Do not lightly give or promise letters of introduction. Always
remember that when you give a letter of introduction you lay yourself
under an obligation to the friend to whom it is addressed. If he lives
in a great city, such as Paris or London, you in a measure compel
him to undergo the penalty of escorting the stranger to some of those
places of public entertainment in which the capital abounds. In any
case, you put him to the expense of inviting the stranger to his
table. We cannot be too cautious how we tax the time and purse of a
friend, or weigh too seriously the question of mutual advantage in the
introduction. Always ask yourself whether the person introduced will
be an acceptable acquaintance to the one to whom you present him; and
whether the pleasure of knowing him will compensate for the time or
money which it costs to entertain him. If the stranger is in any way
unsuitable in habits or temperament, you inflict an annoyance on
your friend instead of a pleasure. In questions of introduction never
oblige one friend to the discomfort of another.
Those to whom letters of introduction have been given should send them
to the person to whom they are addressed, and enclose a card. Never
deliver a letter of introduction in person. It places you in the most
undignified position imaginable, and compels you to wait while it is
being read, like a footman who has been told to wait for an answer.
There is also another reason why you should not be yourself the bearer
of your introduction; i.e., you compel the other person to receive
you, whether he chooses or not. It may be that he is sufficiently
ill-bred to take no notice of the letter when sent, and in such case,
if you presented yourself with it, he would most probably receive you
with rudeness. It is, at all events, more polite on your part to give
him the option, and perhaps more pleasant. If the receiver of the
letter be a really well-bred person, he will call upon you or leave
his card the next day, and you should return his attentions within the
week.
If, on the other hand, a stranger sends you a letter of introduction
and his card, you are bound by the laws of politeness and hospitality,
not only to call upon him the next day, but to follow up that
attention with others. If you are in a position to do so, the most
correct proceeding is to invite him to dine with you. Should this not
be within your power, you have probably the _entrée_ to some private
collections, clubhouses, theatres, or reading-rooms, and could devote
a few hours to showing him these places. If you are but a clerk in
a bank, remember that only to go over the Bank of England would be
interesting to a foreigner or provincial visitor. In short, etiquette
demands that you shall exert yourself to show kindness to the
stranger, if only out of compliment to the friend who introduced him
to you.
If you invite him to dine with you, it is a better compliment to ask
some others to meet him, than to dine with him _tête-à-tête_. You are
thereby giving him an opportunity of making other acquaintances, and
are assisting your friend in still further promoting the purpose for
which he gave him the introduction to yourself.
Be careful at the same time only to ask such persons as he will feel
are at least his own social equals.
A letter of introduction should be given unsealed, not alone because
your friend may wish to know what you have said of him, but also as
a guarantee of your own good faith. As you should never give such
a letter unless you can speak highly of the bearer, this rule of
etiquette is easy to observe. By requesting your friend to fasten the
envelope before forwarding the letter to its destination, you tacitly
give him permission to inspect its contents.
Let your note paper be of the best quality and the proper size. Albert
or Queen's size is the best for these purposes.
It has been well said that "attention to the punctilios of politeness
is a proof at once of self-respect, and of respect for your friend."
Though irksome at first, these trifles soon cease to be matters for
memory, and become things of mere habit. To the thoroughly well-bred,
they are a second nature. Let no one neglect them who is desirous of
pleasing in society; and, above all, let no one deem them unworthy of
a wise man's attention. They are precisely the trifles which do
most to make social intercourse agreeable, and a knowledge of which
distinguishes the gentleman from the boor.
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