sweet, heavenly sad, and I wuz carried some distance away from myself
and heeded not what wuz passin' by my side. Anon a dance come on that
wuz called a German. In some of the figgers they seemed to be givin'
presents to each other, and had these presents kinder strung onto 'em,
same as savages ornament themselves with beads and things, though
these wuz quite pretty lookin' and seemed made up of posies and
ribbins and pretty little trinkets. And then the lights wuz lowered
and I see a long line of figgers come glidin' in, keepin' step to the
music, each one bearin' a pretty little colored lantern. And as I
looked on my eyes wuz almost stunted and blinded by a sight I see. Who
wuz the couple bringin' up the rear? Wuz it--it could not be--but yet
it _wuz_ my pardner, leadin' in the ancient dame, who wuz footin' it
merrily on her old toes, or as merrily as she could, liable to fall
down every step with rumatiz and old age. And what did my pardner bear
in his hand!
That very day in goin' about the place he found in a store an old tin
lantern, a relic of the past someone had left there to be sold. It wuz
a lantern that used to be in vogue before Josiah Allen wuz born, a
anteek tin lantern with holes in the sides, and one candle power. He
had bought it greedily, sayin' it wuz jest like one his grandpa had
when he wuz a child.
He had left it in the office, and had lit that lantern and wuz now
hangin' along in the rear of that gay procession, with that mummy-like
figger, a jest, a byword and a sneer, for laughter riz up round 'em
and sneers follered 'em as they swep' onwards. As they come nigh me I
riz up almost wildly and ketched holt of my pardner and sez I:
"Desist! Josiah Allen, stop to once!"
The aged female looked at me in surprise and feeble remonstrance, and
sez she:
"Can it be that you're jealous?"
[Illustration: _"As they come nigh me I riz up almost wildly and
ketched holt of my pardner and sez I: 'Desist! Josiah
Allen, stop to once!' The aged female looked at me in
surprise." (See page 131)_]
Even in that awful moment my powers of deep reasonin' didn't desert me
and I said:
"If I wuz goin' to be jealous I wouldn't be of a animated mummy, or
livin' skeleton!" And to my companion I sez, "Josiah Allen, if you
don't set down here by me, I will part with you to once before the
first Square or Justice I can ketch!"
He see determination on my eye-brow, and as they wuz in the extreme
rear of the line, and it didn't break up nothin', I ketched the
lantern out of his hand and blowed it out, and put it under his chair
as he sot down in it. And then to her I sez with a almost frozen
politeness:
"I'd advise you, mom, to soak your feet and go to bed."
She vanished. But to my pardner my voice lost that icy coldness and
become het up with indignation, and I sez, "What tempted you, Josiah
Allen, to make a perfect fool of yourself--a show for hollow
worldlings to sneer at!"
"Fool!" sez he in bitter axents, "you call me that when I wuz strictly
actin' out what you've always ordered me to do. You've always told me
to be good to females, to put myself out and make a martyr of myself
if necessary for their good. But it is the last time!" sez he
bitterly, "the very last time I will ever have anything to do with
your sect in any way, shape or manner. I get no thanks from you for
anything I do, and the worm may jest as well turn first as last."
"Do you pretend to say, Josiah, that you did this to please me?"
"Yes mom, I do! I did it to please you, and to take that woman's part.
You hearn her say she wanted to dance, but no man wuz forthcomin'."
"Dance!" sez I, "dance at ninety years old!"
"She hain't much more'n eighty," sez he, "I don't believe. But anyway,
you won't git me into such a scrape agin. Your sect may be trod on for
all that I care. They may set round till they grow to their chairs and
be trompled down into the ground--and I jest as soon tromple on a few
myself," sez he recklessly.
Oh dear me! what a mysterious curous trial pardners be more'n half the
time! but still I feel that they pay after all.
Let him talk as he would I knew he wuz only carryin' out that fad to
try to be genteel and fashionable, and oh how much trouble I've seen,
from first to last, with that sperit in my pardner!
Well, we didn't stay down much longer. Faith had stepped out of the
long winder behind us and wuz lookin' off onto the glorified river
durin' this _contrary temps_, and as I glanced out of the winder to
look for her I see the huge form of Mr. Pomper hoverin' in the
foreground, and I sez to Josiah, "I think it is time to retire and go
to bed."
And Faith bein' ready to go, we ascended to our rooms. As we passed
one of the landin' places on the staircase where some chairs wuz
placed, I see the ancient dame settin' and sarahuptishously rubbin'
her ankle jints. She straightened up and looked kinder coquetishly at
my pardner, but he swep' by her as if she wuz so much dirt under his
feet. Truly he seemed to be carryin' out his plan of ignorin' my sect
and passin' 'em by scornfully. I may see trouble with that sperit in
him yet.
The next mornin' Josiah wanted Faith and I to go out with him fishin'
and have a fish dinner, a sort of a picnic, on some island on the
fishin' grounds. That's quite a fashionable entertainment. They fish
till they git real hungry I spoze, and then the boatman puts into some
sheltered cove, and the party goes on shore, builds a fire and cooks
some of the fish they have got, and make coffee, and with the nice
lunch they took from the hotel, they have a splendid dinner I spoze,
and take sights of comfort.
Why lots of folks there would go out day after day early in the
morning, and stay until night, and then would walk proudly in with a
long string of fish, and would lay 'em on the desk in the office, and
a admirin' crowd would gather round to look at 'em and wonder how much
they weighed. Why wimmen and children would catch fish so big that it
is a wonder they could draw 'em into the boat, and I spoze they did
have help from the stronger sect (stronger arms I mean). And besides
the fish I spoze they ketch happiness and health.
Well, Josiah wuz rampant to go. He said he wanted to surprise the
crowd in the hotel and the hull of Well's Island with the fish he
would git, and then I spoze the idee of the dinner wuz drawin' him
onward. I brung up several arguments, such as the danger, fatigue,
etc., but he stood firm. But I had one weepon left that seldom failed,
and as a last resort I drawed that weepon, and he fell woonded to
once. Sez I, "Do you have any idee, Josiah Allen, how much it is goin'
to cost you?"
His linement fell. He hadn't thought on't. I see him silently draw a
boatman into a corner and interview him, and I hearn no more about a
fishin' picnic.
The very evenin' after this, Fate and Mr. Pomper gin me a chance to
carry out the plan I'd laid out heretofore. Josiah had stepped over to
the post office, and Faith had walked over with him at my request, for
she had a headache, and I told him to walk down to the wharf with her
and see if the cool air wouldn't do her good. So she had put a black
lace scarf over her pretty golden hair and went off with him.
Well, there wuz big doin's at the Tabernacle that night, and it wuz a
off night for music, and I found the parlor nearly deserted when I
walked in and sot down in my accustomed easy chair. And no sooner had
I sot down seemin'ly than Mr. Pomper's massive form emerged onto the
seen, and he drawed up a chair and sot down by my side.
Agreably to the plans I had laid down in my mind, I did not object to
the move. But though a picture of calmness on the outside, inwardly I
wuz callin' almost wildly on my powers of memory, tryin' to think jest
what Malviny had done, one of the immortal Children of the Abbey, when
Lord Mortimer approached her with his onlawful suit, and I tried also
to recall what the Mountain Mourner had done in like circumstances,
but before I had half done interviewin' them heroines in sperit my
mind wuz recalled into the onwelcome present by Mr. Pomper's voice in
my left ear:
"I asked you, Josiah Allen's wife," sez he, "to listen to me, for I
felt that you wuz the most proper person for me to state my feelings
to. Since you and your party have entered this house," sez he, "I have
had a great conflict goin' on between my mind and my heart."
"Ah indeed! have you?" sez I, liftin' my nose at a angle of from forty
to fifty degrees.
"Yes," sez he, "I have had a great struggle between my heart and my
common sense, and in the battle that ensued, Common Sense and Reason
has had to retire into the background, and Heart has triumphed."
"It is a great pity!" sez I, "Common Sense and Reason had much better
come out ahead," and agin I lifted my nose to its extremest limit, and
looked swords and prunin' knives at him.
"That is just what most folks would say, I am aware, but listen to my
story before you judge. I must reveal to you the state of my heart and
affections!"
How sure it is that when a kag is tapped the contents will run out no
matter whether it is wine or water. At them bold words accompanied by
the ardent rollin' of that lone orb, my well-laid plans all left my
mind, nothin' wuz left but pure principle and devotion and loyalty to
my pardner. The full kag emptied its contents over his nefarious
purposes, and I bust out almost onbeknown to me and sez:
"It is no use; it is vain, it is worse than vain! it is wicked!"
"What," sez he, "is she engaged to another?"
"Who?" sez I, turnin' like lightnin' and facin' him.
"Why, Miss Smith, your niece or grand-child who is with you. That
beauchious creature!" sez he.
"Faithful Smith!" sez I faintly, "is she the one you are talkin'
about?"
"Yes," sez he, "your grand-daughter, is she not?"
"My grand-daughter!" sez I in deep contempt, "she is my own cousin on
my own side."
"I thought," sez he, "from her looks and yours that she might be your
grand-child, but that is of no moment," sez he.
"It is of moment!" sez I, "she is uncle Leander Smith's own child,
and though she is a few years younger than I be, it has always been
said and thought all over Jonesville and Loontown that I hold my age
to a remarkable extent. And though I think my eyes of Faith I won't
thank you or anyone else for callin' her my grand-child!"
"But yet," sez he, "that's a tender, sweet relationship. What I want
to say to you is in relation to Miss Smith, she looks sad but
beauchious. I like her looks. You may have noticed that I have
occasionally glanced in the direction of your party."
"Yes," sez I, "Heaven knows I have noticed it!"
"Yes," sez he, "as I have looked upon her face from day to day a
conflict has been wagin' in my heart, and though you may be surprised
at the result (for I am very wealthy) I have decided to make her glad
and joyous once more."
He paused, as if for a reply, and I sez, "How did you mean to tackle
the job?"
"By makin' her my wife," sez he.
The mystery wuz all explained, my dignity and my beloved pardner's
safety all assured. I felt a feeling of infinite relief, and yet I
felt like a fool, and I blamed him severely for this ridiculous
_contrary temps_ that had occurred in my mind.
"Of course," sez he, "it is a great rise for her, I have hearn that
she hain't worth much, as I count wealth, and as we are speakin' in
confidence, I will say that there is a rich widder here who has hopes
of me, and mebby I've gin her some encouragement, kinder accidental,
as you may say, but I ort to know better. Widdowers can't be too
careful; they do great harm, let 'em be as careful as possible. They
tromple right and left over wimmen's hearts do the best they can. But
since I have seen Miss Smith and witnessed her sad face I have done a
sight of thinkin'. Here the case lays, the widder is strong, she can
stand trouble better. The widder is happy, for she has got that which
will make any woman happy--health, wealth, and property. And I've been
turnin' it over in my mind that mebby Duty is drawin' me away from the
widder and towards the maid. It hain't because the widder is homely as
the old Harry that influences me, no not at all. But the thought of
lightenin' the burden of the sad and down hearted, makin' the mournful
eyes dance with ecstasy, and the skrinkin' form bound with joy
like--like--the boundin' row on the hill tops. Now as the case stands
marry I will and must. My wife has already been lost for a period of
three months lackin' three weeks. She sweetly passed away murmurin',
'I am glad to go.'"
"No wonder at that!" I sez, "no wonder!"
"Yes, she wuz a Christian and she passed sweetly up into the Hevings,
thank the Lord!" sez he lookin' acrost onto Faith's sweet face, for
she had come back and set down acrost the room.
"She is better off, I hain't a doubt on't!" sez I fervently.
"I don't know about that. I did well by her, and she felt as well as
myself, that to be my wife wuz a fate not often gin to mortal
wimmen."
"That is so!" sez I fervently, "that is so!"
"Yes she wuz proud and happy durin' her life. I did everything for
her. I killed a chicken durin' her last sickness onasked, jest to
surprise her with soup. She lived proud and happy and died happy."
"I hain't a doubt that she died happy."
"No," sez he, "and now I must make a choice of her successor. It is a
hard job to do," sez he.
"No doubt on't," sez I, "no doubt on't!"
"Yes, whatever woman I choose, some must be left, pinin' on their
stems, to speak poetically. I can't marry every woman, that's plain to
be seen."
"Yes, thank Heaven! that's a settled thing," sez I lookin' longin'ly
at my pardner, who wuz leanin' aginst the door and conversin' with the
man of the house on his chosen theme, for anon or oftener I hearn the
words--Coney Island! Dreamland--Luny Park, etc., etc.
"No, and my choice made, I want it done as speedily as possible, for
my late lamented left as a slight token of her love thirteen children
of all ages, rangin' from six months up to twelve years, two pairs of
triplets, two ditto of twins, and three singles.
"My wealth lays in land mostly. I never believed in idle luxuries,
only comfort, solid comfort, and my wife will have a luxurious home of
a story and a half upright, and a linter, groceries and necessaries
all provided, and all she will have to do will be the housework and
gently train and care for the minds and bodies of the little ones,
with some help from the oldest set of triplets, and make my home agin
an oasis of joy, a Eden below. Oh! how happy she will be!" sez he,
"Nestlin' down like a wanderin' dove in the safety and peace and pride
of married life. When can I see Miss Smith?" sez he. "Or will you tell
her in advance of her good fortune?"
[Illustration: "_'No,' sez Mr. Pomper, 'I want it done as speedily as
possible, fer my late lamented left me thirteen children,
two pairs of triplets, two ditto of twins, and three
singles.'_" (_See page 143_)]
"No indeed!" sez I, "I make no matches nor break none. You will have
to do your own errents."
CHAPTER NINE
IN WHICH MR. POMPER MAKES A OFFER OF MARRIAGE AND FAITH HAS A
WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE
CHAPTER NINE
IN WHICH MR. POMPER MAKES A OFFER OF MARRIAGE AND FAITH HAS A
WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE
Faith had got up and gone out onto the piazza, and he riz up
ponderously and proudly and follered her. And onless I put cotton in
my ears, I couldn't help hearin' what wuz said. I could hear his proud
axent and her low gentle voice in reply.
Sez he, "Miss Smith, of course you hain't known me long, but I feel
that we are well acquainted. I have watched you when you hain't known
it."
I could imagine just how wonderingly the soft gentle eyes wuz raised
to his as he went on:
"Yes, I have kep' my eye on you, and I will say right out that I like
your looks and your ways, and I feel that you are worthy of being
promoted to the high honor I am about to heap onto you, by askin' you
to be my wife."
I heard a little low, skairt ejaculation and a chair pushed back.
"Your wife! oh no, no, you are mistaken!"
Then his voice in soothin' axents, "There, set down agin, set down. I
knew you'd take it so. I knew it would overcome you, but I say you are
worthy on't, and you needn't never be afraid I'll throw it in your
face that I am rich and you--and you----"
Then I hearn a swish of a dress float along, quick steps acrost the
piazza, a door shet, and anon Mr. Pomper come back to me.
"Jest as I told you, mom, stunted," sez he, "fairly stunted and broke
down by the suddenness of the good news. I'll give her time to git
used to the idee. I won't say no more at present."
"No," sez I dryly, "I wouldn't if I wuz in your place, I'd go and rub
some ile into my head or sweat it, or sunthin'."
"What for?" sez he in surprise, "why should I bathe my head, or
annoint it?"
"Oh nothin'," sez I, "if you don't think it needs softenin' up and
illuminatin'."
Well, I went up to my room and in a few minutes Faith come in, and she
went right by me and looked in the glass. She wuz pale and seemed to
be kinder tremblin'. She studied her face intently in the lookin'
glass, then sez she, "What is there in my face, what have I done?"
sez she, "How have I looked, that that awful man dare insult me? Oh, I
must have looked weak or acted weak, or he wouldn't have dared to!"
and she busted out cryin'.
And I sez soothin'ly, "It hain't the worst thing that could happen to
you. A offer of marriage hain't like a attack of yeller fever, or
cholera, or even the janders, nor," sez I, "it hain't like losin'
friends, or a plague of grasshoppers, or----"
And I spoze there hain't no tellin' onto what hites of eloquence I
might have riz to cheer her up. But all of a sudden she bust out
a-laughin' with the tears standin' in her big eyes and runnin' down
her cheeks.
"There," sez I, "you see I'm right, don't you?"
"Oh you dear, delicious Samantha!" sez she, and she throwed her arms
round me and kissed me. I kissed her back and then I went on brushin'
my hair for the night. I hadn't nothin' on but my skirts and dressin'
sack, but I didn't mind her. And she went and sot down by the winder
and looked off into the west. Fur off the blue hazy distance lay like
another country. The moonlight lay on the waters, a white sail fur
off seemed to float into dreamy mist. She sot there still, and a queer
look seemed to come into her face. I felt that she wuz thinkin' of
him, the lost lover of her youth. I felt that she wuz with him and not
with me. I thought from the looks of her face she might think he had
been insulted by the rude feet that had assayed to walk into the
kingdom where he had rained, and rained still, I believe. Sez I to
myself, mebby she is walkin' with him in the past, and mebby in the
futer, how could I tell, I felt queer and wadded up my hair with
emotions that never before went into them hair pins.
After I had finished I sot down, as my habit is, to read a few verses
of Skripter, to sort o' carry with me in my journey through the
unknown realms of Sleep. And as I make a practice of openin' wherever
I happen to--or I don't really like that word happen--I let the book
open where it will, and I wuz jest readin' these words:
"Ye have seen all that the Lord did before your eyes, the signs and
the great miracles."
When I hearn through my readin', as one will, the whistle of the night
boat comin' in, and the noise of many steps goin' along the walk
below. Then I opened the book agin and went on with my readin':
"The secret things belong unto the Lord our God, but these things that
are revealed belong to us."
When sunthin' made me look up, Faith wuz bendin' forward lookin' out
of the winder, though she couldn't see anyone that wuz passin' on
account of the ruff, and I see a look that I never see before on any
face, it wuz all rousted up, illuminated, glad, triumphant, sad,
glowin', blessed, and everything else.
And I said, "What is it, Faith, what do you see?"
Sez she, "I don't know."
And I said then, "What do you think it is?"
And she sez, "Cousin Samantha, do you think that those who are far
away ever return to the hearts that are mourning for them? Is there
any way that souls can meet while the bodies are far apart?"
"Why yes," sez I, "I have always thought so, I have always thought
they had some way of tellin' us they wuz nigh without usin' language
we know anything about. Many is the time I've expected visitors that I
hadn't seen or hearn from in some time, and sure enough they'd come
jest as I seemed to think they would. And letters! how many a time all
of a sudden I would most know I wuz goin' to git a letter from
somebody, and sure enough when Josiah would go to the post office he'd
bring it back with him. How them folks hundreds of milds away managed
to let me know they wuz thinkin' of me on paper, or how I knew these
friends wuz approachin' onbeknown to me, I don't know nor Josiah
don't.
"There wuzn't no U. S. stamp on these messages, nor earthly hands
didn't bring the tidin's of these visitors. No the post-masters and
messengers on that mysterious Route keep perfect silence as to where
they be, or who they be. But they are at work all the same, though who
they work for, or how they work, how can we tell? The strange rays of
light that flash through the darkness of dense bodies makin' visible
what has been onseen since the creation, hasn't discovered these
highways yet, mebby they will. The strange new air route messages that
travel acrost the stormy Atlantic may run right acrost these
mysterious highways," and for a minute my mind follered off on them
strange, strange tracks, Marconi roads lighted by X-rays and leadin'
who knows where.
When my mind kinder come back agin to what we wuz talkin' about I
resoomed, "And if this happens to us as it duz time and agin in regard
to friends and well wishers, how much more it is likely to be true of
those we love and who love us. This strange knowledge and fore-warnin'
is not material, it is independent of the body or any workin's of the
mind that we understand, and how do we know how fur reachin' and
universal that law is if our eyes wuz not held so we could discern it?
If these fine senses wuz not so unused, and as you may say bed-rid by
disuse, how do we know how truly near to us may be those who in our
blindness we say are fur away, how do we know but their spiritual
self, their real self, may be nearer to us than our neighbors in the
flesh, and those who sit by our firesides, though our mortal eyes may
not see them, and oceans and seas may divide us and mebby the Deepest
River. What do we know about the onseen roads that lay all about us,
leadin' from Loontown and Jonesville and from one continent to the
other, and mebby up through the clear fields of Light? What do we know
about them still mysterious streets windin' mebby from our home and
hearts to Thomas Jefferson's, and so on, mebby from star to star? And
what do we know of the travelers that go up and down on 'em and
outward and homeward? These roads don't need any surveyor to lay 'em
out, or path-master to clear 'em of snow and dirt, no weeds grow up by
the wayside, nor dirt lays in the track.
"No, clear and broad and unobstructed the luminous pathways may lay
all round us onknown to us. Noiseless chariots, swifter than our
imaginations can grasp now, may cleave these star routes, connecting
one land to another, and mebby jinin' immense distances to our planet,
as easy as we can hitch up and go to Jonesville.
"We don't see these noiseless conveyances, lighter and swifter than
thought, nor the forms they waft to us from afar. We can't hear their
voices, but our soul listens! We feel their nearness! For a blessed
moment we are thrilled with the bliss of their presence, their full
comprehension of pity and love.
"'Dear ones!' our heart cries, 'where are you? Come nearer! Let our
eyes behold you!' Our soul peers longin'ly through the mist of earthly
blindness, looking! listening!'"
I wuz carried some distance away from myself by my deep eppisodin'
when a sigh from Faith brung me down and landed me on terry firmy agin
and I sez,
"Why do you ask this question to-night, dear?"
"Because," sez she in a tremblin' voice, "I feel that someone long
gone and lost is near me to-night, I feel the presence nearer than you
are now," sez she, puttin' her little white tremblin' hand on my own.
"I am not mistaken," sez she with streaming eyes, "I know that in
whatever world or distant way that soul may be dwellin', it is with me
to-night. It frightens me!" sez she, white as a cloth, "And it fills
me with the blessedness of Heaven!" And she smiled with her big
luminous eyes. She wuz tremblin' like a popple leaf.
"Well, well," sez I, "shet up the winder, and take a little catnip
tea. I'll steep it on my alcohol lamp, and go to bed. You've been
excited too much to-night." I knew, though she didn't say so, that the
very idee of catnip wuz repugnant and oncongenial to her at that time,
but I felt that I had reason and common sense on my side. Faithful
hain't over strong, and had been through considerable excitement,
besides I hearn the distant step of my pardner, and his voice
parleyin' with the hall boy for sunthin'.