Wedding Ceremonies.
Early in the morning of the nuptial day the father and mother give
a farewell banquet in the house of the bride. At the same time the
priests of the Old School, generally known as the ‘Scarlet-Hoods’ or
Red-Caps, are asked by the family to hold a festal service in honor of
the village and family Gods. The object of the festival is to inform
the Gods of the daughter’s being engaged and to take leave of them,
and further to pray the Gods not to do any injury to their family
because of their daughter’s leaving them for ever, as in return they
promise to make offerings to them and recite the Sacred Text for their
pleasure. Such ceremonies in general are held at the temple to which
the ‘Scarlet-Hoods’ belong. Simultaneously with the above another
festival is held in the house of the bride by the priest of the Bon
religion (pronounced Pon, but written Bon), the old religion of Tibet,
to propitiate the God Lu-i Gyalpo, or King-Dragon, who according
to the Tibetan mythology is the protector of the fortunes of each
individual family. It is a constant fear with Tibetans that if it
should ever happen that a man should provoke this God’s anger by any
means whatever, the consequence will be the entire destruction of his
fortune. Therefore lest the God should leave the family and follow
the daughter to whom he is affectionately attached, and thus abandon
the family to utter poverty, no efforts whatsoever are spared by the
family to keep him away from the daughter. The passages from the Bon
scripture which are read on the occasion of the ceremony are very
interesting. In most of the cases the sentences are the same, and, in
the main, are to the effect that the family to which the daughter has
been engaged is not enjoying such happiness as the maiden’s own family
enjoys; and again that it is not dignified for the King-Dragon to go
to another house in pursuit of a girl: it is advisable for the God to
stay with the present family and look after its interests, as before;
for boundless will be the happiness that he shall enjoy in case he
stays with the present family as hitherto. After all, this is not a
matter of mere traditional formality, for among the people of Tibet the
superstition is common that if the King-Dragon should leave a family
for ever to follow a daughter on her marriage, the family will be
reduced to utter poverty; hence these customs are universally observed
by the people.
The banquet over, there enters the preacher who is to exhort the
bride. He stands in front of the bride, and instructs her by means of
a collection of maxims which he has well committed to memory previous
to the ceremony. The preacher is a kind personage, selected from
people who are accomplished in such things. In almost all cases the
words of exhortation are about the same, and they are composed of very
easy expressions, so that anybody can understand them. The sentences
say that when the bride goes to the house of her husband, she must
behave with uniform kindness; that, as it is the duty of a woman to
be obedient to her superiors, once she goes to her husband’s she must
not only be obedient to her parents-in-law, but must also wait upon
her husband and his brothers and sisters with equal kindness, and more
especially must she love her husband’s younger brothers and sisters
with the same kindness that she has for her true brothers or sisters;
she must treat her servants as if they were her own children, and the
like. Here and there in the intervals of the exhortations is inserted
a story, which is told by the preacher with such skill that the bride
is generally deeply impressed. When the exhortation is over, the
father and mother of the bride sit before her, and with tears repeat
exhortations similar to those previously recited by the regular
preacher. Then also come the relatives and friends of the bride, who,
bursting into tears, and taking the bride by the hand, make their
exhortations most tenderly and in a most caressing manner. After these
ceremonies, the bride has at last to leave her old home. There is no
fixed standard as to the property which a bride takes with her to her
husband’s on the occasion of her marriage. Some are rich enough to take
a piece of land as a dowry, but some can afford only to take a few
clothes.
When she leaves her house, the bride weeps bitterly, and all efforts to
get her on horseback are in vain, she prostrates herself on the ground
and lies there obstinately helpless. Her features become those of one
whose heart is too heavy to part with her parents and her home. In such
a case, the bride is lifted up and placed by friends on horseback. She
does not ride in the same manner as westerns do, but astride, after the
Japanese fashion. Women in Tibet are very good riders; they do not ride
with long stirrups, but with legs bent back, as if they were astride on
a very low bench, and use an extremely short stirrup leather. There is
no difference between men and women in the manner of riding. While in
Tibet I used to ride in the same manner, and during the first part of
my experiences I had a hard time of it, more especially in the case of
a long ride, after which I often felt much pain about my legs.
Now the bride, thus placed on horseback, makes her way to the house of
the bridegroom. She is dressed in the wedding garment which has been
presented to her by the bridegroom, and also wears the ornaments for
head and arms which have been presented to her by her own parents, and
her head and face are covered with _rin-chen na-nga_, the precious
cloths woven from sheep’s wool, in stripes of yellow, green, red,
white and black. On account of the cloth, no glimpse of her face can
be caught. The back of her neck is also covered with a small banner,
called the ‘banner of good omen’. This ‘banner of good omen’ is made of
a fine silk stuff dyed in five different colors, and is some fourteen
inches or so in length; it is inscribed with good wishes for her future.
The people who have come to see the bride off and those who have
come to receive her all go on horseback, and on their way to the
bridegroom’s house six banquets altogether are given by the relatives
of the bride and of the bridegroom. Those who have come to see the
bride off give three banquets at three different points on the road,
and those who have come to welcome her give three similar banquets.
Sometimes the banquets are given at places two miles apart, and
sometimes three, as the case may be, and after the sixth banquet
has duly taken place, the gate of the bridegroom’s house is at last
reached by the wedding procession. In these banquets, however nobody
drinks anything to excess, because every one is impressed with the
fact that he has been entrusted with the very important duty of taking
the bride in safety to the house of the bridegroom, and so the others,
recognising the situation, never press any one to drink to excess.
As a rule, it is customary in Tibet to press one’s guests to eat the
dainties which have been set before them, while for the guests it is
considered very impolite to taste such dainties immediately; to do so
without a great deal of pressure is to be as vulgar as a Chinaman. The
banquets are given by the friends of the bride and bridegroom at the
houses of their friends or at their own, but on the whole it is more
usual to have tents erected at convenient places in fields on the way
to the bridegroom’s house, and to entertain the wedding procession
there.
[Illustration: AT THE BRIDEGROOM’S GATE.]
[Illustration: THROWING AN IMITATION SWORD AT THE BRIDE.]
Thus the gate of the bridegroom’s house is reached. It would not occur
to anybody that there should be any question as to whether the bride
could at once be admitted to the house of the bridegroom or not, as
those who had come to receive the bride on the way were the relatives
of the bridegroom. However, the fact is quite the reverse. This is
where the Tibetan custom appear so strange in the eyes of a foreigner.
When the bride reaches the gate, she finds it locked, bolted, and
barred against her ingress. In the crowd gathered in front of the gate
of the bridegroom’s house, there is a man whose duty it is to drive
away the evil spirits, or epidemic diseases, which, it is believed by
the people, may have followed the bride on her way to the bridegroom’s.
Hidden under his right hand, the man has a sword which is called the
_Torma_, or the sword of the secret charm, with which he tears such
evil spirits or epidemic diseases to pieces. The sword is made of a
mixture of baked flour, butter and water, fried hard and colored with
the red juice of a plant. Its shape is long and triangular, like a
bayonet; it looks like a sword, and is said to have some secret charm,
pronounced by a priest, concealed in it. The spectators do not know
which one in the crowd has the sword, but some one must have it, and as
soon as the bride arrives the man, taking advantage of any opportunity
that may offer, throws it in the face of the bride, and runs inside
the gate, the door of which opens to receive him as he discharges
this duty. No sooner has the man fled inside the gate, than the door
is again closed, and the bride is left standing outside, all covered
with the red fragments of the stuff that has been thrown at her. One
may wonder what can be the origin of such a custom, and one is told
that the bride, on taking leave of her family, has lost the protection
of the Gods of the village and of the house in which she has been
a resident, and the people are afraid that, for want of the divine
protection, the bride must have met with a crowd of evil spirits, or
epidemic diseases, on her way to the bridegroom’s house, and that these
might cause some injury to the new couple; hence the use of the Torma
to conquer such evil spirits, or epidemic diseases.
Then one wants to know why the man fled inside the gate, and caused
the door to be closed after him, immediately after throwing the sword
in the face of the bride. There is a peculiar sort of custom prevalent
at weddings, by which every one caught by the bride’s friends is bound
to pay them a penalty of twenty tanka, and therefore the man flies
inside the gate lest he should be caught by the people who have come to
see the bride off. By this time the people inside the gate, who have
been waiting for the arrival of the wedding procession, demand that
the bride’s party give _sheppa_ (explanation) at the gate, or else the
bride cannot be admitted. The sheppa consists of many beautiful words
and fine phrases, indicating wishes for good luck and happiness. In
response to their demands, the man in the wedding procession whose duty
it is to say the ‘explanation’ has to say: “We want to say sheppa, but
for lack of the kata we cannot do so.” On hearing this the man inside
the gate shows a tiny piece of kata through a chink in the gate and
says: “Here is the kata,” but no sooner has he done so than he promptly
pulls it back again. One may wonder why the people should pull the
cloth in so quickly, and one is told that it is in consideration of a
peculiar custom, that the man must pay twenty tanka as penalty to any
of the bride’s friends that can catch hold of the cloth; naturally
therefore, it is quickly pulled away. On seeing the kata, the man in
the wedding procession whose duty it is to say sheppa solemnly says as
follows: “This is the gate which leads to the store-house where many
precious and valuable things are kept; the pillars are built of gold
and the door of silver and inside the gate there is a hall of worship
which is made of natural cloisonné; there is also a palace, the inmates
of which are as virtuous and beautiful as angels and Gods.”
Words similar to these are said, and at the termination of the sheppa
the gate is open.
I must here not omit to say that on her way to the bridegroom’s, as she
is riding past a certain village, the bride is sometimes caught hold
of and carried off by the people of the village, on the pretext that
her coming will cause some injury to them, as it is believed by them
also that the bride has lost the protection of the Gods of her native
place, and that during her journey many evil spirits and epidemic
diseases must have taken hold of her, and that these, on arriving at
the village, will do great damage to its farms and cause much injury
to the inhabitants. So the people of the village carry off the bride
as a compensation for such prospective damage, and in order to get a
safe passage through the village the attendants of the bride must pay
ransom. I may say that this is a very rare occurrence in a town, but in
lonely parts of the country it will sometimes take place. It must be
understood that it is generally in the case of a family which is not
popular with its neighbors that the bride receives such treatment.
Upon the gate being opened, the mother of the bridegroom comes out with
some sour milk and _chema_ in her hands. Chema is a mixture of baked
flour, butter, sugar and taro-root. Taro-root is a kind of potato,
produced in Tibet, as large as a man’s little finger, and very nice to
eat. Chema and sour milk are used only when there is a celebration of
some extraordinary occasion. A little of this is distributed to each
person in the procession, who receives it on his palm and eats it. This
ceremony over, the mother leads the party into her house and gives a
banquet in honor of the bride, when the priest of the “Old School” is
called upon to inform the Gods of the village and of the house that an
addition has been made to the members of the family by the arrival of
the bride, and that, therefore, the Gods are prayed to extend their
arms to the bride, and to be her protectors henceforward.
These prayers over, the father and mother of the bridegroom give a
piece of kata to the couple, and to all the other people who have come
to see the bride off or to receive her. Such is the ceremony that makes
the happy couple husband and wife. Before the feasting has begun to
flag the newly married couple are removed to an adjacent room. The
people who have come either to see the bride off or to receive her,
stay in the house of the bridegroom, and attend the banquets which are
given daily, and during this time the friends and relatives come to
join the banquet, every one bringing with him a reasonable amount of
presents. The feasting lasts for two or three days at least, and for
a month at most. Tibetans are very fond of meat, and most of their
food is more fatty even than Chinese cookery. They give long banquets
richly furnished with such food, and the reader can well imagine how
foolishly idle are the people of Tibet in their habits. The feasting
over, the people who have come to see the bride off, or to receive her,
say good-bye to the house, but still, for several days following, the
friends and servants of the bride remain in the house with the bride,
this being the custom. If the bride is from a well-to-do family, she
takes with her a servant from her father’s house, and make her stay
with her in the new family to serve her as long as she lives. In this
way the wedding ceremonies come to an end. In one month or one year
after the marriage the bride, together with the bridegroom, comes to
her old home, and they stay there as long as she likes, sometimes for
one month and sometimes for three. When making the first visit to her
father’s house, the bride takes with her not more than two or three
persons. Her husband stays with her for several days, and then returns
to his house, but when the day comes on which the bride has promised
her husband to return to his house, the husband comes for her and takes
her home again.
In case the bridegroom has a brother, the bride must marry him also in
six or twelve months after marrying the eldest brother. The wedding
ceremony in such a case is carried on privately at the house of the
bridegroom, the mother of the bridegroom acting as the middleman. In
this case the eldest brother, to whom the bride was first married,
takes himself off from the house on business, or for pleasure, so as
to let the bride and his younger brother marry during his absence.
It makes no difference if the bridegroom has three or more brothers;
the bride has to marry each one of them separately, and in the same
manner. Sometimes the bride and her brothers-in-law live together at
their pleasure, without having any formal ceremonies to celebrate their
weddings.
Such is the polyandry practised by the people of Tibet, and called the
_sa-sum_. In a family where the bride has more than one bridegroom, it
is very seldom that we find the brothers living together. If one of the
brothers is at home the other absents himself, either on business, if
he is a merchant, or on official duties. In this way all possible means
are taken to keep only one of the brothers at home, each in his turn.
Polyandry flourishes in Tibet even at the present time, and it is
considered by the general public to be the right thing to follow and,
in consequence, if ever a merchant (having been out of the country and
seen much of the outside world and observed how shameful his habits
at home have been) should protest against this sort of wedlock, he is
shunned by his fellow-men as a crank, and his protest brushed away with
“Luk-su-mindu,” which means “there is no such a custom (in Tibet).”
This peculiar and ridiculous wedlock, as well as this unreasonable
relationship between a husband and wife, has its origin in the Bon
religion, and in spite of the introduction of true Buḍḍhism into Tibet
the habit has come down to the present time and remains flourishing.
The fact is that among the Buḍḍhist believers there has scarcely
been any one who has ever given any thought to social problems, and
moreover, as the priests of ancient times were generally recluses,
who paid no attention whatever to the application of their religion
to the needs of the practical world, or to making the principles of
true Buḍḍhism as distinct as possible, the natural outcome has been
that this shameful custom, altogether contradictory to the principles
of Buḍḍhism, has remained in this part of the world. The blame lies
entirely with the priests; it must not be laid at the door of Buḍḍhism.