Oh, optimistic instrument,
No other ever seeks
To raise one's hopes--benevolent
You always show _Beau fixe_!
Though meteorologic swells
Predict wet days for weeks,
Your well-intentioned pointer tells
Of nothing but _Beau fixe_.
How sweet, when in the dewy morn--
So dewy!--up the peaks
We start through drizzle all forlorn,
To read again _Beau fixe_.
It makes us think of sunny lands,
Where weather has no freaks,
To see, they're always so, your hands
Both point to that _Beau fixe_.
And though we're sodden to the skin,
Through coat and vest and breeks,
You did not mean to take us in
In spite of your _Beau fixe_.
We tramp, expecting soon to see
In that grey sky some streaks;
Ah no, it's fixed as fixed can be,
As fixed as your _Beau fixe_.
No matter, we get used to rain,
And mop our streaming cheeks,
Quite sure, when we get home again,
You cannot say _Beau fixe_.
At last, all soaked, we stagger in--
One's clothing simply leaks--
And still you say, through thick and thin,
Unchangeably _Beau fixe_.
We change, although you don't; no thread
Is dry on us; small creeks
Form where we stand, all drenched from head
To foot. Blow your _Beau fixe_!
This beastly weather might have riled
The philosophic Greeks;
It makes us simple Britons wild,
Combined with your _Beau fixe_.
We tell the landlord we must go--
Poor man, he rather piques
Himself upon the weather, so
Incessantly _Beau fixe_.
"_Ah, non, ca va changer ce soir!_"
Thus hopefully he speaks,
"_Si Monsieur voulait bien voir
Le barometre--Beau fixe!_"
* * * * *
[Illustration: AN AUTHORITY ON THE THEORY AND PRACTICE OF THE "BUFFER
STATE"!!]
* * * * *
Adapted.
(_To the Unionist Needs of the Moment._)
Other men have many faults,
Mr. GLADSTONE has but two;
There's nothing wise that he can say,
and nothing right that he can do.
* * * * *
In a recent case, Mr. LANE, the magistrate, is reported to have
informed an inquiring husband, "If your wife turns you out she is not
bound to find you a home; but if _you_ turn your wife out you _are_
bound to find _her_ a home." This suggests a new Charity, "The Home
for Turned-out Wives." These ladies would be seen driving out in
well-appointed traps, and gain a new status in Society as being
"uncommonly well-turned-out" wives.
* * * * *