The parties being assembled on the wedding morning in the drawing-room
of the residence of the bride's father (unless, as sometimes happens,
the breakfast is spread in that room), the happy _cortège_ should
proceed to the church in the following order:--
In the first carriage, the bride's mother and the parents of the
bridegroom.
In the second and third carriages, bridesmaids.
Other carriages with the bride's friends.
In the last carriage, the bride and her father.
_Costume of the Bride_.
A bride's costume should be white, or some hue as close as possible to
it. Fawn colour, grey, and lavender are entirely out of fashion. It is
considered more stylish for a very young bride to go without a bonnet,
but for her head to be covered with only a wreath of orange blossoms
and a Chantilly or some other lace veil. This, however, is entirely a
matter of taste; but, whether wearing a bonnet or not, the bride must
always wear a veil. If a widow, she may wear not only a bonnet, but a
coloured silk dress.
_Costume of the Bridegroom_.
Formerly it was not considered to be in good taste for a gentleman
to be married in a black coat. More latitude is now allowed in the
costume of a bridegroom, the style now adopted being what is termed
morning dress: a frock coat, light trousers, white satin or silk
waistcoat, ornamental tie, and white or grey gloves.
_How the Bridesmaids should be Dressed_.
The bridesmaids dress generally in pairs, each two alike, but
sometimes all wear a similar costume. Pink and light blue, with white
pardessus or mantelets, or white with pink or blue, are admissible
colours. The bonnets, if worn, must be white, with marabout feathers;
but, of late, bonnets have usually been discarded, the bridesmaids
wearing veils instead. The whole costume of a bridesmaid should have a
very light but brilliant effect, and the _tout ensemble_ of this fair
bevy should be so constituted in style and colour as to look well by
the side of and about the bride. It should be as the warm colouring
in the background of a sun-lit picture, helping to throw into the
foreground the dress of the bride, and make her prominent, as the
principal person in the tableau.
_Arrival at the Church_.
The bridegroom meets the bride at the altar, where he must take
especial care to arrive in good time before the hour appointed.
_Order of Procession to the Altar_.
The father of the bride generally advances with her from the church
door to the altar, followed immediately by the bridesmaids. The father
of the bridegroom, if present, gives his arm to the bride's mother if
she be present, as is now usual at fashionable weddings, and goes next
to the bridesmaids. The friends who have come with the wedding party
proceed next in succession.
The bridegroom with his groomsmen must be in readiness to meet the
bride at the altar, the bridegroom standing at the left hand of the
clergyman, in the centre before the altar rails.
We have seen on some occasions the bridegroom offer the bride his left
arm to lead her to the altar, but this should be avoided; for by
so doing, the whole order of the procession to the altar becomes
inverted, and must then be arranged as follows:--
The father, or some male relative or friend, and the mother of the
bride, or, if she be not present, the mother of the gentleman, or one
of the oldest female relations or friends of the bride's family, are
to lead the way towards the altar from the vestry.
The friends who have come with the wedding party follow next in
succession.
Then come the bridesmaids and bridegroomsmen in pairs.
The bridegroom, having offered his left arm to the bride, now conducts
her up the centre aisle of the church to the altar. The parties in
advance file to the right and left of the altar, leaving the bride and
bridegroom in the centre.
_The Marriage Ceremony_.
The bridegroom stands at the right hand of the bride. The father
stands just behind her, so as to be in readiness to give her hand at
the proper moment to the bridegroom. The principal bridesmaid stands
on the left of the bride, ready to take off the bride's glove, which
she keeps as a perquisite and prize of her office.
It was ordered by the old Rubrics that the woman, if a widow, should
have her hand covered when presented by father or friend to the priest
for marriage; one of the many points by which the Church distinguished
second marriages. A piece of silver and a piece of gold were also laid
with the wedding ring upon the priest's book (where the cross would be
on the cover), in token of dower to the wife.
_The words "I Will"_
are to be pronounced distinctly and audibly by both parties, such
being the all-important part of the ceremony as respects themselves:
the public delivery, before the priest, by the father of his daughter
to the bridegroom, being an evidence of his assent; the silence which
follows the inquiry for "cause or just impediment" testifying that
of society in general; and the "I will" being the declaration of the
bride and bridegroom that they are voluntary parties to their holy
union in marriage.
_The words "Honour and Obey"_
must also be distinctly spoken by the bride. They constitute an
essential part of the obligation and contract of matrimony on her
part. It may not be amiss here to inform our fair readers that on the
marriage of our gracious Sovereign Queen Victoria to H.R.H. the late
lamented Prince Albert, her Majesty carefully and most judiciously
emphasised these words, thereby manifesting that though a Queen in
station, yet in her wedded and private life she sought no exemption
from this obligation, and in this respect placed herself on the same
level with the humblest village matron in her dominions.
This obedience on the part of the wife, concerning which there is
oftentimes much serious questioning among ladies old and young, while
yet unmarried, is thus finely defined by Jeremy Taylor:--"It is a
voluntary cession that is required; such a cession as must be without
coercion and violence on his part, but upon fair inducements and
reasonableness in the thing, and out of love and honour on her part.
When God commands us to love Him, He means we shall obey Him. 'This
is love, that ye keep my commandments; and if ye love me,' says the
Lord, 'keep my commandments.' Now as Christ is to the Church, so is
man to the wife; and therefore obedience is the best instance of her
love; for it proclaims her submission, her humility, her opinion
of his wisdom, his pre-eminence in the family, the right of his
privilege, and the injunction imposed by God upon her sex, that
although in sorrow she bring forth children, yet with love and choice
she should obey. The man's authority is love, and the woman's love is
obedience. It is modesty to advance and highly to honour them who have
honoured us by making us the companions of their dearest excellencies;
for the woman that went before the man in the way of death, is
commanded to follow him in the way of love; and that makes the society
to be perfect, and the union profitable, and the harmony complete."
_The Ring_.
The Rubric tells us "the man shall give unto the woman a ring, laying
the same upon the book with the accustomed duty to the priest and
clerk." This latter rule is, however, not now observed, it being usual
to pay the fees in the vestry; but to ensure the presence of the ring,
a caution by no means unnecessary, and in some measure to sanctify
that emblem of an eternal union, it is asked for by the clerk
previously to the commencement of the ceremony, who advises that it be
placed upon the book.
We pity the unfortunate bridegroom who at this moment cannot, by at
once inserting his hand into the corner (the one most ready to his
finger and thumb) of his left-hand waistcoat-pocket, pull out the
wedding ring. Imagine his dismay at not finding it there!--the first
surprise, the growing anxiety, as the right-hand pocket is next
rummaged--the blank look, as he follows this by the discovery that
his neither garments have no pockets whatsoever, not even a watch-fob,
where it may lie _perdue_ in a corner! Amid the suppressed giggle of
the bridesmaids, the disconcerted look of the bride herself, at such
a palpable instance of carelessness on the part of the bridegroom
thus publicly displayed before all her friends, and the half-repressed
disapprobation of the numerous circle around, he fumbles in the
coat-pockets, and turns them inside-out. A further but useless search
causes increased confusion and general annoyance; at length it becomes
evident that the unfortunate ring has been forgotten! We may observe,
however, that in default of the ring, the wedding ring of the
mother may be used. The application of the key of the church door is
traditionary in this absurd dilemma; and in country churches a straw
twisted into a circle has been known to supply the place of the
orthodox hoop of gold!
_After the Ceremony_.
the clergyman usually shakes hands with the bride and bridegroom, and
the bride's father and mother, and a general congratulation ensues.
_The Clergyman and Assistant Clergymen_.
The clergyman of the church is invariably invited to attend, although
the ceremony may be performed by some clerical friend of the bride or
bridegroom. This is called "assisting;" other clergymen who may attend
in addition, as is sometimes the case, are said also to "assist." But
as much ridicule has fallen upon the adoption of this custom, and as
the expression of "assisting" is considered an affectation, it is much
less in vogue than it was; and it is no longer usual to mention the
names of any other clergymen than that of the one who performs the
ceremony, and of the clergyman of the church, who should be present
whether invited or not. It is, indeed, his duty to attend, and he
should insist on so doing, inasmuch as the entry of the marriage in
the parish register is supposed to be made under his sanction
and authority. It should not be forgotten that the presence of an
"assisting clergyman" entails the doubling of the fees. The payment
of the fees is generally entrusted to the bridegroom's "best man," or
some other intimate friend of his.
_Difference of Religion_.
Where the bride and bridegroom are of different religions, the
marriage is usually first celebrated in the church of that communion
to which the husband belongs; the second celebration should
immediately follow, and upon the same day. Some, however, regard it
as duly deferential to the bride's feelings that the first ceremony
should be performed in her own communion. There is a notion
prevalent, that in the case of a marriage between Roman Catholics and
Protestants, the ceremony must necessarily be first performed in
a Protestant church. This is erroneous--the order of the twofold
marriage is, in a legal point of view, of no moment, so long as it
takes place on the same day.
_The Return to the Vestry_.
On the completion of the ceremony the bride is led to the vestry
by the bridegroom. The bridesmaids and bridegroomsmen follow, the
principals of each taking the lead; then the father of the bride,
followed by the father and mother of the bridegroom, and the rest of
the company.
_The Registry of the Marriage_.
The husband signs first; then the bride-wife, for the last time in her
maiden name; next the father of the bride, and the mother, if present;
then the father and mother of the bridegroom, if present; next the
bridesmaids and the bridegroomsmen; then such of the rest of the
company as may desire to be on the record as witnesses. All the names
must be signed in full. The certificate of the marriage is then handed
to the bride, and should be carefully preserved in her own possession.
_The Wedding Favours_.
Meanwhile, outside the church, as soon as the ceremony is
completed--and not before, for it is regarded as unfortunate--a box of
the wedding favours is opened, and every servant in waiting takes
care to pin one on the right side of his hat, while the coachmen, too,
ornament therewith the ears of their horses. Inside the church the
wedding favours are also distributed, and a gay, gallant, and
animated scene ensues, as each bridesmaid pins on to the coat of each
bridegroomsman a wedding favour, which he returns by pinning one also
on her shoulder. Every "favour" is carefully furnished with two pins
for this purpose; and it is amazing to see the flutter, the coquettish
smiling, and the frequent pricking of fingers, which the performance
of this _piquant_ and pleasant duty of the wedding bachelors and
ladies "in waiting" does occasion!
_The Return Home_.
The bridegroom now leads the bride out of the church, and the happy
pair return homeward in the first carriage. The father and mother
follow in the next. The rest "stand not on the order of their going,"
but start off in such wise as they can best contrive.
_The Wedding Breakfast_.
The bride and bridegroom sit together at the centre of the table, in
front of the wedding cake, the clergyman who performed the ceremony
taking his place opposite to them. The top and bottom of the table
are occupied by the father and mother of the bride. The principal
bridesmaid sits to the left of the bride, and the principal
bridegroomsman on the left of the bridegroom. It may not be
unnecessary to say that it is customary for the ladies to wear their
bonnets just as they came from the church. The bridesmaids cut the
cake into small pieces, which are not eaten until the health of the
bride is proposed. This is usually done by the officiating clergyman,
or by an old and cherished friend of the family of the bridegroom. The
bridegroom returns thanks for the bride and for himself. The health of
the bride's parents is then proposed, and is followed by those of
the principal personages present, the toast of the bridesmaids being
generally one of the pleasantest features of the festal ceremony.
After about two hours, the principal bridesmaid leads the bride out
of the room as quietly as possible, so as not to disturb the party or
attract attention. Shortly after--it may be in about ten minutes--the
absence of the bride being noticed, the rest of the ladies retire.
Then it is that the bridegroom has a few _melancholy_ moments to bid
adieu to his bachelor friends, and he then generally receives some
hints on the subject in a short address from one of them, to which he
is of course expected to respond. He then withdraws for a few moments,
and returns after having made a slight addition to his toilet, in
readiness for travelling.
In some recent fashionable weddings we have noticed that the bride
and bridegroom do not attend the wedding breakfast, but after a slight
refreshment in a private apartment, take their departure immediately
on the wedding tour. But this defalcation, if we may so call it, of
the chief _dramatis personae_ of the day, though considered to be
in good taste, is by no means a popular innovation, but is rather
regarded as a prudish dereliction from the ancient forms of
hospitality, which are more prized than ever on so genial an occasion
as a marriage.
_Departure for the Honeymoon_.
The young bride, divested of her bridal attire, and quietly costumed
for the journey, now bids farewell to her bridesmaids and lady
friends. A few tears spring to her gentle eyes as she takes a last
look at the home she is now leaving. The servants venture to crowd
about her with their humble but heartfelt congratulations; finally,
she falls weeping on her mother's bosom. A short cough is heard, as of
some one summoning up resolution to hide emotion. It is her father.
He dares not trust his voice; but holds out his hand, gives her an
affectionate kiss, and then leads her, half turning back, down the
stairs and through the hall, to the door, where he delivers her as
a precious charge to her husband, who hands her quickly into the
carriage, springs in after her, waves his hand to the party who appear
crowding at the windows, half smiles at the throng about the door,
then, amidst a shower of old slippers--missiles of good-luck sent
flying after the happy pair--gives the word, and they are off, and
started on the long-hoped-for voyage!
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