general, spoken in Bearn in the most corrupt and barbarous manner.
Thus, very irregularly, proceeded the course of my mental instruction;
my corporeal education my father took upon himself, and as his
laziness was of the mind rather than the body, he taught me
thoroughly, from my very infancy, all those exercises which, according
to his conception, were necessary to make a perfect cavalier. I could
ride, I could shoot, I could fence, I could wrestle, before I was
twelve years old; and of course the very nature of these lessons
tended to harden and confirm a frame originally strong, and a
constitution little susceptible of disease.
The buoyancy of youth, the springy vigour of my muscles, and a good
deal of imaginative feeling, gave me a sort of indescribable passion
for adventure from my childhood, which required even the stimulus of
danger to satisfy. Had I lived in the olden time, I had certainly been
a knight errant. Everything that was wild, and strange, and even
fearful, was to me delight; and it needed many a hard morsel from the
rough hand of the world to quell such a spirit's appetite for
excitement.
To climb the highest pinnacles of the rocks, to plunge into the
deepest caverns, to stand on the very brink of the precipices and look
down into the dizzy void below, to hang above the cataract on some
tottering stone, and gaze upon the frantic fury of the river boiling
in the pools beneath, till my eye was wearied, and my ear deafened
with the flashing whiteness of the stream, and the thundering roar of
its fall--these were the enjoyments of my youth, and many, I am
afraid, were the anxious pangs which my temerity inflicted on the
bosom of my mother.
I will pass over all the little accidents and misadventure of youth;
but on one circumstance, which occurred when I was about twelve years
old, I must dwell more particularly, inasmuch as it was not only of
import at the time, but also affected all my future life by its
consequences.
On a fine clear summer morning, I had risen in one of those thoughtful
moods, which rarely cloud the sunny mind of youth, but which, as I
have said, frequently succeeded to my gayest moments; and, walking
slowly down the side of the hill, I took my way through the windings
of a deep glen, that led far into the heart of the mountain. I was
well acquainted with the spot, and wandered on almost unconsciously,
with scarcely more attention to any external object than a casual
glance to the rocks that lay tossed about on either side, amidst a
profusion of shrubs and flowers, and trees of every hue and leaf.
The path ran along on a high bank of rocks overhanging the river,
which, dashing in and out round a thousand stony promontories, and
over a thousand bright cascades, gradually collected its waters into a
fuller body, and flowed on in a deep swift stream towards a more
profound fall below. At the side of the cataract, the most industrious
of all the universe's insects, man, had taken advantage of the
combination of stream and precipice, and fixed a small mill-wheel
under the full jet of water, the clacking sound of which, mingling
with the murmur of the stream, and the savage scenery around,
communicated strange, undefined sensations to my mind, associating all
the cheerful ideas of human proximity, with the wild grandeur of rude
uncultivated nature.
I was too young to unravel my feelings, or trace the sources of the
pleasure I experienced; but getting to the very verge of the rock, a
little way above the mill, I stood, watching the dashing eddies as
they hurried on to be precipitated down the fall, and listening to the
various sounds that came floating on the air.
On what impulse I forget at this moment, but after gazing for some
time, I put my foot still farther towards the edge of the rocky stone
on which I stood, and bent over, looking down the side of the bank.
The stone was a detached fragment of grey marble, lying somewhat
loosely upon the edge of the descent--my weight overthrew its
balance--it tottered--I made a violent effort to recover myself, but
in vain--the rock rolled over, and I was pitched headlong into the
stream.
The agony of finding myself irretrievably gone--the dazzle and the
flash of the water as it closed over my head--the thousand regrets
that whirled through my brain during the brief moment that I was below
the surface--the struggle of renewed hope as I rose again and beheld
the blue sky and the fair face of nature, are all as deeply graven on
my memory as if the whole had occurred but yesterday. Although all
panting when I got my head above the water, I succeeded in uttering a
loud shout for assistance, while I struggled to keep myself up with my
hand; but as I had never learned to swim, I soon sunk again, and on
rising a second time, my strength was so far gone, I could but give
voice to a feeble cry, though I saw myself drifting quickly towards
the mill and the waterfall, where death seemed inevitable. My only
hope was that the miller would hear me; but to my dismay, I found that
my call, though uttered with all the power I had left, was far too
faint to rise above the roar of the cascade and the clatter of the
mill-wheels.
Hope gave way, and ceasing to struggle, I was letting myself sink,
when I caught a faint glimpse of some one running down amongst the
rocks towards me, but at that moment, in spite of my renewed efforts,
the water overwhelmed me again. For an instant there was an
intolerable sense of suffocation--a ringing in my ears, and a flashing
of light in my eyes that was very dreadful, but it passed quickly
away, and a sweet dreamy sensation came over me, as if I had been
walking in green fields, I did not well know where--the fear and the
struggle were all gone, and, gradually losing remembrance of
everything, I seemed to fall asleep.
Such is all that my memory has preserved of the sensations I
experienced in drowning--a death generally considered a very dreadful
one, but which is, in reality, anything but painful. We have no means
of judging what is suffered in almost any other manner of passing from
the world; but were I to speak from what I myself felt in the
circumstances I have detailed, I should certainly say that _it is the
fear that is the death_.
My next remembrance is of a most painful tingling, spreading itself
through every part of my body, even to my very heart, without any
other consciousness of active being, till at length, opening my eyes,
I found myself lying in a large barely furnished room in the mill,
with a multitude of faces gazing at me, some strange and some
familiar, amongst the last of which I perceived the pimpled nose of
the old _maître d'hôtel_, and the mild countenance of Father Francis
of Allurdi.
My father, too, was there; and I remember seeing him with his arms
folded on his breast, and his eyes straining upon me as if his whole
soul was in them. When I opened mine, he raised his look towards
heaven, and a tear rolled over his cheek; but I saw or heard little of
what passed, for an irresistible sensation of weariness came over me;
and the moment after I awoke from the sleep of death, I fell into a
quiet and refreshing slumber, very different from the "cold
obstruction" of the others.
I will pass over all the rejoicing that signalized my recovery--my
father's joy, my mother's thanks and prayers, the servants' carousing,
and the potations, deep and strong, of the pimple-nosed _maître
d'hôtel_, whose hatred of water never demonstrated itself more
strongly than the day after I had escaped drowning. As soon as I had
completely regained my strength, my mother told me, that after having
shown our gratitude to God, it became our duty to show our gratitude
also to the person who had been the immediate means of saving me from
destruction; and it was then I learned that I owed my life to the
courage and skill of a lad but little older than myself, the son of a
poor procureur, or attorney, at Lourdes. He had been fishing in the
stream at the time the rock gave way under my feet, and seeing my
fall, hurried to save me. With much difficulty and danger he
accomplished his object, and having drawn me from the water, carried
me to the mill, where he remained only long enough to see me open my
eyes, retiring modestly the moment he was assured of my safety.
In those young days, life was to me so bright a plaything, all the
wheels of existence moved so easily, there was so much beauty in the
world, so much delight in being, that my most enthusiastic gratitude
was sure to follow such a service as that I had received. Readily did
I assent to my mother's proposal, that she should accompany me to
Lourdes to offer our thanks--not as with the world in general, in mere
empty words, as unsubstantial as the air that bears them, but by some
more lasting mark of our gratitude.
Upon the nature of the recompense she was to offer, she held a long
consultation with my father, who, unwilling to give anything minute
consideration, left it entirely to her own judgment, promising the
fullest acquiescence in whatever she should think fit; and accordingly
we set out early the next day for Lourdes, my mother mounted on a
hawking palfrey, and I riding by her side on a small fleet Limousin
horse, which my father had given me a few days before.
This was not, indeed, the equipage with which the Countess de Bigorre
should have visited a town once under the dominion of her husband's
ancestors; but what was to be done? A carriage, indeed, we had, which
would have held six, and if required, eight persons; though the
gilding was somewhat tarnished, and a few industrious spiders had spun
their delicate nets in the windows, and between the spokes of the
wheels. Neither were horses wanting, for on the side of the mountain
were eight coursers, with tails and manes as long as the locks of a
mermaid, and a plentiful supply of hair to correspond about their
feet. They were somewhat aged, indeed, and for the last six years they
had gone about slip-shod amongst the hills, enjoying the _otium cum
dignitate_ which neither men nor horses often find. Still they would
have done; but where were we to find the six men dressed in the
colours of the family, necessary to protect the foot-board behind?
where the four stout cavaliers, armed up to the teeth, to ride by the
side of the carriage? where the postilions? where the coachman?
My mother did much more wisely than strive for a pomp which we were
never to see again. She went quietly and simply, to discharge what she
considered a duty, with as little ostentation as possible; and when
the worthy _maître d'hôtel_ lamented, with the familiarity of long
service, that the Countess de Bigorre should go without such a retinue
as in his day had always made the name respected, she replied,
quietly, that those who were as proud of the name as she was, would
find no retinue needful to make it respectable. My father retired into
his library, as we were about to depart, saying to my mother, that he
hoped she had commanded such a body of retainers to accompany her as
she thought necessary. She merely replied that she had; and set out,
with a single groom to hold the horses, and a boy to show us the way
to the dwelling of the procureur.
Let it be observed, that, up to the commencement of the year of which
I speak, Lourdes had never been visited with the plague of an
attorney; but at that epoch, the father of the lad who had saved my
life, and who, like him, was named Jean Baptiste Arnault, had come to
settle in that place, much to the horror and astonishment of the
inhabitants. He had, it was rumoured, been originally _intendant_, or
steward, to some nobleman in Poitou, and having, by means best known
to himself, obtained the charge of procureur in Bearn, he had first
visited Pau, and thence removed to Lourdes.
The name of an attorney had at first frightened the good Bearnois of
that town; but they soon discovered that Maître Jean Baptiste Arnault
was a very clever, quiet, amiable, little man, about two cubits in
height, of which stature his head monopolised at least the moiety. He
was not particularly handsome; but, as he appeared to have other
better qualities, that did not much signify, and they gradually made
him their friend, their confidant, and their adviser; in all of which
capacities, he acted in a mild, tranquil, easy little manner, that
seemed quite delightful: but, notwithstanding all this, the people of
the town of Lourdes began insensibly to get of a quarrelsome and a
litigious turn, so that Jean Baptiste Arnault had his study in general
pretty full of clients; and, though he made it appear clearly to the
most common understanding, that his sole object was to promote peace
and good-will, yet, strange to say, discord, the faithful jackal of
all attorneys, was a very constant attendant on his steps.
Such were the reports that had reached us at the Château de l'Orme;
and the _maître d'hôtel_, when he repeated them, laid his finger upon
the side of his prominent and rubicund proboscis, and screwed up his
eye till it nearly suffered an eclipse, saying as plainly as nose and
eye could say, "Monsieur Jean Baptiste Arnault is a cunning fellow."
However, my father had no will to believe ill of any one, and my
mother as little; so that, when we set out for Lourdes, both were
fully convinced that the parent of their child's deliverer was one of
the most excellent of men.
After visiting the church, and offering at the shrine of _Notre Dame
du bon secours_, we proceeded to the dwelling of the procureur, and
dismounting from our horses, entered the _étude_, or office, of the
lawyer; the boy, who had come to show us the way, throwing open the
door with a consequential fling, calculated to impress the mind of the
attorney with the honour which we did him. It was a miserable chamber,
with a low table, and a few chairs, both strewed with some books of
law, and written papers, greased and browned by the continual thumbing
of the coarse-handed peasants, in whose concerns they were written.
Jean Baptiste Arnault was not there, but in his place appeared a
person, plainly dressed in a suit of black, with buttons of jet,
without any embroidery or ornament whatever. He wore a pair of riding
boots, with immense tops, shaped like a funnel, according to the mode
of the day, and the dust upon these appendages, as well as the
disordered state of his long wavy hair, seemed to announce that he had
ridden far; while a large Sombrero hat, and a long steel-hilted Toledo
sword, which lay beside him, led the mind naturally to conclude that
his journey had been from Spain.
To judge of his station by his dress, one would have concluded him to
be some Spanish merchant of no very large fortune; but his person and
his air told a different tale. Pale, and even rather sallow in
complexion, the high broad forehead, rising almost upright from his
brow, and seen still higher through the floating curls of his dark
hair, the straight, finely turned nose, the small mouth curled with a
sort of smile, strangely mingled of various expressions, half cynical,
half bland, the full rounded chin, the very turn of his head and neck,
as he sat writing at a table exactly opposite the door, all gave that
nobility to his aspect, which was not to be mistaken.
On our entrance, the stranger rose, and in answer to my mother's
inquiry for the procureur, replied, "Arnault is not at present here;
but if the Countess de Bigorre will sit down, he shall attend her
immediately," and taking up the letter he had been writing, he left
the apartment. The moment after, the door by which he had gone out
again opened, and Jean Baptiste Arnault entered the room, at once
verifying by his appearance everything we had heard of his person. He
was quite a dwarf in stature; and, in size at least, dame Nature had
certainly very much favoured his head, at the expense of the rest of
his body. His face, to my youthful eyes, appeared at least two feet
square, with all the features in proportion, except the eyes, which
were peculiarly small and black; and not being very regularly set in
his head, seemed like two small boats, nearly lost in the vast ocean
of countenance which lay before us.
I do not precisely remember the particulars of the conversation which
took place upon his coming in, but I very well recollect laughing most
amazingly at his appearance, in spite of my mother's reproof, and
telling him, with the unceremonious candour of a spoiled child, that
he was certainly the ugliest man I had ever seen. He affected to take
my boldness in very good part, and called me a fine frank boy; but
there was a vindictive gleam in his little black eyes, which
contradicted his words; and I have since had reason to believe that he
never forgot or forgave my childish rudeness. It is a very general
rule, that a man is personally vain in proportion to his ugliness, and
hates the truth in the same degree that he deceives himself. Certain
it is, no man was ever more ugly, or ever more vain; and his conceit
had not been nourished a little by marrying a very handsome woman.
Of course the first subject of conversation which arose between my
mother and himself was the service which his son had rendered me; and
as a recompense, she offered that the young Jean Baptiste should be
received into the Château de l'Orme, and educated with its heir, which
she considered as the highest honour that could be conferred on the
young _roturier_; and in the second place, she promised, in the name
of my father, that five hundred livres per annum should be settled
upon him for life,--a sum of no small importance in those days, and in
that part of the country.
The surprise and gratitude of the attorney can hardly be properly
expressed. Of liberality he had not in his own bosom one single idea;
and, I verily believe, that at first he thought my mother had some
sinister object in the proposals which she made; but speedily
recovering himself, he accepted with great readiness the pension that
was offered to his son; at the same time hesitating a good deal in
regard to sending him to the Château de l'Orme. He enlarged upon his
sense of the honour, and the favour, and the condescension; but his
son, he said, was the only person he had who could act as his clerk,
and he was afraid he could not continue his business without him. In
short, his objections hurt my mother's pride, and she was rising with
an air of dignity to put an end to the matter, by taking her
departure, when, as if by a sudden thought, the procureur besought her
to stay one moment, and as her bounty had already been so great,
perhaps she would extend it one degree farther. His son, he said, was
absolutely necessary to him to carry on his business; but he had one
daughter, whom, her mother being dead, he had no means of educating as
he could wish. "If," said he, "Madame la Comtesse de Bigorre will
transfer the benefit she intended for my son to his sister, she will
lay my whole family under an everlasting obligation; and I will take
upon myself to affirm, that the disposition and talents of the child
are such as will do justice to the kindness of her benefactress."
These words he pronounced in a loud voice, and then starting up, as if
to cut across all deliberation on the subject, he said he would call
both his children, and left the room.
After having been absent some time, he returned with the lad who had
saved my life, and a little girl of about ten years old. Jean
Baptiste, the younger, was at this time about fifteen; and though
totally unlike his father in stature, in make, or in mind, he had
still a sufficient touch of the old procureur in his countenance, to
justify his mother in the matter of paternity.
Not so the little Helen, whose face was certainly not the reflection
of her father's, if such he was. Her long soft dark eyes alone were
sufficient to have overset the whole relationship, without even the
glossy brown hair that curled round her brow, the high clear forehead,
the mouth like twin cherries, or the brilliant complexion, which
certainly put Monsieur Arnault's coffee-coloured skin very much out of
countenance.
Her manners were as sweet and gentle as her person: my mother's heart
was soon won, and the exchange proposed readily conceded. The young
Jean Baptiste was thanked both by my mother and myself, in all the
terms we could find to express our gratitude, all which he received in
a good-humoured and yet a sheepish manner, as if he were at once
gratified and distressed by the commendations that were showered upon
him. Helen, it was agreed, should be brought over to the château the
next day; and having now acquitted ourselves of the debt of obligation
under which we had lain, we again mounted our horses and rode away
from Lourdes.