ROUMANIAN MARRIAGE AND MORALITY.
Marriageable Roumanian girls often wear a head-dress richly embroidered
with pearls and coins; this is a sign that their trousseaus are ready,
and that they only wait for a suitor. The preparation of the trousseau,
involving as it does much spinning, weaving, and embroidering, in order
to get ready the requisite number of shirts, towels, pillow-covers,
etc., considered indispensable, often keeps the girl and her family
employed for years beforehand. In some districts we are told that it is
customary for the young man who is seeking a girl in marriage to make
straight for the painted wooden chest containing her dowry; and only
when satisfied, by the appearance of the contents, of the skill and
industry of his intended, does he proceed to the formal demand of her
hand. If, on the contrary, the coffer prove to be ill-furnished, he is
at liberty to beat a retreat, and back out of the affair. The matter
has been still further simplified in one village, for there, during
the carnival-time, the mother of each marriageable daughter is in the
habit of organizing a sort of standing exhibition of the maiden’s
effects in the dwelling-room, where each article is displayed to the
best advantage, hung against the walls or spread out upon the benches.
The would-be suitor is thus enabled to review the situation merely by
pushing the door ajar, and need not even cross the threshold if the
display falls short of his expectations.
In some districts a pretty little piece of acting is still kept up
on the wedding-morning. The bridegroom, accompanied by his friends,
arrives on horseback at full gallop before the house of his intended,
and roughly calls upon the father to give him his daughter. The old
man denies having any daughter; but after some mock wrangling he goes
into the house and leads out an old toothless hag, who is received with
shouts and clamors. Then, after a little more fencing, he goes in again
and leads out the true bride dressed in her best clothes, and with his
blessing gives her over to the bridegroom.[21]
An orthodox Roumanian wedding should last seven days and seven nights,
neither less nor more; but as there are many who cannot afford this
sacrifice of time, they circumvent the difficulty by interrupting the
festivities after the first day, and resuming them on the seventh.
The ceremony itself is accomplished with much gayety and rejoicing.
The parents of the bridegroom go to fetch the bride, in a cart
harnessed with four oxen whose horns are wreathed with flower garlands;
the village musicians march in front, and the chest containing the
trousseau is placed on the cart. One of the bride’s relations carries
her dowry tied up in a handkerchief attached to the point of a long
pole.
Whoever is invited to a Roumanian wedding is expected to bring
not only a cake and a bottle of wine, but also some other gift of
less transitory nature—a piece of linen, an embroidered towel, a
handkerchief, or such-like.
In some villages it is customary for the bride, after the
wedding-feast, to step over the banqueting-table and upset a bucket of
water placed there for the purpose.[22] After this begins the dancing,
at which it is usual for each guest to take a turn with the bride, and
receive from her a kiss in return for the civility.
An ancient custom, now fast dying out, was the _tergul de fete_—the
maidens’ market—celebrated each year at the top of the Gaina mountain,
at a height of nearly six thousand feet above the level of the sea,
and where all the marriageable girls for miles around used to assemble
to be courted on the 29th of June, Feast of St. Peter and St. Paul.
The trousseau, packed in a gayly decorated chest, was placed in a
cart harnessed with the finest horses or the fattest oxen, and thus
the girl and her whole family proceeded to the place of rendezvous.
Sheep, calves, poultry, and even beehives, were likewise brought
by way of decoration; and many people went the length of borrowing
strange cattle or furniture, in order to cut a better figure and lure
on the suitors—although it was an understood thing that only a part
of what was thus displayed really belonged to the maiden’s dowry. The
destination being reached, each family having a girl to dispose of
erected its tent, with the objects grouped around, and seated in front
was the head of the family, smoking his pipe and awaiting the suitors.
The young men on their side came also accompanied by their families,
bringing part of their property with them, notably a broad leather belt
well stocked with gold and silver coins.
When an agreement had been effected, then the betrothal took place on
the spot, with music, dancing, and singing, and it hardly ever happened
that a girl returned home unbetrothed from this meeting. But, to say
the truth, this was, latterly, only because each girl attending the
fair went there virtually betrothed to some youth with whom all the
preliminaries of courtship had already been gone through, and this was
merely the official way of celebrating the betrothal, the Roumanians
in these parts believing that good-luck will attend only such couples
as are affianced in this manner. Any girl who had not got a bridegroom
_in spe_ rarely went there at all, or, if she went, did not take her
trousseau, but considered herself as a mere spectator.
In former days, however, this assemblage had a real signification,
and was, moreover, dictated by a real necessity. There were fewer
villages, and a far larger proportion than now of the population
led the wandering, nomadic life of mountain shepherds, cut off from
intercourse with their fellow-creatures during the greater part of
the year, and with no opportunity of making choice of a consort. The
couples thus betrothed on the 29th of June could not be married till
the following spring, for immediately after this date the shepherds
remove their flocks to higher pasturages, and, proceeding southward as
the year advances, do not return to that neighborhood till the Feast of
St. George.
Another curious custom in connection with the maidens’ market was, that
on Holy Saturday each girl who had been betrothed on the preceding
29th of June on the Gaina mountain came to a village of that district
called Halmagy, dressed in her best clothes, and there offered a kiss
to each respectable person of either sex she happened to meet on
her way. The individual thus saluted was bound to give a present in
return, even were it but a copper coin; and to decline or resist the
embrace was regarded as the greatest affront. This custom, known as
the kiss market, seems to have originated at the time when all the
newly married young shepherdesses used to leave the neighborhood to
follow their husbands in their roving life, and this was their mode
of bidding farewell to all friends and relations. This custom has now
likewise become almost extinct, for the conditions of daily life have
been considerably modified during the last fifty years, and nowadays
the newly married shepherd, after a very brief honeymoon, goes away
alone with his flock, leaving his wife established in the village, even
though his absence may extend over a year. Many Roumanian villages
are thus virtually inhabited solely by women, and to a population of
several thousand females we not unfrequently find but twenty or thirty
men, and these mostly old and decrepit, the real lords and masters only
appearing from time to time on a short and flying visit. Szeliste, one
of the largest Roumanian villages in the neighborhood of Hermanstadt,
and celebrated for the good looks of its inhabitants, presents thus,
during the greater part of the year, a touching array of desolate
Penelopes; and it is much to be feared that the score of feeble old
men left them as guardians are altogether insufficient to defend the
wholesale amount of female virtue intrusted to their charge.
The Roumanian always regards marriage with a stranger as something
opprobrious. The man who marries other than a Roumanian woman ceases
to be a Roumanian in his people’s eyes, and is henceforward regarded
as unclean; and a popa whose wife was not a Roumanian would not be
accepted by any congregation. Yet more severely condemned is the woman
who marries a stranger; the marriage itself is considered invalid, and
no Roumanians who respect themselves would keep up acquaintance with
such a person.
According to their views a girl should remain in her own village, but
a man may, without losing caste, marry into another neighborhood. Any
father will consider it an honor to take a strange son-in-law into his
house, and the greater the distance this latter has come, in the same
proportion does the honor increase. But a man who gives his daughter in
marriage out of the village loses his prestige in exact proportion as
she goes farther away from home. “He has given his daughter away from
home” is a reproach to which no man cares to expose himself.
In districts where Roumanians live together with other races professing
the Greek faith, these marriage laws have been somewhat modified. So
unions in the Bukowina with Ruthenians and in the Banat with Serbs,
though still regarded as objectionable, are not so rare as they used to
be.
No respectable girl should leave her parents’ house unless driven to
it by necessity; and if she be obliged to go into service, it should
only be in the house of the popa, or in that of some particularly
distinguished native of the place. The Roumanian girls serving in
the towns are mostly such as have been obliged to leave their native
village in consequence of a moral slip.
Much has been said about the lightness of behavior characterizing
Roumanian girls—Saxons in particular being fond of drawing attention
to the comparative statistics of the two races, which show, it is true,
a very large balance of legitimate births in their own favor. If,
however, we look at the matter somewhat more closely, we are forced to
acknowledge that the words legitimate and illegitimate can only here
be taken in a very modified sense; for while the Saxon peasant marries
and divorces with such culpable lightness as to render the marriage
tie of little real value, the Roumanian has introduced a sort of
regularity even into his irregular connections which goes far to excuse
them. Whatever, also, may be said of the loose conduct of many of the
Roumanian married women, the same reproach cannot be applied to the
girls.
It happens frequently that among the Roumanians, who, like most
Southern races, attain manhood early, there are many young men who have
chosen a partner for life long before the time they are called for
military conscription; and as it is here illegal for all such to marry
before they have accomplished their three years’ service as soldiers,
and no parents could therefore be induced to give them their daughter,
a curious sort of elopement takes place. Two or more of the lover’s
friends carry off the girl, after a mock resistance on her part, to
some other village, where he himself awaits her with his witnesses.
These latter receive the reciprocal declaration of the young couple
that they wish to be man and wife. The girl is then solemnly invested
with a head-kerchief, veil, or comb, whichever happens to be the sign
of matronhood in her village; and from that moment she takes rank
as a married woman, the lad as her husband, and their children are
considered as legitimate as those born in regular wedlock. Three or
four years later, when the young man has served his time as a soldier,
the union is formally blessed by the priest in church; but in that case
none of the usual marriage festivities take place.
It is very rare that a man deserts the girl to whom he has been wedded
in this irregular fashion; and in cases where he has been known to do
so and take another wife, both he and she are tabooed by the neighbors,
and the first wife is regarded as the real one.
As, however, all children originating from such unions are officially
classified as illegitimate, the barren figures would give an
erroneously unfavorable idea of the Roumanian state of morality to
those unacquainted with these details; and it is therefore really no
anomaly to say that illegitimate here is tantamount to three-quarters
legitimate, while the Saxons’ legitimacy does not always quite deserve
that name.
A jilted lover will revenge himself on his mistress by ostentatiously
dancing with some other lass; and in order to do her some material
injury as well, he goes secretly at night and cuts down with a sickle
the unripe hemp and flax which were to have served for spinning her
wedding-clothes. It is always an understood thing that the hemp belongs
to the female members of the family, and there is a certain poetry
in the idea of thus cutting off the faithless one’s thread. Thus the
father, finding his hemp prematurely cut down, is at once aware that
something has gone wrong about his daughter’s love-affair.
FOOTNOTES:
[21] In Sweden, when the guests sit down to the bridal banquet,
an old woman decked in a wreath of birch-bark, in which straw and
goose-feathers are interwoven, and grotesquely dressed up with jingling
harness, is led in and presented to the bridegroom as his consort,
while in a pompous speech her charms are expatiated upon. She is chased
away with clamorous hooting, whereupon the bridesmen go out again, and
after a mock search they lead in the bride.
[22] Supposed to denote fruitfulness.