(_An adaptation from the French._)
_Anyone._ Let us accuse the Ministry of misappropriating
twopence-halfpenny.
_The Entire Press._ Certainly, why not?
_The Opposition._ The Ministry are thieves.
_The Government._ After this insult we resign _en masse_.
_One of the Public._ It is said that Mr. BRIEFLESS JUNIOR has accused
the First Lord of having stolen the Horse-Guards clock.
_First Lord._ Please, LORD CHIEF JUSTICE, request Mr. BRIEFLESS JUNIOR
to keep a civil tongue in his head.
_L. C. J._ The Attorney-General is the proper person to offer a
remonstrance.
_Sir Charles._ Can't undertake rows since I have restricted my private
practice.
_Ex-Chancellor of the Exchequer._ I accuse the LORD CHANCELLOR.
_Lord Chancellor._ Why, and of what?
_Those Concerned._ Never mind that. What does it matter _who's_
accused, so long as everybody forgets _us_.
_Someone._ And now everything's completely mixed, does anyone know
what the row's about?
_Everybody Else_ (_after a short silence_). Don't know, and don't
care!
* * * * *
"PUTTING OFF."
_Old Aquatic Hand, loquitur:--_
LOOK here, bonny boys! As we're launching our ship,
And stringing our energies up for the tussle,
Allow your old Stroke to suggest the straight tip!
This is not a mere matter of Milo-like muscle.
You are all looking fit, we've the pull in the weights--
Not _much_, to be sure, forty pounds, say, or thereabout.
Still, that much should tell 'gainst the smartest of eights;
It should give us the race, which is all that we care about.
'Twill be a close fight, bet your boots about that,
_If_ we get a clear course without serious obstruction,
Of which I'm not sanguine; the practice of PAT
Has proved to possess universal seduction.
Our last spin was muffed; never mind whose the fault;
Let bygones be bygones! But now comes the crisis!
It's now win or lose. Every man worth his salt
Will pull like a Titan from Cam or from Isis.
But--pull clean together, and put on the pace
When I call for a spurt, or we're in for a licking.
And, Cox, don't _you_ steer us all over the place.
In the fight that's before us, the course requires picking!
So keep at attention, MAC, sharp all the way;
A split-second's slackness may set our foes grinning.
_Verb. sap.!_ Our last "spin" proved a "mull," I must say;
We _must_ quicken the pace, if this bout we mean winning!
* * * * *
[Illustration: "PUTTING OFF."
GLADSTONE (_the Old Blue_). "NOW, MY BOYS,--WE MUST ROW A QUICKER
STROKE IF WE'RE TO WIN!"]
* * * * *