_Correspondence_.
Letter-writing is one great test of ability and cultivation, as
respects both sexes. The imperfections of education may be to some
extent concealed or glossed over in conversation, but cannot fail to
stand out conspicuously in a letter. An ill-written letter infallibly
betrays the vulgarity and ignorance indicative of a mean social
position.
But there is something more to be guarded against than even
bad writing and worse spelling in a correspondence: _saying too
much_--writing that kind of matter which will not bear to be read by
other eyes than those for which it was originally intended. That this
is too frequently done is amply proved by the love letters often read
in a court of law, the most affecting passages from which occasion
"roars of laughter" and the derisive comments of merry-making counsel.
Occurrences of this kind prove how frequently letters are not returned
or burnt when an affair of the heart is broken off. Correspondence
between lovers should at all events be tempered with discretion; and,
on the lady's part particularly, her affectionate expressions should
not degenerate into a silly style of fondness.
It is as well to remark here, that in correspondence between a couple
not actually engaged, the use of Christian names in addressing each
other should be avoided.
_Demeanour of the Suitor during Courtship_.
The manners of a gentleman are ever characterized by urbanity and a
becoming consideration for the feelings and wishes of others, and by
a readiness to practise self-denial. But the very nature of courtship
requires the fullest exercise of these excellent qualities on his
part. The lover should carefully accommodate his tone and bearing,
whether cheerful or serious, to the mood for the time of his
lady-love, whose slightest wish must be his law. In his assiduities to
her he must allow of no stint; though hindered by time, distance, or
fatigue, he must strive to make his professional and social duties
bend to his homage at the shrine of love. All this can be done,
moreover, by a man of excellent sense with perfect propriety. Indeed,
the world will not only commend him for such devoted gallantry,
but will be pretty sure to censure him for any short-coming in his
performance of such devoirs.
It is, perhaps, needless to observe that at such a period a gentleman
should be scrupulously neat, without appearing particular, in his
attire. We shall not attempt to prescribe what he should wear, as that
must, of course, depend on the times of the day when his visits are
paid, and other circumstances, such as meeting a party of friends,
going to the theatre, &c., with the lady.
_Should a Courtship be Short or Long_?
The answer to this question must depend on the previous
acquaintanceship, connection, or relationship of the parties, as well
as on their present circumstances, and the position of their parents.
In case of relationship or old acquaintanceship subsisting between
the families, when the courtship, declaration, and engagement have
followed each other rapidly, a short wooing is preferable to a long
one, should other circumstances not create an obstacle. Indeed, as a
general rule, we are disposed strongly to recommend a short courtship.
A man is never well settled in the saddle of his fortunes until he be
married. He wants spring, purpose, and aim; and, above all, he wants
a _home_ as the centre of his efforts. Some portion of inconvenience,
therefore, may be risked to obtain this; in fact, it often occurs that
by waiting too long the freshness of life is worn off, and that the
generous glow of early feelings becomes tamed down to lukewarmness
by a too prudent delaying; while a slight sacrifice of ambition or
self-indulgence on the part of the gentleman, and a little descent
from pride of station on the lady's side, might have ensured years of
satisfied love and happy wedded life.
On the other hand, we would recommend a long courtship as advisable
when--the friends on both sides favouring the match--it happens
that the fortune of neither party will prudently allow an immediate
marriage. The gentleman, we will suppose, has his way to make in his
profession or business, and is desirous not to involve the object of
his affection in the distressing inconvenience, if not the misery,
of straitened means. He reflects that for a lady it is an actual
degradation, however love may ennoble the motive of her submission, to
descend from her former footing in society. He feels, therefore, that
this risk ought not to be incurred. For, although the noble and
loving spirit of a wife might enable her to bear up cheerfully against
misfortune, and by her endearments soothe the broken spirit of her
husband; yet the lover who would wilfully, at the outset of wedded
life, expose his devoted helpmate to the ordeal of poverty, would be
deservedly scouted as selfish and unworthy. These, then, are among the
circumstances which warrant a lengthened engagement, and it should be
the endeavour of the lady's friends to approve such cautious delay,
and do all they can to assist the lover in his efforts to abridge it.
The lady's father should regard the lover in the light of another son
added to his family, and spare no pains to promote his interests in
life, while the lady's mother should do everything in her power, by
those small attentions which a mother understands so well, to make the
protracted engagement agreeable to him, and as endurable as possible
to her daughter.
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