ALONE WITH THE DEAD.
The priest removed the peas from my limbs, and led me to a tomb under
the chapel, where he left me, with the consoling assurance that "THE
DEAD WOULD RISE AND EAT ME!" This tomb was a large rectangular room,
with shelves on three sides of it, on which were the coffins of priests
and Superiors who had died in the nunnery. On the floor under the
shelves, were large piles of human bones, dry and white, and some of
them crumbling into dust. In the center of the room was a large tank of
water, several feet in diameter, called St. Joseph's well. It occupied
the whole center of the room leaving a very narrow pathway between that,
and the shelves; so narrow, indeed, that I found it impossible to sit
down, and exceedingly difficult to walk or even stand still. I was
obliged to hold firmly by the shelves, to avoid slipping into the water
which looked dark and deep. The priest said, when he left me, that if I
fell in, I would drown, for no one could take me out.
O, how my heart thrilled with superstitious terror when I heard the key
turn in the lock, and realized that I was alone with the dead! And that
was not the worst of it. They would rise and eat me! For a few hours
I stood as though paralyzed with fear. A cold perspiration covered my
trembling limbs, as I watched those coffins with the most painful and
serious apprehension. Every moment I expected the fearful catastrophe,
and even wondered which part they would devour first--whether one would
come alone and thus kill me by inches, or whether they would all rise
at once, and quickly make an end of me. I even imagined I could see the
coffins move--that I heard the dead groan and sigh and even the sound of
my own chattering teeth, I fancied to be a movement among the dry bones
that lay at my feet. In the extremity of terror I shrieked aloud. But
this I knew was utterly useless. Who would hear me? Or who would care if
they did hear? I was surrounded by walls that no sound could penetrate,
and if it could, it would fall upon ears deaf to the agonizing cry for
mercy,--upon hearts that feel no sympathy for human woe.
Some persons may be disposed to smile at this record of absurd and
superstitions fear. But to me it was no laughing affair. Had not the
priest said that the dead would rise and eat me? And did I not firmly
believe that what he said was true? What! A priest tell a falsehood?
Impossible. I thought it could not be; yet as hour after hour passed
away, and no harm came to me, I began to exercise my reason a little,
and very soon came to the conclusion that the priests are not the
immaculate, infallible beings I had been taught to believe. Cruel
and hard hearted, I knew them to be, but I did not suspect them of
falsehood. Hitherto I had supposed it was impossible for them to do
wrong, or to err in judgement; all their cruel acts being done for the
benefit of the soul, which in some inexplicable way was to be benefited
by the sufferings of the body. Now, however, I began to question the
truth of many things I had seen and heard, and ere long I lost all faith
in them, or in the terrible system of bigotry, cruelty and fraud, which
they call religion.
As the hours passed by and my fears vanished before the calm light of
reason, I gradually gained sufficient courage to enable me to examine
the tomb, thinking that I might perchance discover the body of my old
Superior. For this purpose I accordingly commenced the circuit of the
room, holding on by the shelves, and making my way slowly onward. One
coffin I succeeded in opening, but the sight of the corpse so frightened
me, I did not dare to open another. The room being brilliantly lighted
with two large spermaceti candles at one end, and a gas burner at the
other, I was enabled to see every feature distinctly.
One of the nuns informed me that none but priests and Superiors are laid
in that tomb. When these die in full communion with the church, the body
is embalmed, and placed here, but it sometimes happens that a priest or
Superior is found in the convent who does not believe all that is taught
by the church of Rome. They desire to investigate the subject--to seek
for more light--more knowledge of the way of salvation by Christ. This,
with the Romanists is a great sin, and the poor hapless victim is at
once placed under punishment. If they die in this condition, their
bodies are cast out as heretics, but if they confess and receive
absolution, they are placed in the tomb, but not embalmed. The flesh, of
course, decays, and then the bones are thrown under the shelves. Never
shall I forget how frightful those bones appeared to me, or the cold
shudder that thrilled my frame at the sight of the numerous human skulls
that lay scattered around.
Twenty-four hours I spent in this abode of the dead, without rest or
sleep. The attempt to obtain either would have been sheer madness, for
the least mis-step, the least unguarded motion, or a slight relaxation
of the firm grasp by which I held on to the shelves, would have plunged
me headlong into the dark water, from which escape would have been
impossible. For thirty hours I had not tasted food, and my limbs,
mangled and badly swollen, were so stiff with long standing, that, when
allowed to leave the tomb, I could hardly step. When the priest came to
let me out, he seemed to think it necessary to say something to cover
his attempt to deceive and frighten me, but he only made a bad matter
worse. He said that after he left me, he thought he would try me once
more, and see if I would not do my duty better; he had, therefore,
WILLED THE DEAD NOT TO EAT ME! AND THEY, OBEDIENT TO HIS WILL, WERE
COMPELLED TO LET ME ALONE! I did not reply to this absurd declaration,
lest I should say something I ought not, and again incur his
displeasure. Indeed, I was not expected to say anything, unless I
returned thanks for his unparalleled kindness, and I was not hypocrite
enough for that. I suppose he thought I believed all he said, but he was
greatly mistaken. If I began to doubt his word while in the tomb, this
ridiculous pretence only served to add contempt to unbelief, and from
that time I regarded him as a deceiver, and a vile, unscrupulous,
hypocritical pretender.
It was with the greatest difficulty that I again made my way to the
kitchen. I was never very strong, even when allowed my regular meals,
for the quantity, was altogether insufficient, to satisfy the demands
of nature; and now I had been so long without anything to eat, I was
so weak, and my limbs so stiff and swollen, I could hardly stand. I
managed, however, to reach the kitchen, when I was immediately seated at
the table and presented with a bowl of gruel. O, what a luxury it seemed
to me, and how eagerly did I partake of it! It was soon gone, and I
looked around for a further supply. Another nun, who sat at the table
with me, with a bowl of gruel before her, noticed my disappointment when
I saw that I was to have no more. She was a stranger to me, and so pale
and emaciated she looked more like a corpse than a living person. She
had tasted a little of her gruel, but her stomach was too weak to retain
it, and as soon as the Superior left us she took it up and poured the
whole into my bowl, making at the same time a gesture that gave me to
understand that it was of no use to her, and she wished me to eat it I
did not wait for a second invitation, and she seemed pleased to see me
accept it so readily. We dared not speak, but we had no difficulty in
understanding each other.
I had but just finished my gruel when the Superior came back and desired
me to go up stairs and help tie a mad nun. I think she did this simply
for the purpose of giving me a quiet lesson in convent life, and showing
me the consequences of resistance or disobedience. She must have known
that I was altogether incapable of giving the assistance she pretended
to ask. But I followed her as fast as possible, and when she saw how
difficult it was for me to get up stairs, she walked slowly and gave me
all the time I wished for. She led me into a small room and closed the
door. There I beheld a scene that called forth my warmest sympathy,
and at the same time excited feelings of indignation that will never be
subdued while reason retains her throne. In the center of the room sat
a young girl, who could not have been more than sixteen years old; and a
face and form of such perfect symmetry, such surpassing beauty, I never
saw. She was divested of all her clothing except one under-garment, and
her hands and feet securely tied to the chair on which she sat. A priest
stood beside her, and as we entered he bade us assist him in removing
the beds from the bedstead. They then took the nun from her chair and
laid her on the bedcord. They desired me to assist them, but my heart
failed me. I could not do it, for I was sure they were about to kill
her; and as I gazed upon those calm, expressive features, so pale and
sad, yet so perfectly beautiful, I felt that it would be sacrilege for
me to raise my hand against nature's holiest and most exquisite work. I
therefore assured them that I was too weak to render the assistance they
required. At first they attempted to compel me to do it; but, finding
that I was really very weak, and unwilling to use what strength I had,
they at length permitted me to stand aside. When they extended the poor
girl on the cord, she said, very quietly, "I am not mad, and you know
that I am not." To this no answer was given, but they calmly proceeded
with their fiendish work. One of them tied her feet, while the other
fastened a rope across her neck in such a way that if she attempted to
raise her head it would strangle her. The rope was then fastened under
the bedcord, and two or three times over her person. Her arms were
extended, and fastened in the same way. As she lay thus, like a lamb
bound for the sacrifice, she looked up at her tormentors and said, "Will
the Lord permit me to die in this cruel way?" The priest immediately
exclaimed, in an angry tone, "Stop your talk, you mad woman!" and
turning to me, he bade me go back to the kitchen. It is probable he saw
the impression on my mind was not just what they desired, therefore he
hurried me away.
All this time the poor doomed nun submitted quietly to her fate. I
suppose she thought it useless, yea, worse than useless, to resist; for
any effort she might make to escape would only provoke them, and they
would torment her the more. I presume she thought her last hour had
come, and the sooner she was out of her misery the better. As for me,
my heart was so filled with terror, anguish, and pity for her, I could
hardly obey the command to leave the room.
I attempted to descend the stairs, but was obliged to go very slowly on
account of the stiffness of my limbs, and before I reached the bottom of
the first flight the priest and the Superior came out into the hall. I
heard them whispering together, and I paused to listen. This, I know,
was wrong; but I could not help it, and I was so excited I did not
realize what I was doing. My anxiety for that girl overpowered every
other feeling. At first I could only hear the sound of their voices; but
soon they spoke more distinctly, and I heard the words. "What shall we
do with her? she will never confess." In an audible tone of voice, the
other replied, "We had better finish her." How those words thrilled my
soul! I knew well enough that they designed "to finish her," but to hear
the purpose announced so coolly, it was horrible. Was there no way that
I could save her? Must I stand there, and know that a fellow-creature
was being murdered, that a young girl like myself, in all the freshness
of youth and the fullness of health, was to be cut off in the very
prime of life and numbered with the dead; hurried out of existence and
plunged, unwept, unlamented, into darkness and silence? She had friends,
undoubtedly, but they would never be allowed to know her sad fate, never
shed a tear upon her grave! I could not endure the thought. I felt that
if I lingered there another moment I should be in danger of madness
myself; for I could not help her. I could not prevent the consummation
of their cruel purpose; I therefore hastened away, and this was the last
I ever heard of that poor nun. I had never seen her before, and as I did
not see her clothes, I could not even tell whether she belonged to our
nunnery or not.