The most characteristic work of that important official, the clerk of
the weather.
The young lady who has never been before, and wants to know the names of
the eights who compete for the Diamond Sculls.
The enthusiastic boating man, who, however, prefers luncheon when the
hour arrives, to watching the most exciting race imaginable.
The itinerant vendors of "coolers" and other delightful comestibles.
The troupes of niggers selected and not quite select.
The houseboat with decorations in odious taste, and company to match.
The "perfect gentleman's rider" (from Paris) who remembers boating at
Asnières thirty years ago, when Jules wore when rowing lavender
kid-gloves and high top-boots.
The calm mathematician (from Berlin), who would prefer to see the races
represented by an equation.
The cute Yankee (from New York), who is quite sure that some of the
losing crews have been "got at" while training.
The guaranteed enclosure, with band, lunch and company of the same
quality.
The "very best view of the river" from a dozen points of the compass.
Neglected maidens, bored matrons, and odd men out.
Quite the prettiest toilettes in the world.
The Thames Conservancy in many branches.
Launches: steam, electric, accommodating and the reverse.
Men in flannels who don't boat, and men in tweeds who do.
A vast multitude residential, and a vaster come per rail from town.
Three glorious days of excellent racing, at once national and unique.
An aquatic festival, a pattern to the world.
And before all and above all, a contest free from all chicanery, and the
very embodiment of fairplay.
* * * * *
The new lock at Teddington must be a patent one, as there is no quay.
* * * * *
[Illustration: NOT THE FIRST TIME THEY DON'T AGREE TOGETHER
_Wife._ "Isn't it jolly to think we have the whole day before us? The
boatman says we couldn't go home, even if we wanted to, till the tide
turns, and that's not for hours and hours yet. I've got all sorts of
lovely things for lunch too!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: BIS DAT QUI CITO DAT
_Lock-keeper (handing ticket)._ "Threepence, please."
_Little Jenkins._ "Not me: I've just paid that fellow back there."
_Lock-keeper (drily)._ "'Im! Oh, that's the chap _who collects for the
Band_!"]
* * * * *