The cold grey of the early winter morning was just beginning to be
warmed by the first flash of crimson before sunrise, as Mrs. Bellairs
drove away from the prison gates with the two who had kept so strange a
vigil. Neither of them noticed the sky then, or they might have seen how
after the shadows began to disappear, and the snowy glimmer which had
shone palely all night, was swallowed up in the growing brightness of
morning, everything began to be tinged with rosy splendour, and life
fresh and joyous, sprang up to meet the sun. It was winter still--all
last year's leaves and flowers were dead, and there was the hush of snow
and frost upon everything; but over all, after storm and night came
light and gladness, and the flowers would bloom again in their season.
It was quite early still and few people were stirring. They saw no one
on their arrival except Bella, who was ready to run down and admit them
the moment their sleigh-bells were heard. Mother and daughter went to
their room, where the fire had been burning all night in readiness for
their coming, and where Mrs. Bellairs herself brought them some coffee.
Then Lucia lay down and was soon asleep; and Mrs. Costello seeing that
she was so, followed her example.
There was no vehement grief to keep her waking in these first hours of
her widowhood, but rather a sense of infinite calm. The thought of her
husband, so long a daily torture and irritation, was now a sacred
memory--the last few hours had been to her the renewal of her marriage
vows, to which death had brought only a fuller ratification, after
life's long divorce. She was very weak and weary; and but for the child
beside her, would have been glad to enter herself that unseen world
whose gates seemed so near, and to have rested there; but it was not
time yet. So she lay and thought, calmly and soberly, till she too
dropped asleep.
She kept in her room all day till quite evening. Mr. Bellairs had
undertaken to make all the needful arrangements, and it was not
necessary that any one should know that the real direction of affairs
rested with her. Her first occupation was to write to Mr. Strafford,
telling him of Christian's death, and of her own wish, that the body
should be taken to Moose Island for burial. It would have to be removed
as soon as possible from the jail, and she desired that it might be
carried at once to her old home, where she and Lucia would be ready to
receive it. This letter was sent off by a special messenger; but as
there could be no doubt of the answer, all went on at Cacouna as if it
had already arrived. In the evening, when Mrs. Costello came down to
join the rest of the family in the drawing-room, she had changed little
of her usual gentle manner. There might be a deeper shade of gravity,
but she was not, and did not appear, sad. Lucia and Bella were sitting
together, talking softly. They had been speaking of the last few
months--not saying much--but growing into a closer sympathy with each
other, as they understood how great had been their community of sorrow,
than they had ever felt in the unclouded years of their girlish
friendship. It was long since Lucia had given up her fancies about
Bella's marriage. The shock of her widowhood had shaken off all the gay
affectations of the bride and brought her within the comprehension of
Lucia's steadier and more transparent nature. And now that the secret
which had stood so grimly between them was told, nothing remained to
spoil the comfort of their intercourse.
Except its shortness. While they talked, an occasional sentence spoken
by one or other of the elder group reached their ears, and once they
stopped their conversation to listen. Mrs. Costello was saying, in
answer to some question--
"To France, I think. Indeed I am sure we shall go there first."
"But," said Mrs. Bellairs, "such a voyage at this time of year! Do wait
till spring."
"Except that it will be cold, I do not think the voyage will be worse
now than at any other time," Mrs. Costello answered quietly.
"But, Lucia!" said Bella, "surely you are not going away now?"
"It seems that we are. Mamma has said nothing to me about it to-day,
and I thought she might have given up the idea."
"Until to-day, then, you knew she intended it?"
"Yes." Lucia's cheeks grew rosy as she answered, for she remembered why
the idea of European travel had seemed pleasant to her. One word from
her companion might have set all those fluttering thoughts and hopes at
rest; but Bella guessed nothing of them, and neither saw Lucia's change
of colour, nor, if she had seen it, would have understood its cause.
"Do you think you will be long away?" she asked.
"I have no idea _now_. I think that before, mamma did not mean to come
back at all."
"And you can leave Canada, and all of us so easily?"
"Oh! no, no;" and Lucia blushed more deeply than before. "Oh! Bella, I
am a real Canadian girl. I should long for Canada again often, often, if
I were away,--and for all of you."
"I don't see," Bella said, half sadly, half crossly, "what good it does
people to go away. There is Maurice, who seems to have everything he can
wish for, and yet, according to Mr. Leigh, he is perfectly restless and
miserable, and wants to come back."
"Poor Maurice! if he is coming back I wish he would come before we go;
but I suppose he cannot leave while Mr. Beresford lives."
"I don't see why you should care. You will see him in England; shan't
you?"
"No. Mamma can't go to England. But perhaps he might come over to see us
in France, if we stop there."
"Of course, he will. And if by that time you are both home sick, you can
come out together again, you know."
Lucia shook her head.
"Maurice will be a great man, and have to stay at home and look after
his estates, and by-and-by you will all forget us when he and Mr. Leigh
are living together in Norfolk, and mamma and I are wandering--who knows
where?"
Bella's hand fell softly upon her friend's; but they said no more. The
others, too, had grown silent, and there was little more talk among them
that night.
But after they had separated, and the mother and daughter were alone,
Lucia asked whether their voyage was still really to take place
immediately?
Mrs. Costello was sitting thoughtfully watching a little disk of glowing
light formed by the opening in the stove door; she took her eyes from it
slowly, and paused so long before answering that Lucia began to doubt
whether she had heard.
"Yes," she said at last, speaking deliberately, as if she were still
debating the question in her own mind. "I believe we shall be able to
arrange everything here so as to reach New York in time for the Havre
steamer of the 28th. That will be our best way of going."
"That is, four weeks from to-day?"
"We may not need so long. But I wish to be at liberty to spend a week at
the island, if, when we get there, I should wish to do so. I am not sure
even about that. It may be more pain than pleasure. And we may trust
ourselves now to say good-bye to our friends here; and if we sail on the
28th, we must leave Cacouna, on the 26th at the latest. The time will
soon pass."
"Yes, indeed," Lucia answered with a sigh.
"But, mamma," she went on a minute afterwards. "Why cannot we wait till
spring?" There was a kind of tremble in her voice as she spoke, for she
felt a strange mixture of desire and reluctance for this journey. On one
hand, she wished to reach Europe quickly, because Percy was there, and
because even if they never met again, she believed she should be able to
hear of him, and to satisfy herself that he still thought of her. On the
other, she was really a little afraid of the winter voyage. She had
never even seen the sea, and had a kind of mysterious awe of it.
Stronger, however, than any selfish feeling was a keen anxiety which had
taken possession of her with regard to her mother's health, the
feebleness of which became daily more apparent; so that her double
wishes neutralized each other, and she could scarcely tell whether if
the decision rested with her, it would have been to stay or to go.
But she wanted to hear her mother's reasons, so she asked--
"Why cannot we wait till spring?"
Mrs. Costello again paused before answering. She, like Lucia, had more
thoughts on the subject than she was willing to express; but she had one
powerful reason for losing no time, which she decided that Lucia ought
to know.
"Because I am anxious to see my cousin, who is almost our only relation,
and to introduce you to him."
"But why, mamma? As we cannot go to England what good will it do us just
to see him for a moment?"
"I cannot go to England, but there is nothing to prevent you from doing
so."
"Oh, dear, that old idea still! It is quite useless, mamma. You shall
not send me away from you."
Lucia knelt by her mother's side, and looked up into her face with eyes
full of mingled entreaty and resolution. Mrs. Costello drew her close
within her arm.
"No, my darling. I have given up that idea altogether. Indeed, there is
no longer any need for it, and I should grudge losing you out of my
sight for a single day now. But, don't you understand that a time may be
coming when we shall have to part, whether we will or no?"
"Ah! not yet. There is plenty of time to think of that."
"Perhaps. But I doubt it. At any rate I have less reason than most
people to count on long life."
Again Lucia looked up. A cold, unspeakable terror filled her heart, and
she tried to read the secret which her mother's calm face hid from her.
Mrs. Costello delayed no longer to tell her all the truth.
"Many months ago," she said, "I was convinced that the disease of which
my mother died, had attacked me. I suppose there might be some
hereditary predisposition towards it, and too much thought and care
brought it on. I determined not to allow myself any fancies on the
subject. I sent for Doctor Hardy, and contrived to see him several times
during the autumn without letting you suspect anything. He could only
acknowledge that I was right, and tell me to avoid excitement and
fatigue. You know how possible _that_ was. And so this mischief has been
going on fast, and the end may be nearer than even I think it is."
Her voice faltered at the last words, and Lucia, who had listened to
every one with the feeling that so many knives were being plunged
through and through her heart, slipped down from her resting-place, and
crouched on the floor, hiding her face and stifling the sobs that shook
her whole body. She longed to cry out, to clasp her arms round her
mother, to struggle, with all the force of her great love, against this
fate; and yet, so well had she understood, so clearly she remembered,
even through her agony, the need for quietness, that she kept a force
upon herself like iron, trying to steady the pulses that throbbed so
wildly, with one thought, or rather one impulse, "I must not trouble
_her_."
Mrs. Costello looked at her child for a moment in silence. Even she did
not yet fully understand the force of that quality which Lucia herself
had once ascribed to her Indian blood, but which, in truth, had little
affinity with common fortitude, for it was simply a conquest of self,
gained without thought or conscious effort, by the greater power of
love. But such contests cannot last long. This was fierce and cruel, but
it ended as love willed. The poor child dragged herself up again to her
mother's knee, and drew the pale, fair face down to her own flushed and
burning one; but one kiss, silent and full of anguish, was all that she
dared venture yet. But she longed to hear more, and presently Mrs.
Costello spoke again, not daring yet to go back to the point of which
they had last spoken, but returning to the subject of their journey.
"The steamer calls at Southampton," she said. "I intend to write to
George, and tell him the time of our sailing, so that, if he wishes, he
can meet us there. We will go from Havre to Paris, and stay there for
awhile; afterwards, I think we should be more comfortable in a country
town, if we can find one not too inaccessible."
There was something in this sentence peculiarly reassuring. Lucia
instinctively reasoned that, since her mother could make plans for their
future so far in advance, the danger of which she had just spoken must
be remote. What is remote, we readily believe uncertain; and thus, after
a few minutes of absolute hopelessness, she began to hope again,
tremblingly and fearfully, but still with more ardour than if the
previous alarm had been less complete.
"Dear mamma," she said, "Doctor Hardy may be very clever, but I am not
going to put any faith in him. When we get to Paris you must have the
very best advice that is to be had, and you will have nothing to do but
take care of yourself."
"Very well," and Mrs. Costello smiled, reading the hope clearly enough,
though she had not fully read the despair. "And in the meantime you may
hear what I want to say to you about my cousin."
"Yes, mamma. But you know I don't like him, all the same. I know I
should have hated him just as you did when you were a girl."
"I hope not. At any rate, you must not hate him now, for I have asked
him to be your guardian, and he has consented."
Lucia shuddered at that word "guardian," and the thought implied in it,
but she determined to say no more about her prejudice against Mr.
Wynter.
"You know," Mrs. Costello said, "that it would be much more comfortable
for me to know that you were left in the care of my own people than with
any one else. It will be three years before you are of age. To suppose
that you may need a guardian, therefore, is neither improbable nor
alarming; and my reason for proposing to settle in France is, that you
may be within a short distance of him."
Lucia could only assent.
"I shall try," her mother continued, "to persuade him to pay us a visit
there, and to bring his wife, who is a good woman, and I am sure would
be kind to my child. I long very much, Lucia, sometimes, to know that,
though I can never see the dear old home again, you may do so."
"Have they any children?" Lucia asked, her thoughts dwelling on the
Wynters.
"They have lost several, George told me. There are three living, and the
eldest, I think, is about your age."
They had talked themselves quite calm now. The idea of her own death had
only troubled Mrs. Costello with regard to Lucia; and now that she was
in some measure prepared for it, it seemed even less terrible than
before. Lucia, for her part, had put by all consideration of the subject
for the present; to think of it without agonies of distress was
impossible, and at present to agitate herself would be to agitate her
mother--a thing at any cost of after-suffering to be avoided.