The first lieutenant has more patients--Mr Chucks the Boatswain, lets me
into the secret of his gentility.
Before I proceed with my narrative, I wish to explain to the reader that
my history was not written in after-life, when I had obtained a greater
knowledge of the world. When I first went to sea, I promised my mother
that I would keep a journal of what passed, with my reflections upon it.
To this promise I rigidly adhered, and since I have been my own master,
these journals have remained in my possession. In writing, therefore,
the early part of my adventures, everything is stated as it was
impressed on my mind at the time. Upon many points I have since had
reason to form a different opinion from that which is recorded, and upon
many others I have since laughed heartily at my folly and simplicity;
but still, I have thought it advisable to let the ideas of the period
remain, rather than correct them by those of dear-bought experience. A
boy of fifteen, brought up in a secluded country town, cannot be
expected to reason and judge as a young man who has seen much of life,
and passed through a variety of adventures. The reader must therefore
remember, that I have referred to my journal for the opinions and
feelings which guided me between each distinct anniversary of my
existence.
We had now been cruising for six weeks, and I found that my profession
was much more agreeable than I had anticipated. My desire to please was
taken for the deed; and, although I occasionally made a blunder, yet the
captain and first lieutenant seemed to think that I was attentive to my
duty to the best of my ability, and only smiled at my mistakes. I also
discovered, that, however my natural capacity may have been estimated by
my family, that it was not so depreciated here; and every day I felt
more confidence in myself, and hoped, by attention and diligence, to
make up for a want of natural endowment. There certainly is something in
the life of a sailor which enlarges the mind. When I was at home six
months before, I allowed other people to think for me, and acted wholly
on the leading-strings of their suggestions; on board, to the best of my
ability, I thought for myself. I became happy with my messmates--those
who were harsh upon me left off, because I never resented their conduct,
and those who were kind to me were even kinder than before. The time
flew away quickly, I suppose, because I knew exactly what I had to do,
and each day was the forerunner of the ensuing. The first lieutenant was
one of the most amusing men I ever knew, yet he never relaxed from the
discipline of the service, or took the least liberty with either his
superiors or inferiors. His humour was principally shown in his various
modes of punishment; and, however severe the punishment was to the
party, the manner of inflicting it was invariably a source of amusement
to the remainder of the ship's company. I often thought, that although
no individual liked being punished, yet, that all the ship's company
were quite pleased when a punishment took place. He was very particular
about his decks; they were always as white as snow, and nothing
displeased him so much as their being soiled. It was for that reason
that he had such an objection to the use of tobacco. There were
spitting-pans placed in different parts of the decks for the use of the
men, that they might not dirty the planks with the tobacco-juice.
Sometimes a man in his hurry forgot to use these pans, but, as the mess
to which the stain might be opposite had their grog stopped if the party
were not found out, they took good care not only to keep a look-out, but
to inform against the offender. Now the punishment for the offence was
as follows--the man's hands were tied behind his back, and a large tin
spitting-box fixed to his chest by a strap over the shoulders. All the
other boxes on the lower deck were taken away, and he was obliged to
walk there, ready to attend the summons of any man who might wish to
empty his mouth of the tobacco-juice. The other men were so pleased at
the fancy, that they spat twice as much as before, for the pleasure of
making him run about. Mr Chucks, the boatswain, called it "the first
lieutenant's _perambulating_ spitting-pan." He observed to me one day,
"that really Mr Falcon was such an _epicure_ about his decks, that he
was afraid to pudding an anchor on the forecastle."
I was much amused one morning watch that I kept. We were stowing the
hammocks in the quarter-deck nettings, when one of the boys came up with
his hammock on his shoulder, and as he passed the first lieutenant, the
latter perceived that he had a quid of tobacco in his cheek. "What have
you got there, my good lad--a gum-boil?--your cheek is very much
swelled." "No, sir," replied the boy, "there's nothing at all the
matter." "O there must be; it is a bad tooth, then. Open your mouth, and
let me see." Very reluctantly the boy opened his mouth, and discovered a
large roll of tobacco-leaf. "I see, I see," said the first lieutenant,
"your mouth wants overhauling, and your teeth cleaning. I wish we had a
dentist on board; but as we have not, I will operate as well as I can.
Send the armourer up here with his tongs." When the armourer made his
appearance, the boy was made to open his mouth, while the chaw of
tobacco was extracted with his rough instrument. "There now," said the
first lieutenant, "I'm sure that you must feel better already; you never
could have had any appetite. Now, captain of the afterguard, bring a
piece of old canvas and some sand here, and clean his teeth nicely." The
captain of the afterguard came forward, and putting the boy's head
between his knees, scrubbed his teeth well with the sand and canvas for
two or three minutes. "There, that will do," said the first lieutenant.
"Now, my little fellow, your mouth is nice and clean, and you'll enjoy
your breakfast. It was impossible for you to have eaten anything with
your mouth in such a nasty state. When it's dirty again, come to me, and
I'll be your dentist."
One day I was on the forecastle with Mr Chucks, the boatswain, who was
very kind to me. He had been showing me how to make the various knots
and bends of rope which are used in our service. I am afraid that I was
very stupid, but he showed me over and over again, until I learnt how to
make them. Amongst others, he taught me a fisherman's bend, which he
pronounced to be the _king_ of all knots; "and, Mr Simple," continued
he, "there is a moral in that knot. You observe, that when the parts are
drawn the right way, and together, the more you pull the faster they
hold, and the more impossible to untie them; but see, by hauling them
apart, how a little difference, a pull the other way, immediately
disunites them, and then how easy they cast off in a moment. That points
out the necessity of pulling together in this world, Mr Simple, when we
wish to hold on, and that's a piece of philosophy worth all the
twenty-six thousand and odd years of my friend the carpenter, which
leads to nothing but a brown study, when he ought to be attending to his
duty."
"Very true, Mr Chucks, you are the better philosopher of the two."
"I am the better educated, Mr Simple, and I trust, more of a gentleman.
I consider a gentleman to be, to a certain degree, a philosopher, for
very often he is obliged, to support his character as such, to put up
with what another person may very properly fly in a passion about. I
think coolness is the great character-stick of a gentleman. In the
service, Mr Simple, one is obliged to appear angry without indulging the
sentiment. I can assure you, that I never lose my temper, even when I
use my rattan."
"Why, then, Mr Chucks, do you swear so much at the men? Surely that is
not gentlemanly?"
"Most certainly not, sir. But I must defend myself by observing the very
artificial state in which we live on board of a man-of-war. Necessity,
my dear Mr Simple, has no law. You must observe how gently I always
commence when I have to find fault. I do that to prove my gentility;
but, sir, my zeal for the service obliges me to alter my language, to
prove in the end that I am in earnest. Nothing would afford me more
pleasure than to be able to carry on the duty as a gentleman, but that's
impossible."
"I really cannot see why."
"Perhaps, then, Mr Simple, you will explain to me why the captain and
first lieutenant swear."
"That I do not pretend to answer, but they only do so upon an
emergency."
"Exactly so; but, sir, their 'mergency is my daily and hourly duty. In
the continual working of the ship I am answerable for all that goes
amiss. The life of a boatswain is a life of 'mergency, and therefore I
swear."
"I still cannot allow it to be requisite, and certainly it is sinful."
"Excuse me, my dear sir; it is absolutely requisite, and not at all
sinful. There is one language for the pulpit, and another for on board
ship, and, in either situation, a man must make use of those terms most
likely to produce the necessary effect upon his listeners. Whether it is
from long custom of the service, or from the indifference of a sailor to
all common things and language (I can't exactly explain myself, Mr
Simple, but I know what I mean), perhaps constant excitement may do, and
therefore he requires more 'stimilis,' as they call it, to make him
move. Certain it is, that common parlancy won't do with a common seaman.
It is not here as in the scriptures, 'Do this, and he doeth it' (by the
bye, that chap must have had his soldiers in tight order); but it is,
'Do this, d--n your eyes,' and then it is done directly. The order to
_do_ just carries the weight of a cannon-shot, but it wants the
perpelling power--the d--n is the gunpowder which sets it flying in the
execution of its duty. Do you comprehend me, Mr Simple?"
"I perfectly understand you, Mr Chucks, and I cannot help remarking, and
that without flattery, that you are very different from the rest of the
warrant officers. Where did you receive your education?"
"Mr Simple, I am here a boatswain with a clean shirt, and, I say it
myself, and no one dare gainsay it, also with a thorough knowledge of my
duty. But although I do not say that I ever was better off, I can say
this, that I've been in the best society, in the company of lords and
ladies. I once dined with your grandfather."
"That's more than ever I did, for he never asked me, nor took the least
notice of me," replied I.
"What I state is true. I did not know that he was your grandfather until
yesterday, when I was talking with Mr O'Brien; but I perfectly recollect
him, although I was very young at that time. Now, Mr Simple, if you will
promise me as a gentleman (and I know you are one), that you will not
repeat what I tell you, then I'll let you into the history of my life."
"Mr Chucks, as I am a gentleman I never will divulge it until you are
dead and buried, and not then if you do not wish it."
"When I am dead and buried, you may do as you please; it may then be of
service to other people, although my story is not a very long one."
Mr Chucks then sat down upon the fore-end of the booms by the funnel,
and I took my place by his side, when he commenced as follows:--
"My father was a boatswain before me--one of the old school, rough as a
bear, and drunken as a Gosport fiddler. My mother was--my mother, and I
shall say no more. My father was invalided for harbour duty after a life
of intoxication, and died shortly afterwards. In the meantime I had
been, by the kindness of the port-admiral's wife, educated at a
foundation school. I was thirteen when my father died, and my mother,
not knowing what to do with me, wished to bind me apprentice to a
merchant vessel; but this I refused, and, after six months' quarrelling
on the subject, I decided the point by volunteering in the _Narcissus_
frigate. I believe that my gentlemanly ideas were innate, Mr Simple; I
never, as a child, could bear the idea of the merchant service. After I
had been a week on board, I was appointed servant to the purser, where I
gave such satisfaction by my alertness and dexterity, that the first
lieutenant took me away from the purser to attend upon himself, so that
in two months I was a person of such consequence as to create a
disturbance in the gunroom, for the purser was very angry, and many of
the officers took his part. It was whispered that I was the son of the
first lieutenant, and that he was aware of it. How far that may be true
I know not, but there was a likeness between us; and my mother, who was
a very pretty woman, attended his ship many years before as a bumboat
girl. I can't pretend to say anything about it, but this I do say, Mr
Simple--and many will blame me for it, but I can't help my natural
feelings--that I had rather be the bye-blow of a gentleman, than the
'gitimate offspring of a boatswain and his wife. There's no chance of
good blood in your veins in the latter instance, whereas, in the former
you may have stolen a drop or two. It so happened, that after I had
served the first lieutenant for about a year, a young lord (I must not
mention his name, Mr Simple) was sent to sea by his friends, or by his
own choice, I don't know which, but I was told that his uncle, who was
'zeckative, and had an interest in his death, persuaded him to go. A
lord at that period, some twenty-five years ago, was a rarity in the
service, and they used to salute him when he came on board. The
consequence was, that the young lord must have a servant to himself,
although all the rest of the midshipmen had but one servant between
them. The captain inquired who was the best boy in the ship, and the
purser, to whom he appealed, recommended me. Accordingly, much to the
annoyance of the first lieutenant (for first lieutenants in those days
did not assume as they do now, not that I refer to Mr Falcon, who is a
gentleman), I was immediately surrendered to his lordship. I had a very
easy, comfortable life of it--I did little or nothing; if inquired for
when all hands were turned up, I was cleaning his lordship's boots, or
brushing his lordship's clothes, and there was nothing to be said when
his lordship's name was mentioned. We went to the Mediterranean (because
his lordship's mamma wished it), and we had been there about a year,
when his lordship ate so many grapes that he was seized with a
dysentery. He was ill for three weeks, and then he requested to be sent
to Malta in a transport going to Gibraltar, or rather to the Barbary
coast, for bullocks. He became worse every day, and made his will,
leaving me all his effects on board, which I certainly deserved for the
kindness with which I had nursed him. Off Malta we fell in with a
xebeque, bound to Civita Vecchia, and the captain of the transport,
anxious to proceed, advised our going on board of her, as the wind was
light and contrary, and these Mediterranean vessels sailed better on a
wind than the transport. My master, who was now sinking fast, consented,
and we changed our ships. The next day he died, and a gale of wind came
on, which prevented us from gaining the port for several days, and the
body of his lordship not only became so offensive, but affected the
superstition of the Catholic sailors so much, that it was hove
overboard. None of the people could speak English, nor could I speak
Maltese; they had no idea who we were, and I had plenty of time for
cogitation. I had often thought what a fine thing it was to be a lord,
and as often wished that I had been born one. The wind was still against
us, when a merchant vessel ran down to us, that had left Civita Vecchia
for Gibraltar. I desired the captain of the xebeque to make a signal of
distress, or rather I did myself, and the vessel, which proved to be
English, bore down to us.
"I manned the boat to go on board, and the idea came into my head, that,
although they might refuse to take me, they would not refuse a lord. I
put on the midshipman's uniform belonging to his lordship (but then
certainly belonging to me), and went alongside of the merchant vessel; I
told them that I had left my ship for the benefit of my health, and
wanted a passage to Gibraltar, on my way home. My title, and immediate
acceptance of the terms demanded for my passage, was sufficient. My
property was brought from the xebeque; and, of course, as they could not
speak English, they could not contradict, even if they suspected. Here,
Mr Simple, I must acknowledge a slight flaw in my early history, which I
impart to you in confidence; or otherwise I should not have been able to
prove that I was correct in asserting that I had dined with your
grandfather. But the temptation was too strong, and I could not resist.
Think yourself, Mr Simple, after having served as a ship's boy clouted
here, kicked there, damned by one, and sent to hell by another--to find
myself treated with such respect and deference, and my lorded this and
my lorded that, every minute of the day. During my passage to Gibraltar,
I had plenty of time for arranging my plans. I hardly need say that my
lord's _kit_ was valuable; and what was better, they exactly fitted me.
I also had his watches and trinkets, and many other things, besides a
bag of dollars. However, they were honestly mine; the only thing that I
took was his name, which he had no further occasion for, poor fellow!
But it's no use defending what was wrong--it was dishonest, and there's
an end of it.
"Now observe, Mr Simple, how one thing leads to another. I declare to
you, that my first idea of making use of his lordship's name, was to
procure a passage to Gibraltar. I then was undecided how to act; but, as
I had charge of his papers and letters to his mother and guardian, I
think--indeed I am almost sure--that I should have laid aside my dignity
and midshipman's dress, and applied for a passage home to the
commissioner of the yard. But it was fated to be otherwise; for the
master of the transport went on shore to report and obtain pratique, and
he told them everywhere that young Lord A---- was a passenger with him,
going to England for the benefit of his health. In less than
half-an-hour, off came the commissioner's boat, and another boat from
the governor, requesting the honour of my company, and that I would take
a bed at their houses during my stay. What could I do? I began to be
frightened; but I was more afraid to confess that I was an impostor, for
I am sure the master of the transport alone would have kicked me
overboard, if I had let him know that he had been so confounded polite
to a ship's boy. So I blushed half from modesty and half from guilt, and
accepted the invitation of the governor; sending a polite verbal refusal
to the commissioner, upon the plea of there being no paper or pens on
board. I had so often accompanied my late master, that I knew very well
how to conduct myself, and had borrowed a good deal of his air and
appearance--indeed, I had a natural taste for gentility. I could write
and read; not perhaps so well as I ought to have done, considering the
education I had received, but still quite well enough for a lord, and
indeed much better than my late master. I knew his signature well
enough, although the very idea of being forced to use it made me
tremble. However, the die was cast. I ought to observe, that in one
point we were not unlike--both had curly light hair and blue eyes; in
other points there was no resemblance. I was by far the better-looking
chap of the two; and as we had been up the Mediterranean for two years,
I had no fear of any doubt as to my identity until I arrived in England.
Well, Mr Simple, I dressed myself very carefully, put on my chains and
rings, and a little perfume on my handkerchief, and accompanied the
aide-de-camp to the governor's, where I was asked after my mother, Lady
----, and my uncle, my guardian, and a hundred other questions. At
first I was much confused, which was attributed to bashfulness; and so
it was, but not of the right sort. But before the day was over, I had
become so accustomed to be called 'my lord,' and to my situation, that I
was quite at my ease, and began to watch the motions and behaviour of
the company, that I might regulate my comportment by that of good
society. I remained at Gibraltar for a fortnight, and then was offered a
passage in a transport ordered to Portsmouth. Being an officer, of
course it was free to a certain extent. On my passage to England, I
again made up my mind that I would put off my dress and title as soon as
I could escape from observation; but I was prevented as before. The
port-admiral sent off to request the pleasure of my company to dinner. I
dared not refuse; and there I was, my lord, as before, courted and
feasted by everybody. Tradesmen called to request the honour of my
lordship's custom; my table at the hotel was covered with cards of all
descriptions; and, to confess the truth, I liked my situation so much,
and had been so accustomed to it, that I now began to dislike the idea
that one day or other I must resign it, which I determined to do as soon
as I quitted the place. My bill at the hotel was very extravagant, and
more than I could pay: but the master said it was not of the least
consequence; that of course his lordship had not provided himself with
cash, just coming from foreign parts, and offered to supply me with
money if I required it. This, I will say, I was honest enough to refuse.
I left my cards, P.P.C., as they do, Mr Simple, in all well-regulated
society, and set off in the mail for London, where I fully resolved to
drop my title, and to proceed to Scotland to his lordship's mother, with
the mournful intelligence of his death--for you see, Mr Simple, no one
knew that his lordship was dead. The captain of the transport had put
him into the xebeque alive, and the vessel bound to Gibraltar had
received him, as they imagined. The captain of the frigate had very soon
afterwards advices from Gibraltar, stating his lordship's recovery and
return to England. Well, I had not been in the coach more than five
minutes, when who should get in but a gentleman whom I had met at the
port-admiral's; besides which the coachman and others knew me very well.
When I arrived in London (I still wore my midshipman's uniform), I went
to an hotel recommended to me, as I afterwards found out, the most
fashionable in town, my title still following me. I now determined to
put off my uniform, and dress in plain clothes--my farce was over. I
went to bed that night, and the next morning made my appearance in a
suit of mufti, making inquiry of the waiter which was the best
conveyance to Scotland.
"'Post chay and four, my lord. At what time shall I order it?'
"'O,' replied I, 'I am not sure that I shall go tomorrow.'
"Just at this moment in came the master of the hotel, with the _Morning
Post_ in his hand, making me a low bow, and pointing to the insertion of
my arrival at his hotel among the fashionables. This annoyed me; and now
that I found how difficult it was to get rid of my title, I became
particularly anxious to be William Chucks, as before. Before
twelve o'clock, three or four gentlemen were ushered into my
sitting-room, who observing my arrival in that damn'd _Morning Post_,
came to pay their respects; and before the day was over I was invited
and re-invited by a dozen people. I found that I could not retreat, and
I went away with the stream, as I did before at Gibraltar and
Portsmouth. For three weeks I was everywhere; and if I found it
agreeable at Portsmouth, how much more so in London! But I was not
happy, Mr Simple, because I was a cheat, every moment expecting to be
found out. But it really was a nice thing to be a lord.
"At last the play was over. I had been enticed by some young men into a
gambling-house, where they intended to fleece me; but, for the first
night, they allowed me to win, I think, about £300. I was quite
delighted with my success, and had agreed to meet them the next evening;
but when I was at breakfast, with my legs crossed, reading the _Morning
Post_, who should come to see me but my guardian uncle. He knew his
nephew's features too well to be deceived; and my not recognising him
proved at once that I was an impostor. You must allow me to hasten over
the scene which took place--the wrath of the uncle, the confusion in the
hotel, the abuse of the waiters, the police officer, and being dragged
into a hackney coach to Bow-street. There I was examined and confessed
all. The uncle was so glad to find that his nephew was really dead, that
he felt no resentment towards me; and as, after all, I had only assumed
a name, but had cheated nobody, except the landlord at Portsmouth, I was
sent on board the tender off the Tower, to be drafted into a man-of-war.
As for my £300, my clothes, &c., I never heard any more of them; they
were seized, I presume, by the landlord of the hotel for my bill, and
very handsomely he must have paid himself. I had two rings on my
fingers, and a watch in my pocket, when I was sent on board the tender,
and I stowed them away very carefully. I had also a few pounds in my
purse. I was sent round to Plymouth, where I was drafted into a frigate.
After I had been there some time, I turned the watch and rings into
money, and bought myself a good kit of clothes; for I could not bear to
be dirty. I was put into the mizen-top, and no one knew that I had been
a lord."
"You found some difference, I should think, in your situation?"
"Yes, I did, Mr Simple; but I was much happier. I could not forget the
ladies, and the dinners, and the opera, and all the delights of London,
beside the respect paid to my title, and I often sighed for them; but
the police officer and Bow-street also came to my recollection, and I
shuddered at the remembrance. It had, however, one good effect; I
determined to be an officer if I could, and learnt my duty, and worked
my way up to quarter-master, and thence to boatswain--and I know my
duty, Mr Simple. But I've been punished for my folly ever since. I
formed ideas above my station in life, and cannot help longing to be a
gentleman. It's a bad thing for a man to have ideas above his station."
"You certainly must find some difference between the company in London
and that of the warrant officers."
"It's many years back now, sir; but I can't get over the feeling. I
can't 'sociate with them at all. A man may have the feelings of a
gentleman, although in a humble capacity; but how can I be intimate with
such people as Mr Dispart or Mr Muddle, the carpenter? All very well in
their way, Mr Simple, but what can you expect from officers who boil
their 'tators in a cabbage-net hanging in the ship's coppers, when they
know that there is one-third of a stove allowed them to cook their
victuals on?"