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The Augustan Reprint Society
A Learned Dissertation
on
DUMPLING
(Anonymous)
(1726)
PUDDING AND DUMPLING
_BURNT to POT_.
or,
A COMPLEAT KEY
to the
DISSERTATION ON DUMPLING
(Anonymous)
(1727)
_Introduction by_
SAMUEL L. MACEY
Publication Number 140
WILLIAM ANDREWS CLARK MEMORIAL LIBRARY
University of California, Los Angeles
1970
* * * * *
* * * *
GENERAL EDITORS
William E. Conway, _William Andrews Clark Memorial Library_
George Robert Guffey, _University of California, Los Angeles_
Maximillian E. Novak, _University of California, Los Angeles_
ASSOCIATE EDITOR
David S. Rodes, _University of California, Los Angeles_
ADVISORY EDITORS
Richard C. Boys, _University of Michigan_
James L. Clifford, _Columbia University_
Ralph Cohen, _University of Virginia_
Vinton A. Dearing, _University of California, Los Angeles_
Arthur Friedman, _University of Chicago_
Louis A. Landa, _Princeton University_
Earl Miner, _University of California, Los Angeles_
Samuel H. Monk, _University of Minnesota_
Everett T. Moore, _University of California, Los Angeles_
Lawrence Clark Powell, _William Andrews Clark Memorial Library_
James Sutherland, _University College, London_
H. T. Swedenberg, Jr., _University of California, Los Angeles_
Robert Vosper, _William Andrews Clark Memorial Library_
CORRESPONDING SECRETARY
Edna C. Davis, _William Andrews Clark Memorial Library_
EDITORIAL ASSISTANT
Roberta Medford, _William Andrews Clark Memorial Library_
INTRODUCTION
_A Learned Dissertation on Dumpling_ and its _Key_ (_Pudding and
Dumpling Burnt to Pot_) are typical satiric pamphlets which grew out of
the political in-fighting of the first half of the eighteenth century.
The pamphlets are distinguished by the fact that the author's level of
imagination and writing makes them delightful reading even today. In
_Dumpling_ the author displays a considerable knowledge of cooks and
cookery in London; by insinuating that to love dumpling is to love
corruption, he effectively and amusingly achieves satiric indirection
against a number of political and social targets, including Walpole. The
_Key_ is in many ways a separate pamphlet in which Swift is the central
figure under attack after his two secret visits to Walpole during 1726.
_Dumpling_ had a long life for an eighteenth-century pamphlet and was
published as late as 1770. Dr. F. T. Wood has even suggested that it may
have influenced Lamb's _Dissertation on Roast Pig_;[1] readers might
wish to test this for themselves.
_Dumpling_ and its _Key_ were first claimed for Henry Carey by Dr. Wood
(pp. 442-447). Carey (1687-1743) is generally thought to have been an
illegitimate scion of the powerful Savile family,[2] with whose name he
christened three of his sons. He was perhaps best known as a writer of
songs. "Sally in our Alley" is a classic, and he has even a tenuous
claim to the authorship of the English national anthem. Carey's
_Dramatic Works_ appeared in 1743, the year in which he met his death,
almost certainly by his own hand. Several of the plays were successful
and particular reference should be made to the burlesques
_Chrononhotonthologos_ (1734) and _The Dragon of Wantley_ (1737). The
latter even outran the performances of _The Beggar's Opera_ in its first
year. Not only do these plays show Carey's satiric bent, but so also do
a considerable number of his poems. In 1713, 1720, and 1729 Carey
published three different collections of his poetry, each entitled
_Poems on Several Occasions_. Although a few of the poems were repeated,
almost always revised, each edition is very much a different collection.
An edition was brought out in this century by Dr. Wood.[3]
I am strongly inclined to support Carey's claim to the authorship of
_Dumpling_ and its _Key_ despite Dr. E. L. Oldfield's more recent
attempt to invalidate it.[4] There were at least ten editions of
_Dumpling_ in the eighteenth century. The first seven (1726-27) appeared
during Carey's life, and these (I have seen all but the third) contain
the _Namby Pamby_ verses which later appeared under Carey's own name in
his enlarged _Poems on Several Occasions_ (1729). There was also a
"sixth edition" of _Dumpling_ (really the eighth extant edition) in
Carey's own name published "for T. Read, in Dogwell-Court, White-Friars,
Fleet-Street, MDCCXLIV." Though _Namby Pamby_ was not added to the first
edition of the _Key_, it appears in the second edition. Both editions
were published by Mrs. Dodd, of whom Dr. Oldfield says: she "seems to
have been a neighbour, and known to Carey" (p. 375). Dr. Wood indicates
that "at the foot of a folio sheet containing Carey's song _Mocking is
Catching_, published in 1726, the sixth edition of _A Learned
Dissertation on Dumpling_ is advertised as having been lately published"
(p. 442). Dr. Wood adds in a footnote that this song "appeared in _The
Musical Century_ (1740) under the title _A Sorrowful Lamentation for the
Loss of a Man and No Man_." Even more striking would seem to be the fact
that although there are ninety-one entries in his _Poems_ (1729), Carey
has placed the _Sorrowful Lamentation_ directly adjacent to _Namby
Pamby_.
Dr. Wood maintains of _Dumpling_ that "the general style bears a close
resemblance to that of the prefaces to Carey's plays and collections
of poetry" (p. 443). I should like strongly to support his statement.
Dr. Oldfield says that an inviolable regard for decency "is nowhere
contradicted in Carey's works . . . . Yet the pamphlets, besides being
palpably Whiggish, are larded _passim_ with vulgarity of the
'Close-Stool' and 'Clyster' variety" (p. 376). The reader need look no
further than _Namby Pamby_ to see that Carey satisfies Northrop Frye's
very proper observation: "Genius seems to have led practically every
great satirist to become what the world calls obscene."
As for the pamphlets being "palpably Whiggish," the reader will not look
far into the allegory before he realizes that one of the central attacks
is against those well-known Whigs Walpole and Marlborough and their
appetite for Dumpling (i.e., bribery and perquisites). Furthermore, the
attack on Swift, which is central to the _Key_, is based on the very
real fear that the Dean's two recent private interviews with Walpole
might presage a return to that leader's Whig party in exchange for
Dumpling. The last pages of the _Key_ (pp. 28-30) deal with the
possibility of an accommodation between Swift and Walpole which is,
I feel sure, the main target of attack. In his poems (_Poems_, ed. Wood,
pp. 83, 86, 88, and _passim_) Carey claims to stand between Whig and
Tory, just as he does in the pamphlets (_Dumpling_, p. 1, and _Key_,
p. 15 and _passim_).
Dr. Wood perceptively points to two parallels between _Dumpling_ and the
satiric _Of Stage Tyrants_ (1735) which Carey openly addressed to the
Earl of Chesterfield. _Dumpling's_ "O Braund, my Patron! my Pleasure!
my Pride" (p. [ii]) becomes: "O Chesterfield, my patron and my pride"
(_Poems_, ed. Wood, p. 104). The passage which follows, dealing with
"all the Monkey-Tricks of Rival Harlequins" (_Dumpling_, p. [ii]),
becomes:
Prefer pure nature and the simple scene
To all the monkey tricks of Harlequin
(_Poems_, ed. Wood, p. 106).
Even more striking is a passage in the _Key_: "Mr. B[ooth] had spoken to
Mr. W[ilks] to speak to Mr. C[ibber] . . ." (p. 111). This is similar to
the following lines in _Stage Tyrants_:
Booth ever shew'd me friendship and respect,
And Wilks would rather forward than reject.
Ev'n Cibber, terror to the scribbling crew,
Would oft solicit me for something new
(_Poems_, ed. Wood, p. 104).
What is particularly impressive is that Carey not only refers to the
three managers of Drury Lane but mentions them in the same order and as
bearing the same relationship to himself. Several highly topical
theatrical allusions in the pamphlets, by which the works can be dated,
accord closely to the life, views, and writings of Carey. All three
managers of Drury Lane were subscribers to Carey's _Poems on Several
Occasions_ (1729), which was dedicated to the Countess of Burlington,
who (like the Earl of Chesterfield) was closely related to Carey's
putative family. In the _Poems_ these people and many others (including
Pope) would have seen _Namby Pamby_ under Carey's name and drawn the
obvious conclusion that _Namby Pamby_, _Dumpling_ and the _Key_ were by
the same author.
We have already seen how closely _Dumpling_ and _Stage Tyrants_ can be
tied together; the reader can compare for himself that part of _Namby
Pamby_ containing "So the Nurses get by Heart / Namby Pamby's Little
Rhymes," with the passage from the _Key_: "It was here the D[ean] . . .
got together all his Namby Pamby . . . from the old Nurses thereabouts"
(_Key_, pp. 16-17).
There exists in the Bodleian an early copy of _Namby Pamby_ (1725?) "By
Capt. Gordon, Author of the Apology for Parson Alberony and the
Humorist." The joke here is surely in not only letting the Whig Gordon
attack the Whig Ambrose Phillips but then, also by association,
connecting Gordon's name with the attack on Walpole and Marlborough.
There is a parallel to this: Carey's "Lilliputian Ode on Their Majesties
Succession" appeared in _Poems_ (1729), separated from the pieces
previously mentioned by only one short patriotic stanza. Yet in the
Huntington Library there is an almost identical version (1727) which was
ostensibly published by Swift.
The first six editions of _Dumpling_ appeared in 1726 and both editions
of the _Key_ are dated 1727. Apart from the dates on the title page,
this can be verified externally by the initial entries in Wilford's
_Monthly Catalogue_ (1723-30) of February 1726 and April 1727
respectively. Swift's first return visit to England (in March 1726 after
twelve years) was subsequent to the publication of _Dumpling_; his
second visit was in the same month as the publication of the _Key_,
which assigns him _ex post facto_ the authorship "from Page 1. to Page
25." of _Dumpling_ (_Key_, p. ix).
Sir John Pudding and his Dumpling are manipulated throughout these
pamphlets to carry a multiplicity of meaning which brings them almost as
close to symbolism as they are to the allegory that Carey claims to be
writing (_Key_, pp. 18, 24 and 29). Collation of _Dumpling_ with its
_Key_ clearly reveals (with due allowance for satiric arabesque)
a series of allegories moving backwards and forwards through history. At
various stages, Sir John Pudding (ostensibly Brawn [or John Brand], the
famous cook of the Rummer in Queen Street who appears in Dr. King's _Art
of Cookery_ [1708]), becomes identifiable with King John, Sir John
Falstaff, Walpole, Marlborough, and even Queen Anne (for the change in
sexes see _Key_, p. 18). All of these enjoyed Dumpling, and their tastes
are ostensibly approved while at the same time being heavily undercut
with satiric indirection. Naturally enough, Walpole (although a Dumpling
Eater) is treated with considerable circumspection. Carey has warned us
that he is a bad chronologist (_Key_, p. 21), and the Sir John Pudding
(be he Walpole or Marlborough [d. 1722]), who at the end of _Dumpling_
is referred to as "the Hero of this DUMPLEID," is for good reason spoken
of in the past tense.
The fable of Dumpling, in the true spirit of _lanx satura_, allows Carey
to attack by indirection a complete spectrum of traditional
eighteenth-century targets. Like the musician and the satirist that he
is, he builds up to a magnificent crescendo (pp. 19-24 of his
"Dumpleid") which results in one of the finest displays of sustained
virtuosity in early eighteenth-century pamphlet writing.
The notes which follow the texts point to a number of the contemporary
allusions, but the reader will surely wish to recognize some of the
references and the more delicate ironies for himself. As the author puts
it on page 17 of _Dumpling_:
O wou'd to Heav'n this little Attempt of Mine may stir up some
_Pudding-headed Antiquary_ to dig his Way through all the mouldy Records
of Antiquity, and bring to Light the Noble Actions of Sir _John_!
What scholar could refuse?
University of Victoria
NOTES TO THE INTRODUCTION
1. "An Eighteenth-Century Original for Lamb," _RES_, V (1929), 447.
2. An exception is Henry J. Dane who denies the relationship in "The
Life and Works of Henry Carey," unpublished doctoral dissertation
(University of Pennsylvania, 1967), pp. xxix-xxx, and _passim_.
3. _Poems_, ed. F. T. Wood (London, 1930).
4. "Henry Carey (1687-1743) and Some Troublesome Attributions," _BNYPL_,
LXII (1968), 372-377.
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL NOTE
These facsimiles of _A Learned Dissertation on Dumpling_ (1726) and
_Pudding and Dumpling Burnt to Pot_ (1727) are reproduced from copies
in the Bodleian Library and the British Museum.
* * * * *
* * * *
* * * * *
A
Learned Dissertation
on
DUMPLING;
Its Dignity, Antiquity, and Excellence.
With a Word upon
PUDDING.
And
Many other Useful Discoveries, of
great Benefit to the Publick.
_Quid Farto melius?
Huic suam agnoscit corpus energiam,
Suam aciem mens: ------------
---- Hinc adoleverunt praestantissimi,
Hi Fartophagi in Reipublicae commodum._
_Mab._ de Fartophagis, _lib._ iii. _cap._ 2.
_LONDON._
Printed for _J. Roberts_ in the _Oxford-Arms_-Passage,
_Warwick-lane_; and Sold by the Booksellers of
_London_ and _Westminster_. 1726. [Price 6 _d._]
[Decoration]
TO
Mr. BRAUND.
SIR,
Let Mercenary _Authors_ flatter the Great, and subject
their Principle to Interest and Ambition, I scorn such
sordid Views; You only are Eminent in my Eyes: On You
I look as the most Useful Member in a Body-Politic,
and your Art far superior to all others: Therefore,
_Tu mihi Mecaenas Eris!_
O BRAUND, my Patron! my Pleasure! my Pride! disdain
not to grace my Labours with a kind Perusal. Suspend
a-while your more momentous Cares, and condescend to
taste this little _Fricassee_ of Mine.
I write not this, to Bite you by the Ear, (_i.e._)
flatter you out of a Brace or two of Guinea's: No;
as I am a true _Dumpling Eater_, my Views are purely
_Epicurean_, and my utmost Hopes center'd in partaking
of some elegant _Quelque Chose_ tost up by your
judicious Hand. I regard Money but as a Ticket which
admits me to your Delicate Entertainments; to me much
more Agreeable than all the Monkey-Tricks of Rival
_Harlequins_, or _Puppet-Show_ Finery of Contending
_Theatres_.
The Plague and fatigue of Dependance and Attendance,
which call me so often to the Court-end of the Town,
were insupportable, but for the Relief I find at
AUSTIN's, your Ingenious and Grateful Disciple, who
has adorn'd _New Bond-street_ with your Graceful
_Effigies_. Nor can he fail of Custom who has hung out
a Sign so Alluring to all true _Dumpling-Eaters_. Many
a time and oft have I gaz'd with Pleasure on your
Features, and trac'd in them the exact Lineaments of
your glorious Ancestor Sir JOHN BRAND, vulgarly call'd
Sir JOHN PUDDING.
Tho' the Corruption of our _English_ Orthography
indulges some appearance of Distinction between BRAND
and BRAUND, yet in Effect they are one and the same
thing. The ancient Manor of BRAND's, alias BRAUND's,
near Kilburn in _Middlesex_, was the very Manor-House
of Sir JOHN BRAND, and is call'd BRAND's to this Day,
altho' at present it be in the Possession of the
Family of MARSH.
What Honours are therefore due to One who is in a
Direct Male Line, an Immediate Descendant from the
Loins of that Great Man! Let this teach You to value
your Self; this remind the World, how much they owe to
the Family of the BRAUNDS; more particularly to YOU,
who inherit not only the Name, but the Virtues of your
Illustrious Ancestor. I am,
SIR,
With all imaginable
Esteem and Gratitude,
Your very most
Obedient Servant, _&c._
Page 5. line 15, _&c._ for _Barnes_ read _Brand_.
[Decoration]
A
Learned Dissertation
on
DUMPLING;
Its Dignity, Antiquity, _&c._
The Dumpling-Eaters are a Race sprung partly from the
old _Epicurean_, and partly from the _Peripatetic
Sect_; they were brought first into _Britain_ by
_Julius Cesar_; and finding it a Land of Plenty, they
wisely resolv'd never to go Home again. Their
Doctrines are Amphibious, and compos'd _Party per
Pale_ of the two Sects before-mention'd; from the
_Peripatetics_, they derive their Principle of
Walking, as a proper Method to digest a Meal, or
create an Appetite; from the _Epicureans_, they
maintain that all Pleasures are comprehended in good
Eating and Drinking: And so readily were their
Opinions embrac'd, that every Day produc'd many
Proselytes; and their Numbers have from Age to Age
increas'd prodigiously, insomuch that our whole Island
is over-run with them, at present. Eating and Drinking
are become so Customary among us that we seem to have
entirely forgot, and laid aside the old Fashion of
Fasting: Instead of having Wine sold at Apothecaries
Shops, as formerly, every Street has two or three
Taverns in it, least these Dumpling-Eaters should
faint by the Way; nay, so zealous are they in the
Cause of _Bacchus_, that one of the Chief among 'em
has made a Vow never to say his Prayers 'till he has a
Tavern of _his own_ in every Street in _London_, and
in every Market-Town in _England_. What may we then in
Time expect? Since by insensible Degrees, their
Society is become so numerous and formidable, that
they are without Number; other Bodies have their
Meetings, but where can the Dumpling-Eaters assemble?
what Place large enough to contain 'em! The _Bank_,
_India_, and _South-Sea_ Companies have their General
Courts, the _Free-Masons_ and the _Gormogons_ their
Chapters; nay, our Friends the _Quakers_ have their
Yearly Meetings. And who would imagine any of these
should be Dumpling-Eaters? But thus it is, the
Dumpling-Eating Doctrine has so far prevailed among
'em, that they eat not only Dumplings, but _Puddings_,
and those in no small Quantities.
The Dumpling is indeed, of more antient Institution,
and of _Foreign_ Origin; but alas, what were those
Dumplings? nothing but a few Lentils sodden together,
moisten'd and cemented with a little seeth'd Fat, not
much unlike our Gritt or Oatmeal Pudding; yet were
they of such Esteem among the ancient _Romans_, that a
Statue was erected to _Fulvius Agricola_, the first
Inventor of these Lentil Dumplings. How unlike the
Gratitude shewn by the Publick to our Modern
Projectors!
The _Romans_, tho' our Conquerors, found themselves
much out-done in Dumplings by our Fore-fathers; the
_Roman_ Dumplings were no more to compare to those
made by the _Britons_, than a Stone-Dumpling is to a
Marrow Pudding; tho' indeed, the _British_ Dumpling at
that time, was little better than what we call a
Stone-Dumpling, being no thing else but Flour and
Water: But every Generation growing wiser and wiser,
the Project was improv'd, and Dumpling grew to be
Pudding: One Projector found Milk better than Water;
another introduc'd Butter; some added Marrow, others
Plumbs; and some found out the Use of Sugar; so that,
to speak Truth, we know not where to fix the Genealogy
or Chronology of any of these Pudding Projectors,
to the Reproach of our Historians, who eat so much
Pudding, yet have been so Ungrateful to the first
Professors of this most noble Science, as not to find
'em a Place in History.
The Invention of Eggs was merely accidental, two or
three of which having casually roll'd from off a Shelf
into a Pudding which a good Wife was making, she found
herself under a Necessity either of throwing away her
Pudding, or letting the Eggs remain, but concluding
from the innocent Quality of the Eggs, that they would
do no Hurt, if they did no Good. She wisely jumbl'd
'em all together, after having carefully pick'd out
the Shells; the Consequence is easily imagined, the
Pudding became a Pudding of Puddings; and the Use of
Eggs from thence took its Date. The Woman was sent for
to Court to make Puddings for King _John_, who then
sway'd the Scepter; and gain'd such Favour, that she
was the making of her whole Family. I cannot conclude
this Paragraph without owning, I received this
important Part of the History of Pudding from old Mr.
_Lawrence_ of _Wilsden-Green_, the greatest Antiquary
of the present Age.
From that Time the _English_ became so famous for
Puddings, that they are call'd Pudding-Eaters all over
the World, to this Day.
At her Demise, her Son was taken into Favour, and made
the King's chief Cook; and so great was his Fame for
Puddings, that he was call'd _Jack Pudding_ all over
the Kingdom, tho' in Truth, his real Name was _John
Brand_, as by the Records of the Kitchen you will
find: This _John Brand_, or _Jack-Pudding_, call him
which you please, the _French_ have it _Jean Boudin_,
for his Fame had reached _France_, whose King would
have given the World to have had our _Jack_ for his
Pudding-Maker. This _Jack Pudding_, I say, became yet
a greater Favourite than his Mother, insomuch that he
had the King's Ear as well as his Mouth at Command;
for the King, you must know, was a mighty Lover of
Pudding; and _Jack_ fitted him to a Hair, he knew how
to make the most of a Pudding; no Pudding came amiss
to him, he would make a Pudding out of a Flint-stone,
comparatively speaking. It is needless to enumerate
the many sorts of Pudding he made, such as Plain
Pudding, Plumb Pudding, Marrow Pudding, Oatmeal
Pudding, Carrot Pudding, Saucesage Pudding, Bread
Pudding, Flower Pudding, Suet Pudding, and in short,
every Pudding but Quaking Pudding, which was solely
invented by, and took its Name from our Good Friends
of the _Bull and Mouth_ before mentioned,
notwithstanding the many Pretenders to that
Projection.
But what rais'd our Hero most in the Esteem of this
Pudding-eating Monarch, was his Second Edition of
Pudding, he being the first that ever invented the Art
of Broiling Puddings, which he did to such Perfection,
and so much to the King's likeing, (who had a mortal
Aversion to Cold Pudding,) that he thereupon
instituted him Knight of the Gridiron, and gave him a
Gridiron of Gold, the Ensign of that Order, which he
always wore as a Mark of his Sovereign's Favour; in
short, _Jack Pudding_, or Sir _John_, grew to be all
in all with good King _John_; he did nothing without
him, they were Finger and Glove; and, if we may
believe Tradition, our very good Friend had no small
Hand in the _Magna Charta_. If so, how much are all
_Englishmen_ indebted to him? in what Repute ought the
Order of the Gridiron to be, which was instituted to
do Honour to this Wonderful Man? But alas! how soon is
Merit forgot? how impudently do the Vulgar turn the
most serious Things into Ridicule, and mock the most
solemn Trophies of Honour? for now every Fool at a
Fair, or Zany at a Mountebank's Stage, is call'd _Jack
Pudding_, has a Gridiron at his Back, and a great Pair
of Spectacles at his Buttocks, to ridicule the most
noble Order of the Gridiron. But their Spectacles is a
most ungrateful Reflection on the Memory of that great
Man, whose indefatigable Application to his Business,
and deep Study in that occult Science, rendred him
Poreblind; to remedy which Misfortune, he had always a
'Squire follow'd him, bearing a huge Pair of
Spectacles to saddle his Honour's Nose, and supply his
much-lamented Defect of Sight. But whether such an
Unhappiness did not deserve rather Pity than Ridicule,
I leave to the Determination of all good Christians:
I cannot but say, it raises my Indignation, when I see
these Paunch-gutted Fellows usurping the Title and
Atchievements of my dear Sir _John_, whose Memory I so
much venerate, I cannot always contain my self.
I remember, to my Cost, I once carry'd my Resentment a
little farther than ordinary; in furiously assaulting
one of those Rascals, I tore the Gridiron from his
Back, and the Spectacles from his A--e; for which I
was Apprehended, carried to Pye-powder Court, and by
that tremendous Bench, sentenc'd to most severe Pains
and Penalties.
This has indeed a little tam'd me, insomuch that I
keep my Fingers to my self, but at the same time let
my Tongue run like a Devil: Forbear vile Miscreants,
cry I, where-e'er I meet these Wretches? forbear to
ascribe to your selves the Name and Honours of Sir
_John Pudding_? content your selves with being
_Zanies_, _Pickled-Herrings_, _Punchionellos_, but
dare not scandalize the noble Name of _Pudding_: Nor
can I, notwithstanding the Clamours and Ill Usage of
the Vulgar, refrain bearing my Testimony against this
manifest piece of Injustice.
What Pity it is therefore, so noble an Order should be
lost, or at least neglected. We have had no Account of
the real Knights of the Gridiron, since they appeared
under the fictitious Name of the _Kit-Kat Club_: In
their Possession was the very Gridiron of Gold worn by
Sir _John_ himself; which Identical Gridiron dignified
the Breast of the most ingenious Mr. _Richard
Estcourt_ that excellent Physician and Comedian, who
was President of that Noble Society.
_Quis talia fando temperet a Lachrymis?_
What is become of the Gridiron, or of the Remains of
that excellent Body of Men, Time will, I hope,
discover. The World, I believe, must for such
Discoveries be obliged to my very good Friend _J----
T----_ Esq; who had the Honour to be Door-keeper to
that Honourable Assembly.
But to return to Sir _John_: The more his Wit engaged
the King, the more his Grandeur alarm'd his Enemies,
who encreas'd with his Honours. Not but the Courtiers
caress'd him to a Man, as the first who had brought
Dumpling-eating to Perfection. King _John_ himself
lov'd him entirely; being of _Cesar_'s Mind, that is,
he had a natural Antipathy against Meagre,
Herring-gutted Wretches; he lov'd only _Fat-headed
Men, and such who slept o' Nights_; and of such was
his whole Court compos'd. Now it was Sir _John_'s
Method, every _Sunday_ Morning, to give the Courtiers
a Breakfast, which Breakfast was every Man his
Dumpling and Cup of Wine; for you must know, he was
Yeoman of the Wine-Cellar at the same time.
This was a great Eye-sore and Heart-burning to some
Lubberly Abbots who loung'd about the Court; they took
it in great Dudgeon they were not Invited, and stuck
so close to his Skirts, that they never rested 'till
they Outed him. They told the King, who was naturally
very Hasty, that Sir _John_ made-away with his Wine,
and feasted his Paramours at his Expence; and not only
so, but that they were forming a Design against his
Life, which they in Conscience ought to discover: That
Sir _John_ was not only an Heretic, but an Heathen;
nay worse, they fear'd he was a Witch, and that he had
bewitcht His Majesty into that unaccountable Fondness
for a _Pudding-Maker_. They assur'd the King, That on
a _Sunday_ Morning, instead of being at Mattins, he
and his Trigrimates got together Hum-jum, all snug,
and perform'd many Hellish and Diabolical Ceremonies.
In short, they made the King believe that the Moon was
made of Green-Cheese: And to shew how the Innocent may
be Bely'd, and the best Intentions misrepresented,
they told the King, That He and his Associates offer'd
Sacrifices to _Ceres_: When, alas, it was only the
Dumplings they eat. The Butter which was melted and
pour'd over them, these vile Miscreants call'd
_Libations_: And the friendly Compotations of our
Dumpling-eaters, were call'd _Bacchanalian Rites_. Two
or three among 'em being sweet-tooth'd, wou'd strew a
little Sugar over their Dumplings; this was
represented as an _Heathenish Offering_. In short, not
one Action of theirs, but what these Rascally Abbots
made Criminal, and never let the King alone 'till poor
Sir _John_ was Discarded. Not but the King did it with
the greatest Reluctance; but they had made it a
Religious Concern, and he cou'd not get off on't.
But mark the Consequence: The King never enjoy'd
himself after, nor was it long before he was poison'd
by a Monk at _Swineshead_ Abbey. Then too late he saw
his Error; then he lamented the Loss of Sir _John_;
and in his latest Moments wou'd cry out, Oh! that I
had never parted from my dear _Jack Pudding_! Wou'd I
had never left off Pudding and Dumpling! I then had
never been thus basely Poison'd! never thus
treacherously sent out of the World!----Thus did this
good King lament: But, alas, to no Purpose, the Priest
had given him his Bane, and Complaints were
ineffectual.
Sir _John_, in the mean time, had retir'd into
_Norfolk_, where his diffusive Knowledge extended it
self for the Good of the County in general; and from
that very Cause _Norfolk_ has ever since been so
famous for Dumplings. He lamented the King's Death to
his very last; and was so cautious of being poison'd
by the Priests, that he never touch'd a Wafer to the
Day of his Death; And had it not been that some of the
less-designing part of the Clergy were his intimate
Friends, and eat daily of his Dumplings, he had
doubtless been Made-away with; but they stood in the
Gap for him, for the sake of his Dumplings, knowing
that when Sir _John_ was gone, they should never have
the like again.
But our facetious Knight was too free of his Talk to
be long secure; for a Hole was pick'd in his Coat in
the succeeding Reign, and poor Sir _John_ had all his
Goods and Chattels forfeited to the King's Use. It was
then time for him to bestir himself; and away to Court
he goes, to recover his Lands, _&c._ not doubting but
he had Friends there sufficient to carry his Cause.
But alas! how was he mistaken; not a Soul there knew
him; the very Porters used him rudely. In vain did he
seek for Access to the King, to vindicate his Conduct.
In vain did he claim Acquaintance with the Lords of
the Court; and reap up old Civilities, to remind 'em
of former Kindness; the Pudding was eat, the
Obligation was over: Which made Sir _John_ compose
that excellent Proverb, _Not a word of the Pudding_.
And finding all Means ineffectual, he left the Court
in a great Pet; yet not without passing a severe Joke
upon 'em, in his way, which was this; He sent a
Pudding to the King's Table, under the Name of a
_Court-Pudding_, or _Promise-Pudding_. This Pudding he
did not fail to set off with large Encomiums; assuring
the King, That therein he wou'd find an Hieroglyphical
Definition of Courtiers Promises and Friendship.
This caused some Speculation; and the King's Physician
debarr'd the King from tasting the Pudding, not
knowing but that Sir _John_ had poison'd it.
But how great a Fit of Laughter ensu'd, may be easily
guess'd, when the Pudding was cut up, it prov'd only a
large Bladder, just clos'd over with Paste: The
Bladder was full of Wind, and nothing else, excepting
these Verses written in a Roll of Paper, and put in,
as is suppos'd, before the Bladder was blown full:
As Wynde in a Bladdere ypent,
is Lordings promyse and ferment;
fain what hem lust withouten drede,
they bene so double in her falshede:
For they in heart can think ene thing,
and fain another in her speaking:
and what was sweet and apparent,
is smaterlich, and eke yshent.
and when of service you have nede,
pardie he will not rein nor rede.
but when the Symnel it is eten,
her curtesse is all foryetten.
This Adventure met with various Constructions from
those at Table: Some Laugh'd; others Frown'd. But the
King took the Joke by the right End, and Laugh'd
outright.
The Verses, tho' but scurvy ones in themselves, yet in
those Days pass'd for tolerable: Nay, the King was
mightily pleas'd with 'em, and play'd 'em off on his
Courtiers as Occasion serv'd; he wou'd stop 'em short
in the middle of a flattering Harangue, and cry, _Not
a Word of the Pudding_. This wou'd daunt and mortify
'em to the last degree; they curs'd Sir _John_ a
thousand times over for the Proverb's sake: but to no
Purpose; for the King gave him a private Hearing:
In which he so well satisfy'd His Majesty of his
Innocence and Integrity, that all his Lands were
restor'd. The King wou'd have put him in his old Post;
but he modestly declin'd it, but at the same time
presented His Majesty with a Book of most excellent
Receipts for all kinds of Puddings: Which Book His
Majesty receiv'd with all imaginable Kindness, and
kept it among his greatest Rarities.
But yet, as the best Instructions, tho' never so
strictly followed, may not be always as successfully
executed, so not one of the King's Cooks cou'd make a
Pudding like Sir _John_; nay, tho' he made a Pudding
before their Eyes, yet they out of the very same
Materials could not do the like. Which made his old
Friends the Monks attribute it to Witchcraft, and it
was currently reported the Devil was his Helper. But
good King _Harry_ was not to be fobb'd off so; the
Pudding was good, it sate very well on his Stomach,
and he eat very savourly, without the least Remorse of
Conscience.
In short, Sir _John_ grew in Favour in spite of their
Teeth: The King lov'd a merry Joke; and Sir _John_ had
always his Budget full of Punns, Connundrums and
Carrawitchets; not to forgot the Quibbles and
Fly-flaps he play'd against his Adversaries, at which
the King has laugh'd 'till his Sides crackt.
Sir _John_, tho' he was no very great Scholar, yet had
a happy way of Expressing himself: He was a Man of the
most Engaging Address, and never fail'd to draw
Attention: Plenty and Good-Nature smil'd in his Face;
his Muscles were never distorted with Anger or
Contemplation, but an eternal Smile drew up the
Corners of his Mouth; his very Eyes laugh'd; and as
for his Chin it was three-double, a-down which hung a
goodly Whey-colour'd Beard shining with the Drippings
of his Luxury; for you must know he was a great
Epicure, and had a very Sensible Mouth; he thought
nothing too-good for himself, all his Care was for his
Belly; and his Palate was so exquisite, that it was
the perfect Standard of Tasting. So that to him we owe
all that is elegant in Eating: For Pudding was not his
only Talent, he was a great Virtuoso in all manner of
Eatables; and tho' he might come short of _Lambert_
for Confectionary-Niceties, yet was he not inferiour
to _Brawnd_, _Lebec_, _Pede_, or any other great
Masters of Cookery; he could toss up a Fricassee as
well as a Pancake: And most of the Kickshaws now in
vogue, are but his Inventions, with other Names; for
what we call _Fricassees_, he call'd _Pancakes_; as,
a Pancake of Chickens, a Pancake of Rabbets, _&c._
Nay, the _French_ call a Pudding an _English_
Fricassee, to this Day.
We value our selves mightily for Roasting a Hare with
a Pudding in its Belly; when alas he has roasted an Ox
with a Pudding in his Belly. There was no Man like him
for Invention and Contrivance: And then for Execution,
he spar'd no Labour and Pains to compass his
magnanimous Designs.
O wou'd to Heav'n this little Attempt of Mine may stir
up some _Pudding-headed Antiquary_ to dig his Way
through all the mouldy Records of Antiquity, and bring
to Light the Noble Actions of Sir _John_! It will not
then be long before we see him on the Stage. Sir _John
Falstaffe_ then will be a Shrimp to Sir _John
Pudding_, when rais'd from Oblivion and reanimated by
the All-Invigorating Pen of the Well-Fed, Well-Read,
Well-Pay'd _C-- J----_ Esq; Nor wou'd this be all; for
the Pastry-Cooks wou'd from the Hands of an eminent
Physician and Poet receive whole Loads of Memorandums,
to remind 'em of the Gratitude due to Sir _John_'s
Memory.
On such a Subject I hope to see Sir _Richard_ Out-do
himself. Nor _Arthur_ nor _Eliza_ shall with Sir
_John_ compare. There is not so much difference
between a Telescope and a Powder-Puff,
a Hoop-Petty-Coat and a Farthing-Candle, a Birch-Broom
and a Diamond-Ring, as there will be between the
former Writings of this pair of Poets and their
Lucubrations on this Head.
Nor will it stop here: The _Opera_ Composers shall
have t'other Contest, which shall best sing-forth his
Praises. Sorry am I that _Nicolino_ is not here, he
would have made an excellent Sir _John_. But
_Senefino_, being blown up after the manner that
Butchers blow Calves, may do well enough. From thence
the Painters and Print-sellers shall retail his goodly
Phiz; and what _Sacheverel_ was, shall Sir _John
Pudding_ be; his Head shall hang Elate on every Sign,
his Fame shall ring in every Street, and _Cluer_'s
Press shall teem with Ballads to his Praise. This
would be but Honour, this would be but Gratitude, from
a Generation so much indebted to so Great a Man.
But how much do we deviate from Honour and Gratitude,
when we put other Names to his Inventions, and call
'em our own? What is a Tart, a Pie, or a Pasty, but
Meat or Fruit enclos'd in a Wall or Covering of
Pudding. What is a Cake, but a Bak'd Pudding; or a
_Christmas_-Pie, but a Minc'd-Meat-Pudding. As for
Cheese-cakes, Custards, Tansies, they are manifest
Puddings, and all of Sir _John_'s own Contrivance; for
Custard is as old if not older than _Magna Charta_.
In short, Pudding is of the greatest Dignity and
Antiquity. Bread it self, which is the very Staff of
Life, is, properly speaking, a Bak'd Wheat-Pudding.
To the Satchel, which is the Pudding-Bag of Ingenuity,
we are indebted for the greatest Men in Church and
State. All Arts and Sciences owe their Original to
Pudding or Dumpling. What is a Bag-Pipe, the Mother of
all Music, but a Pudding of Harmony. And what is Music
it self, but a Palatable Cookery of Sounds. To little
Puddings or Bladders of Colours we owe all the choice
Originals of the Greatest Painters: And indeed, what
is Painting, but a well-spread Pudding, or Cookery of
Colours.
The Head of Man is like a Pudding: And whence have all
Rhimes, Poems, Plots and Inventions sprang, but from
that same Pudding. What is Poetry, but a Pudding of
Words. The Physicians, tho' they cry out so much
against Cooks and Cookery, yet are but Cooks
themselves; with this difference only, the Cooks
Pudding lengthens Life, the Physicians shortens it.
So that we Live and Die by Pudding. For what is a
Clyster, but a Bag-Pudding; a Pill, but a Dumpling;
or a Bolus, but a Tansy, tho' not altogether so
Toothsome. In a word; Physick is only a Puddingizing
or Cookery of Drugs. The Law is but a Cookery of
Quibbles and Contentions. [a] * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * is but a Pudding of * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * *. Some swallow every thing whole and unmix'd;
so that it may rather be call'd a Heap, than a
Pudding. Others are so Squeamish, the greatest
Mastership in Cookery is requir'd to make the Pudding
Palatable: The Suet which others gape and swallow by
Gobs, must for these puny Stomachs be minced to Atoms;
the Plums must be pick'd with the utmost Care, and
every Ingredient proportion'd to the greatest Nicety,
or it will never go down.
[Footnote a: _The Cat run away with this part
of the Copy, on which the Author had unfortunately
laid some of Mother _Crump_'s Sausages._]
The Universe it self is but a Pudding of Elements.
Empires, Kingdoms, States and Republicks are but
Puddings of People differently made up. The Celestial
and Terrestrial Orbs are decypher'd to us by a pair of
Globes or Mathematical Puddings.
The Success of War and Fate of Monarchies are entirely
dependant on Puddings and Dumplings: For what else are
Cannon-Balls, but Military Puddings; or Bullets, but
Dumplings; only with this difference, they do not sit
so well on the Stomach as a good Marrow-Pudding or
Bread-Pudding.
In short, There is nothing valuable in Nature, but
what, more or less, has an Allusion to Pudding or
Dumpling. Why then should they be held in Disesteem?
Why should Dumpling-Eating be ridicul'd, or
Dumpling-Eaters derided? Is it not Pleasant and
Profitable? Is it not Ancient and Honourable? Kings,
Princes, and Potentates have in all Ages been Lovers
of Pudding. Is it not therefore of Royal Authority?
Popes, Cardinals, Bishops, Priests and Deacons have,
Time out of Mind, been great Pudding-Eaters: Is it not
therefore a Holy and Religious Institution?
Philosophers, Poets, and Learned Men in all Faculties,
Judges, Privy-Councellors, and Members of both Houses,
have, by their great Regard to Pudding, given a
Sanction to it that nothing can efface. Is it not
therefore Ancient, Honourable, and Commendable?
_Quare itaque fremuerunt Auctores?_
Why do therefore the Enemies of good Eating, the
Starve-gutted Authors of Grub-street, employ their
impotent Pens against Pudding and Pudding-headed,
_alias_ Honest Men? Why do they inveigh against
Dumpling-Eating which is the Life and Soul of
Good-fellowship, and Dumpling-Eaters who are the
Ornaments of Civil Society.
But, alas! their Malice is their own Punishment. The
Hireling Author of a late scandalous Libel, intituled,
_The Dumpling-Eaters Downfall_, may, if he has any
Eyes, now see his Error, in attacking so Numerous,
so August a Body of People: His Books remain Unsold,
Unread, Unregarded; while this Treatise of Mine shall
be Bought by all who love Pudding or Dumpling; to my
Bookseller's great Joy, and my no small Consolation.
How shall I Triumph, and how will that Mercenary
Scribbler be Mortify'd, when I have sold more Editions
of my Books, than he has Copies of his! I therefore
exhort all People, Gentle and Simple, Men, Women and
Children, to Buy, to Read, to Extol these Labours of
Mine, for the Honour of Dumpling-Eating. Let them not
fear to defend every Article; for I will bear them
Harmless: I have Arguments good store, and can easily
Confute, either Logically, Theologically, or
Metaphysically, all those who dare Oppose me.
Let not _Englishmen_ therefore be asham'd of the Name
of _Pudding-Eaters_; but, on the contrary, let it be
their Glory. For let Foreigners cry out ne'er so much
against Good Eating, they come easily into it when
they have been a little while in our _Land of Canaan_;
and there are very few Foreigners among as who have
not learn'd to make as great a Hole in a good Pudding
or Sirloin of Beef as the best _Englishman_ of us all.
Why shou'd we then be Laught out of Pudding and
Dumpling? or why Ridicul'd out of Good Living? Plots
and Politics may hurt us, but Pudding cannot. Let us
therefore adhere to Pudding, and keep our selves out
of Harm's Way; according to the Golden Rule laid down
by a celebrated Dumpling-Eater now defunct;
_Be of your Patron's Mind, whate'er he says:
Sleep very much; Think little, and Talk less:
Mind neither Good nor Bad, nor Right nor Wrong;
But Eat your Pudding, Fool, and Hold your Tongue._
PRIOR.
The Author of these excellent Lines not only shews his
Wisdom, but his Good-Breeding, and great Esteem for
the Memory of Sir _John_, by giving his _Poem_ the
Title of _Merry Andrew_, and making _Merry Andrew_ the
principal Spokesman: For if I guess aright, and surely
I guess not wrong, his main Design was, to ascertain
the Name of _Merry Andrew_ to the _Fool_ of a Droll,
and to substitute it instead of _Jack Pudding_; which
Name my Friend _Matt._ cou'd not hear with Temper, as
carrying with it an oblique Reflection on Sir _John
Pudding_ the Hero of this DUMPLEID.
Let all those therefore who have any Regard to
Politeness and Propriety of Speech, take heed how they
Err against this Rule laid down by him who was the
Standard of _English_ Elegance. And be it known to all
whom it may concern, That if any Person whatever shall
dare hereafter to apply the Name of _Jack Pudding_ to
_Merry Andrews_ and such-like Creatures, I hereby
Require and Impower any Stander or Standers by, to
Knock him, her, or them down. And if any Action or
Actions of Assault and Battery shall be brought
against any Person or Persons so acting in pursuance
of this most reasonable Request, by Knocking down,
Bruising, Beating, or otherwise Demolishing such
Offenders; I will Indemnify and bear them Harmless.
_FINIS._
[Decoration]
* * * * *
* * * *
[Decoration]
_Namby Pamby_:
or,
A PANEGYRIC on the
New VERSIFICATION
Address'd to
_A---- P----_ Esq;
_Nauty Pauty _Jack-a-Dandy_
Stole a Piece of Sugar-Candy
From the Grocer's Shoppy-shop,
And away did Hoppy-hop._
All ye Poets of the Age,
All ye Witlings of the Stage,
Learn your Jingles to reform;
Crop your Numbers, and conform:
Let your little Verses flow
Gently, sweetly, Row by Row:
Let the Verse the Subject fit;
Little Subject, Little Wit:
_Namby Pamby_ is your Guide;
_Albion_'s Joy, _Hibernia_'s Pride.
_Namby Pamby Pilli-pis_,
Rhimy pim'd on Missy-Miss;
_Tartaretta Tartaree_
From the Navel to the Knee;
That her Father's Gracy-Grace
Might give him a Placy-Place.
He no longer writes of Mammy
_Andromache_ and her Lammy
Hanging panging at the Breast
Of a Matron most distrest.
Now the Venal Poet sings
Baby Clouts, and Baby Things,
Baby Dolls, and Baby Houses,
Little Misses, Little Spouses;
Little Play-Things, Little Toys,
Little Girls, and Little Boys:
As an Actor does his Part,
So the Nurses get by Heart
_Namby Pamby_'s Little Rhimes,
Little Jingle, Little Chimes,
To repeat to Little Miss,
Piddling Ponds of Pissy-Piss;
Cacking packing like a Lady,
Or Bye-bying in the Crady.
_Namby Pamby_ ne'er will die
While the Nurse sings _Lullabye_.
_Namby Pamby_'s doubly Mild,
Once a Man, and twice a Child;
To his Hanging-Sleeves restor'd;
Now he foots it like a Lord;
Now he Pumps his little Wits; }
Sh--ing Writes, and Writing Sh--s, }
All by little tiny Bits. }
Now methinks I hear him say, }
_Boys and Girls, Come out to Play, }
Moon do's shine as bright as Day._ }
Now my _Namby Pamby_'s found
Sitting on the _Friar's Ground_,
_Picking Silver, picking Gold_,
_Namby Pamby_'s never Old.
_Bally-Cally_ they begin,
_Namby Pamby_ still keeps-in.
_Namby Pamby_ is no Clown,
_London-Bridge is broken down_:
Now he _courts the gay Ladee,
Dancing o'er the Lady-Lee_:
Now he sings of _Lick-spit Liar
Burning in the Brimstone Fire;
Lyar, Lyar, Lick-spit, lick,
Turn about the Candle-stick_:
Now he sings of _Jacky Horner_
_Sitting in the Chimney corner,
Eating of a Christmas-Pie,
Putting in his Thumb, _Oh, fie!_
Putting in, _Oh, fie!_ his Thumb,
Pulling out, _Oh, strange!_ a Plum._
And again, how _Nancy Cock_,
Nasty Girl! _besh-t her Smock_.
Now he acts the _Grenadier_,
Calling for _a Pot of Beer_:
_Where's his Money? He's forgot;
Get him gone, a Drunken Sot._
Now on _Cock-horse_ does he ride;
And anon on Timber stride.
_See-and-Saw and Sacch'ry down,
London is a gallant Town._
Now he gathers Riches in
Thicker, faster, Pin by Pin;
_Pins a-piece to see his Show_;
Boys and Girls flock Row by Row;
From their Cloaths the Pins they take,
Risque a Whipping for his sake;
From their Frocks the Pins they pull,
To fill _Namby_'s Cushion full.
So much Wit at such an Age,
Does a Genius great presage.
Second Childhood gone and past,
Shou'd he prove a Man at last,
What must Second Manhood be,
In a Child so Bright as he!
Guard him, ye Poetic Powers;
Watch his Minutes, watch his Hours:
Let your Tuneful _Nine_ Inspire him;
Let Poetic Fury fire him:
Let the Poets one and all
To his Genius Victims fall.
[Decoration]
* * * * *
* * * *
PROPOSALS
For Printing by Subscriptions,
The
Antiquities of _Grub-street_:
With OBSERVATIONS Critical, Political,
Historical, Chronological,
Philosophical, and Philological.
By { JOHN WALTON and }
{ JAMES ANDREWS } Gent.
[Decoration]
This WORK will be Printed on a Superfine Royal
Paper, in Ten Volumes, _Folio_: Each Volume to
contain an Hundred Sheets; besides Maps, Cuts, and
other proper Illustrations.
The Price to _Subscribers_ is Fifty Guinea's each
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No more to be Printed than what are Subscribed for.
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The _Subscribers_ Names and Coats of Arms will be
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For those who are particularly Curious, some Copies
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they paying the Difference.
It is not doubted but this Great UNDERTAKING will
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SUBSCRIBERS are _Taken-in_ by the _Authors_, and
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Paintings, Busto's, and Basso-Relievo's of the
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[Decoration]
* * * * *
* * * *
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