It would be out of place in these pages to grapple with a subject so
large as that of Love in its varied phases: a theme that must be left
to poets, novelists, and moralists to dilate upon. It is sufficient
for our purpose to recognize the existence of this the most
universal--the most powerful--of human passions, when venturing to
offer our counsel and guidance to those of both sexes who, under its
promptings, have resolved to become votaries of Hymen, but who, from
imperfect knowledge of conventional usages, are naturally apprehensive
that at every step they take, they may render themselves liable to
misconception, ridicule, or censure.
We will take it for granted, then, that a gentleman has in one way
or another become fascinated by a fair lady--possibly a recent
acquaintance--whom he is most anxious to know more particularly. His
heart already feels "the inly touch of love," and his most ardent wish
is to have that love returned.
At this point we venture to give him a word of serious advice. We urge
him, before he ventures to take any step towards the pursuit of this
object, to consider well his position and prospects in life, and
reflect whether they are such as to justify him in deliberately
seeking to win the young lady's affections, with the view of making
her his wife at no distant period. Should he after such a review of
his affairs feel satisfied that he can proceed honourably, he may then
use fair opportunities to ascertain the estimation in which the
young lady, as well as her family, is held by friends. It is perhaps
needless to add, that all possible delicacy and caution must be
observed in making such inquiries, so as to avoid compromising the
lady herself in the slightest degree. When he has satisfied himself on
this head, and found no insurmountable impediment in his way, his
next endeavour will be, through the mediation of a common friend, to
procure an introduction to the lady's family. Those who undertake such
an office incur no slight responsibility, and are, of course, expected
to be scrupulously careful in performing it, and to communicate all
they happen to know affecting the character and circumstances of the
individual they introduce.
We will now reverse the picture, and see how matters stand on the fair
one's side.
First let us hope that the inclination is mutual; at all events, that
the lady views her admirer with preference, that she deems him
not unworthy of her favourable regard, and that his attentions are
agreeable to her. It is true her heart may not yet be won: she has to
be wooed; and what fair daughter of Eve has not hailed with rapture
that brightest day in the springtide of her life? She has probably
first met the gentleman at a ball, or other festive occasion, where
the excitement of the scene has reflected on every object around a
roseate tint. We are to suppose, of course, that in looks, manner,
and address, her incipient admirer is not below her ideal standard
in gentlemanly attributes. His respectful approaches to her--in
soliciting her hand as a partner in the dance, &c.--have first
awakened on her part a slight feeling of interest towards him. This
mutual feeling of interest, once established, soon "grows by what it
feeds on." The exaltation of the whole scene favours its development,
and it can hardly be wondered at if both parties leave judgment "out
in the cold" while enjoying each other's society, and possibly already
pleasantly occupied in building "castles in the air." Whatever may
eventually come of it, the fair one is conscious for the nonce of
being unusually happy. This emotion is not likely to be diminished
when she finds herself the object of general attention--accompanied,
it may be, by the display of a little envy among rival beauties--owing
to the assiduous homage of her admirer. At length, prudence whispers
that he is to her, as yet, but a comparative stranger; and with a
modest reserve she endeavours to retire from his observation, so
as not to seem to encourage his attentions. The gentleman's ardour,
however, is not to be thus checked; he again solicits her to be his
partner in a dance. She finds it hard, very hard, to refuse him; and
both, yielding at last to the alluring influences by which they
are surrounded, discover at the moment of parting that a new and
delightful sensation has been awakened in their hearts.
At a juncture so critical in the life of a young inexperienced woman
as that when she begins to form an attachment for one of the opposite
sex--at a moment when she needs the very best advice accompanied
with a considerate regard for her overwrought feelings--the very best
course she can take is to confide the secret of her heart to that
truest and most loving of friends--her mother. Fortunate is the
daughter who has not been deprived of that wisest and tenderest of
counsellors--whose experience of life, whose prudence and sagacity,
whose anxious care and appreciation of her child's sentiments, and
whose awakened recollections of her own trysting days, qualify and
entitle her above all other beings to counsel and comfort her trusting
child, and to claim her confidence. Let the timid girl then pour
forth into her mother's ear the flood of her pent-up feelings. Let her
endeavour to distrust her own judgment, and seek hope, guidance, and
support from one who, she well knows, will not deceive or mislead
her. The confidence thus established will be productive of the most
beneficial results--by securing the daughter's obedience to her
parent's advice, and her willing adoption of the observances
prescribed by etiquette, which, as the courtship progresses, that
parent will not fail to recommend as strictly essential in this phase
of life. Where a young woman has had the misfortune to be deprived
of her mother, she should at such a period endeavour to find her next
best counsellor in some female relative, or other trustworthy friend.
We are to suppose that favourable opportunities for meeting have
occurred, until, by-and-by, both the lady and her admirer have come to
regard each other with such warm feelings of inclination as to have
a constant craving for each other's society. Other eyes have in the
meantime not failed to notice the symptoms of a growing attachment;
and some "kind friends" have, no doubt, even set them down as already
engaged.
The admirer of the fair one is, indeed, so much enamoured as to be
unable longer to retain his secret within his own breast; and, not
being without hope that his attachment is reciprocated, resolves on
seeking an introduction to the lady's family preparatory to his making
a formal declaration of love.
It is possible, however, that the lover's endeavours to procure the
desired introduction may fail of success, although, where no material
difference of social position exists, this difficulty will be found
to occur less frequently than might at first be supposed. He must then
discreetly adopt measures to bring himself in some degree under the
fair one's notice: such, for instance, as attending the place of
worship which she frequents, meeting her, so often as to be manifestly
for the purpose, in the course of her promenades, &c. He will thus
soon be able to judge--even without speaking to the lady--whether his
further attentions will be distasteful to her. The signs of this on
the lady's part, though of the most trifling nature, and in no way
compromising her, will be unmistakeable; for, as the poet tells us in
speaking of the sex:--
"He gave them but one tongue to say us 'Nay,'
And two fond eyes to grant!"
Should her demeanour be decidedly discouraging, any perseverance on
his part would be ungentlemanly and highly indecorous. But, on the
other hand, should a timid blush intimate doubt, or a gentle smile
lurking in the half-dropped eye give pleasing challenge to further
parley when possible, he may venture to write--not to the lady--that
would be the opening of a clandestine correspondence, an unworthy
course where every act should be open and straightforward, as tending
to manly and honourable ends--but, to the father or guardian, through
the agency of a common friend where feasible; or, in some instances,
to the party at whose residence the lady may be staying. In his letter
he ought first to state his position in life and prospects, as well
as mention his family connections; and then to request permission to
visit the family, as a preliminary step to paying his addresses to the
object of his admiration.
By this course he in nowise compromises either himself or the lady;
but leaves open to both, at any future period, an opportunity of
retiring from the position of courtship taken up on the one side, and
of receiving addresses on the other, without laying either party open
to the accusation of fickleness or jilting.
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