Fiddler's Elbow, named Heaven knows for what purpose, for no fiddle
nor no elbow wuz in sight, nothin' but island and water and rock all
crowned with green verdure. Mebby it dates back to the time we read of
when the stars sung together, and if stars sing, why shouldn't islands
dance, and if islands dance it stands to reason they must have a
fiddle and one on 'em must fiddle. I do not say this _is_ so, but
throw out this scientific theory as one of singular interest to the
antiquarian and historian of the Thousand Islands.
Anon we entered the Lost Channel, agin the antiquarian sperit is
rousted up as we inquire, "When wuz it lost? and how long? And when
wuz it found agin, and who found it?" Way back in the dawn of
creation, did the dimplin' channel git kinder restive and try to run
off by itself, and flow round and act? Or did the big leap down
Niagara skair it so that it run away and never stopped runnin' until
it got all confused and light-headed among these countless islands,
and wandered away and got lost and by the side of itself?
Deep antiquarian conundrums; stern geological interests! In grapplin'
with 'em I leaned over the taff-rail of the boat and looked way down
into the blue green depths, seekin' a answer. But the shinin' waves on
top seemed to glitter mockin'ly and fur down, down in the green waves,
there seemed to look back a sort of a pityin' gleam that said to me:
"Poor creeter! pass on with your little vague theories and
conjectures; you don't know any more about me than the rest on 'em do,
who have tried to write about me." I felt kinder took back and queer.
So vain are we that we don't like to have our carefully constructed
theories overthrown. But even as I mused, a voice said to the right of
me--a woman talkin' to her little boy:
"The Lost Channel was named from the fact that durin' a war a large
body of troops got lost here in the channel in the late autumn and
could not find their way out, and was overtaken by the bitter cold and
perished here."
Well, mebby if is so, I d'no. But I wuzn't knowin' to it myself, nor
Josiah wuzn't. Well, onheedin' our facts or fancies, the river bore us
onwards on its breast. Past high green boulders risin' up from the
water with nothin' on 'em, not even a tree; jest gray rock lookin'
some like a geni's castle frownin' down onto the intruders into their
realm. Then anon a pile of high gray rocks crowned as the Sammist sez
"with livin' green." Then in a minute more a little landlocked bay
with placid water sweepin' back into a pretty harbor, tree shaded, and
mebby a boat anchored there like a soul at rest, or mebby a sail-boat
with two young hearts in it driftin' down the sea of their content, as
the tiny waves rippled round their oars. Then a grand big mansion
lookin' down onto us kinder superciliously. Then a small, pretty farm
house with snug outbuildings, a man lookin' at us from the open barn
door, and some children playin' round the doorstep. Then a big island
with grassy shores or wooded depths; then a tiny island, not too big
for a child's playhouse, and some that wuz only a bit of rock peekin'
out of the water.
And fur off all the time when we could see it wuz the blue hazy
distance full of beauty; ever-changin' glimpses of loveliness, givin'
place to new beauties. Fur off, fur off sometimes we could see distant
pinnacles and towers, all bathed in the blue shinin' mist. And as the
rapt eyes of our Fancy gazed on 'em, they might have been the towers
of the New Jerusalem, the Golden city, so dreamlike, so inexpressibly
lovely did they seem faintly photographed aginst the soft blue distant
heavens.
But cold Reality said in her chillin' practical whisper, "It's nothin'
but Gananoque or Clayton," and she went on, "They hain't anything like
the New Jerusalem, either of them."
Alas for us poor mortals! who drive or are driv by the two contendin'
coharts of Imagination, Idealized Fancy and practical Reality. And she
always will have the last word, Reality will, and her voice is loud
and shrill, and it penetrates into the warm, sweet Indian summer air,
where Fancy dwells and where we sometimes visit her for brief
intervals. Too brief! too brief! for cold Reality is always hangin'
round; she is always up and dressed ready to put in her note.
I mentioned the metafor to Josiah and he sez, "Yes, it minds me of the
man who was brought up before the judge by his wife. She complained he
hadn't spoke to her for five years. The judge ast him if that were so,
and he said, 'Yes, that's so.' 'But why,' sez the judge, 'why hain't
you spoke to your wife for five years?' And the man sez, 'Because I
didn't want to interrupt her.'" Josiah declares it is true, but I
believe it is jest a slur on wimmen.
But to resoom. Swiftly, silently we sped on with the islands about us,
the blue sky overhead and the shadow islands below. And innumerable
boats appeared far and near, some with white sails lifted, and
followed below by a white shadow sail, and anon a big steamer would
glide along, loaded down to its gunwale with crowds of gay pleasure
seekers, who would wave their snowy handkerchiefs and salute us, the
steamer backin' 'em with its deep grum voice. Or anon we could see a
big dark barge sailin' along, and Fancy would whisper to us as we
gazed on its mysterious dark sides without a soul in sight:
"It may be the phantom of some old Pirate ship, condemned for its
sins to cruise along forever in strange waters, homesick for its
native seas." But Reality spoke right up jest as she always will and
said it wuz probable some big lake steamer heavy loaded with grain or
some great Canadian boat. And then a new seen of beauty would drift
into our vision and take our minds off and carry 'em away some
distance. Oh, it is no wonder that Faith's soft eyes grew more tender
and luminous.
Josiah felt the beauty of the seen, he felt it deeply, but everybody
knows that beauty affects folks differently, it always seems to
sharpen up my dear companion's appetite, and three cookies in as many
minutes wuz offered up on the shrine of his vivid appreciation, and
two nut cakes.
We got back to our hotel, the sun about an hour high. Jest before our
bark swep' into the haven, and while Josiah and Faith had crossed over
to the opposite side of our bark, I hearn a voice on the off quarter
windward, and I turned round and see to my dismay that it wuz Mr.
Pomper. He sez to me in a low voice, while his looks spoke volumes of
yellow colored literatoor: "I wish to speak a few words to you alone,
mum. Can you give me the opportunity?"
I looked him full in that eye of hisen, a hauty cold look, a look as
much as 40 degrees below freeze, and said nothin' else but jest that
look.
"I have somethin' very important to say to you. Can you hear me?"
Words wuz risin' to my tongue that would wither him forever, and end
the vile persecutions I wuz undergoin', when before I could speak the
gang plank wuz charged back agin Mr. Pomper's foot in a way that made
him leap back like a sportive elephant, and for the moment I wuz free.
But as I wended my pensive way up to the hotel, I made up my mind that
if he ever approached me agin I would plainly tell him what wuz what,
and so end my purturbations of mind; for I felt if it wuz to go on
much longer I should lose a pound of flesh, and mebby a pound and a
half, in the stiddy wearin' persecution I wuz undergoin'. And that
night at dinner as I ketched the light smoulderin' in that lonely orb,
as it wuz bent on our table, and the corner in parlor and piazza where
we wuz ensconced, I wondered anew what wuz the attractions that kep'
Mr. Pomper so stiddy at my shrine, And I got so that I almost hated
the good looks that wuz ondoin' him and me too. And I looked into the
glass dreamily as I wadded up my back hair and did up the front, and
pinned my cameo pin onto my rich cotton and wool parmetty, and
wondered if it wuzn't my duty to leave off that pin, and change that
parmetty for calico, and sort o' frowzle up my hair onbecomingly in
order to wean him from me. But alas! my principles did not seem able
to git up onto that bite, so weak are we poor mortals after all our
aspirin' efforts.
One curious thing I have ever noticed among men (and wimmen too) and
that is the ease and facility with which they will slip out of
statements and idees they have promulgated, and turn around in their
tracts as easy and graceful as a dummy before a show case. Now there
wuz a party to be gin to the hotel for a charitable purpose, each man
and woman present givin' 25 cents, and then havin' a social time
afterwards, and as the object wuz good I sez to my pardner, "I would
like to attend to it." And he acted fairly skairt and horrow struck at
the idee and went on eloquent about old folks at our ages, and with
our professions, and our rumatiz, follerin' up gayety and show. Sez
he, "The place for us evenin's is in our own room readin' our Bibles
and Tracks."
And I sez as I calmly wadded up my back hair and smoothed my foretop,
"Well, I spoze I can go alone if you feel so."
Then another thought seemed to roust him up; Jealousy seemed to strike
her sharp prongs into his slender side, and he sez bitterly, "Yes,
goin' down alone into a perfect mawlstrom of men flirtin' and
actin'!"
"The mawlstrom won't hurt me," sez I, "I hain't goin' nigh it." But
even as I spoke I thought of Mr. Pomper, and sez to myself, Can I help
him from comin' nigh me? And as if in answer to my onspoken thoughts
my pardner sez:
"Mawlstroms will draw anybody in onbeknown to them; they're deadly
dangerous!" And I see him gin a kin' of a shiver. I wuz touched to the
heart by the thought of his devotion, and as I fastened my cameo pin
more firmly into the rich folds of parmetty at my neck, I sez:
"Dear Josiah, I don't know but you're right. I feel as though I want
you near me to protect me." That melted his heart, but alas, did not
affect his pocket book, and he sez, "I would go down with you in a
minute, Samantha, but jest consider on the 50 cents we would spend
there, how much comfort that would bring to some lonely widder, mebby
a blind woman, who is a-hunger and ye fed her not."
I looked stiddy at him and sez I, "Josiah Allen, will that poor widder
git that fifty cents?"
He answered evasive, and I went on, "It is easy to make the excuse
that the money you are asked for in charity will do so much more good
somewhere else, but," sez I sternly, "the money don't git there, and
you know it." He still kep' his hand in his pocket round that pocket
book I believe, whilst he took a new tact: "The air, Samantha, in that
room will be stiflin', and if I should take you into that place and
you should stifle, I should die away myself, I couldn't live a minute
without you, dear Samantha," sez he.
Well, my tizik wuz pretty bad in crowded places and suffice it to say,
that though his arguments didn't convince me, they sort o' overpowered
me for the time bein', and we stayed in our own room.
Now to show the facility with which folks will turn right round and
revolve, I will tell how Josiah seemin'ly forgot mawlstroms, bad air,
rumatiz, ages, meetin' housen, principles, etc., and turned right
round on the pivot of his inclination. A day or two after he heard
down in the office about the dancin' parties they had in the parlor
anon or oftener, and he come up into our room enthused with the idee
and wanted to branch out and go that night, and I sez:
"What about mawlstroms and gayety, Josiah Allen?"
"Oh," he sez, "I shall be there to protect you, Samantha, no mawlstrom
can draw you in and destroy you, whilst I have a drop of blood left in
my veins! I'll protect you here, and I'd protect you at Coney Island,"
sez he--(that idee never left his mind I believe).
"What about the bad air?" sez I.
"Oh the winder will probable be open, and you can take your turkey
feather fan with you." And then I dropped my half jocular tone and sez
in deadly earnest:
"Be I leanin' on a Methodist pillow or be I not? Have I a deacon by my
side or haven't I?"
But Josiah seemed calm and even gay sperited under my two reproachful
orbs that poured their search lights into his very soul, and he sez:
"From all I hear it hain't a wicked dance at all, but jest a pretty
dancin' party down in the parlor, jined in by men and wimmen and their
children and mebby their grand-children, and it is always so sweet,"
sez he, "to see a man and his grand-children dancin' together. Oh, if
Delight wuz only here!" sez he.
I riz up and sez in almost heart breakin' axents:
"Josiah Allen, be you a thinkin' of dancin' yourself?"
"No," sez he, "no, Samantha, I jest want to look on a spell, that's
all."
But there wuz a look in his eyes that I hated to see, for I had seen
it many times in the past, and it had always foreboded trials to me
and humiliation to my pardner. How queer human critters be! what
strange and mysterious tacts they will git on and how they will foller
up them tacts and fads of theirn. But I d'no as human critters are any
worse about follerin' up their tacts and fads and follerin' 'em blind,
than old Mom Nater is. Now who hain't noticed her queer moods and how
prolonged they be, and how sudden and onexpected they will come onto
her? When she takes it into her head to have a pleasant spell of
weather, how she'll foller it up, clear skies, pleasant days and
nights for weeks and weeks. And if she takes it into her head to have
it rain, how she will keep the skies drippin' right along for most all
summer. And then when she has a dry spell, how dry she is! no matter
how much the dwindlin' creeks and empty wells and springs complain,
she has got to carry out her own idees till she gits ready to change.
Josiah Allen, since I had been his pardner had took many a fad into
his old head, which he had carried out as only Nater or a man can
carry 'em, onreasonable, mysterious, out of season, but bound to let
'em run. Sometimes in the past it had been a desire for singin' base
that had laid holt on him, base in every sense the word can be used.
Then agin he had painful and prolonged spells of wantin' to be genteel
and fashionable, then anon political ambition had rousted up his rusty
old faculties and for months and months Coney Island had been his
theme, and wuz now, and so on through a long roll of characters he had
desired to play in the drama of life.
But _dancin'!_ never did I expect to see that man with his age and his
profession and his achin' old bones, wantin' to dance. But so it wuz,
as will be seen in the follerin' pages. Queer as a dog folks are on
this planet, and I d'no but the Marites and Jupiters and Saturnses are
jest as queer. But to quit eppisodin' and resoom forwards agin.
I have always found that it hain't best to draw the matrimonial rope
too tight round your pardner's jungular veins. I see he wuz sot on
goin' and I felt I would ruther he would go with me who could have
some savin' control over him, than to have him git reckless and sally
off alone. So it wuz settled that we should go that night at early
candle light. And Faith wuz to go with us. Yes, I, Josiah Allen's
wife, had gin my consent to go to a dance. But jest so the environin'
cord of circumstances gits us all wound up in its tangles time and
agin. And as the way of poor weak mortals is, havin' made up my mind
to go I tried to bring to mind all the mitigatin' circumstances I
could. I thought of how the lambs capered on the hillside, how the
leaves on the trees danced to the music of the south wind, and how
even the motes swung round with each other in the sunlight. And then I
thought of how David danced before the ark, and how Jeptha's daughter
danced out to meet her father (to be sure she had her head took off
for it, but I tried to not dwell on that side of the subject). And
then I remembered how I did love music, and in spite of myself I felt
kinder chirked up thinkin' I should enjoy quite a long spell on't. And
thinkses I, if dancin' is a little mite off from the hite Methodists
ort to stand on, music is the most heavenly thing we can lay holt of
below, so I sort o' tried to even up them two peaks in my mind and lay
a level onto 'em and try to make myself believe they struck about a
fair plane of megumness, and shet my eyes to the idee that it slanted
off some and wuz slippery.
Oh what weak creeters we be anyhow! Well, that night there wuz goin'
to be a extra big party, and I wuz for startin' at once after supper,
for truly I felt that I wuz performin' a hard and arjous job, and as
my way is I wuz for tacklin' it to once and gittin' over it. Yes, I
felt it wuz goin' to be a wearin' job to git Josiah Allen to that
parlor durin' them festivities and back agin with no damage or scandal
arisin' from the enterprise.
But Faith sez, "It will be too early, they won't begin to dance till
eight. We eat at six." And I sez, "For the land's sake! if I'd got to
dance I should begin early and stop early, so's to git a little rest."
And she sez:
"Young folks don't think about that."
Well, we compromised on half past seven (most bed-time). And when
Faith knocked at our door at that epoch of time we wuz all ready.
Josiah had carefully combed his few locks of gray hair upwards over
his bald head, had donned a sweet smilin' look, and a cravat, gayer
fur than I approved of (he'd bought it durin' the day onbeknown to
me). And I had arrayed my noble figger in my usual cotton and wool
brown dress, brightened up at the neck and sleeves with snowy collar
and cuffs, and further enriched by the large cameo pin. I also carried
a turkey feather fan that harmonized in color with my dress. I looked
exceedingly well and felt well.
And Faith, I sez proudly to myself, a sweeter face and prettier dress
won't be seen there to-night. She did look lovely. Her soft eyes
shone, her cheeks looked pinky, her hair, a sort of a golden brown
with some gray in it, crinkled back from her white forward and wuz
gathered in a loose knot on the top of her head with a high silver
comb. Her dress wuz thin and white and gauzy, and though it wuz
considerable plain it wuz made beautiful by the big bunch of pale
pink roses at her belt and bosom, jest matchin' her cheeks in color.
I wuz proud of her. And I felt quite well about my other companion,
for as I glanced at the small kerseymear figger and pert bald head, I
sez to myself, "He makes a much better escort than none at all."
CHAPTER EIGHT
IN WHICH MR. POMPER DECLARES HIS INTENSHUNS AN' GIVES HIS VIEWS ON
MATRIMONY
CHAPTER EIGHT
IN WHICH MR. POMPER DECLARES HIS INTENSHUNS AN' GIVES HIS VIEWS ON
MATRIMONY
As our party sort o' swep' gracefully down into the hall, we thought
we would step outdoors for a minute for a breath of fresh air. It
looked gay and almost fairy-like out there. The two broad piazzas wuz
all lit up with colored lights and baskets of posies hung down between
'em full of bloom, and the broad piazzas and wide flight of steps
leadin' up to 'em wuz full of folks in bright array, walkin' and
talkin' and laughin' makin' the seen more fair and picture-like. And
in front wuz the long grassy lawn with its gay flower beds, and the
long walk down to the wharf all sparklin' with lights, and beyend, in
front of it all, lay the deep river, with its sighin' voice borne in
on the stillness, jest as in the hearts of every one of that throng,
way back beyend the gayety and sparklin' mirth lay the deep sea of
their own inner life, with its melancholy hantin' memories, its
sighin' complainin' voices, its deeps that nobody else could fathom.
And while we stood there, I wrapped in reverie and a gray zephyr
shawl, a broad beam of light wuz cast from somewhere fur off, shinin'
full and square first one side then the other side of the river.
Nearer and nearer it seemed to be comin' towards us, and wherever that
light fell a picture wuz brung quick as a flash of lightnin' out of
the darkness.
It seemed some like the day of Judgment shinin' through the darkness
of men's lives and bringin' out the hidden things. Way out in the
distance where nothin' could be seen but blackness and shadows, the
beam would fall and a island would stand out plain before us, houses
with men and wimmen on the piazzas, a boat house, a boat with men and
wimmen and children in it. You could see for one dazzlin' minute the
color of their garments, and the motion of their hands and arms, then
the sea of darkness would engulf 'em agin, and on the nigh side out of
the darkness would shine out a vision of the shore with trees standin'
up green and stately, and you could see the color of leaf and bough
and almost the flutter of their leaves. A green lawn, rosy flower
beds, a pretty cottage, faces at the windows, agin darkness swallowed
it up, and broad and brilliant the great shaft of light lay on the
blackness, and on the shinin' water fur ahead a boat stood out vivid.
Its white sail shone, the young man at the helm with uplifted head wuz
wavin' a greetin', the girl in the other end of the boat looked like a
picture in her broad hat and white wrap, and beyend 'em and all round
'em, wuz little boats, and fur ahead a big steamer.
Anon it wuz turned sideways, and a dark mysterious craft wuz seen
sailin' by mysteriously, one of the big lake vessels goin' I know not
where. Anon a dazzlin' flash swep' right across us, bringin' Faith and
me and my pardner out into almost blindin' relief, his bald head
shinin' in the foreground, his cravat gleamin' almost blindin'ly, and
with music and bright light shinin' from the cabin winders, and decks
loaded with gay passengers, the Search Light Steamer swep' up to the
wharf.
The ball had not yet arrove at its hite when we entered the festivious
hall, so we readily found seats in a commogious corner. On one side on
me wuz my pardner, on the off side sot Faith in her serene beauty. In
front of me and on each side the gay crowd of dancers.
Pretty young girls arrayed in every color of the rain-bow. Handsome
young men, ditto homely ones, little children as pretty as posies with
their white dresses and white silk stockin's and slippers dancin' as
gayly as any of the rest, all on 'em big and little, graceful and
awkward, swingin', turnin', glidin' along, swingin', turnin', all
keepin' time to the sweet swayin' tones of the music, music that
seemed sometimes to bear my soul off some distance away and swing it
round and dance with it a spell, and then whirl it back agin to the
Present and Josiah. It wuz a queer time, but very riz up and enjoyable
in spite of some little sharp twinges that come anon or oftener, which
might have been conscience, but which I tried to lay off onto
rumatiz.
Two wimmen wuz talkin' near us, sez one of 'em, "There he goes agin,
see him prancin' round." And she motioned to a young chap I'd noticed
who seemed to be the most indefatigable dancer in the hull lot, and
his face wuz determined lookin', as if his hull life depended on
gallopin' round the room, and as if he never wuz goin' to stop.
"See him," sez the woman, "that young man's father and grand-father
would have swooned away if they'd thought that any of their kin would
dance."
"Wuz they so good?" sez the other woman.
"No," wuz the reply, "they had all sorts of narrowness, sins and
coniptions, but they thought dancin' wuz the wickedest thing ever
done. This boy wuz brought up as strict as a he nun, and now see him
prancin' round!"
And I spoke up and sez, "I hope he will prance off some of them
hereditary sins, if he's got to prance." They looked round at me
considerable cool and I said no more. But everybody wuzn't so clost
mouthed, for pretty soon a old lady come and sot down in a chair by
the side of me--Faith had moved a little back--and she sez:
"I want to dance; I love it dearly."
I looked up at her in amaze. Her cheeks wuz fell in. Her brow wuz
yellered and furrowed with years, and though her dress wuz gay she
couldn't conceal Time's ravages.
"Dance," sez I kinder dreamily and brow beat, "well, why don't you
dance?"
Sez she, "I don't know any of the gentlemen here."
I felt a movement on my nigh side and see that Josiah wuz leanin'
forward in deep interest, and thinkses I, he is sorry for her folly,
he has a noble heart. Well, ere long she riz up and went out into the
hall, and I mused on what I had so often mused on--how necessary it
wuz for everybody to keep on their own forts--sixty years had fled
since dancin' wuz her becomin' fort, now a rockin' chair and knittin'
work wuz her nateral fort, but she didn't realize it.