(_a_) (1) _conscious_ of the difference between the fortifications of
San Sebastian and of Sebastopol, (_b_) _which_ (10 _e_) was (_c_) (12)
_very weak_ compared with Metz or Paris."
(_a_) What is the exact meaning of _conscious_? (_b_) Avoid the
relative, by repeating the name, with a conjunction, (_c_)
"weakness itself."
71. "Upon Richard's leaving the (_c_) stage, the Commonwealth was
again set up; and the Parliament which Cromwell had (_a_) _broken_ was
brought together; but the army and they fell into new disputes: so
they were again (_a_) _broken_ by the army: and upon that the nation
was like to fall into (_b_) (11) _great_ convulsions."
(_a_) Modern Eng., "broken up." (_b_) "violently convulsed."
(_c_) It is a question whether this metaphor is in good taste.
The meaning is that Richard "retired from public life." It might
be asserted that Richard, the Commonwealth, the Parliament are
regarded as so many puppets on a "stage." But this is extremely
doubtful. Make _Parliament_ the principal subject: "When Richard
retired ... and when the Commonwealth &c.... the Parliament was
... but, falling into a dispute with &c., it was...." See (18)
and (43).
72. "What a revolution in the military profession! He began with (_a_)
(11) _unnecessary formality_, and (_b_) (11) _inefficient weapons_,
and ended with (_c_) (_b_) (11) _greatly improved fire-arms_."
(_a_) "pig-tail and pipe-clay." (_b_) "Six-pounders and
flint-locks" are now inefficient compared with
"twenty-four-pounders and breech-loaders." (_c_) Something is
wanted antithetical to (_a_), perhaps "loose drill" or "open
order."
73. "Children fear to go in the dark. Men fear death in the same way.
The fear of children is increased by tales. So is the fear of death.
The contemplation of death, as the 'wages of sin,' and passage to
another world, is holy and religious. The fear of it, as a tribute due
unto nature, is weak. In religious meditations on death there is
sometimes mixture of vanity and of superstition."
Insert connecting adverbs or conjunctions. See (44).
74. "I have often heard him _reiterate_ (54) _repeatedly_ that he
would never again, if a _safe_ (54) _and secure path_ was open to him,
prefer the _perilous_ (54) _road of danger_, however _alluring_ (54)
_and attractive_ the latter might be."
75. "I thought in my dream that when my friend asked me whether I did
not observe anything curious in the conduct of the pigeons, I (_a_) (4
_a_) _remarked_ that if any one of the birds was so bold as to take an
atom from a heap of grain in the midst of them, (31) (which (_b_) a
detachment guarded, and which, being continually increased and never
eaten, seemed useless), all the rest turned against him and pecked him
to death for the (_c_) (50) _action_."
(_a_) Point out the ambiguity. (_b_) This should come earlier in
the sentence, and not as a parenthesis. "I noticed a heap of
grain in the midst of them, guarded by ... Being continually ...,
to all appearance, useless: yet." (_c_) "theft."
76. "If this low view of the royal office becomes generally adopted,
then sovereigns _who_ (8) have always hitherto commanded the respect
of Englishmen will by degrees fall into disrespect."
Point out the ambiguity. Show how it might be removed (_a_) by
punctuation, (_b_) by altering "who."
77. "I struck the man in self-defence. I explained this to the
magistrate. He would not believe me. Witnesses were called to support
my statements. He committed me to prison. He had the right to do this.
It is a right that is rarely exercised in such circumstances. I
remonstrated."
See (44). Insert conjunctions or connecting adverbs.
78. "He attained a very distinguished position by mere (15)
perseverance and common sense, which (52) (10 _a_) qualities are
perhaps mostly underrated, (30) though he was deficient in tact and
not remarkable for general ability."
79. "_Vindictiveness, which_ (_a_) (50) _is a fault_, (_b_) _and_
which may be defined as _anger_ (10 _a_) _which is caused_ not by sin
nor by crime but by personal injury, ought to be carefully
distinguished from _resentment, which_ (_a_) (50) _is a virtue_,
(_b_) _and_ which is _anger_ (49) _which is natural and_ (_c_) _right_
caused by an act (_d_) which is unjust, because it is unjust, (30 _a_)
not because it is inconvenient."
(_a_) "The fault of vindictiveness;" "the virtue of resentment."
(_b_) Omit _(c_) "Right" cannot be used as an adjective, but
"righteous" can. (_d_) "an act of injustice."
80. "(_a_) He told his friend that (_a_) _his_ brother was surprised
that (_a_) _he_ had given so small a contribution, for (_a_) _he_ was
(_b_) (12) _a very rich man_, in spite of (_a_) _his_ recent losses
and the bad state of trade, (19) (30) compared with himself."
(_a_) Use (6). (_b_) What Asian king was proverbial for wealth?
81. "(_a_) (15 _b_) It must be indeed wrong to (_a_) _crucify_ a Roman
citizen if to (_b_) (32) _slay_ one is almost parricide, to (_b_)
_scourge_ him is a monstrous crime, and to (_b_) _bind_ him is an
outrage."
(_a_) "What must it be...?"
(_b_) See (40).
82. "The _universal_ (54) _opinion of all the_ citizens was that the
citadel _had been_ (15) _betrayed_, (30) having been captured in broad
daylight by a very small number of the enemy, and those unprovided
with scaling ladders, and admitted by a postern gate, (15 _a_) and
much wearied by a long march."
In any case "betrayed" must come at the end of a sentence. The
sentence may be converted into two sentences: "The citadel had
been captured.... Naturally therefore ...;" or, "The opinion ...
for it had been captured...." Else, if one sentence be used,
write "As the citadel had been captured &c."
83. "This author surpassed all _those who were living_ (_a_) _at the
same time with him_ in the _forcible_ (_b_) _manner in_ which he could
_address_ (_c_) _an_ appeal to the popular sympathy, and in the ease
with which he could _draw towards_ (_a_) _himself_ the hearts of his
readers."
(_a_) Express in one word. (_b_) "force with." (_c_) Omit.
84. "This great statesman was indeed a pillar of commerce, and a star
in the financial world. He guided or impelled the people from the
quicksands of Protection and false political economy to the safe
harbour of Free Trade; and (_a_) (14 _a_) saved the country several
millions."
(_a_) It would be well to literalize the preceding metaphors.
Else the literal statement must be changed into a metaphor.
85. "The ministers were most unwilling to meet the Houses, (_a_) (43)
(51) _because_ even the boldest of them (though their counsels were
_lawless_ (15) _and desperate_) had too much value for his (_b_) (11)
_personal safety_ to think of resorting to the (_c_) (12) unlawful
modes of extortion that had been familiar to the preceding age."
(_a_) Begin a new sentence with "Lawless and desperate though
their counsels had been &c." (_b_) "neck." (_c_) Insert some of
these unlawful modes, "benevolences, ship-money, and the other
&c."
86. "_We will not_ (_a_) (15) _pretend to guess what_ our
grandchildren may think of the character of Lord Byron, as exhibited
_in_ (15 _a_) _his poetry_." No writer ever had the whole eloquence of
scorn, misanthropy, _and_ (_a_) (15) _despair_ (15 _a_) _so completely
at his command_. That _fountain_ (_b_) (12) _of bitterness_ was never
dry."
(_a_) "We will not pretend to guess" and "despair" are intended
by the author to be emphatic. (_b_) "Marah."
87. "The captain asked to be allowed fifty men, a supply of food, and
one hundred and fifty breech-loaders. (44) The general replied coldly
that he could not let his subordinate have (_a_) (4) _anything_ that
he wanted. (44) The captain was forced to set out (34) with an
insufficient force, spite of the superabundance of soldiers doing
nothing in the camp (34), and with every obstacle put in his way by a
general who from the first had resolved not even to give him ordinary
assistance, (_b_) (10 _a'_) _which_ the captain had for some time
anticipated."
(_a_) Point out and remove the ambiguity. (_b_) Write, according
to the meaning, " ... assistance that" or " ... a resolution
that."
88. "I am a practical man, and disbelieve in everything (8) _which_ is
not practical; theories (_a_) _which_ amuse philosophers and pedants
have no attractions for me, (30) _for this reason_."
(_a_) What difference in the meaning would be caused by the use
of "that" for the second "which"?
89. "Yet, when that discovery drew no other severity but the (11 _a_)
_turning_ (_a_) _him out of office_, and _the_ (11 _a_) _passing a
sentence_ (_b_) _condemning him to die for it_ (31) (which was
presently pardoned, and he was after a short confinement restored to
his liberty), all men _believed_ that the king knew of the letter,
(_c_) (43) and that (6 _b_) the pretended confession of the secretary
was only collusion to lay the jealousies of the king's (_d_) (11 _a_)
_favouring_ popery, (_e_) (43) which still hung upon him, (30)
notwithstanding his (_e_) _writing_ on the Revelation, and his (_e_)
_affecting_ to enter on all occasions into controversy, (_e_)
asserting in particular that the Pope was Antichrist."
(_a_) "expulsion from." (_b_) "a pretended sentence to death--a
pretence that was soon manifested by his pardon and liberation."
(_c_) Begin a new sentence: "'The secretary's pretended
confession,' it was said, 'was &c.'" (_d_) "the suspicion that
the king favoured Popery." (_e_) The juxtaposition of the two
verbal nouns, "writing" and "affecting," with the participle
"asserting," is harsh. Write, "For, notwithstanding that he
affected controversy, and attacked the Pope as Antichrist in his
treatise on the Book of Revelation, the king was still
suspected."
90. "The opinion that the sun is fixed was once too (_a_) (1)
_universal_ to be easily shaken, and a similar prejudice has often
(_b_) _rendered_ the progress of new inventions (15 _a_) _very slow_,
(19) arising from the numbers of the believers, and not (36) the
reasonableness of the belief."
(_a_) Write "general." Show the absurdity of appending "too" to
"universal." (_b_) What single word can be substituted for
"rendered slow"?
91. "The rest of the generals were willing to surrender
unconditionally, (30) _depressed by this unforeseen calamity_; (4)
_only_ the young colonel, who retained his presence of mind,
represented to them that they were increasing the difficulties of a
position in itself very difficult (19) (15, _a_) _by their conduct_."
92. "To (_a_) (31) _an author who_ is, in his expression of any
sentiment, wavering between _the_ (_b_) _demands of_ perspicuity and
energy (of which _the_ (_c_) (40 _a_) _former of course_ requires the
first care, lest (40 _a_) he should fail of both), and (37) doubting
whether the (_d_) phrase _which_ (8) _has_ (_e_) _the_ most force and
brevity will be (_f_) readily _taken_ (_g_) _in, it may_ (_h_) (3) _be
recommended to use_ both (_d_) expressions; first, (_h_) _to expound_
the sense sufficiently to be clearly understood, and then (_i_) _to_
contract it into the most compendious and striking form."
(_a_) Write "When an author &c." (_b_) Can be omitted. (_c_)
Assimilate the constructions: "Of which the former must, of
course, be aimed at first, lest both be missed." (_d_) Use
"expression" or else "phrase" in _both_ places. (_e_) Assimilate
the construction to what follows; write "that is most forcible
and brief." (_f_) Insert "also." (_g_) "understood." (_h_) "let
him use ...; first let him expound." (_i_) Omit.
93. "When I say 'a great man,' I _not_ (22) _only_ mean a man
intellectually great but also morally, (38) _who_ (8) has no
preference for diplomacy (_a_) (23) _at all events which_ (10 _a_)
_is_ mean, petty, and underhanded to secure ends _which_ (8) can be
secured by an honest policy _equally_ (20) _well_, (38) _who_ (8) does
not resemble Polonius, (_b_) who prefers to get at truth by untruthful
tricks, and (_b_) who considers truth a carp _which_ (10 _g_) _is_ to
be caught by the bait falsehood. We cannot call a petty intriguer
great (_c_), (30) though we may be forced to call an unscrupulous _man
by that_ (15 _a_) _name_."
(_a_) "at all events no preference." (_b_) Why is _who_ right
here? If you like, you can write, "does not, like Polonius,
prefer ... and consider." (_c_) End with "we cannot give the name
to a petty intriguer."
94. "I regret that I have some (_a_) (3) _intelligence which_ (10 _a_)
_is of a most_ (3) _painful nature_, and which I must tell you at
once, though (_b_) _I should like to defer it_ on (_c_) (40 _a_)
account of your ill-health, and _because_ (_c_) (40 _a_) _you have
already had_ many troubles, and (40 _a_) _owing to_ the natural
dislike _which_ (8) a friend must always feel to say _that_ (10 _f_)
_which_ is unpleasant. Many old friends in this district have turned
against you: I scarcely like to write the words: _only_ (21) I remain
faithful to you, and I am sure you will believe that I am doing _that_
(10 _f_) _which_ is best for your interests."
(_a_) "news." (_b_) In a letter these words should remain is they
are; but if a _period_ is desired, they must (30) come last,
after "unpleasant." (_c_) Write "because of your ill-health ...
and the troubles ... and because of...."
95. "The general at once sent back word that the enemy had suddenly
appeared on the other side of the river, and [(35) or (37)] then (_a_)
retreated. (_b_) _It_ was thought that (_b_) _it_ would have shown
more (_c_) (1) _fortitude_ on his (3) _part_ if he had attacked the
fortifications, (_d_) _which_ were not tenable for more than a week at
all events. Such was the (54) _universal_ opinion, _at_ (23) _least,
of_ (54) _all_ the soldiers."
(_a_) Point out the ambiguity. (_b_) "It was thought he would
have shown &c." (_c_) Distinguish between "fortitude" and
"bravery." (_d_) What would be the meaning if "that" were
substituted for "which"? It will be perhaps better to substitute
for "which," "since they."
96. "A notion has sprung up that the Premier, though he can legislate,
cannot govern, and has attained an influence which renders it
imperative, if this Ministry is to go on, that (_a_) _it_ should be
dispersed."
(_a_) Who or what "has attained"? Write "and this notion has
become so powerful that, unless it is dispersed...."
97. "Those who are _habitually silent_ (_a_) (3) _by disposition_ and
morose are less liable to the fault of exaggerating than those who are
_habitually_ (_a_) (3) _fond of talking_, and (40 _a_) _of_ (_a_) (3)
_a pleasant disposition_."
(a) Each of these periphrases must be condensed into a single
adjective.
98. "This author, (_a_) (31) though he is not (_b_) _altogether_ (_c_)
_guiltless of_ (_b_) _occasional_ (_c_) _faults_ of exaggeration,
which are to be found as plentifully in his latest works as in _those
which he_ (_d_) _published when he was beginning his career as an
author_, yet, _notwithstanding these_ (_e_) _defects_, surpassed all
_those who were living_ _at the_ (_f_) _same time with him_ in the
_clear_ (_g_) _manner in_ which he could, as it were, see into the
feelings of the people at large, and in the power--_a power that
indeed could not be_ (_f_) _resisted_--with which he _drew_ (_f_)
_toward himself_ the sympathy of _those who_ (_f_) _perused his
works_." See (54).
(_a_) Convert the parenthesis into a separate sentence. (_b_) One
of these words is unnecessary. (_c_) One of these is unnecessary.
(_d_) Condense: "his earliest." (_e_) Omit these words as
unnecessary. (_f_) Express all this in one word. (_g_) "clearness
with."
99. "_Among the North_ (_a_) (23) _American Indians_ I had indeed
heard of the perpetration of similar atrocities; but it seemed
intolerable that such things should occur in a civilized land: and I
rushed from the room at once, leaving the wretch where he stood, with
his tale half told, (30) _horror-stricken at his crime_."
(_a_) Make it evident whether the speaker once _lived_ among the
North American Indians, or not, and show who is
"horror-stricken."
100. "His (1) _bravery_ under this painful operation and the (1)
_fortitude_ he had shown in heading the last charge in the recent
action, (30) _though he was_ wounded at the time and had been unable
to use his right arm, and was the only officer left in his regiment,
out of twenty who were alive the day before, (19) inspired every one
with admiration."
Begin, "Out of twenty officers &c.... Though wounded &c.... he
had headed." "The bravery he had then shown and...."
101. "_Moral_ as well as (41) _other_ considerations must have weight
when we are selecting an officer (_a_) _that_ (10 _b_) _will be placed
in_ a position that will task his intelligence (_b_) (18) _and his
fidelity_."
(_a_) The repetition of "that" is objectionable. Use "to fill."
(_b_) "and" can be replaced by some other conjunction to suit
what precedes.
102. "It happened that at this time there were a few Radicals in the
House _who_ (8) could not forgive the Prime Minister for being a
Christian."
Point out the difference of meaning, according as we read "who"
or "that."
103. "_It cannot be doubted_ (15 _b_) _that_ the minds of a vast
number of men would be left poor shrunken things, full of melancholy
and indisposition, and unpleasing to themselves, if (32) there were
taken out of men's minds vain opinions, false valuations, imaginations
as one (_a_) would, and _the_ (15 _a_) _like_."
(_a_) The meaning (which cannot easily be more tersely expressed
than in the original) is "castles in the air," "pleasant
fancies."
104. "God never wrought a miracle to refute atheism, because His
ordinary works refute it. (_a_) A little philosophy inclines man's
mind to atheism: depth in philosophy brings men's minds back to
religion. (44) While the mind of man looks upon second causes
scattered, it may sometimes rest in them; (44) when it beholds the
chain of them confederate and linked together, it must needs
acknowledge a Providence. (44) That school which is most accused of
atheism most clearly demonstrates the truth of religion."
(_a_) Insert a suspensive conjunction. See (34).
105. "The spirit of Liberty and the spirit of Nationality were once
for all dead; (_a_) (5) _it_ might be for a time a pious duty, but it
could not continue always _expedient or_ (_c_) (15) (18) _profitable
to_ (_b_) (13) _mourn_ (_c_) (15 _a_) _for their loss_. Yet this is
the (_b_) (13) _feeling_ of the age of Trajan."
(_a_) Omit. (_b_) "To sit weeping by their grave;" "attitude."
(_c_) Notice that "expedient or profitable" are emphatic, as is
shown by "yet" in the next sentence. Make it evident therefore,
by their position, that these words are more emphatic than "to
mourn &c."
106. "(_a_) _If we ask_ (15 _b_) what was the nature of the force by
which this change was effected, (_a_) _we find it to have been_ (_b_)
the force that had seemed almost dead for many generations--(38) of
theology."
(_a_) Omit these words. (_b_) Begin a new sentence: "It was a
force &c."
107. "I remember Longinus highly recommends a description of a storm
by Homer, because (_a_) (5) (_c_) _he_ has not amused himself with
little fancies upon the occasion, as authors of an inferior genius,
whom he mentions, (_b_) (15 _a_) have done, (30) _but_ (_c_) _because_
he has gathered together those (_d_) (1) _events_ which are the most
apt to terrify the imagination, and (35) really happen in the raging
of a tempest."
(_a_) "The poet." (_b_) Omit "have done" and write "like some
authors." (_c_) Suspend the sentence by writing "the poet ...
instead of ... has." (_d_) What is the word for "that which
happens _around_ one, or in connection with some central object?"
108. "To have passed (_a_) (3) _in a self-satisfied manner_ through
twenty years of office, letting things take their own course; to have
(_b_) _sailed_ with consummate sagacity, never against the tide of
popular (_c_) _judgement_; to have left on record as the sole title to
distinction among English ministers a peculiar art of (_d_) _sporting
with_ the heavy, the awful responsibility of a nation's destiny with
the jaunty grace of a juggler (11) (_e_) _playing with_ his golden
ball; to have joked and intrigued, and bribed and (_f_) _deceived_,
with the result of having done nothing (_g_), (_h_) _either_ for the
poor, (_h_) _or_ for religion (for (_i_) which indeed he did worse
than nothing), (_h_) _or_ for art and science, (_h_) _or_ for the
honour or concord or even the financial prosperity of the nation, (38)
is surely a miserable basis on which the reputation of a great (15)
statesman _can be_ (_k_) (15 _a_) _founded_."
(_a_) "complacently." (_b_) "Sail" implies will and effort: use a
word peculiar to a helpless ship, so as to contrast paradoxically
with "sagacity." (_c_) Use a word implying less thought and
deliberation. (_d_) _With_ is too often repeated; write "bearing"
so as to introduce the illustration abruptly. (_e_) "tossing."
(_f_) Use a word implying a particular kind of "deceit," not
"lying," but the next thing to "lying." (_g_) Insert the word
with a preceding and intensifying adverb, "absolutely nothing."
(_h_) Instead of "either," "or," repeat "nothing." (_i_) The
parenthesis breaks the rhythm. Write "nothing, or worse than
nothing." (_k_) "to found."
109. "A glance at the clock will make you (1) _conscious_ that it is
nearly three in the morning, and I therefore ask you, gentlemen,
instead of wasting more time, to put this question to yourselves, 'Are
we, or are we not, here, for the purpose of (1) _eliminating_ the
truth?'"
110. "The speech of the Right Honourable member, so far from
_unravelling_ (14) _the obscurities of this knotty question_, is
eminently calculated to mislead his supporters (_a_) (8 _a_) _who_
have not made a special study of it. It may be (_b_) (23) _almost_
asserted of every statement (8) _which_ he has made that the very (1)
_converse_ is the fact."
(_a_) The meaning appears to be, not "_all_ his supporters," but
"_those of_ his supporters who:" the convenience of writing "his
supporters _that_" is so great that I should be disposed to use
"that." (_b_) "Every," not "asserted," requires the juxtaposition
of "almost."
111. "The provisions of the treaty _which_ (8) require the consent of
the Parliament of Canada await its assembling."
Point out the meaning conveyed by _which_, and by _that_.
112. "Mrs. Smith demonstrated (26), in opposition to the general
dictum of the press, that (_a_) _there had been_ a reaction against
woman's suffrage, that there had really been a gain of one vote in the
House of Commons."
(_a_) Substitute "instead of," and erase the second "that."
113. "The practice of smoking hangs like a gigantic (14 _a_) cloud of
evil over the country."
FOOTNOTES:
[18] That which treats of the thirteenth century.
CONTINUOUS EXERCISES.
CLEARNESS.
The following exercises consist of extracts from Burnet, Butler, and
Clarendon, modernized and altered with a view to remove obscurity and
ambiguity. The modernized version will necessarily be inferior to the
original in unity of style, and in some other respects. The charm of
the author's individuality, and the pleasant ring of the old-fashioned
English, are lost. It is highly necessary that the student should
recognize this, and should bear in mind that the sole object is to
show how the meaning in each case might have been more _clearly_
expressed.
Occasionally expressions have been altered, not as being in themselves
obscure or objectionable, but as indicating a habit of which beginners
should beware. For example, in the extract from Burnet, _he_ is often
altered, not because, in the particular context, the pronoun presents
any obscurity, but because Burnet's habit of repeating _he_ is faulty.
These exercises can be used in two ways. The pupil may either have his
book open and be questioned on the reasons for each alteration, or,
after studying the two versions, he may have the original version
dictated to him, and then he may reproduce the parallel version, or
something like it, on paper.
LORD CLARENDON.
The principal faults in this style are, long heterogeneous sentences
(43), use of phrases for words (47 _a_), ambiguous use of pronouns
(5), excessive separation of words grammatically connected together
(19).