(_Per Ocean Bottle-post_)
_In the South Atlantic,
Three miles off Land (perpendicularly).
Six Bells, Feb. 27, 1898._
DEAR MR. PUNCH,--Yeo-ho and ahoy! If this ever reaches you, it is to
tell you that the very good ship _Triton_ (this is within a cable's
length of her name) has been at sea for just a fortnight, bound for the
Cape on her second trip. She bears on board about a thousand souls all
told, five horses, a couple of cows, two or three parrots, of
third-class behaviour, and a few canaries, which have not as yet taken
berths inside the ship's cat.
We left Southampton on an even keel, but there were plenty of French
rolls for breakfast next morning in the Bay of Biscay, so we were
ægrotat (_sic_) for the rest of the day in such seclusion as our cabin
granted. The next event of importance was Madeira. Here we had about
four hours in which to watch the natives (one of them a one-armed boy)
diving for our spare coppers, to breakfast on shore, to do the sights of
Funchal, to buy deck-chairs, if not whole drawing-room suites, of
wickerwork, to visit Santa Clara and the other suburban resorts, and,
most necessary of all, to ascend by the new mountain railway to the
church of Nossa Senhora de Monte, and then to descend two thousand feet
by _carro_, or toboggan over the cobble-stone pathway. It was a lot to
do, but we did it on our heads--especially the last-named athletic
performance. Our steersman, Manuel, certainly deserved his pint of
Madeira at the "Half-way House" for his agility and dexterity in taking
us down a decline of one in two, past corkscrew corners, and hordes of
beggars.
English money seems to be quite the medium of currency at Funchal, and
English is spoken by the enterprising islanders while you wait (or until
your last shilling is spent). Even a tea-garden sort of place is
dignified by the name of "Earl's Court," to attract and solace the
homesick Londoner. Meanwhile, it was market-day on board the ship, and
great was the company of merchants with all kinds of wares. These are
bundled off neck and crop by 11 A.M., and we settled down to the serious
business of the voyage--the election of a Sports and Entertainment
Committee, the consumption of six meals a day, the daily sweepstakes and
auction on the run, the dissection of everybody's character, and the
other inevitable humours and incidents of an ocean trip.
We fetched a compass, or whatever the nautical phrase is, round the
Canaries in a sea-fog, for fear of running up against Teneriffe, and
since then we haven't sighted land, nor seen a ship, or even a whale or
waterspout, nothing more exciting than a few coveys of flying-fish, and,
I think, half-a-dozen porpoises. At the moment of writing, however, I
see a solitary albatross, and lose no time in informing your readers of
the fact. We crossed the line without feeling the slightest bump. We
have passed through the tropics with only one hot night, and our feet,
like our thoughts, are now turning towards Fleet Street and home, as we
near the Antipodes.
We have had the usual fancy-dress ball with some decidedly impromptu
costumes. One of a large theatrical company was quite unrecognisable as
Sheffield's Ape, taking the first prize, and has since been busy
restoring himself to human form. The captain's clerk appeared in a
series of quick-turn changes, such as a comic sailor or a deplorable old
lady; while the ship's doctor contributed an awe-inspiring impersonation
of Old Moore or somebody in the wizard profession.
The sports and other entertainments have passed off without bloodshed.
Our captain, a breezy, jovial Irishman, received the ladies with open
arms at the finish of their fifty yards race, and the comedians who
performed in "Are you there?" and the other humorous items fully rose,
or tumbled, to the occasion, as the case might be. Take it all round, we
have had a particularly good time of it. Pleasant company and pleasant
weather. Out of reach of letters and telegrams, and face to face with
the ocean.
We are now in the teeth of a strong south-easter, and the writing-room
is beginning to dance, I therefore hasten to catch the post.
Yours, very much at sea,
X. Y. Z.
* * * * *
[Illustration: ASSURING!
_Passenger_ (_faintly_). "C'lect fares--'fore we get across! I thought
we----"
_Mate._ "'Beg y'r pardon, sir, but our orders is, in bad weather, to be
partic'lar careful to collect fares; 'cause in a gale like this 'ere,
there's no knowing how soon we may all go to the bottom!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: ILLUSTRATED QUOTATIONS
(_One so seldom finds an artist who realises the poetic conception_)
"We have fed our sea for a thousand years."--_Kipling._]
* * * * *
[Illustration: A PRIMEVAL YACHT RACE
Somehow or other, in those days, a breeze was more often forthcoming
when it was wanted, and the race did "occasionally" end in favour of the
challenger.]
* * * * *