Notwithstanding the little profit, and various discouragements I had
experienced in writing for the press, as I was entirely dependent upon
my own exertions for a support, I was resolved to persevere. I had now
acquired a number of valuable friends, to whose generous exertions in
my favor I was deeply indebted. By several of them, I was enabled to
put my abridgment of the History of New England to the press. I was
however unfortunate in this, as well as my other compilations. The
printer failed while it was in the press, which deprived me of the
profit I expected to derive from it. Two years afterwards, I published
a new edition. A similar misfortune befel me in this second attempt to
avail myself of my labors.
But though my productions were far from being profitable, and I had
frequent interruptions in my studies from ill health, and bad eyes, I
still had my share of enjoyment. I hoped my works might be useful, and
I was highly gratified by their candid reception by the public.
I next chose a subject in which I thought it probable that I should not
meet with any interference. I formed the design of writing the History
of the Jews, though I was sensible that it would require much reading,
and that I must wander through a dreary wilderness, unenlivened by one
spot of verdure. My curiosity was strongly excited, and I determined
to persevere in my attempt to investigate the fate of this wonderful
people. I began the introduction with their state under the Persian
monarchy, after their restoration from the Babylonish captivity. The
standard works for this History were Josephus, and Basnage, the latter
of whom brings his narrative down only to the 19th century. After
this period, I was obliged to compile from desultory publications and
manuscripts. I had at this time the privilege of corresponding with
the celebrated Gregoire, who had attained great celebrity for the
conspicuous part he acted during the French Revolution, and exerted all
his energy in the first constitutional assembly to procure the rights
of citizens for the Jews. He had the goodness to send me some writings
in their favor, which increased the interest I felt in this oppressed
people.
Previously to concluding this gloomy detail of the difficulties I
encountered, while writing for the press, I would first notice, that
I was obliged to exert myself to the utmost to overcome my natural
timidity, and accommodate myself to my situation. After the age and
infirmities of my father prevented him from assisting me, as he had
formerly done, in selling and exchanging the copies of my work, I
was necessitated to exert myself in doing business out of the female
line, which exposed me to public notice. And as I could not but be
sensible that my manners were remarkably awkward, this consciousness,
joined with my ignorance of the established rules of propriety,
rendered me tremblingly apprehensive of exposing myself to ridicule.
These unpleasant feelings, however, in time abated. In order to meet
this trial, I considered, that what is right and necessary in the
situation in which Providence has placed me, cannot be really improper;
and though my acting upon this principle may have exposed me to the
censure, or ridicule of those, whose ideas upon the subject are derived
from the varying modes of fashion, and not from the unchanging laws
of moral rectitude, it saved me from a feeling which would have been
infinitely more painful, that of self-reproach. My objects were, to
obtain the approbation of my own heart, and the esteem of a few friends
whose opinion I most highly prized, and I was comparatively indifferent
to the censure or ridicule of the world in general.
In the life of Mrs Charlotte Smith it is pertly remarked, that the
‘penalties and discouragements attending authors in general fall
upon woman with double weight. To the curiosity of the idle, and the
envy of the malicious, their sex affords a peculiar excitement.
Arraigned not merely as writers, but as women, their characters, their
conduct, and even their personal endowments, become the object of
severe inquisition. From the common allowances claimed by the species,
literary women appear only to be exempted.’
Though I have been too insignificant, and treated with too much candor,
fully to realize the above remarks, yet I have been in a situation
deeply to feel the trials which attend literary pursuits. At length I
saw old age approaching, without any provision for it, when if my life
was spared, I should be incapable of exerting myself; and my mind was
at times depressed by this gloomy prospect.