‘_Tis wicked women’s visits have undone me._
This occurs in more than one way, but especially when connubial quarrels
and jealousies offer to such women not only an open door, but an open
ear. At such a time, therefore, should a sensible woman shut her ears,
keep out of the way of slanderous whispers which add fuel to the fire,
and be ready to apply the well-known saying of Philip. We are told that
when his friends were trying to exasperate that monarch against the
Greeks—on the ground that, though he treated them well, they abused
him—he remarked, ‘Well, and what, pray, if we treat them badly?’ So,
when the scandalizers say, ‘Your husband grieves you, in spite of all
your affection and chastity,’ you [Sidenote: 144] should retort, ‘And
what, pray, if I begin to hate and wrong him?’
41. A man caught sight of a slave who had run away some time before, and
gave chase. When the slave was too quick, and took refuge in a mill, he
observed, ‘And in what better place could I have wished to find you than
where you are?‘[40] So let a woman who is declaring for a divorce
through jealousy say to herself, ‘And where would my rival be more glad
to see me? And what would she be more pleased to see me doing, than
harbouring a grievance, at feud with my husband, and actually abandoning
the house and the marriage-chamber?’
[Sidenote: B] 42. The Athenians observe three sacred ploughings; the
first at Sciron, in memory of the oldest sowing of crops; the second in
the Rharian district; and the third—known as the Buzygian festival—close
to the Acropolis. More sacred than all of these is the connubial
ploughing and sowing for the procreation of children. It is a happy
expression of Sophocles, when he calls Aphrodite ‘_fair-fruited
Cytherea_‘. Man and wife should therefore be especially scrupulous in
this connexion, keeping pure from unholy and unlawful intercourse with
others, and forbearing to sow where they desire no crop to grow, or, if
it does, are ashamed of it and seek to conceal it.
43. When Gorgias the rhetorician once read to the Greeks at Olympia a
discourse upon peace and harmony, Melanthius exclaimed, ‘Here is a man
giving us advice about peace and [Sidenote: C] harmony, when in private
life he has failed to harmonize three people—himself, his wife, and his
maidservant.’ For Gorgias, it appears, was enamoured, and his wife
jealous, of the domestic. A man’s house ought to be in tune before he
offers to set in tune a state, a public meeting, or friends. The public
is more likely to hear of offences against a wife than of offences
committed by her.
44. They say that the cat is driven frantic by the smell of unguents. If
it had been the case that women were provoked [Sidenote: D] out of their
senses by the same means, it would have been a monstrous thing for men
not to abstain from unguents, and to let their wives suffer so cruelly
for the sake of a trifling gratification of their own. Now since, though
the husband’s use of unguents does not so afflict them, his dealings
with other women do, it is unjust to cause such vexation and distress to
a wife for the sake of a little pleasure. On the contrary, husbands
should come to their wives pure and untainted by other intercourse, just
as they would approach bees, who are said to show disgust and hostility
towards any one who has been so engaged.
45. People never dress in bright clothes when approaching [Sidenote: E]
an elephant, nor in red when approaching a bull, since the animals in
question are particularly infuriated by those colours. Of tigers it is
said that, if you beat drums all round them, they go mad and tear
themselves to pieces. Surely, then, inasmuch as some men cannot bear to
see scarlet or purple clothes, and some are irritated at cymbals and
tambourines, it is not asking too much for women to leave such things
alone, and not harass or exasperate their husbands, but practise
quietude and consideration in their society.
[Sidenote: F] 46. When Philip was once seizing upon a woman against her
will, she said, ‘Let me go. All women are the same when you take away
the light.’ While this applies well enough to adulterers and
sensualists, it is particularly when the light is taken away that a wife
should _not_ be the same as any ordinary female. Her person may not be
visible, but her modesty, chastity, decorum, and natural affection
should make themselves palpable.
47. Plato used to recommend that respect should rather be paid by
elderly men to the young, so that the latter might behave modestly to
them in return. For, said he, ‘where old men are shameless,’ the young
acquire no modesty or scruple. A husband should bear this in mind, and
show more respect [Sidenote: 145] to his wife than to any one else,
since the nuptial chamber will prove to be her school of propriety or
its opposite. The husband who indulges himself in certain pleasures,
while warning her against the same, is as bad as the man who bids his
wife fight on against an enemy to whom he has himself surrendered.
48. As to love of display, do you, Eurydice, read and endeavour to
remember what Timoxena wrote to Aristylla. And you, Pollianus, must not
expect your wife to refrain from showy extravagance, if she sees that
you do not despise it in other [Sidenote: B] matters, but that you take
a pleasure in cups with gilding, rooms with painted walls, mules with
decorated harness, and horses with neck-trappings. You cannot banish
extravagance from the women’s quarters when it has the free run of the
men’s. You are at the right age to cultivate philosophy. Adorn your
character, therefore, by listening to careful reasoning and
demonstration in improving company and conversation. Be like the bees.
Gather valuable matter from every source. Carry it home in yourself, and
share it with your wife by discussing it and making all the best
principles agreeable and familiar to her. While [Sidenote: C]
_Thou unto her art father, and honoured mother, and brother_,
it is no less a matter of pride to hear a wife say, ‘Husband, thou unto
me art guide, philosopher, and teacher of the noblest and divinest
lessons.’ It is studies of this kind that tend to keep a woman from
foolish practices. She will be ashamed to be dancing, when she is
learning geometry. She will lend no ear to the incantations of sorcery,
when she is listening to those of Plato and Xenophon. When any one
promises to fetch down the moon,[41] she will laugh at the ignorance and
silliness of women who believe such things; for she will possess a
knowledge of astronomy, and will have heard how Aglaonice, the daughter
of Hegetor of Thessaly, thoroughly understood [Sidenote: D] eclipses of
the full moon, how she knew beforehand the date at which it must be
caught in the shadow, and how she thereby cheated the women into
believing that she was fetching it down herself.
We are told that no woman produces a child without the participation of
the man, though there are shapeless and fleshlike growths—called
‘millstones’—which form themselves spontaneously from corrupted matter.
We must beware of this occurring in women’s minds. If they are not
impregnated with sound doctrines by sharing in the culture of their
husbands, [Sidenote: E] they will of their own accord conceive many an
ill-advised intention or irrational state of feeling.
As for you, Eurydice, above all things do your best to keep touch with
the sayings of wise and good men, and to have continually in your mouth
those utterances which you learned by heart in my school when a girl. By
so doing, you will not only be a joy to your husband, but the admiration
of other women, when they see how, at no expense, you can adorn yourself
with so much distinction and dignity.
This rich woman’s pearls, that foreign lady’s silks, are not to be worn
without paying a large price for them. But the ornaments [Sidenote: F]
of Theano, of Cleobuline, of Gorgo the wife of Leonidas, of Timoclea the
sister of Theagenes, of the Claudia of ancient history, and of Cornelia
the daughter of Scipio, you may wear for nothing; and with this
adornment your life may be as happy as it is distinguished.
[Sidenote: 146] Sappho thought so much of her skill as a lyrist that she
wrote—addressing a wealthy woman—
_When thou art dead, thou shalt lie with none to remember thy name:
For no portion hast thou in the roses Pierian...._
You will assuredly have more occasion to think highly and proudly of
yourself, if you have a portion, not only in the roses, but also in the
fruits, which the Muses bring as free gifts to those who prize culture
and philosophy.
Footnote 37:
Made of polished bronze.
Footnote 38:
Which contained ‘every charm: love, desire, and sweet converse’
(Homer, _Il._ xiv. 214).
Footnote 39:
The use of oil to soften the hair was practically universal.
Footnote 40:
A common punishment for a slave was to put him to hard labour in
turning the mill, in place of a horse or ass.
Footnote 41:
A frequent pretence of ancient witches.